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Posts posted by glo

  1. Katie, I'm sorry you're having trouble sleeping. You're probably right about the time of the year - Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc. being the cause of your dreams. Wishing you some good solid sleep - it's hard to function without enough.

    You're always in my thoughts.


    Oh, yeah - I REALLY like the new look of the website. It's so clear and uncluttered.

  2. I can only laugh, Katie - it's too crazy and weird to do anything else. I gotta say, I think that just took top honors in the crazy sibling category. If your mom was trying to tell them anything at all, they certainly were unable to translate it.

  3. Hi, guys -

    For the past couple years I've been looking in and catching up but rarely posting. Today I logged in and was surprised to see that the index says I last visited Sep. 03.

    My life is pretty uneventful lately other than having some remodels done to my house. Uneventful is fine with me -- beats the heck out of those stressful beyond our control situations that we sometimes go through.

    I think about all of you and always wish you well.

  4. Best of luck Katie and keep us updated on how it goes. Either way, you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you tried, and like Val says, it could be just that he isn't the right one for you.

    When it's obvious that what we're doing isn't working, we have to try something else. I may even try the counseling myself - yeah, I'm still just saying "I may". :)

  5. Four and a half years since my husband's death, and it still sucks majorly, but I can say that it does get better in many small ways. Now when I have those days that suck me into a deep dark hole, they're often followed by a few days of euphoria where I'm more or less content to be by myself. And finally, after a LOT of time, I seldom notice the emptiness of the house - coming back into it from daily chores and such doesn't tug at my heart -- it is still there, though, if I go on a trip or something and have been out of the house for a week or so. Like Ry said, it seems we can fool our mind into thinking that when we come back, life will be back to the old normal and our loved one will be there.

  6. hahahahaha - OMyGosh, Katie - I know it's a serious subject, but I just have to laugh at what a smart little cookie she is! I want to squeeze her! I have no experience in this area, and I hope the book recommended or some others will help, but mostly, girlfriend, you are in for a lot of 'splainin' to do on many subjects. We paint ourselves into so many corners and the kids are quick to challenge us.

    (((Katie & Kennedy)))

  7. I totally agree with cat127. My husband used just inhalers for a long time, but after we both had a bout of flu, he came down with pneumonia and spent a few days in the hospital. When he was released they gave him a nebulizer and the meds were basically the same as contained in the inhalers - just a more concentrated way of getting it into the lungs. After a few weeks of the nebulizer, he asked the doctor if he could now go back to inhalers and that was ok'd. The biggest advantage to inhalers is their portability but the nebulizer seems more effective in some circumstances - but definitely not a case of becoming reliant on it and never getting off.

  8. Hmmm, very interesting. Not just the song, but all of our reactions to it. I don't think I've ever heard it before, but just reading it immediately gave me chills - and then I read all the responses and so many others experienced the chills. It is beautiful Ry, and if I woke to it, I'd definitely treasure it as a sign.

  9. It's been good weather here for almost two weeks now, and that's really helping. I'm beginning to seriously think that I might have Seasonal Affective Disorder. I feel like I'm waking up from hibernation.

    Walking for about an hour most mornings with my neighbor and good friend helps too. And remembering to take my vitamins and calcium every day and not just sometimes seems to help.

    I'm actually starting to get back into some house and yard projects.

  10. My son died of a motorcycle accident in 1989. In the top of my closet is an accordian folder with all the papers he had in his apartment - utility bills, tax records, etc. etc., along with his wallet and all the sympathy cards, funeral book, etc. When will I throw them out? Who knows? I cleaned that closet last summer when having the hardwood floors refinished and new furniture, etc. - saw that accordian folder and quick tucked it into another box and shoved it deep in the closet. I knew that one peek in there and I'd be lost again for hours if not days. Nope, nope, not in my schedule.

    Not to mention the treatment records and other papers from before my husband died in Sept. 2003.

    Some things are just too hard to do, and it doesn't hurt anyone to leave those things where they are. Like Katie said, one day we'll throw them away - just not today.

  11. That's so funny. I was watching TV one day and that program that proves or debunks stuff like that had heard of the exploding biscuits and set up experiments to see if they could make it happen. They did. They put a car in a parking lot, subjected it to heat. First few cans didn't hit the dummy in the driver's seat, but finally one did catch it in the back of the head. :lol:

  12. Hey, Teri-

    Happy Belated Birthday! My birthday was on Thanksgiving too! I kept forgetting it was my birthday, because as you know, that only happens to us every seven years. My daughter put a candle on a piece of pumpkin pie for me. :lol:

    Glad the day was as good as it could be for you. Those "firsts" are indeed hard.


  13. Teri - all of that sounds so familiar. You are doing great - grief is an extremely hard thing to cope with. I especially identify with the changing things that have always been "for us" to something that suits you. Seems there are two roads - those who hang on to all possessions (some even shrinelike) and those who feel the need for purging and changing. I'm in the latter group. I've been gradually catching up on all the things that need redoing in the house. Had acoustic ceilings removed, hardwood floors refinished, some fences built, new driveway poured and now in the middle of a bathroom remodel.

    There's some sadness in realizing that Chuck would hardly recognize some of the rooms, and yet a pleasure in seeing the updates. House is 42 years old! I expect to live here a long time, so I may as well be as comfortable as I can afford - and the updates would add value if I ever need to sell.

    I retired about a year and a half ago - the only thing I regret about it is not doing it sooner! :)

    I'm sure you'll find plenty of things to do with your time - I can't even imagine going back to work right now.

    So glad you have lots of support from family and friends.


  14. I totally agree with Katie - it's the "love factor" and the closeness of the relationship that defines the grief. But you would think a bereavement therapy group would be the last place to succumb to those "measuring" statements.

    I lost my husband of six weeks; my father; my son at age 21; my second husband of almost 40 years; and lastly my mother. Each instance is totally different, but they all hurt. At age 19 and married for only six weeks, I was devastated - however I met and married another man within two years.

    My father's death caused me a couple days of sadness over the fact that we were not close and that his alcoholism deprived us all of better family relationships.

    My son's death nearly destroyed me. It's impossible to recover from - but I did learn to live with it.

    My husband's death also nearly destroyed me - four years later, I'm starting to learn to live with it.

    My mother's death a year ago was extremely hard. Although 3,000 miles apart for about 40 years, we were close. I miss her daily, but I think that being separated by so much physical distance does soften the blow somewhat. I didn't have the daily or several times a week visits with her that my siblings had, and I can almost picture her still in her apartment.

    Point being - the worst grief in the world for YOU is the one YOU are suffering right now. We all have empathy with others and their pain but it doesn't lessen ours. I also feel like grief is cumulative. Each new loss brings back some of the memories and pain that were receding.

    I haven't gone to any support group or counseling; but I'd be hurt too by such a remark. It probably wasn't meant to diminish the death of a parent, but just to acknowledge the other person's pain, and a failure to realize that to lift up one person they may be diminishing another. Hard to deal with, because any reaction you might have made to such a statement might possibly have started an argument among those who think grief can be measured. I guess it just takes time to get acquainted with the people there and to decide if attending adds anything to your life.

    I wish you the best, Kelly, whether you continue attending or not. Like the others said, what you're going through is HUGE indeed.

    Hugs to you.

  15. Love to you, Katie - I'm not your mom, but I am a mom, and I lost my mom recently too, but all I have to say is just -- I'm sending you hugs and love. Hope you can feel it. Maybe smooching all over Kennedy and/or Hunter might help just a smidgeon?


  16. You mean like when I was sitting out back by myself yesterday putting a coat of white paint on a chaise lounge bench and realized tears were running all down my face, when I hadn't even been consciously thinking about any sadness or memories? Yeah, I know those feelings. They come on whenever they darn well want to without warning. You're dealing fine, Katie. We all put on a facade, because if we didn't, other people's concern for us, added on top of our sorrow, might overwhelm us.

    I hate the grieving too, but it is what it is.


  17. When my son was about four years old, he wanted to be with his daddy and do everything his daddy did, so Chuck gave him an old wood cabinet and some nails and a tack hammer - told him he could do anything he wanted with that little cabinet. Chuck went on working on his own project - pretty soon Greg was saying "ouch" every time he missed the nail and hit his fingers. Since the tack hammer has a small surface, it's harder to hit the nail. Chuck looked at him and said "do you want a bigger hammer, Buddy?" The answer: "No, Daddy, this one hurts bad enough".

    Katie, I don't think anybody can top your story. That is just hilarious.

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