Jump to content

glo

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    254

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Posts posted by glo

    I'm a bigger mess than I thought

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Fay - I don't know how to make a dreamcatcher, but I bet someone on this board does. Together, I think we know EVERYTHING! Or is that just we think we do. :lol:

    Until somebody comes up with the dreamcatcher, when you wake up running from that dang ED, just visualize all 1200 of us from the board crowding into your house and forcing him out! Ooh, we may be scarier than he is. Look out for Ry and her cases of toilet paper and I'm betting Snowflake will have at least a bat!

    Oh, yeah, as we march in, we'll be carrying NED on our shoulders! And he'll bring lots of suitcases, because he's planning to stay with you for a very looonnnngg time!

    Wishing you sweet dreams and plenty of rest and as always praying for you and all the others on the board.

    Gloria

    Terrified, facing biopsy, won't be coming here anymore

    in MEMBER UPDATES

    Posted

    Yeah, what Katie said!

    Cat - you have my prayers regardless. I too know nothing about anything wrong, but hope you can continue on the board. If not you will be greatly missed and prayed for daily just as if you were here.

    Be well, be safe, and please stay with us -- even if only to lurk and see how many people really do care about you.

    Gloria

    Lessions in How "Not" to Cope

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    You made me smile. Yes, it is definitely easy to get so keyed up that you miss all those signs. Glad your body took over and let your brain get a little rest. No need to tell you that you must take care of yourself or you'll be no good to your mother. You obviously already know that, but like all of us sometimes just have too much to deal with. And it is kind of scary when we realize how much we've been functioning on auto pilot without really being aware.

    Your mother is very lucky to have you. Your love for her just shines through each message.

    Wishing you both the best.

    Gloria

    Look for help for mawka_04

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Makwa ~

    Haven't had any contact with the Salvation Army for years, but when I was a kid there was a Salvation Army church on the corner of our street, and at that time, they were VERY good at helping anyone who needed help and did not insist that people join the church or any other restrictions. They gave food to people who needed it, ran supervised playgrounds for children in the neighborhood; had groups similar to boy scouts and girl scouts and children were furnished uniforms and everything needed -- nobody was asked for money or turned away from help because they didn't belong to the church.

    If there's a Salvation Army listed in your area, you might try them.

    Hope this helps.

    Gloria

    my father is gone

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Oh, Shellie ~

    I am just so, so sorry. Shirleyb, KatieB and the others have said what I'm feeling far better than I could say it. You are in my prayers. Your parents are so proud of you.

    Gloria

    E-mail from shelliemacs

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Shellie -

    I'm so, so, sad for you. I agree with Cat -- sometimes people do seem to need to hear that it's ok to let go and that you will be ok. You probably have already said that to him.

    Wish I could be of more comfort.

    Love and prayers to you and your family.

    Gloria

    I never thought it might end like this. . .

    in INTRODUCE YOURSELF!

    Posted

    I agree with everyone who says do not turn it off. Doctors can be wrong. To me the thing is that the patient is smiling and holding your hand.

    If a patient can make his wishes known in any way, this should be his choice. Only in a total lack of response should someone answer for them.

    My husband chose treatment with the ventilator but specified temporarily only and if his condition worsened to turn it off, and the doctors honored that request when after 48 hours he was totally unresponsive and vital signs nearly nonexistent.

    If I didn't know for certain the patient's feelings about life support, I would keep him on it until he improves or stops responding. If he appears puzzled as to what's going on, I'd keep giving him every chance.

    Just my opinion. I hope this helps.

    Gloria

    WARNING: INNER THOUGHTS, WHO AM I NOW--Just a body?

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Elaine -

    It's a good post. I think one of the reasons we all get addicted to this board is because we can express those feelings that we spend so much time protecting our loved ones from. Sure everybody on here cares and feels our pain, but they aren't looking into your face while you sob it out.

    DaveS -

    About those practical matters of bill paying, financial status, etc. -- yes, that's important. What may be helpful is just to organize a little more now. Some of my friends and I were discussing the fact that our children don't want to talk about life insurance, and things like that. We've come to the conclusion that the best thing to do is to put together all the important papers in a binder or folder -- maybe more than one and then simply tell them "in case of emergency all the important papers and household info is in the top drawer of my desk" or wherever you decide to put them.

    I have started a document that lists all the monthly bills and I enter dates I pay them and the amount. Of course I don't actually keep this up every month, cause I'm not that naturally organized, but I did print the page and put it in a binder - even a few months entries are enough of a clue as when to expect what bills. At the bottom I listed those things that are only paid once or twice a year.

    I also put in other household info -- like the receipts for any household repairs that have been made recently, bank account statements, other on-going expenses and receipts. I'm working on another binder for info like birth certificates, marriage certificates, death certificates, social security numbers, deed to the house, car title, life insurance policies etc., etc.,

    The beauty of this is that it's so helpful right now and makes me feel that if I become incapacitated or Snowflake's infamous beer truck gets me, I will have made it easier for my daughter and in the event we should go together in an accident, whoever ends up dealing with the mess will have something to go by.

    If you don't get around to any of this, I wouldn't worry over much. My husband paid all the bills, but his system was easy to follow and everything else I need can only be hiding in one of three different drawers. I've actually found everything I needed so far without much digging. Just limit the number of spots where paperwork accumulates and it'll all be ok.

    It would be nice, though, to know what the holy heck all these keys all over the house go to! That's a project for me one of these days -- go around trying them in all the locks I can find and mark those I can identify and put the rest in some container -- can't throw them away because as soon as you do, you find out what it unlocks and of course that item is locked!

    Gloria

    need advice from those that have lost a spouse...

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Hi, Nat -

    Like Curtis said, everybody does it differently, but I understand your concern about your dad. I do think it would be really good for him to go back to work. I think that's the biggest thing that is keeping me at least semi-sane. What line of work was he in? And did he retire? I understand he may have quit when your mother was so sick, but if he has a job he can go back to, that would probably be the fastest thing to get him functioning again. If he has to look for a new job, that will probably be more daunting for him. For one thing, in applying for jobs etc. you have to write down or check that dreaded word "widow" or "widower" and are sometimes asked about your family. I don't have to tell you how hard it is to say "my mom is dead" or "my wife is dead".

    I just went for a get-acquainted visit with a new doctor and it felt so strange not to put my husband down as the emergency contact. By the time the doctor came in to see me, as soon as she asked me to tell her about myself I broke out in tears. She was very good -- just told me that grief is normal and asked if I'm able to eat and to sleep and if I'm weeping all the time and cautioned me that if I'm feeling sad all the time when I pass the one year point, to please come in and ask for something to help. She was easy to talk to, and I think I'll like her as a doctor, but just that incident put me into the despair mode again. It's been a couple hours and I think I'm working back out of it.

    A doctor visit could be an avenue to pursue, Natalie. Does your dad have a doctor? If he does and is due for a yearly checkup, he might take suggestions from the doctor about medications or counseling. You might have to call the office and clue them in to ask him about change in marital status etc. to get him talking. And if he doesn't have a doctor, you might ask him to get established with one in order to get some baseline information in his file for comparison purposes in case of future illness. Just a thought - may not apply.

    Cathy expressed guilt feelings also about needing some time away from her mother -- I'm sure both of you do need some time just for yourselves -- you can't work through the grief when you're always holding back so as not to add to someone else's burden.

    I don't really know anything to suggest. The family counseling sounds good IF he is ready for it. I know, Nat, that you went with him to a couple grief support sessions. If my daughter said she thought we/I needed counseling, I would go, but it's not something I'm gonna do on my own. Like Curtis, sometimes I just want everybody to leave me alone.

    One thing I do know -- each thing I face alone gets easier after I've done it for a while. I no longer dread unlocking the door each night when I come home from work.

    Just try and gradually reclaim your life. If you do it in a matter of fact way, I think your dad will accept it. He may still do things that worry you, like staying up late and sleeping late, but in the end, he has to be responsible for himself and your mother would want you to help him, but she'd know you can't do it for him.

    Is he receptive to running errands for you and things like that? My husband loved to help our daughter out and she often called him to take her car to the shop, or change her oil, or pick her up at work if she had to work late and her car was parked far away. Funny how you can put off all kinds of chores for yourself, but not hesitate to do them for others. I think we all like to be needed.

    Sorry I can't be of more help. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more.

    Gloria

    I am loosing my father

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    Oh, Shellie -

    I'm SO sorry you have to be going through all this. All the others have brought up things to think about it -- and yes, above all, please know that you have nothing to be criticized for. Your love and caring just shine through all your posts.

    I've been in touch with my sister-in-law this week and her husband was taken to ER last weekend. They at first thought he had a stroke, then that it was "only" pneumonia, then maybe a heart attack, but the reason I mention it is because she has been so concerned with his attitude! He has been LIVID with anger and had to be restrained and trying to remove the cathether, IV, anything else they had on him. His anger is all directed at the hospital and their personnel and the family has been able to calm him down somewhat, but they've had to be called in in the middle of the night and he thinks there is a conspiracy against him, and he was determined to go home, and it was so hard for the family to watch. His wife told them to give him more anxiety meds and when they said they couldn't do that because it might kill him, she was so desparate that she replied "at least he'll go peacefully and not miserably in a rage like this."

    I'm not sure what they finally did -- I know they were of course running the inevitable barrage of tests -- but apparently something has helped because another sister-in-law told me today that they've been able to remove the restraints and he seems like himself -- even walking down the halls with them and making sense when he talks.

    So, hang in there, girl. You know that isn't your father talking, but just his condition. He would never deliberately hurt you, or scare his grandkids.

    I'm hoping and praying that by the time you read this he will be back to himself and you will have once again mustered up that incredible well of inner strength you have shown for so long.

    Hugs and prayers, Shellie.

    Gloria

    missing my hubby

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Shirley -

    Thanks for the post. It helps me to reinforce what I have to make myself do also. We went through so much the same things. Feel free to PM me on those down days -- or up ones -- if you ever just want to talk.

    Cathy - I sent you a PM with my thoughts from a mom's perspective.

    Enjoy the holday, everyone.

    Gloria

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.

  I accept