glo
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Posts posted by glo
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Ginny -
I'm linking arms with all those who have already posted to encircle you with our love and best wishes. Wish some of us could be there physically for you.
(((((Ginny and Earl))))
Gloria
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Checking in too, to say "yes, I know -- I'm still there too." I think we all feel every single thing any of us has posted -- just not all the same feelings on the same days. All we can do is wait it out -- and cling to each other.
And Shellie --
Young lady -- it's a good thing you pulled those pants up. What were thinking mooning us like that this morning? No wonder you're blushing now!
Just kidding, Shellie - I love all your avatars. I think you are the most incredible young lady. You've been bearing up under so much yet you still find time to encourage (and entertain) everyone on this board.
(((hugs to all of you)))
Gloria
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Thinking of you too, Dean. Let us know how you are.
Gloria
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Ginny -
I always look forward to the next chapter of The Duke of Earl. Please never apologize for a long post. You're very right that the people on this board understand trials and tribulations -- whether our own or those of people we love -- better than most families do.
I'm glad that Earl's doctor is optimistic and I'm praying this new medicine really helps.
By the way, I LOVE your latest picture. The love shines through from both of you.
Gloria
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T-Bone -
Adding my good wishes to all the others. And I totally agree with Becky about the awesomely eloquent picture of you and TeeTaa's little girl.
Hugs, Gloria
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Lily,
So glad to see your post. I had noticed you weren't posting much recently. I started to ask if anyone had heard from you, but at that same moment noticed your name as "browsing this forum" so realized you were still around and decided to not intrude on your privacy, knowing you'd be back when you're ready. I don't have to be told what those down trips are like. And we have to climb back at our own speed.
And boy do you sound ready. You go, girl. Enjoy your trip.
Gloria
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Shirley -
You and I must have been posting at the same time. And we said so many of the same things.
We're all thinking of you, Peg and indeed you are not losing it. Unfortunately those are all normal feelings that we have to work through.
Gloria
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Dear, Dear Peg -
How do you do this? Well, only because How do you NOT do this? There is no choice. No matter how much we scream, cry, rant, rave, cover up with the blankets, try to work till we drop, exercise, overeat, undereat, talk about it, don't talk about it, walk the floor -- we're still doing it -- we're living, whether we think we want to or not.
We can only trudge through day by day -- all of us who have lost spouses know how HUGE this process is. Like Norme's Buddy, my Chuck was my security as well as my love. For 40 years I had the warm, secure feeling of knowing that he would go to any lengths to protect and comfort me, and our daughter. That feeling has been cut from under my feet. The world has become a scarier place because it really is like losing half of yourself.
You will find some days when you can breathe again, when life holds some interest again, when you feel a little confidence come back; but you'll also fall back into that deep, dark abyss where the tears come rolling down your face and you can do nothing but sob and feel afraid and sick to your stomach. And for me, I never know when it will hit again, BUT I don't want to burden others or have them feel sorry for me, so I can usually control it except when I'm by myself.
So there is value in doing things with people who love you or people you enjoy, or going to work. Anything you have to concentrate on -- still there are times when nothing helps. I spent an enjoyable Mother's Day weekend on a trip with my daughter, but still found myself on the return flight home having to turn my face into that little pillow to disguise as much as I could of the tears flowing down my face because my mind had gone back again into the traumatic days and weeks after diagnosis. Other passengers probably thought I was deathly afraid of flying.
I can tell you that here at the 8 month period, I have fewer of those desperate, "I can't do this" days than I did at the beginning.
Other than that, dear Peg, just keep on hanging on. One foot in front of the other. If you have days when you just have to write or tell someone what you're feeling, please feel free to PM me. I understand. I know what you're going through.
We all care for you here. I know it isn't the same as the love of your husband, but we are like a family. When you hurt, we hurt. Someway, somehow we will learn to live with it.
((( Peg)))
Wishing you some tiny measure of peace.
Gloria
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I am so, so sorry for your loss.
Gloria
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I also do not feel my husband with me or around me. I'd like to, but I don't and like some others here, I have to keep looking at his picture because I seldom can keep his face in my mind. Perhaps some would say we're blocking -- both pain and signs -- and maybe they are right. But if so, I wish I could block the pain as well as I do the signs.
He is ever present in my thoughts and I think of what he'd want me to do, but for the most part, life is just an unreal world that I move through, just getting by one day at a time. I can function and even have some happy moments only because most of time I'm blocking the reality of his being gone. When I let it through, it's too devastating.
I think in time, the reality will come through the blocking more often and hopefully each time the pain will be a little less, because the body and mind does become acclimated and adjusted to almost anything -- just seems to take one heck of a long time.
I know we will all get through this -- we just don't all walk at the same speed -- but I do believe it's easier knowing we have friends on this same path -- those ahead to reach out a hand and pull us along -- and those behind who we wait by the side of the road until they catch up so that we may help with a hug or a shoulder to lean on.
Kris, Katie and I lost our loved ones about the same time and we seem to be in about the same spot on this path -- just take a few quick steps to catch up and we can all walk arm in arm.
Oh, yeah -- I don't know how the contestants on Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune can ever win anything now, without Chuck literally shouting out the answers to them!
I used to come running to see if he was calling me, and then we'd both laugh when I'd realize he was just talking back to the TV again.Hang in there, Kris. It's really rough, but you're doing ok.
Gloria
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I'm so sorry you are feeling this so intensely right now. Wish I could offer some comfort, but all I can say is I know how much it hurts. Seven months ago yesterday I lost my soulmate of almost 40 years.
This weekend has been bad for me also. Don't really know why it's so much worse sometimes than others.
I know what you mean about thinking you are preparing, but you can never prepare. We wouldn't want them to linger only to suffer, but oh we don't want to have to live without them.
Too bad crying doesn't make us lose weight -- would be nice to at least get something out of it -- but if it made me lose weight, I would have disappeared by now.
Just hold on, and know that I and others here who have lost a spouse understand what you are going through. It is painful beyond description.
Hugs to you and wishing you a little more peace each day.
Gloria
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I agree with everything the others have said. This is a very reliable site. You work so hard to keep it going. A nasty e-mail is just uncalled for. And if you got it by e-mail, then you know who sent it and in keeping with yours and Katie's whole attitude you're too nice to expose them to the rest of us. I applaud your professional behaviour!
If it was a regular poster, their head should be hanging by now and hopefully they'll think before they act next time, and if it's not -- who needs them.
Gloria
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Berisa -
I'm so, so, sorry. I hope you feel us all close to you and supporting you even though you're so far away. The world really is not so large.
Peace and love,
Gloria
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Ha, ha -
This thread has me laughing. I love Boston Rob, but can't disagree with a thing you guys have said about him.
Like Rupert a lot too.
Don't like Shiann much, but admired her willpower in gaining immunity last week. She wasn't about to move her arm. I'm fascinated on the reality shows at how some contestants can sometimes achieve that "mind over matter" state that my daughter describes as "in the zone". You can see it in them right away -- muscles relaxed, face serene, a look that says "I'm somewhere other than here and it doesn't matter what my body goes through -- I can take it."
Boy, if we could just call forth that state for healing purposes.
Gotta go, it's almost time for Survivor to come on here in California.
Gloria
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Shellie -
Huge hugs and prayers going out to you. My gosh, girl, you've been through so much and your husband right there with you. Hoping for a good diagnosis and quick recovery.
You're overdue for a break, Shelley.
(((((Shellie)))))
Gloria
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That is hilarious!
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Abby,
At three weeks the pain is indeed excruiating. We do not get over it, but it does eventually get a little easier to bear. No matter what you believe or don't believe; no matter what Jim believed or didn't, there is no going back -- there is only getting through it. Every individual must find their own way.
If there is anything I can do to help you, please feel free to pm me. It has been almost 8 months since my husband died. We had only about two weeks from his diagnosis until he entered the hospital unable to walk and about three more weeks until his death. The whole experience was traumatic beyond belief.
This message board does help me because here many people understand what we have been through. Please stay and perhaps your experiences can help someone else who is just beginning on the painful path you and your husband walked.
Hugs and best wishes to you in your sorrow.
Gloria
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Shellie -
All those who posted have given great advice. I just want you to know that I too have been so drawn to your posts and so admired your strength and wisdom in dealing with so many things you never dreamed you'd have to face.
As Deb pointed out, your pain is greater because your caring is so deep -- not just for your family but for everyone.
Please respond to the love for you that's expressed here on this board by finding some love for yourself. I know I sometimes wish to just lie down, cover up with a blanket and go quietly into oblivion. But some part of my brain recognizes that it is not a solution I truly want. My knowledge of what it would do to my daughter is a large part of why I don't develop the plan or attempt to carry it out. But there is more that stops me -- something deep inside that says I can't give up -- and I'm sure you have it too. It's why you've told us what you were thinking.
I'm so glad you're feeling a little better now -- here's hoping the news on your husband will be terrific and you will be past this bleak episode. But if you feel it returning, please do take everyone's advice and RUN for some professional help.
You've had so much bad news to bear in such a short time! Wish I could reach you to give you a hug. I'm not your mom, but I am a mom, and the little girls of the world belong to all us moms.
Hugs, Shellie -- we can't do without you. And yes, I love your ever-changing avatars -- see, even in that you're helping us by cheering us.
Gloria
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My Beloved
in GRIEF
I am so, so very sorry for your loss.
Gloria
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WOOHOO -- YOU GO, LUCIE AND DON!!
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((((Natalie))))
This must be so very hard for you. I'm sure you realize some of your Dad's actions are contrary to his words. If he doesn't want to hear what you have to say, why does he come to your house so frequently.
I agree with many things the others have said to you. You need to put yourself and your husband at the top of your list right now.
I would say don't discourage your dad from coming over, but don't encourage him either, and maybe give a try to not discussing your mom and what she might want for either of you unless he brings it up. Just for now.
If he says he wants to focus on work, maybe that's as much as he can handle right now. Work is a great help to me in filling my time and distracting my thoughts.
Sounds like he's always been a controlling personality and now he has nobody to control. Talk to your mother about it in your head and imagine what she'd say if she were here.
One thing I know beyond a doubt is that even though you told your Mom you'd take care of your Dad, she would never want that to be at the expense of your own happiness. She just wants you to be good to each other -- she did also ask him to take care of you, ya know.
Sorry you're having one of those awful times -- yeah, sometimes it's worse later than at the beginning.
Hope you're feeling a little better now that you've vented and cried -- for me, usually once I've gotten over the lowest despair, I'm lucky enough to hit a high for a short while that carries me through until the next low.
Wishing you the best.
Gloria
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Shirley, my heart breaks for you today. ((((Shirley))))
Wish there were something that could help. It will be 8 months for me the first of May and I passed the 40th anniversay on Dec. 21 -- just three months after he died. I feel your pain.
Gloria
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Cathy --
My best wishes for you on this occasion. I'm sure it will be both happy and sad. One good thing about it is that it's perfectly ok and expected to cry at weddings. So for that part of the time, at least, nobody but you will know whether your tears are for joy or grief.
Your brother and any other family or close friends know the situation and will understand.
Try and enjoy the happy part, and when the sadness overtakes, try and accept it, because it's something we all have to get out.
Hugs and best wishes to you.
Gloria
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T-Bone -
Nothing much to say that hasn't already been said. Rest, enjoy your family, and do what feels right to you.
Hugs and good vibes going out to you.
Gloria
dads in hospital.
in GENERAL
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My gosh, Shellie -
You and your family just can't seem to catch a break. You must be ssooo tired of hospitals!
Sure hoping for a good recovery from this for your Dad. Oh, how scary. My husband was a contractor, and loved wood working. I still have a garage full of saws and other power tools. I've unplugged all of them now, so we won't have anybody turn them on accidentally.
My husband would definitely, beyond doubt, have done the same as your Dad did. If somebody he loves wants it, by gosh, he can build it. And buying one is just not the same to them.
It's an unfortunate accident, but it comes from trying to live life as normally as possible, and that is, after all, what we want for them. The accident may very well have happened regardless of what kind of health he was in, but I know it makes your concern that much more because of his compromised immune system.
((((Shellie and Shellie's Dad)))) and prayers for a quick recovery.
Gloria