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Trawna

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  • City
    Toronto
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  • Country
    Canad
  • Status
    Yes
  • Interests
    Reading, Music, Internet and Web Technologies

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  1. Hi and welcome! In addition to our strong survivors here, there is a significant contingent of caregivers who also come to share their experiences or simply talk to a group that understands what they are living through. I was a caregiver for husband for 3 tough years with lung cancer (and prior to that I was caregiver for him starting in 1991, when he had kidney cancer and had one of his kidneys and adrenal glands removed.) I know how tough it is to be shocked by the diagnosis, how helpless and sad and resentful you probably feel in face of this evil disease. Many were the times I asked, why him? Why us? Why me? Of course there is no answer to this, so all we can do is the best we can to provide our loved one with care, support and love. We are here for you, and for your Dad, and I wish your Dad and you and the rest of your family some wonderful times in the future and may you take what joy you can find as you all travel together through this difficult time. Do come back often and tell us how things are going, or ask questions, or ask for help or information or just rant if you want to. (((hugs))) Jane/'trawna' attachment=0]BarkerTim - Copy.JPG[/attachment]
  2. Hoping that all goes well, Lillian Best wishes for an easy and effective surgery and a quick and pain-free recovery. Will be thinking of you!
  3. Thank you for posting this, Nikole. Sometimes we caregivers need to be reminded that good seeds can grow beautiful flowers, even if they are rooted in poor soil, and to remember to be grateful for that which is good! Jane
  4. Hello Clare: I am retaining hopeful thoughts for your Mum -- I can certainly understand that she may not want to undergo treatment for herself, but she may feel that she has to make the effort for your stepfather and/or for you. The wheelchair may give her morale a pickup, because right now she may be feeling "trapped" because of her immobility and wondering whether even trying anything else is useless and won't improve anything, so the wheelchair may give her greater freedom of movement and the opportunity to feel a bit more normal, even if only because she can get out and about in it. It is such a tough thing when she has already been through one set of treatments and felt terrible, and now seems to be headed into another round which may make the side effects she already has experienced worse. But as Randy says, we do need to respect the individual's decision. Just be sure that she knows that she should make her decisions based on what she feels is best and not on the reactions of others, and that you will be there to love and support her, whether she continues on the Topotecan or not. I also agree with Michelle about the toll that caregiving at this stage takes, and your idea about getting counselling for yourself sounds like a good idea to explore. I also hope that your stepdad is giving you some break time for yourself or that other family members are, or can do this. Feel free to vent at any time. That's certainly one reason we are here, and many of us have been on the caregiver side of the equation, so we are here for you! Jane
  5. Hi All; I check this site almost every day, and I too have noticed the lower level of participation in "The Air". I'm sure that the loss of several formerly-regular contributors has played a significant role in this ... I did not write here often (my life is pretty dull!) but I always enjoyed reading the comments of our other more outgoing members, and I do miss them. I also think that all the spam we were getting on this board was driving a lot of people away: it certainly was affecting me that way. And I also admit that I continue to be a bit intimidated by the fact that so many of those we have lost were witty and smart and full of fun stories to share, as well as being good writers, good listeners and excellent sources of knowledge. However ... even if we're not (and I know from other boards that a lot are), I do not think that we should let this camaraderie and humour and enjoyable contact die. Maybe we all just need to overcome our shyness, or reticence, or lack of self-confidence, and just tell ourselves that we should make an effort to write something, even just a response or a paragraph, perhaps every second day. After all, as my English teacher used to say, how do you know you can't write if you never try. What do you all think? Should we make an effort to revive this board or has its time come and gone?
  6. Yay, Flyman! Keep on keeping on! As my MIL would say, "Bis ein hundert schwantzig!"
  7. Thanks and (((HUGS))) back to you, Clare. I am so very happy to hear that your Mum seems to be making a wonderful comeback . Do tell her that she has people all over the world cheering her on! Jane
  8. Dear Clare, Whatever the outcome from this setback, do keep the wonderful close relationship with your Mum as long as you can. Even when my husband fell into a coma towards the end, I used to put my head on his pillow and whisper into his ear. (There were others around and some of the things I wanted to say to him I did not want others to hear.) My husband was a Star Trek nut, so about 7:25 pm I whispered to him that I would turn on Star Wars on the TV if he wanted, but that our daughter was there and she wanted to see the baseball game, so would it be okay to watch the ball game instead. He smiled very slowly and said it quite clearly -- the first words he had said in 3 days -- and he said "Play ball". So I know that even though we all thought he was non compos mentis, he really wasn't, and he could still hear and even (at least that once) respond. Just as the ball game came on the screen (at 7:39 pm) he squeezed my hand and I leaned over to listen and to see if he might say something again. He said one sentence ..."I'll save you the seat next to me on the Voyager..." then took a single deep breath and stopped breathing and his heart stopped. I know he's now off travelling the universe with Capt. Picard and the crew. So keep talking to her, you never know what they may hear or be thinking late in their journey. Having said all this, I hope your Mum may find the strength to recover and have more time to spend with you. Peace to you and your Mum.
  9. Trawna

    Final Update

    I am so sorry for your loss. I know how lost and alone you must feel. You did all you could, and cared for your Mom with great patience and kindness: may this thought bring you some consolation. Wishing you peace and hoping for healing for 2013. Jane
  10. Hi Clare: I am very glad to hear that your Mum was feeling pretty good on Christmas Day, and hope that she continues feeling better for a good long time. Happy New Year to you and your Mom!
  11. Diane said exactly my thoughts, except I was the caregiver for my husband of almost 40 years. I found this site and joined in early 2008 and, like Michelle, I found it was almost a lifesaver, literally, during the last year of my husband's life and after as I travel along the grieving path. Welcome to you. I am sure that you will find it very supportive for you here. Talk, ask questions, vent ... we will be here for you. Jane
  12. Trawna

    Celebrating!

    Absolutely wonderful news, Donna. Congrats to you on 15 years, and here's hoping that your husband will continue to have success with his chemo. This will be a Christmas for everyone to celebrate! Jane
  13. Hope you all had a happy and relaxing Thanksgiving, my American friends.
  14. Eric, I am so sorry. My condolences to you and the rest of the family on your loss. Jane
  15. Oh Eric, I am so sorry that your sister is so ill. My thoughts are with you and your family. It is comforting to know that she seems to be pain-free. Being an only child, I can't imagine how sad it must be to lose a baby sister with whom you grew up -- you being her (no doubt) adored big brother in whom she could share all her happiness and tribulations. I am now the only one of my generation of my husband's family except for his elder brother, and David has virtually adopted me as his little sister. (He actually introduced me to his brother, then my future husband.) He speaks often of his brothers, and how he always expected to be the first of his family to go, not the last, and I know how very sad that makes him. Anyway, sorry to ramble on, I just wanted to let you know that my heart is with you as you go through this difficult time. Fondly, Jane
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