Dear Gail,
Reading your post resonated so strongly with me. My husband was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer and staged as limited in June 2005, we are very fortunate that his treatment was very successful and he has now been 'clear' for almost three years. BUT... I was SO VERY VERY ANGRY with him (even for a Brit not prone to great emotional outbursts). My solution was to walk our three dogs as far away from 'civilisation' as I could get and scream, my anger was so thick it was almost an entity in its own right. It was two years after diagnosis, a course of anti-depressants and four counselling sessions later that I finally came to terms with the whole disgusting disease and the emotions 'it' caused.
My advice for what it's worth, is don't feel bad, certainly don't blame yourself you have enough to deal with. Take one day at a time and try to share your feelings with someone you trust.
love and virtual hugs from across the 'big pond'
Lynn