Bonnie

Andrea, May God give you and your family the strength and comfort to get through this very hard time. It is never easy no matter how much we think we prepare ourselves for it. You have been an inspiration to us all. Bonnie

Howard died just two weeks ago and I find it almost impossible to leave the house. I haven't returned to work yet and find it almost impossible to think about going back into the same hospital where he died (we both worked at the same hospital). I hate cancer and how it destroys families. My sister was diagnosed about 2 months ago with lung cancer. She is not in very good health and now finds herself fighting lung cancer. I still have to remain positive when talking to her but find it so hard to do now. I feel empty and almost numb inside except for that ever present pain in my heart for my wonderful husband Howard. Bonnie

Barb, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I didn't post much but always read each and every post daily. You showed courage and the deep love you have for your Bill. May God give you peace and comfort. Bonnie

Howard was laid to rest yesterday with a gentle breeze blowing and the sun shining brightly. Just the kind of day he loved. He had a police escort from the funeral home to the cemetary and then the Sheriff's Honor Guard took over. He was a policeman and then a Deputy Sheriff. He spent the larger part of his life being a manager of security at the hospital where we both work. I don't know when I'll go back to work but I know it will be soon. Much too quiet here at home and that's not a good thing right now. Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers. Right now my thoughts are not easy to put down in words except to say....I miss him and loved him more than words could say. Bonnie

My beloved husband Howard passed from this life at 4:00am this morning. He is without pain now and I know he is smiling down on me right now. I am so very proud of his courage during these last 7 and a half years of our cancer journey. He was my strength during the darkest of times and is still giving me the strength to face these next few days. Bonnie

Thank you for all of your kind words, however Howard was admitted to Hospice yesterday and is now on a morphine pump to help eliminate his pain. Things have happened so fast in a just a matter of a few days and the cold hard truth is that I'm going to have to say good-bye soon to a wonderful man. After the death of my first husband he came into my life and my children's and brought us together as a family once again. My son is taking this extremly hard doesn't want to leave him alone in the hospital. To see my grown son cry is heartbreaking. Bonnie

Howard's has the same type of cancer he had the first time, adeno. He is now starting to have pain in his spine and stomach area. I have taken a leave from work for three months to be with him. However, the doctors are talking more like a month to two months at most. I still can't believe how fast this is all happening after 7+ years of remission. Worse yet, why didn't the MRI or CT pick this up? I'm not a great fan of the PET scan since we have had false positives early in our journey of lung cancer, but now I'm even more confused. Howard does not want to go to the hospital so I will have everything brought here that possibly can be. The only thing that I can't have delivered is a cure for this beast. My sister was diagnosed last month with the same type of lung cancer as Howard. It never seems to end. Bonnie

I've been a member of this board since November 2002. That's when my husband Howard was first diagnosed with lung cancer. The journey has been filled with bumps along the way but they were all doable...until now. Howard has declined rapidally since Christmas and we didn't know why. His MRI's and CT's all came back fine until the last one. That showed three tiny little 'creatures' in his right lung(his original cancer was in the left lung). The doctor felt very hopeful about this since Howard did so well on chemo the first time. He started him on Alimta and Carbo. I don't think that did anything except awaken a sleeping giant. They did a PET scan on Wednesday and it showed liver involvement as well as bone involvement in his spine. I have to ask how accurate are the PET scans since just 3 weeks before his other tests came back fine. I'm totally out of control and don't want to see Howard lose his battle, our battle that we have fought for so long. The doctor said he is hesitate to go on with treatment since Howard is in a weakened condition compared to what he was prior to this new 'bump'. When I asked him if he was saying we are out of options he said no there are lots of chemo drugs out there and apparently Alimta was not the one for Howard. He was not this weak prior to starting Alimta. He said he was going to get the research person started to try and find any clinical trials or what would be the best recommendation chemo wise. He cannot have any more radiation since he had the max amount with the first tumor and it is that tumor that has awakened. Even with my daughter being a pulmonary nurse I am not able to carry on a normal daily routine without thinking of what Howard might be facing. He does not want to give up, in fact he said he was not going to just do nothing, he wants more chemo. I'm scared. I remember the gut-wrenching pain when my first husband was killed in an auto accident. Howard has pulled our family together and my son, even with children of his own, has grown very close to Howard. They are like father and son in many ways! He is not taking his very well at all. How can I help them when I can't even keep my heart from breaking when I think of my sweet Howard having to endure this again or worse yet, not being here with us. Bonnie

Mission Impossible...beneath the sheets!

Words cannot express the sadness that was felt when I read your post. We were given courage to travel this journey because of Lucie and her unstoppable faith and courage. May God grant you and your family peace during this very difficult time. Bonnie and Howard

May God comfort you in the days ahead. Words just don't seem to be easy right now. Bonnie and Howard

Hi Judy: Howard and I live in Fort Smith, AR. I'm not sure how far that is from your area. Howard was dx'd in November 2002. He has retired from work and is doing just fine. Not to say we didn't have our share of bumps along the way! Bonnie and Howard

Howard and I both take it about 30 minutes before we go to bed. It really has helped both of us sleep much better. If my mind isn't playing tricks on me it seems a few weeks ago someone posted a vitamin regime that they were given by the Cancer Treatment Centers of America and melatonin was on the top of the list. Howard takes 2 pills at night and I only take 1. It seems he needs a little more than I do. Bonnie and Howard

I have had the shingles twice and both times the doctor told me to put ice on them. I have done it both times and I have to say it really made a difference. Hope this helps! Bonnie and Howard

Oh my, here come the tears! It is times like this that renews your faith in mankind. He truly is a wonderful man and I'm sure God will Bless his life many times over. Bonnie and Howard