lilyjohn

Thank you all of you. I finally finished going through all of those papers and I threw almost all of them away. A few I held onto but only because they had some good information on them. It was alright this time even though I know that more than a year of my life went into all of that. I know that at the time that is what I needed. I still have a lot of special things that were his and mine that I do keep. Many are cards that I bought for him to let him know my feelings. Others were papers that I wrote about the long journey that I was on. Those I keep and yes they do bring the tears but those are the tears of the happy memories and that is alright. We had only that last 5 months together out of over 40 years but they were so special and I think how lucky we were to have them. We came so close to missing them. I will always see our time together as a very special gift that was meant to help me grow. What else can make us grow and become better stronger people other than love?

Judy I truly admire all that you do. I don't know where you get the energy. Maybe that is just the few extra years I have on you talking I just run out of steam a lot faster than I did a few years ago. I guess retirement and 50 pounds can do that. I am glad that you reminded your new friend that she is a person not a statistic and to not give up hope. While going through some of my papers before discarding some I came across some email I had in response to a post I made on another site one time about hope and how important it is. I am so glad that I kept them and glad to know that just sending out that message can do a lot for someone. We were supposed to have a front come through last night but not sure it made it. I have my window open next to me and it doesn't feel like it is in the 40s. I am loving these beautiful fall days with temperatures in the 70s and 80s. So far this year we have had the best of weather. I am hoping that is not a sign that we will make up for it this winter. Well I guess I will get busy with some more clean outs and then go down for our sewing session. It is just not the same without Maxine. She is the one who got me started on the plastic canvas. So many evenings when I wanted to go sit outside I always knew that even if no one else was there she would be. We will have a memorial for her Saturday. Her son has been cleaning out her apartment. I think that is another reason that I have been staying inside now that my headache is gone. I don't want to watch them take what was hers away. Enough of this it is time to get busy. Have a great day everyone and I hope to see more posts here today.

Several times in the past I have gone into my old papers and tried to clean them out. I never had any success until today. I took down the box with all of the papers I kept after Johnny's death. For over a year I researched and wrote complaints and letters. I had made lists of questions and comments about all that I knew had not been right about his treatment. I have held onto those things for this nine years sense his death. Some things I saved because somewhere in the back of my mind I was thinking that someday someone will read them and see how hard I tried to prove my case. How much effort that I put into proving how wrong his death was and how much that effort proved my love for him. When I started in that box today I was doing the same thing then suddenly a thought occured to me. By saving all of that I am making my love for Johnny and our time together all about his sickness and his death. It is time to let it all go and to start living in the light of the love that I know surrounds me everyday. The love that he has for me just as I still love him. The pain still comes and goes but from now on when I have a memory or something brings back a time in our life I want that to be the happy memories. I don't need to prove my love for him or my outrage at his death. I only have to remember the joy that we brought into eachother's lives. I have to remember and love and let go of all the rest. I know there will still be days of tears and a part of me will miss him until the day that I die. I also know that there are a few things that I can't and won't turn loose but that is alright too. Each will bring a special memory and a few tears and then I can get back to the business of living the life that he wanted for me so badly and that I have worked so hard to have. So I have a lot of papers to throw away and a lot of memories to keep. I will throw away the papers and the anger and rage that I felt while researching and hold onto the things that bring those special memories. What we had was too special to remember so much of the other things. I don't want to make our time together about his illeness and death. I want to remember our time together as a time of beauy and love. I hope that he sees and knows that I still hold on to his precious love and memory.

Hi everyone. I am not even going to try and catch up on everything. I have read a few posts once in a while but really not kept up as I should. My toenail removal is not healing as fast as I expected and I have had some other issues. Severe headaches I think were a combination of sinus and tmj. Remind me to never order a sandwich at Subway on Oat bread again. It is just too hard and I am pretty sure that is what set the tmj to giving me fits of headaches. Also antibiotics for toe has caused some resurfacing of my GERD or at least the pain it brings. I am staying in a lot and working on some sewing projects. also doing some long overdue cleaning. I will post about some of it in the grieving forum. Time is passing so fast and it won't be long until I will be heading to Louisiana again for the holidays as well as my grandson's graduation from college and later my graddaughter giving birth to her baby. Speaking of babies Ann your new granddaughter is beautiful. I am sending best wishes to all of you. Judy (both of you hope you are doing well and feeling great. Annette hope you can get back on an even keel soon. Praying that whatever your problem is you will get through it and come out stronger than ever. Bud enjoy your cool weather after so much heat in the summer. Our weather her is just perfect. I sure wish I could go out and walk but my toe won't let me wear shoes that I can walk more than a few feet in. Early rain we had has turned some of the grass green and when I have gone out to the doctor I have seen that all of the leaves are starting to put on a show. I hope I get my car started soon so I can go for a drive and enjoy them. For all the rest of you I pray that you are well and safe. Still wondering what happened to Bruce. He seems to have quit posting here. Not sure if he is posting on the other forums I haven't spent any time reading them lately. Again have a great day everyone and I do enjoy your posts when I come to read.

Thank you Nick for explaining how you see your mom now. I think many of us see our loved ones the same way. We all think that life just can't continue after such loss but it does and it time we see life again instead of death. I think that we have to see life as not continuing but starting up again. For a while it seems it just stops and leaves us lost in that vast plain of grief. It does take time to get to an easier place and start to live again. More than that I think it is our loved ones in the back seat laughing and pushing us into a new future with all the love they still have for us. Thanks again Nick I really like that image of your mom in the backseat.

I keep hitting the wrong key and it takes me to all different places. I have been very busy so only lurking part time. I had a great time when I went home to Mountain View. I got to visit with family and see friends from school that I had not seen in 50 years. I also go to see a lot of my home town that I had not seen for many years. I hope that next year when I go for our 50th reunion that I can see a lot of other places. There are so many changes but there are many things that are still there. I came back to a very busy week last week. Rained on Tuesday so I had no chance to get my battery checked and really with my nephew out of state no one to do it for me. It didn't matter that much then but now I am really needing my car. I had my toe nail removed or I should say the sides of it removed last Thursday and have had to soak it a couple times a day. It is just not healing the way it should. I am hoping there is no infection. Follow up appointment is today so I will find out for sure. We had our anual sale last weekend too. It last from Thursday through Saturday so I was there for all of that time. I wasn't much help this time. I did grill the hot dogs for our sale one day and made a jambalya one day for the workers but that was about it. I have a lot of cleaning to do so I started a little at a time yesterday. Mostly it is just getting rid of things that I tend to hold onto for too long. Also those old dust bunnies are having a grand time. I am taking everything slow and washing knic knacs as I go. I only have a small apartment but have slowed down a lot in the past couple of years. Judy MI I can't imagine trying to keep up a house that size. Stephanie my husband was Catholic and I promise you the funerals are not all like that at least not the ones I have been too. Usually they are in a small parish and most of the people know each other and the priest. They do usually have a mass as well as the service but it is the service that is personal. Sorry that you had such a bad experience. Alan I quit wathing the games after the Giants season ended. Busy time and new shows coming on. I plan to watch the World Series but don't have a clue who will be in it this year. Ginny sounds like you enjoy your golf and you should. Why pay to complicate something that you enjoy so much? Just saying! Well I have to run. Time to take the bandage off and see what I am dealing with today. I also want to ask for prayers for a neighbor and dear friend. She went to the hospital a few weeks ago. She is not expected to live much longer. She just has too many health issues. Please say a prayer for Maxine and all of us who love her.

I just want to say hello to everyone. I will be gone for a few days starting tomorrow and when I get back home it will be a busy time for me. I wish all of you could feel better and have no side effects or other issues from you treatments. This is such a great time of year. Then again it is also sinus time and a lot of memories so there is good and bad. I went back into some of the papers I kept after all the research I did when Johnny died. I was going to throw them away but just couldn't do it. I still have the tablet that we kept track of his meds on and the calendar that we wrote down appointments. They both have his handwriting and of coarse on the day he died when I got home I wrote on the calendar " the day my heart died'.So now I am going back to where it all began. Back home to old friends and classmates and family. I am hoping to recapture some more memories by walking down the streets in my home town. Granted it isn't the same any more but there are still parts of it that have not changed that much. When I get back I have an appointment on Wednesday to have one of my toenails removed. I have battled ingrown nails for years and will finally get something done about it. Then we have our annual bazar for 3 days the end of next week. In the middle of all of that is another problem with my car. I thought at first it was the battery again but all the lights work,, it just won't turn over at all. I am starting to suspect that it is the starter. I have no one here to check it and I am being careful not to say too much. They won't allow a car parked here for long if it doesn't run. At least my registration is up to date so they don't have to know that it doesn't run. Will deal with it when I get home. My nephew is out of state and usually helps me so hope I can make due until he gets home. That car is turning into a money pit but I can't afford a newer one and am not ready to give up driving. It is a real problem for me. Randy glad to know that your dad is doing better. Sorry if he embarassed you but his health is the main issure and like I said it could be partly due to medication. I just pray that he continues to improve and that you can enjoy at least a little of your vacation. Judy, both of you and Eric and Annette and Ann and Sara and Bud and Dianne and Stephanie and Alan and whoever I am sure to be forgetting. Hang in there. I know you are all going through some rough times right now. Have a good day everyone and a great weekend while I am gone.

Jean my heart goes out to you because I know only too well how you feel. It will be nine years in December sense my Johnny was taken from me. So much happened those last months of 2002 that I don't even need a calendar to know witch days were the good and witch were the bad ones. Every year I go through those months again. I try not to but I do. The pain is not as sharp but it is still there. As I have said before, it has become so much a part of me and who I am that I wouldn't know what to do or how to act without it. Some people do go on and find happiness again. That is as it should be. When my ex died my grandson had such a hard time and thought that if he was happy in any way it was a betrayal of Denis. While helping him to see that not being happy was the real betrayal I learned that lesson for myself. As you know, as all of us know there are degrees of happiness. Am I happy? I guess in many ways I am. I think the right word to use is content. I find contentment in everyday things. simple things. I try to concentrate on that and when the memories come I try to use the good ones to make me realize that dispite all of the loss in my life I am so fortunate to have those good memories to relive. They all can make me cry, both the good and the bad so I shed the tears and try to feel Johnny's love that I know surrounds me. That brings me some peace. I don't ask for or expect more. I have had two serious relationships with men in my life and they both have caused me a lot of pain. That pain has made me grow into the person I am today good or bad. I don't want another relationship like that. My love for Johnny lay buried in my heart for all of the rough years of my marriage and I didn't even know it at the time. It sustained me. Then my marriage ended badly. Johnny and I found eachother again and had 5 precious months together. They were full of doctors and cancer treatment but they were also so full of love that I still feel that love. His death left me shattered but slowly his love has lifted me up to a place that I can live and be content. Any other relationship would only be second best and I don't want that. So find something no matter how small it may seem and hold on to it. Research your family or his. Find stories about him or either of your familes when you were younger. Find someone else who is suffering from such a loss and talk to them. Sharing can help. Always remember we are here. Many of us are where you are and we do understand. So much love and prayers going out for you. I hope you can find some sense of peace because in the long run that is what matters the most at this stage of life.

Randy don't wait. File a complaint with the patient advocate. There is bound to be one there somewhere. Also go to the Medicare site and and look up The nursing home section. There is a place where you can check and see if that nursing home has had any complaints filed against it or if the have been found to be deficient in any way. If they have or if for any reason you don't like the way the are taking care of your dad you can have him moved. Your mom has the right to see for him and also to declare him unable to make the decisions. He must have given that right to someone and if not then she is next of kin and then you. I didn't know all of these things when I should have. Now I do and believe me I wish that I had known and taken action. It could have saved myself and Johnny so much heartache and anxiety. The site is Medicare compare!!

Good morning. I decided to take a few minutes and drop in for a while. I can't really say that I have been that busy but seems like everything takes longer these days. I have been spending time on my sewing trying to catch up a few projects and finish another baby blanket that I started to crochet for my granddaughter. I have also gotten back to a little fitness sense our classes have restarted. A few of my neighbors and I went on our picnic in the park and played lasso golf but by one in the afternoon it was too hot so we came home. It has been wonderful getting to know some of my friends and classmates from school again. In just a few more days I am going down to spend a few days with some of my family and a close friend from school and also go to the picnic. I always dreaded going home lately because so much has changed and gone but this time I am looking forward to going. I plan on spending a while finding the things that have not changed. I even wrote a poem about going home. It is so nice to see Annette and Sara posting again. I do envy Eric and Bud their energy and determination. Seems that when I exercise I run out of both pretty quickly these days. Fall is here but not sure if our weather knows it yet. We have been having some of the hottest days of Summer this month. Today is only supposed to be in the 90s then tomorrow down to the 70s I am wondering if that forcast is a mistake but everyone seems to be saying it. I love 70s and 80s with open windows and nice breezes. Judy MI I hope the allergies get better. They have really been kicking my butt this year too. Judy KW hope those side effects are not too bad and that you keep inproving each day. Stephanie I fell in love with Washington when I lived there. I know part of the reason was because despite the final outcome I spent some of the happiest days of my life there and felt most loved while there with my Johnny. I lived in Centralia but never got as far as Seattle. Well housework is waiting. I can't put it off. Time to get dressed and get busy. Have a great day everyone. I know I am misssing a lot of you but you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Just want to remind everyone to be careful with what you say. There are times when just a few careless words spoken without thought can make the difference between life and death. Day before yesterday was September 19th. Nine years ago I had a very special day with my Johnny. We were so full of hope and he was so determined to beat his cancer. He was going most of the day without the oxygen, taking no pain meds and improving everyday in is stamina and his outlook on the years ahead. We thought we had time so much time ahead of us to make up for all of the years we had lost. I can still see us sitting in the car looking at the moon. I remember him saying how romantic it was and that we had never shared that experience before. Such a special day then my life and us were shattered by a few careless words. On September 20th all seemed as it had ever time we had gone to chemo in the past but it wasn't. They were extra crowded with no seats and decided to take Johnny to a little storage room to get his IV started then move him to the chemo room when a seat opened a few minutes later. He was claustraphobic. That had a bad effect of him but what was to follow cost us our peace and him his life. I have no doubt about that. Because he had had an adverse reaction to the carblplatin, or at least they thought that was what had landed him in the ER one night they found nothing else and drew that conclusion, they were giving him only the Taxol. When I asked if they were not going to replace the carboplatin with something else the chemo nurse said later. Johnny said that maybe he wouldn't need a next time because the chemo had shrunk his cancer so much already. That is when that nurse did the one thing that no one should ever do to a person. He took away Johnny's hope. His words were " I don't want you to get your hopes up. You will be on chemo for the rest of your life." How dare he? How irresponsible can a person be and someone in his position. Without hope what do you have? That remark led to Johnnys death. It robbed us of our peace of mind and destroyed his life and nearly destroyed mine. It is only his love and the love of God that have kept me going and made me determined to work to make sure no one has to have their hope destroyed. By that night Johnny was having night mares. He needed his oxygen more. Later the anxiety and panic attacks started and they tried to up the Ativan instead of giving him something else and he had such a reaction that he lived in fear of the ativan and with good reason because later it would be that and a mixture of drugs they would never give to anyone else that took his life. Add all of that to a doctor or at least one who wore the title of doctor, who thought he knew best and would never take a suggestion or answer a question and you have two months of hell that no one should ever have to endure. We had 5 months together when we should have had years. Once careless remark and 2 lives were shattered and so many others hurt. So be careful what you say. You can't take those damning words back and they can cost a person not only thier life but their peace of mind. If you are a patient or a caregiver and someone says something like that remind them that they are not God and they are playing with lives when the speak carelessly and take away hope.

Good morning everyone. Judy KW I know that you must be very tired. Those long trips really can wear a person even when you have no health issues. I have a few small problems and trips to take a toll. When I am gone for a long time it takes me seveal days to get back in the groove. It just seems like I don't know what to do first so I don't do anything I have just about decided that belly fat has moved in to stay. I have not only belly fat but all of his other fat relations you know like butt fat and arm fat and of coarse the always present too fat We have gotten back into our fitness twice a week and play a game or two sometimes in the evening that keeps us moving. Having neighbors to interact with in that way does help some. Other than that I take it as it comes. Some days I walk outside some days I go walk in the stores and still others I will put the music on and move to it for a while. Time just passes so fast that I always have something else that I want to spend that time on. Judy MI. I am so sorry for your sadness and the loss of a friend. Never feel guilty because you are surviving. I read evey day of the things you do to support others and I really believe you are here for that purpose. You are filling one of God's special jobs. He needs you here with your knowledge, determination and compassion. Someone who had not had your experiences could never do the job that you do. So be proud of what you are doing and never feel guilty for being alive. Someday just what you do may lead to others being able to live cancer free or in remission. It is amazing what love and hope can do. Enough of my thoughts. I am hoping for a great day for everyone. I am off to sit outside for a while then go out to the farm and see if they have any fresh prunes and peaches.

Good morning Shirley. It is so nice to see you posting. Yes I do brag because our weather is exceptional for this time of year. Normally we are still in the upper 90s but this week and in fact this whole summer has not been as hot as normal. It has been nice to leave all of the windows open day and night and wake up to the sound of the geese honking as they fly overhead instead of the air conditioner running. Not doing a lot right now. Just enjoying the weather and working on my sewing and watching the Giants play baseball everyday. I do have a busy time coming up. On the 29th I am going down to the bay area to visit with my brother and also some friends from school that I haven't seen for 50 years. When I get home I have an appointment to get one of my ingrown toenails taken care of and the following day our fundraising bazzar starts it's three day run. Well it is time to give my daughter a call. This is the day that I spend a lot of time on the phone. I hope eveyone is having a good weekend and enjoying beautiful weather.Prayers for the miners and their families as well as those envolved in the air crash. Still praying for a cure for Lung Cancer and all cancers. Tomorrow is the aniversary of a very special day that Johnny and I shared. The following day is the 9th aniversary of the remarks of a nurse that I will always believe led to his early death. I never forget.

Just stopping by long enough to say the baby will be a boy. Remember when we had to wait until the baby was born to learn it's sex? I am very happy but would have been happy with a girl too. Just so they are both healthy that is what matters most. I am dealing with this baby a little differently than the others. I remember all of their births and I was there for one but I was there for all of my grandchildren's births. Bridget was a special case. She was born on Fort Bragg in North Carolina. We had no idea if she would be born first or if my son would deploy in Desert Storm. Those days still bring tears to my eyes. We left her there with my daughter in law after Denny deployed. When she learned that he was going to be gone for quite a while she moved back home and in with us. I was the one who helped raise bridget for a long time. Now she is going to be a mama. I am very proud but also very sentamental right now.

Good morning. I guess I will chime in here for a while. Beautiful temperatures here yesterday and today. We have gone from our highest temperature this year to the mid 80s in less than a week. The heat this time of year is not what is unusual but the lower temps this early are. We did have some thunder and lightening for a few nights and that made it really muggy. Yuk I hate it when it gets humid! Ann what you are doing and Judy MI what you do are wonderful. I try to help a lot around here but yes no matter what you do or where you are you will always have those who cause trouble. We have had our share here. I still do a lot for my neighbors but I am trying to pull back a little. I enjoy my Me time. I never used to take time for me but after Johnny died I realized how short life can be and took his advice and learned to slow down and relax. Most of my time is spent on different sewing projects and watching the Giants play baseball. Recently I have been in contact with several people from high school and am planning a trip down to the bay area to visit with them and family in two weeks. I am anxious for the new shows to come on tv. My problem is that all of the shows I like are on at the same time and the DVR can only record one at a time. Throw in the last of the baseball season and our Bunco night and I know that I will have to pick my favorite and wait for reruns on some others. Judy MI I am sure that doctors often play a major roll in people giving up their fight. It is hard to expect someone to continue to fight when the doctors give up on them and treat them like they are already dead. I saw the direct results of that with Johnny and will never forget. I am waiting to get in the shower. My granddaughter is finding out today what her baby will be. She should be calling me soon. So anyway I hope you all have a wonderful day. PS Bridget just called but I am sworn to silence until she calls all of the people who should know first. When she announces it on Facebook then I will share. Let's just say I am excited and happy for her and so glad that I am into crocheting baby blankets again.

Good morning! Bright and sunny here but hopefully not too hot today. Temperatures are supposed to get down into the mid 80s by the weekend. The trees are getting that faded look that comes just before the color starts to show. By the end of the month we should see some color. Annette nice to see you post. Hang in there. Many prayers are going up for you from all of us. Judy KW I know exactly how you feel. It is so nice to go on vacation, but getting home makes you appreciate that you have a home to go to. I don't know how those people who are full timers can do that. I loved to camp but had to have a home base. Now I stay at my kids and enjoy my time with them but after a month I am so ready to get home. This year I will be staying for two months. My grandson graduates from college in December and my granddaugher is due her baby in late January. Don't want to miss either occasion but boy will I be homesick by them. TV shows Judy MI? Let's see. I always watch Biggest Looser though doubt I will enjoy it as much without Jillian. I think I like the show because it reminds me there is always hope if you are willing to work for it. It is that word work that stops me cold, especially when it is paired with the word out Next is dancing with the stars. So glad I have a dvr now because they conflict on the second night of Dancing. I too look at the people and say to myself "do I really want to watch this?" then I get hooked. Just hoping that Derek Huff is back this time. He is such a great dancer.Then of coarse Surviver. It took me years to get hooked on that and only because there was nothing else on the first night I watched it. I guess coach will be back so I know who I will want voted off right away. He comes from not too far from here. I think he is as phony as they come Then there is NCIS but I have to wait for reruns DVR only works on one recording at a time and that too is on Tuesday night and come to think of it so in Bunco. Oh what to do what to do? lol Running or should say walking fast to get dressed. Busy day today with our hotdog/sweet sale fund raiser then doctors appointment. Have a good day everyone.

Hi Kimmie. I see you found the Air, welcome. Hope you are dried out from all of the rain and I am sorry the Saints lost. When they won the Super Bowl I called my kids in Houma and you couldn't hear a word they were saying. People were shooting off fire works honking horns and running down the streets singing and dancing. What a great thing that was after so many years of waiting Last year it was my turn here. Like all of you in Louisiana have followed the Saints I have followed the San Francisco Giants Baseball team sense they move here from New York. After 52 years of watching and waiting they won the World Series and what a victory that was. They are not doing that great this year but todays game was a great win. The ceremony commerating 911 was awesome. A policeman from San Fran sang the The National Anthem and later during the 7th inning he sang God Bless America. The jets from nearby air bases did a fly over and everyone in the stadium had flag posters. Beautiful sight to see. Looks like we may get a little rain. Unlike Texas we are not desperate for it but it has been quite a while now sense our last rain. We just know that is what to expect in the Summer Months. Just hope there is no dry lightening to start fires. This evening felt so good I am hoping it is a preview of Fall that is not too far away. Judy 911 ceremonies sound beautiful. I can not watch without crying. In fact every time our National Anthem plays or God Bless America I get a catch in my throat and tears in my eyes. Our country may have a lot wrong with it and many of us may not agree on how to fix it but we are still the best country in the world. I just pray that in time that will mean more than all of the disagreements and politics. I hope everyone has had a nice weekend and am sure that like myself many of you are praying that we will never have to see another day like that terrible day 10 years ago. God Bless and Good Night everyone. Oh Kimmie you never did say where you live. Are you in NO or one of the smaller towns around there? I lived there for 32 years so I know where most of them are.

Just here for a minute busy day today at least emotionally if nothing else. My youngest brother was born in 1937, He passed away a the age of 37, thrity seven years ago today. Strage how they all came out to be 37 this year. I am getting ready to go to a memorial or I guess I should say celebration of the life of my neighbor that passed away a little over a week ago. Then of coarse we are all remembering 911. I know there are many others who have memories that are painful and also have those that we all share of 911. Saying many prayers that someday soon we will not have the worry or fear of such brutality and so many dread diseases. Judy hope your game was a big success and Alan so glad that you are alright and didn't lose anything to the floods. I wish we would hear from KW Judy and Annette. Not a great time to be traveling back that way and well worried about Annette for more than just the weather. Take care everyone and God Bless. When we remember even with all of our problems it is so easy to see how bless our country is.

Bud I know where your heat went!! Today it is supposed to be 107 but sense it was 103 at noon I suspect it will get even hotter. We also have a strong North Wind. Here that means hot and dry so the Red Flag warnings are out for today and tomorrow. The one think looming on the horizon is the chance for thunderstorms but here this time of year that is not good news. Thunder and dry lightening is what we usually get. Always a little spooky but was much worse when I lived up in French Gulch with only two ways out and one of them up what just about amounts to a logging road through move forest that could be a blaze abt minute. My heart just goes out to eveyone in the area of the fires and the floods. I have seen both and neither is any thing I would want to see again. Alan glad that your scan results are good. I just hope you are staying safe from all of the floods. I am really starting to get concerned for Annette and some others who have not posted lately. Judy I know you must be excited. Have a great time and let us know when it will be on television. Well heat and not enough sleep last night mean that it is nap time. Have a great and safe day everyone.

Good morning everyone. I guess I will post and try to keep it short though I am usually not good at that.lol I did not have the best day yesterday. I got up at 5:30 to take a neighbor to get her blood work done. She didn't show up when we were supposed to meet at my car. I spent a half hour looking for her and worrying that something may have happened to her, kept calling and knocking on her door and even drove down to the bus station at the mall to see if she had walked there and was waiting for a bus. Finally I just gave up. I went out to the farm only to find out that I was an hour early, they hadn't opened yet. So I wasted an hour and got some coffee because mine had been rushed and a sausage biscuit because I hadn't taken time for breakfast. After that none of my day went as planned. Found out that I was right after all. She had walked to the bus station and taken an earlier bus. When I got home she was sitting outside and made some excuse but all in all she just didn't think and took off. Maybe she forgot but what really bothered me was that she acted like it was nothing. I get so exasperated with people sometimes! So I was so tired last night I didn't sleep good and now I have to run and pick up the brown bags(extra food for low in come seniors). I will pick them up but not unload them from my car. My back is just starting to feel better and I want it to stay that way. I am about to get to the point where I do like everyone else, just sit back and wait for someone else to do those things. I just know that if I do there will be no activities at all here and that would be a shame. People have to keep their minds and bodies active or they will fall apart. Ann glad you got home safe from your trip and Judy I am praying that you have safe travels and don't get caught up in all of the flooding on the way home. I am wondering if the reason we have not heard from Alan is because of all the bad weather. He was going to be on the road about the time it was starting and we have not heard from Annette either for a few days. Don't know if we should pray it is not the weather or not the personal problems keeping her away. I guess I will just pray it is neither. Well I have to run now. I hope everyone is safe and well and will have a great day. If I have forgotten you it is only because my fingers have already been too long winded

Wow Judy you just keep surprising me. Sounds like your town is as busy as you are. I think what you are all doing is great. I would watch the Today show but I am taking my neighbor to get her blood work done. She usually rides the bus but I have been taking her lately. She is in her 80s and has had a heart attack in the past. I don't want her walking in the heat. It is supposed to be 105 here today. Yes Diane we get very hot here it the summer but really can't complain this year. It has only gotten over a 100 a few times. So far we have had no run of 10 or 15 105+ days like we usually do.Coming this late in the season helps too. We don't reach our peak heat until around 5 in the evening and by then it is almost time for the sun to start going down. Usually a bunch of us neighbors sit outside in the evenings during summer from aboout 6:30 til around 8 or 9. I guess today I will try and make a run out to the farm. I am wanting some more fresh peaches. It won't be long until they start slowing down and I won't be able to find any fresh ones and those in the grocery always fall short on flavor. Same for the plums but this year I can't find fresh plums anywhere. I have had to settle for the ones at the grocery and just don't like them. When I start thinking about fresh fruit and talking to my friends from school I really miss the times when the Santa Clara Valley was the fruit capitol of the world. There were orchards everywhere and we always had some kind of fruit tree in our yard. Now the orchards are all gone. I have been reading a lot about those days and so much that is gone. I even bought a book that shows my home town of Mountain View like it was in the 50s and earlier. So nice to see it again before they tore it all down. I will be going down there the end of this month and am hoping to visit some of the places this book shows that are still standing. I guess it will be an attempted walk back in time with friends from school and this book. At one time a long time before electronics destroyed so much of my valley instead of being known as silicon valley it was known as The Valley Of Heart's Delight. I guess I had better run now so I can get a bite of breakfast and take Bea to get her blood work done. If we are there when they open we will have plenty of time to get out to the farm afterwards and be home before the heat gets too bad.

Hi everyone. Quiet day here for me. Worked on my embroidery for a while then went to Applebees and picked up some lunch. Came home and watched the game. Giants won this time. Young pitcher just 22 is great in his second season. Eric when I retired I thought of all the things I wanted to do and guess what? Time just seems to fly by and I do a lot but not everything that I wanted to. I think it is because the older we get the slower we move, at least that is so in my case. Days that seem like I just don't have a minute for myself and others I say the heck with it hall an be lazy. Ann sorry about your friend. It seems like every day I hear of someone with some kind of cancer. Too bad the money spent on so many useless things can't go to end that menace once and for all. Anyway looks like you had a nice trip even if you were pretty busy. Randy and Diane My son was stationed at Fort Bragg. I really love the FayetteVille area but as you can imagine after he went to war in 1990 I was much happier when he came home and got out of the service. My granddaughter Bridget turned 21 today. She was born there in Womac Hospital. Twelve days later my son left for Saudie. Those days still cause me upset. I can't talk about it without crying. Too many young women were left behind to have their babies without their husbands. I hope all are well and safe from the flooding and storms. My family faired good in HOuma just a lot of rain that ruined a lot of holiday plans. At least it cleared up so Bridget could go out for her birthday. Her cousin, my other granddaughter was taking her for a pedicure and dinner. She says sense she can't party because she is pregnant she is going to buy a lotto ticket and a 6 pack of beer for her dad because she is finally legal and that is all she is able to do Well time to run and see what is for my late meal then outside for a while. Maybe we will play our game tonight.

Sometimes life just doesn't seem fair. Prayers for your cousins wife and your whole family.

Wow it is so good to see you post Shirley. I was wondering about you not long ago. Remember when me you and Ann kept in touch often, sometimes daily for a while. Hope all is well with you and that you are happy. Alan enjoy the game. At least I won't be cheering for the oposing team that day. The Giants won't be playing them until the play offs if then. Judy MI and Paulette enjoy your cooler weather. We are still getting a few hot days then a cool down then back up again. Compared to what it is normally like This has been a mild and great Summer. Watching all of the rain from Lee. My family are really getting it.They were supposed to go camping this weekend in Panama City Florida but that is out now.My granddaughter will turn 21 Monday. She has been looking forward to being legal then she got pregnant so won't be able to party. Now Lee is taking care of her other plans! When she turned 18 they were in a campground in Mississippi evacuated while Gustav battered Houma. She says nature hates her. Alan the tomatoes are just coming in really good here. Our Summer growing season started a little late this year because of the late rain and cooler temperatures. The thing is once it starts the growing season here lasts all summer and into very late fall. It is amazing the difference that lack of humidity can make. I guess I will go out and try to walk for a few minutes. It is so easy to be lazy and just skip it but I know that I shouldn't. Should be up to 100 or over today so I have to get an early start. If any of my neighbors want to go we will head out to the farm. I want some more peaches but won't make the trip for a half dozen peaches only. Time to pay bills and get moving. Have a great weekend everyone. Stay dry and safe and well.

I haven't seen a post from you sense the day you posted this. I just want to say that I am hoping that you have found a few gentle moments. Sometimes that is all we can expect. Time may help ease the everyday gut wrenching ache and lonliness but that deep hurt that settles into your inner core will become a part of you. You won't always be aware of it but it will be there. Right now I am dealing with some friends who are new to this kind of grief. I know that there are no words that can help. All I can say is there are many of us who do understand and are praying for you to find some peace. Take care and keep in touch with us.