Dian775

Thanks for all the replies. I honestly didn't expect them. The lure of the web to find "good news" has only hurt me so far. Unlike all of you..I don't have the presence of mind yet to list out all the details. Like I said..left lung was yanked...and I think maybe I had a lymph or 2 that lit up in scans. The surgeon said all the cancer is out and chemo was to improve my chances. Oh...and it was stage 2b? I' ll get all the med-speak info if that helps. : / I've had depression issues all my life...was on cymbalta through most of this and recently quit taking it...I mean...what the hell can break through THIS kind of depression?? YIKES. The amount of "glow in the dark" stuff in chemo is bad enough...I only take xanax (anxiety is worse than depression..I'm dependant and don't care) I want to take as little as possible until this poison has made its way out of my body. Like someone else said..my first thought in the morning and last at night is..OMG, I have cancer. I wanna wake up from this nightmare....or perhaps never wake up? I'm not sure at this point which I'd prefer. You would think being bald would be the least of it.....but to me? It's a horror. I'M a horror. I'm doing all that they told me to do...eating very healthy and as soon as I get over the exhaustion that chemo caused...I'll begin with exercise. I'm just so utterly overwhelmed by all of this....my husband doing EVERYTHING?!?!?! I've always been the caretaker of everyone...I'm NOT very good on the "helpless" tip....in fact...I just plain SUCK at it! I seemed to be more positive and better able to cope after surgery..but chemo has done a real number on my mental state. It's over..I hope and pray FOREVER. I want this port do-hicky thing OUT...I want ME back!!!!! I want hair! I want this feeling that a cinderblock is on my left chest to stop! I don't see my doctor until August 4th....except for labs. I'm so very sad. I feel as if part of me has already died and I'm mourning her. Thanks for reading this. Diane

....i feel so alone in this. i NEED to find others like ME. 52, NSCLC...left lung removed...just completed chemo. here i sit...bald...and depressed. scared outta my tree. every day i fear waking up..AND NOT waking up. my onco says i'm doing really, really well. THIS is well? Diane (in DFW)