MSWKitty

Wow Pamela, Even though my dad had nsclc for what appears to be a little more than 2 and 1/2 years longer than your dad, the path that your dad was on from the beginning of this year was very similar to my dad's. They even died about a week apart. I so relate to what you talked about in your post. It is so very crucial that we get ourselves back together- physically being such an important part of that. I too have gained weight. I did a lot of "comfort food" eating while my dad was in hospice and on through about a month or so after he died. My diet could still be quite a bit better than it is now-- that's for sure. Well, one little baby step and a time, I guess. God bless you (ALL of you for sharing and caring). I always do get my lift when I come here. One Day At A Time... Kitty

Hi Leah, My heart is full of sorrow for your loss. I lost my dad on Aug. 27th, and truly know what you're going through. It just seems that we either walk in fog, or are kept really busy by various things, etc. from time to time, so that we can go on, and so that we have some type of strength for those unforeseen "hit-in-the-head" memories that have a heart-wrenching way of popping up. They are not only painful, but can be scary too. I've felt like I've been on the brink of sheer panic sometimes when it's happened. Ah, grief. One of life's horrific necessaries! Keep the faith, and keep posting as you need! Love and blessings, Kitty

i don't know how to start, and don't have much energy to write. i just wanted to talk about how i've been neglecting my health since about a month before my dad died. i feel really crappy and, of course, depressed. i feel guilty for not being more involved with this wonderful online community. it feels like i know so many of you guys here, and i've gotten so much comfort from everyone here whenever i've needed it, yet it doesn't feel like i've been there for folks when they've needed it. and i've read so many posts that are truly full of pain-- don't we all have it!! keeping my head above water-- that's what i'm fighting to do, and i'm exhausted. somehow i'll turn my health around. blessings to you all. kitty XOXO

i've been having very similar dreams. mine are a touch stranger though. my dad has apparently already died, but he's back alive again (although he is still suppose to die at some point in the future). in some of the dreams he's healthy and walking around, and in some he's starting to get sick. the dreams, oddly enough, aren't always tormenting. there's an air of supernaturalism (if that's a word) to them. i've rarely awakened and felt very sad (though that has happened on a few occasions). it usually feels though like i'm experiencing an opportunity to visit with my father's soul. so hard to explain!! kitty

Thank you, thank you, a million times- thanks! I knew I could count on feeling better after reading the compassionate responses that I always, without fail, get on this board. Your thoughts and experiences make this so real for me. They make me feel so much less alone and afraid of completely losing myself. I know that I will get through this, and with my friends on this board I feel all the more blessed. Thank God for you guys! Love and hugs, Kitty

I need some support today friends. I keep ruminating on the moment my mom and I walked into the hospital room to see my father, who had passed just before we got to the hospital. I'm grieving for how awful that moment was, but more for my mother. She just kept holding on to my father, and crying, "Larry, no, no, why?..." My heart is so broken for her, and I know I need to feel these feelings and go through the process, but it's so damn painful. I'm afraid I'm going to have a panic attack over the pain that's coming up with that memory. I'm now trying make myself think of other things, but I keep going back to that. I feel so stuck on that right now. Help! ... Kitty

Thank you guys for all of your sweet responses. Daddy died this past Friday afternoon at 12:40pm. (I've posted in the Grief section). Thanks again for all of your support. It's very hard to express in words the way I feel right now. Love you all, Kitty

Thanks for the wonderful words of support. You are such amazing people. You never fail to lift my spirits. I'm living through the chaotic planning, planning, planning of the funeral right now. I've been forgetting days, words, where I've put things, etc. Plus, the move that my husband and I are making into our new home makes me feel all the more unsteady. I'm trying to eat, but have little appetite. I also think I'm getting decent hours of sleep, yet I'm still sleepy all the time. The greatest thing though, of course, is the never-ending sorrow that does not seem to go away. Maybe for little peaks of time, but I sure would give anything for my daddy to be sitting accross from me over on the couch right now. Still just doesn't seem possible. Love and lots of appreciation, Kitty

i really don't have the energy to post a long note after the day i've had. i feel so completely empty. daddy passed at 12:40pm, and i'm desperately depressed. i don't know how to go on, but i know that i will because people do-- all the time. boy does this hurt .

thank you all soooo much! your input means the world to me right now. we're continuing to spend time with my dad. i've kissed him, hugged him, and told him how much i love him more than i think i ever have in my life. okay-- here come those darn tears again Lots of Love to you all, XOXOX Kitty

thank you all so much for your responses. they mean so much to me at this extremely difficult time. cary, i totally appreciate your input. unfortunately, my dad has an advance spread of cancer in his abdomen as well. the doctors seem to think that the radiosurgery could possibly do more damage than good at this time, and that it would only prolong his life for a fairly short amount of time before he would succomb anyway to this dreadful disease. family has been in and out today to see him and say their goodbyes. he is still opening his eyes, but has very few words. i'm just so sad...

well today was the day my dad was supposed to get the radiosurgery. last night, however, after a family meeting with the doctors about my dad's steady declining health-- he's starting to have mini-strokes, it was decided not to go any further. we also decided on a no-resuscitation approach, so, he's basically in hospice care at this point. i'm still in a state a disbelief. we all cried off and on last night. i'm so overwhelmed that i'm not sure i've completely taken it ALL in yet, even though i've had a number of really big break downs. absolutely nothing prepares you for this!! thanks for being here and being su extremely supportive you guys! Love to all of you, Kitty

My dad's scheduled for radiosurgery for tumor in his brain this Thursday (tomorrow- yikes!). Just wondering if anyone here could tell my about their experiences (or their loved ones experiences) with it. He's on 4 mg of decadron, every six hours. I don't know how long this will be for-- probably for some time after the surgery... ... Thanks Kitty

Thanks for the replys everyone. Peggy, my dad is 71-years-old, and has generally been in good health his whole life. He did smoke for many years, and he's always been a slim guy, so the chemo and radiation have always done a number on him. He doesn't have a lot of room to lose weight, but he still loses 15 to 20 pounds when he goes into the hospital. And it's so hard to get anyone in the hospital to see him for physical therapy. By the time they do, he's back to square one-- where he's barely able to stand (which is about where he is right now- again!) . We will talk with my dad about what he wants to do. I'm so happy that my brother from the east coast is coming out today to be with him (and us) before and after the surgery. That's about all I can think of now. I'm so stressed. Not only am I going through this with dad but, my husband and I just bought a house, I'm waiting for a big job interview, and I'm having some health problems myself. Oye! I guess when it rains, it pours . Thanks again everyone. Love, Kitty

well, i'm pretty spaced out right now. i think i'm slightly in shock. dad went into the hospital on friday for a number of tests. he was having pain in his upper right abdomen and was also acting very confused. to make a long story short. we found out today from the doctor that he has a tumor in his brain. he will get radiosurgery (something like that) on thursday. the doctor actually spoke with my mom, and she called me and my husband to relay the information, so she was a little foggy herself (i know she's having a hard time with this as well). she said the doctor told her to seriously think about whether or not we want to continue on with further treatments, after thursday, or just do our best to make sure my dad is comfortable. in other words-- HOSPICE! i don't know what to think or do. my dad is very lucid now that he's been in the hospital and receiving care. he still has some strength, and has always responded well to physical therapy. i just don't know what to make of this doctor suggesting that it might be time to let him go. i need some words of wisdom folks! i've always found them here, so write away! thanks so much-- i truly appreciate your thoughts and prayers. kitty

During my father's chemo sessions, which were once a week, he had to take two decadrons (don't know the mg) the day before chemo, he got it in his IV during chemo, and then two the day after. Didn't really notice any changes in his mood or personality. He was put on Prednisone for an extended amount of time though. Has anyone had any experience with this steroid? He seems a bit depressed (but that could be from a number of things, I guess ). Also, when you get off of a steroid, and he was slowly weaned off of the Prednisone (he's off of it now), do you feel more tired than usual? He seems to be tiring a bit more lately. Thanks. Kitty

Hello, Haven't posted for a while in here. My dad is doing well. Finished with chemo and radiation (for now anyway ), and using alternative medicine to help rebuild his system. Something that the alternative doctor mentioned was Live Cell Therapy to help heal his lungs. Has anyone here heard of or tried this and if so, what was your experience like? Thanks a lot. Kitty

Thanks for the link. It made me all the more confident to go forward with the acupuncture. After I gave my dad some information to read on it last night, he became more gung-ho about it too, and he's a "traditional path" kind of guy. Kitty

Does anyone know if acupuncture can help with muscle stimulation? My dad's been thinking about using it with his physical therapy. Thanks. Kitty

Just wondering if anyone has heard anymore about the grapeseed extracts? I've now started my dad on them and am hoping for the best. Thanks. Kitty

thanks for the reply. by the way, what are ABH tablets? kitty

*I posted this message on the General board. Thought I might post it here as well. Thanks for your help guys! Hi all, I haven't posted on the boards in quite some time now. My dad has been in the hospital twice in the last month, mostly for severe enemia which caused serious weakness. He's back at home now, and is getting a bit stronger, but there's is one thing that's holding him back-- even making him weak, and that's stomach spasms. He has such a persistent case. We've been trying Baclofen, Reglan, and even Thorazine. The meds seem to help for a while-- especially if they are new to him, but then after a day or so, the spasms are back pretty darn regular again. This is affecting his sleep, his eating, his strength, even his emotions. Just this morning he said to my mom, "I've was such a good athelete in my lifetime, and now these hiccups and spasms are going to take me out!" My mom had to go into the other room to cry. She's so distressed, as we all are! The spasms are definitely making him weak again. He was getting stronger everyday, but I think he's slipping back. Does anyone have experience with this or have any suggestions? We're at our wits end over here!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Kitty

Hi all, I haven't posted on the boards in quite some time now. My dad has been in the hospital twice in the last month, mostly for severe enemia which caused serious weakness. He's back at home now, and is getting a bit stronger, but there's is one thing that's holding him back-- even making him weak, and that's stomach spasms. He has such a persistent case. We've been trying Baclofen, Reglan, and even Thorazine. The meds seem to help for a while-- especially if they are new to him, but then after a day or so, the spasms are back pretty darn regular again. This is affecting his sleep, his eating, his strength, even his emotions. Just this morning he said to my mom, "I've was such a good athelete in my lifetime, and now these hiccups and spasms are going to take me out!" My mom had to go into the other room to cry. She's so distressed, as we all are! The spasms are definitely making him weak again. He was getting stronger everyday, but I think he's slipping back. Does anyone have experience with this or have any suggestions? We're at our wits end over here!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Kitty

I will let you know how it goes. Thanks for your support Natalie, and let us know how the scan comes out. I'm praying for great results for your mom. Whatever the results of tests and talks, we all know we have such wonderful people here to turn to in times of joy and despair. I love the comfort. Kitty

Hi Stephanie, Thanks for asking. Actually the talk has been put off until this Thursday after his appointment with the oncologist. My mom, husband, and I WILL make it happen this time. He had gone in for his 4th treatment of Gemzar, but his red and white blood cell counts were extremely low. So, the lab techs gave him a booster shot and told him to stay home and away from people for at least 48 hours. (I don't know why he was scheduled for a 4th session anyway. We were told that usually 3 is the most people can take before their immune system is seriously affected. Ah, it's this crazy kinda stuff that keeps me insane ). Anyway, he did as he was told, and then went in to work on Saturday night, only to be around a co-worker with a vicious coughing/ sneezing cold. Of course, he now has that cold! So he's been in bed all day. He's not going in tonight. He is feeling better though. Thursday, mom is going with him to the oncologist. We've decided that this may work a little better with him. Then afterwards, we'll all sit down with the facts. So, wish me luck! Kitty