marylou

Lilyjohn, Thank you for your response. I am so sorry you have been through so much in your life. I know it is normal to feel so bad about my Mom, but I just can't imagine what you have been thru with all your losses and your regrets in not knowing your Mom better. Maybe you will know her better by looking at yourself? I can see so much of my Mom in me. Sometimes I feel like i am her we are so alike. I know I look just like her. I hope things get better for you. Thank you again for taking the time to respond. Michelle

Hi. My Mom passed on Nov 28, 03. I think I must have been numb or something right after she left becase now it hurts so much more. Almost every single morning I cry when I go to work and then when I come home I am just so tired I can't do anything. Not eat or clean or return calls from friends. My Mom lived next door to me and she was my best friend. We had so much fun together. I talked to her every day. This month it started to hit me how lonely it is without my Mom to talk to everyday and to run next door for nothing at all, just to say hi. I know it is the order of things for our parents to go before their kids, but I just cant get the visuals out of my head of her at the end and how much she had changed. I found a video of her on her birthday last year that i had never veiwed. I found it on Christmas Eve and it was the best present I ever had, to see her and hear her voice again when she was healthy. She was laughing and making jokes. The true meaning of bittersweet. Is it normal to feel so tired do you think? While I was taking care of my Mom, I had a friend stay at my house to take care of my dog while I was gone and when I got home he was very sick. The vet says he has cancer of his adrenal gland (cushings disease). I know he is just a dog but I love him and he is all I have at home how. My son is away at college and his father died 2 years ago, it is like everything bad is happening at once. When does it end and do you ever feel "normal" again? Thanks for listening. It helps to be able to read all your posts. Somehow it just makes me feel closer to my Mom by coming to this site and reading.

Tia, i am sorry to hear that your Mom is not doing so well. Please tell her we are thinking and praying for her. Does she have access to a lap top or is the compuer close enough so you can read posts to her? I know this is tough for you too. Take care of yourself as well. Night Michelle

Dear Dean, I loved your post and instantly liked you!!!!!

Dear Sammy, I posted my other reply to you before reading all the other responses. After reading them I see that what I write should not upset anyone as a lot of it is already posted. Of course each person is different. My Mom passed over Nov 28, 2003. She was 76 yrs old and was never sick before she was diagnosised with LC in Feb 03. She was not on meds or anything before she was diag w LC. My Mom was an extremly strong person right up to the end. In Oct my Mom was hospitalized with pnenomia. While in hosp we were told that she only had 2 -3 months (it turned out she only had a month left). Anyway, we were all very scared about what she would go through until a wonderful nurse named Greg talked to both my Mom and I and explained what she would go thru. He said that as her body started to shut down her oxygen and carbon minoxide levels would change. due to having more carbon minoxide than oxygen it would cause her to go in and out of conciousness (please excuse my spelling) - or in and out of a sleep like state (Hospice book explained it as going to and from the other side and after seeing all I saw, i truly believe that. He told us that most patients told him of lovely images that had while in that state, of seeing predeceased loved ones, angels and even Jesus. He said while the body was shutting down she would lose her appetite, meats and vegatables are the first to be avoided, and then other things (Hospice book explained it as she was going to and from worlds and her body did not need the nourisment as her soul did not need food). She did and got down to almost 1/2 her body weight. Hospice book said she would start picking at her clothes (she did) and said it was because she leaving this place for the other side and was shedding earthly trappings) Towards the end about all she would eat was orange sherbert. She did become very weak and had to use a walker about 3 weeks prior to passing, and then a wheelchair and then we carried her to the bathroom as she did not want to use the commode hospice provided in her room. The Sunday before she passed she had more energy and we were able to take her to the pond down the street in her wheelchair and portable oxygen. Hospice came in 3 times a week to bath her. Even though we could have done this, she really enjoyed the woman who came in as she made her laugh a lot. My Mom was not a very religious person but while in the hosp in Oct she spoke to a minister and accepted Christ. After that she was so at peace. She had been having panic attacks and had to take pills and pills to sleep. after that she told me God gave her peace and she was no longer afraid and she no longer need the anxiety pills. Also, the Nurse, Gregg, told me that most people think that the noise in their chests "death rattle" means they are drowing and he said that was not true at all. If you scroll down to the topic "we lost our mom yesterday" by marylou in late Nov or early Dec I describe things my Mom expereinced that gave me a lot of peace. Sammy, I won't lie to you and tell you that it was not as bad as I thought, because it was the worst thing I have ever lived through watching my Mom go through all that, losing so much weight, not eating, not drinking, and all the rest. But, I really believe it was harder for us to watch than it was for her. A couple of days before she passed, I knew her time was close and I think I went outside every 15 min to cry. It is very hard on us, the loved ones. My Mom would smile so big when I came back into the room. She would pull me down to her with my head on her chest and stoke my hair. I am so thankful she did that. God, she was so brave. Hospice was wonderful with keeping my Mom out of pain. They gave her pain patches and she said she really was not in pain. She did have to take a lot of medicine the last month or so. A few days before she passed over when she had stopped eating and we were having a hard time getting her to drink I asked the nurse if she had to take any more the hated medince and she told me no. She still had the pain patch to control her discomfort. The nice thing about the pain patches is that they did not knock her out or diminish her thinking in anyway. My Mom had the "death rattle" for about 2 days before she passed. The day before she had quit eating or drinking completley. I gave her ice chips, squeezed water from wash rags into her mouth. (we needed the mouth swabs to swap liquid in her mouth - but as it was thanksgiving we could not find a place open). My Mom told me she saw her Mother and her Father. I saw her lift her arms up and bring them down and around as if hugging someone. I had an airmattress and I slept in the room by her bed. The morning after Thanksgiving I got up around 6:30 - 7:00 and saw that my Mom had turned sideways in her bed. i picked her up and turned her around (she was only around 60 lbs by this time). I asked her if she was thiristy, I think she nodded yes - I'm not sure, because i tried to squeeze some water into her mouth. She did not speak that morning. I saw that her breathing was different and she had not opened her eyes so I just sat there holding her hand. Her breathing started to slow down and then it came in short little puffs. She stopped breathing for a second and then took a couple of last breaths and just stopped. She was not in any pain. I left the room to get my brother and sister and when I came back I saw that she was smiling. It was and is the hardest thing I ever went thru. I hated what this did to her, taking away her independence, all the weight loss. But, she really was at peace with it. She had some discomfort and it upset her to be so dependent upon us for everything, but i truly never saw her in extreme pain. The book from Hospice really was a Godsend. By that book we knew what to expect, we understood things she did that otherwise would have torn us up, and it also allowed us to know what she was going thru and it was not so scary that way and the book was extremly accurate with time frames on what we saw and at point she was at. The Nurse came every 3 days and as her time drew nearer she came more often. The day before Thanksgiving she told me that it was a matter of hours or just a day or two, so I was able to call all the family in to see her. I know I still have the book, I am not sure where because I still have not had the energy to go thru things and put things away, but if you would like one, please email me your address and i will order one to be mailed to you. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. Michelle

If you would please email me directly I will share with you what my Mother went through. Also, we had Lutheran Hospice and they gave us a booklet that gave us detailed information on what to expect and when to expect it and it was pretty on the mark. The only reason I am not writing now on what to expect (and each person is different) is because some people may not want to read that particular information. my email is michelle@mhallrealty.com please put in subject line that this is regarding lung cancer so I don't delete it. God Bless You and your family.

Hi. My Mom also became depressed and I spoke to her Dr about it and he put on antidepressants and anxiety meds. Her depression did not last long. Sometimes it helps to not say anything, my Mom just enjoyed it if I would lay around and just be there being quiet. Just knowing someone is there helps. Other times I encourged to talk about it, or to get angry to yell. She never did, but I would have. Anything that goes on with your Mom you should call her dr and/or his nurses. My mom's oncologists nurses were the best and were always always there for me no matter how many times I called them or went to see them. Good Bless you sweetheart and your Mom. Good Luck

My Mom received catalogs from the Cancer Institute that she went to. She bought a couple from TLC. They were decently priced. The wig she liked the most was the one we went and got before her hair fell out so we could match the color and style. My Mom also bought a sleep cap from TLC and that was a the best purchase for her. Her head got so cold when her hair fell out. Good luck to your Mom and your family. Michelle

Thank you for your responses. I haven't been able to cry. I promised my Mom I would be okay so she wouldn't worry. I have needed to cry so much and finally reading your responses have let me cry. Thank you all so much. Michelle Monroe, Lexington, South Carolina

Jennifer, do you have a minister that could perhaps contact your sister and hopefully get her to understand the need to pull together? Does your father have any friends who could stay with him or help dive, cook, etc? If he goes to church or a church someone in your family is a member of would probably have a lot of people to help out. Contact a counsler from the hospital, or hospice for advice. My Mom was 76 when she started chemo and radiation and it is very tough and he will need help. There is no way my mom could have done it without me. You have to take care of your baby and this is going to be real tough on you, physically, emotionally. Maybe some of the above suggestions will help you? take care.

My mom passed over yesterday, 11-28 at 7:30 am. I was holding her hand. It just hurts so much. My Mom saw her Mother and her Father. My Mom kept reaching and I would ask her what she was reaching for, she keep telling me she did not know. But one day last week so told me she was reaching for her mother. I asked her if she had seen her and she said yes. Several days after that my bother and I were holding her hand and she pulled away from my brother and pointed straight ahead. I asked her what she saw and she said her father. My brother asked her again and she gave the same answer. Several times when she was somewhere else by the look of her eyes, she would nod or move her lips. One time she was moving her hands as if counting people. The day before she passed over she raised her hands above her head and brought them down and around like she was hugging someone. I have no doubt there is an after life and she is in heaven. God Bless my wonder Mother, Mary Lou Monroe. I love her with all my heart. Her daugher, Michelle Monroe

My mom passed over yesterday, 11-28 at 7:30 am. I was holding her hand. I know what you are going through. It just hurts so much, doesnt it? I am so sorry. My Mom saw her Mother and her Father. Did your Mother have these experiences? My Mom kept reaching and I would ask her what she was reaching for, she keep telling me she did not know. But one day last week so told me she was reaching for her mother. I asked her if she had seen her and she said yes. Several days after that my bother and I were holding her hand and she pulled away from my brother and pointed straight ahead. I asked her what she saw and she said her father. My brother asked her again and she gave the same answer. Several times when she was somewhere else by the look of her eyes she would nod or move her lips. The day before she passed over she raised her hands above her head and brought them down and around like she was hugging someone. I hope you saw the same type things. I have no doubt there is an after life and she is in heaven. God Bless you and your family. Michelle Monroe

Hi. I think I told all of you about my Mom and the shape she is in now. She has pnemonia in both lungs, fluid around her heart , the oncologist and lung dr said the tumor is taking up most of her left lung now and has paralized her vocal cords so she cannot talk. My mom is 76, but a very young 76. She is amazing. She was diagnoised in Feb 03. Had radiation every day for 8 weeks and did chemo one day a week. She was in hosp three times for pnemonia (sp?) during that time. She went from 120 to 93 lbs. The PET scan after her treatments ended showed hot spots for cancer. Even after all of this she went back to work that she had to drive 30 miles one way. She is 76 and did this, not because she had to but because she wanted to. I love her so much. Oncologist now wants to do a stronger chemo, he said it will not prolong her life, but will help her to breathe easier. Lung dr wants to run a tube thru her mouth into lung and do a 4 hr radiaiton treatment to burn some of it away to help her breathe. Surgeon may want to drain fluid from her heart on Fri. What do all of you think? I am afraid she is too weak for all of this. She wants to do the chemo. She wants to fight. I just am not sure that if she only has a little time left that she should do all these things that make her so miserable. I told her it is her choice, I can't possibly decide for her. I hope she gets a miracle. She is one strong woman. I just love her.

I don't think you should feel guilty at all. You are right to be happy to your Mom is alive. My Mom is extremly sick now and in the hospital. Dr told me her time is very short. When I am at the hospital I try to be upbeat for her but have a very hard time because I am so sad that she is in such distress. My sister is much more upbeat and can sit and talk about regular things and life and it does my Mom so much good. Who want doom and gloom? My Mom also does not want to know anymore bad news. I am okay with this because I don't want her to give up. She knows how bad she feels and I think she is begining to accept what is in the near future. I think we are all equiped to deal with things that we don't want to deal with. We may be shocked, scared, cry and fight it, but in the end we all deal with what we need to. Good luck to you and your family. Keep the faith, and stay has happy as you can with your Mom. Every minute is special.

my Mom has been off chemo and radiation since May . What info do they have that chemo makes tumors grow? what is the alternative? Thanks for your response and I hope your new doctor helps you. Michelle