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hollyridge

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Posts posted by hollyridge

  1. I am impressed by your strength and your optimism. It has to be vry hard doing this on your own. The month after Bill died I changed our bedroom to pink. It was a little radical but it seemed to help knowing I was at least trying to take care of me. It is kkind of a realization that you HAVE to be the one to take care of you,. Enjoy your new house and know that David is with you everywhere you go.

    God bless

  2. I am so very sorry to hear this sad news. I will pray that you have the strength to get through this. I lost my 57 year old husband just 16 months ago and I feel your pain deeply. God bless you and please remember you can PM me anytime you need someone to cry with.

    Colleen

  3. The reason no one acknowledges Lung Cancer in November is because it is the one cancer that often gets blamed on the patient. If you tell someone you have lung cancer most of the time the first question they ask is "do you smoke?" If you ever smoked in your life and you admit it then they just assume you are responsibloe for your illness. It's disgusting.

  4. Lillian, I am so sorry for your pain and loss and I completely understand. You are right about losing the dreams. that will never be recovered but someday with God's help maybe we will have different dreams fo our own.

    Peace be with you. . .

    Colleen

  5. Thank you everyone for your sweet thoughts and advice. I AM definately having the tape transferred to a disk to safeguard it.

    It the tape Bill addresses each child and each grandchild individually and tells them how special they are and how much he loves them. He speaks to me as if he were still sitting here. He tells me how much he loves me and to not be afraid if the "worst" happens but most importantly he tells me very pointedly that he will NEVER leave me. That part makes me feel so good because I believe that. He asks me not to be sad but to cherish life and know that he is here with me.

    He was/is an extremely special man with the ability to love and express that love easily. I will never recover from this but with his help maybe I can hang on until it is time to join him in paradise.

  6. I made a discovery a little bit ago that has me absolutely reeling. My dear sweet husband Bill who died on February 26th of this year left me a video tape and did not tell me where to find it. I decided I would finally look at a couple of old tapes from our vacations or christmas and I pulled out three of them from the shelf behind the bar where they have been kept for years and next to one of them was an un-labeled video tape. It just said BILL, DAD, GRANDPA on it on a post-it note. I brought it upstairs and decided to see what it was in order to label it properly and almost passed out when I saw it was Bill, outside on our deck, facing the camera, and giving a lengthy narrative telling me and our three children and our four grandchildren goodbye. He made the tape in secret over two years ago and never told me that it existed or where to find it. I cannot imagine how he thought I would find it. It was not in any special place. It was just sitting among the other videos. I am still in shock. I feel so honored that he did this but I am still confused as to why the secret. I miss him so much it makes me sick. When he died 6 months ago I was only 49 years old. Now I am 50 and alone and I need him so badly. I am desparate to see him and hold him and smell him. I have only watched the video twice because I get so upset by it. I need to get some help to figure this out. My heart is destroyed and my life is over and I need to be with my Bill.

  7. OK, I hope this qualifies as good news. . .first, I too belong to that club that no one wants to belong to. I lost my sweet Bill just 6 months ago. About one month after his death I was checking the boards and noticed a new posting from a woman also in my state (Illinois) whose husband was 57 years old, the same as Bill, and had the exact same cancer, and died on the exact same day this year. I quickly sent her a PM and told her about myself and about Bill and invited her to PM me back if she wanted to "talk". We began to email each other and then after a few weeks excahnged phone numbers and talked on the phone a couple of times and then we decided to meet. We had dinner together near her home (which is about three hours from here) and we hit it off right away. We talked until we were almost asked to leave the restaurant and continued to communicate all of these months. This weekend she accepted my invitation to come here and stay with me for a couple of days. We had a ball! We went to a local Erin Feis (we are both very Irish) and we shopped and we went out for dinner and she met my family and we went to church together and we watched videos of Bill and we really got to know each other well. It was a great weekend and it is a new and preciously special friendship and it all started right here on the Lung cancer site. I am grateful for her friendship and understanding and her laughter and the ability to share so much. I am grateful also to this board for giving us this opportunity to reach out to each other. So, yes, I am a six month member of the club that no one wants to belong to and that you were just forced to join but keep coming here and keep communicating and we will all keep supporting you.

    Famous last words for tonight. . .PM me if you want to "talk".

    God bless,

    Colleen

    WHY?

    "THE" question! How we all yearn for the answer. Isn't that what causes us to act "good" instead of eveil? We want to get to our final reward or destination or state of being or heaven and "know" everything. It is a tortuous question and a sublime answer that no one has in certainty but everyone holds in hope of "knowing" the answer.

    I have exhausted myself for months since my husband's death. I needed to know all of the answers so I could find peace. I have stressed and cried and wandered off the path many times in the past six months and I found some peace in my prayer time only. I discovered that I was mediating rather than meditating. I have decided to give myself some peace rather than continuing this futile search. What is my peace? To know that on the same day I get those answers I will also be reunited with my one love who is waiting for me.

    I continue to pray so the created peace lingers just a while longer.

  8. I am so sorry for your loss. I really am. I hate this disease and what it brings. I hate that it robs people of the love they so desperately need. My husband died just 4 months ago. He fought as hard as he could but lost the battle after 22 months. I know exactly what you are saying about preparing things and managing things. It seems ridiculous to be efficient at a time like this but something inside you wants to make sure the funeral is as perfect as they were. Grace is what keeps us going and shock is the human side of your energy right now. Please take care of your self and Alex and know that I am here. We are all here for you if you need us. Just ask.

  9. What an amazing inspiration your mom was for you and now that you have shared her story we all can benefit from her strength and courage. God bless you for taking such wonderful care of her. I will pray for your peace.

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