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Linda74

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Posts posted by Linda74

  1. Michelle, see if Hospice offers a 7 week program for the newly bereaved. That is what I attended. I also found a widow group on Meetup.com.....I don't know your age, but our AARP has a widow group as well that meets every two weeks. Many churches offer 8 week programs. I don't know where you live but would be happy to search for you.....

    As Lily said, be careful with the meds. Do try to eat. Even if just for your son. He is worried about you as we all are. And if you can't get some Ensures or something.....you need nourishment. Grieving takes a lot of energy. I lost quite a bit of weight initially during my husband's illness and death.....but it found me again:) Keep posting we care and want to help you..... No one needs to walk this path alone....

  2. Michelle, I just read your post. My husband passed Dec. 30, 2008 so I am ten months into this. Firstly, let me offer my deepest sympathy. There really are no words that can express my condolences. Those who are "walking the walk" know how painful this is. Hold on, Honey. Someone on this board recommended the Widownet site....www.widownet.org and it has been a life saver to me.....

    I attended the Hospice bereavement group and it was very beneficial....no men prowling..... And after all of the meetings, we have decided to meet once a month for dinner. We formed an incredible bond....a variety of ages, circumstances,....Do it, it will be worthwhile.

    You are able to express yourself and that will help you on this journey you never signed up for.......reach out....you have a community of friends here who get it, care and want to help....

    God Bless you......

  3. Lily, thank you for taking the time to write your lovely post. My husband passed away on Dec. 30 of 2008, merely 4 months after diagnosis....far too young. I continue to mourn the loss of him and the loss of our future. I look to strong women like you who have walked the walked and survived this devastation. I post a lot on the Widownet forum....www.widownet.org It is very helpful.

    thanks to you, dear lady. You are giving back....

  4. I am so sorry. This is a difficult journey. My husband passed on Dec. 30, four months after diagnosis. I get a lot of comfort visiting an posting on the widownet site. www.widownet.org

    At least, you will be among many who understand whtat this is all about as people do here....

  5. It will soon be 8 months since my wonderful husband succumbed to this insidious disease....4 months from diagnosis. Today, in cleaning out a drawer, I found the report from his first catscan.....which was compared to the x-ray taken in the hospital 3 weeks before. I guess during the last 8 months I have replayed over and over, what if....you know what if he checked this out or that out....he did complain a year earlier of pain in his sides but the doctor dismissed it as muscle strain....and then almost two months were wasted with a faulty diagnosis of sciatica...anyway as I read that report, I realized that that awful beast was ravaging his body and had spread everywhere..and there was no chance......it was unbeatable. I haven't been here in a while and it just pains me to see all of the new postings.....It is encouraging to read the stories of those who have survived but so damned discouraging to hear so little about this disease in the news and know how much it has to be stopped....anyway, just ranting I guess...it will soon be one year from the day of diagnosis, the day our lives changed forever....I am trying to crawl out of the abyss. His passing was much too soon....we had so much more to do together...

    For spouses grieveing, I highly recommend the widownet board..

    www.widownet.org

    It has been a lifesaver for me.

    Thanks to all of you for being here. I know what a comfort this board was especially at 3AM when I could not sleep.

  6. You are a brave lady....keep fighting....you are in my prayers....many people have had great luck with Alimta....my husband had it but his cancer progressed really rapidly...he was stage IV to begin with mets in the brain, bones, etc. etc....he initially had a good response to the Alimta..

    God Bless...there are many survivors on this board....who will tell how they beat the odds.....

  7. You are so new to this. We had four months from my 62 year old husband's diagnosis til death. That was five months ago and it has been a kind of grief rollercoaster for my kids and myself. Reach out to all you can and take care of yourself. Unfortunately, after a month or so, many people think you are over it..and of course you are not..grief is not linear, but try to let your memories comfort you....and come here often....we are here for you

  8. On Dec. 30, my wonderful husband, Jim, succumbed to lung cancer after a 4 month battle with the beast. I was with him throughout in and out of the hospital. He was able to die at home with Hospice care the last night. I miss him so much. From the point of diagnosis, he never had a chance. He was stage 4...had been indestructable or so I though....strong, athletic, loving life ...and then the beast got him. Only a brief smoking history 34 years ago. Now that the memories of the illness are fading, I am waking up in disbelief that it has all occured. I have joined widow support groups and have begun to volunteer tutoring kids at a homeless shelter but nothing can begin to address the profound sorrow and sense of loss in my heart. My grown kids and friends just cannot fill the void he left. He was my best friend and number one supporter and I am truly lost without him. My bright future seems gone. I know that others are so much worse off than me and I need to be thankful for my blessings but I do feel so sad that none of the treatments gave him even one good day. He suffered from the point of misdiagnosis to diagnosis and took it all with never a complaint or a "why me?" He fought the best he could til the end, and remained so stoic. He spent his life exercising and eating properly....and he died far too young....Thanks for listening.

  9. I am so sorry for your loss. He put up a valiant fight but the beast won. Widowhood is a painful journey. I am one month ahead of you and can say just be kind to yourself every day.

  10. My husband's cancer spread so fast and he had so many complications that he only got 4 rounds of Alimta/carbo. In the hospital, when the cancer was advancing rapidly, they began Tarceva, but he only had it for 6 days until I took him off of it because he had such shortness of breath and had deteriorated so fast, that I felt if Tarceva was a drug to stabilize him, he was no longer at a point where being stabile would mean quality of life. Teardrop, it is a difficult question. I think when you see your sister, you will better be able to judge what is right. In the end, it is her decision but perhaps having people there who love her will bring out the "fight" in her. I know that is what urged my husband to fight.

  11. My husband's pain became very acute and they had pain management people increase his fentanyl patch and give him dilaudid and later morphine. Xanax also helped as he became very anxious. Hospice was wonderful at helping us with the whole process and even now that he is gone offering grief support. She should not be in pain....and despite enough pain medicine to keep an elephant down, my husband was coherent right up until he was actively dying. God Bless You and come here often....you will be taken care of.

  12. As others have said, there is no telling what will happen. I personally, did not see it coming so fast with my husband, even when the doctor mentioned two weeks, I did not hear it. Enjoy your visit, make some memories and be sure to say the things you want to say to him. Be there for your mom, she needs you so much on this journey. Only God knows when the time is up.

    Hugs and prayers are being sent to you.

  13. Bries,

    I think when they reject the food because they just can't eat, it makes us feel so helpless, like we are failing them. Go easy on your Dad. Try to supplement the Ensures or just get down what he can eat. I do regret pestering my husband so much about his caloric intake...he lost 50 pounds in two months and was only 165 to begin with...He wanted to eat, but could not. It sounds like your Dad's weight is much more stable. I also found, that if I held back, in his own time he might ask for an Ensure.

    God Bless you both!!

  14. My husband had stage IV with mets to brain, spine, ribs and adrenal glands. His only treatment was Alimta/carbo and from the get go he had no appetite. I think his cancer was ravaging his body so rapidly that although the Alimta did reduce some tumors, in the end the cancer took him.....Four months from diagnosis til death at 62....and the picture of health before diagnosis or so we thought. He only had nausea once during his four treatments but I think he was an unusual case. He had pulmonary embolisms, developed steroid induced diabetes...you name it....

    I do believe it is highly likely the Alimta is causing the appetite problems, unless his doctor believes the cancer is advancing.

    Ensure was a Godsend.....He had about three per day...for the last two months and not much else....

    We also made milkshakes and I put protein powder and heavy cream in them to increase the calories.....

    Best wishes...I am so sorry you have to be here. I know how this horrible disease has affected our lives......don't give up hope.....and keep posting

  15. I am so sorry you had to find this site. It is so difficult. there are wonderful people on this board who will be a source of comfort to you. The first few days are paralyzing. You are her cheerleader. My husband passed away three weeks ago from this dread disease. His was so far advanced when diagnosed so I don't want you to think that will be the case with your mom. I can tell you that our children have and continue to be such a source of comfort for the two of us. Crying in the shower is a good thing...I still do it...and the house is empty!!! Just take it one day at a time...pray a lot and feel God's presence in your journey.

    Hugs and prayers are being sent your way...

  16. I have been doing it all because it is truly an honor and perhaps the last gift I can give him. He is such a gentle soul.....my best friend.....I will look into daily help and now accept more from our kids and their spouses....who have been wonderful but live too far away to be there during the work week......this is such an insidious disease and I am forever changed by reading the forum and posts by so many courageous people, fighting the fight of their lives and maintaining a positive attitude. If my husband does not make it, I will feel that we have tried all options presented and be thankful that we have had the time together, even here in the hospital, to be close . You know, the past two years, we traveled the world upon retirement and kind of did the bucket list....not knowing the beast that was awaiting....but the time we have spent fighting this dreaded disease has been so poignant and brought our souls even closer together. For sure, every hour is a gift.

  17. Have been in Yale New Haven Hospital since last Tuesday with my husband (62 years old, stage 4, Adenocarcinoma with Mets to the brain, ribs, spine, adrenal glands, lymph nodes, etc. etc. He had four treatments of carbo/alimta...after the first two treatments there was good progress, but the scans this week have shown that the cancer has returned aggressively...a new lesion in the brain, growing in the bones and lungs and a part of the lung has collapsed. At this point he is bed ridden on and on fentanyl and dilaudid for pain. He has had pulmonary embolisms, had a filter put in, was on Lovenox, but with the new brain tumor, they are taking him off of the Lovenox. They have also just informed me he has a staph infection in the blood... Anyway, the oncologist offered Tarceva as a last effort. He was diagnosed right before our daughter's wedding in October (but was able to attend and walk her down the aisle) and now has deteriorated right before the holidays. I hope we are doing the right thing by starting the Tarceva. Dr. West on the other board thought it worth it...and my husband who loves life and his family will try anything. I guess I am just rambling, but I did want to update everyone. I have a lot of time on my hands sleeping on a cot here with him in the hospital.. I hope I can get him home for Christmas and continue to give him the care he deserves. He is bedridden at this point.....so lots of care needed. Up til now, I have done it all but have to admit I may now need some help.....

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