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MartaO

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  1. MartaO

    paint it black

    Hello- I've been coming here from the day my mother was diagnosed April 29th to now. She died on August 22nd at a very young 82. She was my grandmother who legally adopted me. I feel like I have constant PMS, as if everybody is annoying me and I'm the only sane one. I know that I need time to feel all of my emotions, cry and also know that someday it will be easier but noone will ever be my mom and I feel like a sad little orphan. I have always been optimistic and bright and cheery (the second graders in my class probably see that even now) but it seems I'm not looking forward to much of anything. My husband is awesome but if he grumbles about the slightest thing like "Why didn't you ask me to get that before I sat down" I cry and think my mom would never complain about giving anything ever. I will never have anyone love me so completely ever. I think it's just hitting me now because I was running for so long (the hospitals, research etc. you all know). I also put on so much weight during this time that I feel physically bleh. I'm so sad, please tell me it will pass, please.
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