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Gay

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  1. Hi Friends, I read Dean's post about our 20th. I am a lucky lady. In Oct; during the prelimary diagnosis date I go by of 10/3/03 (and then test upon test - plus "The So. CA Fire" we survived - it gave us a week off from tests) I had no idea that Dean's Cancer was incurable and might not live to celebrate our 20 years together. He/I/We made it!!! We really "went for the gold" - On Collectables.com they have a Thomas Kindkade Lamplight Lane Clock with real gold trim - made of porcelin and ceramic - really soothing paintings on it. It's a Bradford limited Ed Clock; so it's an "investment"; but more important is it's sentimental value. To us; it's "time" in our "nest" painted in peace & tranquility. At the Restaurant - we went "all out" - Dean getting the House cut of Prime Rib (18oz) and I had a smaller Prime Rib, but "went for" the "combo" and got a 1/2 Lobster tail, too. Really sweet waitress - knew when "not to interupt". Really good food and all in all a wonderful time. (Since Dean's "energy window" is getting smaller and the digital camera wasn't set up; plus our neighbor wasn't home - sometime soon we'll recreate our playing "dress up" for our "date" and pose (takes energy) and recreate "the look" of our 20th Anniversary. I don't post much. I'm sorta the "back-up" support plus have many medical needs that I am proud to say I can now take care of by myself = less stress on Dean and us as a couple. We're a real "couple" - a Recovering Alcoholic (Dean will have 25 years of Sobriety on Nov 22, 2004) and a Recovering "Nut" (More than crazy times then doing ok for 20 years+; major setback two years ago - but am now "back" and "doing life" and then some). When it comes to problems; Dean uses a "sledge hammer" approach and see what "flies" - I "tap, tap, tap" away - somehow; between us; we have survived a real rollercoaster life together. We compliment each other and some people comment on our "politeness" and "respect" for each other after all these years. We decided to be "us" - going into our relationship with open and honest communication of our needs, individual needs and a shared outlook on life. I love Dean with all my heart and soul. He is my best friend, too. Thanks to all for the "Congrats"- May you experience the "treasure" of a "love" I've felt all of these years. We've lived a simple life together - but a real rollercoaster of a life at the same time. (Cheesecake at home after the "out to dinner" and I got The Lord of the Dance Video - as we've had a fast paced dance through life thus far). Also; Thanks for all of your support for Dean and me. It seems that Finally "things" are in place and "life" will slow down for us a bit. We're hanging in here. 20 years = WOW!!! (And I was able to pass the Biology class where we met - thanks to Dean - also thanks to Dean for hanging around and loving me). Gay .
  2. Hi Andrea, Remember you are human with true emotions that will find an outlet - go ahead and cry. I am the Chief "emotion stuffer" around here and the more I "stuff stuff"; the longer the agony - plus I had an ulcer and ibs before Dean's Cancer diagnosis. Let it out - punching pillows is always a favorite; or some type of a stress ball/bag (I broke a rubber one once - it was full of rich black dirt). Got the stress out and had a good laugh, too. Take care of yourself. Gay
  3. Thanks, folks for listening. There are NO support groups in San Diego for Lung Cancer patients and families. I keep searching for a "Professional"; as with my genetic "make up" is now being monitored FINALLY by a new and improved Psychiatrist (as of 2 months ago - it took me 5 years to find him - he is young and sensitive to my/our situation; even wondered if my "plans" to go back to work with Alzheimer's patients could be depressing; for me it's a way of giving. This MD WELCOMES familiy involvement, too). So I'm still actively "searching" for "talk Therapist". It doesn't even have to be someone with a PHD; but would help when it comes to the realm of my more than Dysfunctional Family, Mental Illness & Death & Bereavement and going back into the work world after a 6 year absence..........I was finally content to be a "housewife" - supporting Dean in that way; he was fine with it; but I found other women looked down on me that I did not work. I was ok with it; finally; started Volunteering in a Thrift Store to get a local reference base as living in CA is expensive; I thought I'd get a part time job and get more social interaction. Now I feel "my job" is being taken away from me. Hard to be a loving housewife; if no husband. I supplemented our enjoyment in life by playing radio contests - as Dean worked nights and weekends; got really good at them (won CD's, Event tickets, and a total of $1,193.99 in cash from various stations) - I DON"T GIVE UP EASILY. But I do get scared.....mainly about future finances....keeping our little apt in the East County; where I thrive on the "quiet" here. Scared I won't get a job right a way. I'm back and forth...Oh, so strong I'm employable - I have a Bachelor's degree from SDSU and experience in Alzheimer's and also with developmentally delayed kids, some had Autism, ADHD, SED, all with severe "behaviors" - real hard work. Then; I feel like I'll be struggling forever; emotionally (I already have a complex chemistry of 26 pills a day; can't add antidepressents; I "trip" too high, need to find something for hormonal "stuff" that I'll talk over with my new Psychiatrist - he's good - does not want to change meds that are workng now. It's weird; when Dean was first diagnosed; I was scared outta my wits. I turned that energy outward into all sorts of creative outlets - sewing a huge quilted wall hanging to brighten up the bedroom. Baking bread from scratch (what a good pounding of yeast bread does for the soul) banana bread is easy and goof proof. I began to make more interesting dinners. Now that the Hospice Nurse comes over every Tues; I keep the apt looking good, not perfect, but we rarely have had people over due to Dean's Bus Driving hours; late night and weekends (sometimes Dean's days off were a Tues & Thurs - couldn't get connected with the 9 -5 world.) I am happy to say that I'm on a day schedule. I love to meet the Sun. Hope to be living life to it's fullest now; or as full as I can now. When I almost died (twice) in 2 years; I came to appreciate most everything about being truly alive. Sure I fall into mini-depressions; but Dean's here now. We still "debate" issues. We still love. We're still taking things one day at a time; as that's all anyone has; Cancer or not. I go to a Indian Health Council Clinic that accepts my lowly insurance. By chance that day there was a table set up with Cancer booklets and info. I was talking to the ladies (poss. support group; but more for breast cancer) and as I told her of Dean's plans to live well past his 25th Sobreiety Date in Nov; and I believe it; a much needed parting thought was verballized by one of these nice Indian ladies = "You are not in control". Ooops. Turn it over, Gay, turn it over. Sit back and ride the ride; As try as I might in my mind....I am not in control. A much needed seed was re-planted and her comment has stuck in my mind since. Life happens. Thanks for your comments and listening. Gay
  4. Sorry about the double post (2 for one deal ). thought I was logged on - still figuring this (computer) out. Gay
  5. Dear Colleen, Tears-a-flowing; I wish you much strength as times are hard. I really don't know what to say other than it's just another "wake up call" that this BEAST of Cancer can take away love ones at a moments notice. May you find peace within; rejoice in your husband's loving memories.
  6. Gay

    Shared response

    This is in response to a question that was asked on another thread (Bits and pieces) that I would like to share with the whole board: Dear Sharon, Hi! You asked Dean what I, as his wife (Gay): "What did I think of Dean's decision NOT to aggressively treat his cancer". Dean didn't really have any treatment options. I was so ANGRY that there were not any choices, any hope at all for a cure at all. After I could no longer afford to be in DENIAL day after day (denying being in DENIAL, too); losing so many "todays" - Dean's decision became "our" decision of Quality of Life versus Quanity of life (there were few fleeting ideas of "invasive treatments" that would "perhaps" prolong his lifespan by only a few months; but that would not be Quality of life). We have been "us" for over 19&1/2 years. I try as I can to live in the "NOW". Enjoying each day. I'm here for him now (the quiet one - don't post much as we've leapfrogged thorough our relationship, supporting each other, good times, wild times and bad times - (I'm disabled and had not one, but two very close calls with death in the past two years); Thank GOD Dean was there for me then and has since given me "tips" he learned when he was uncertain of my survival...take it "One Day at a Time", that's all we really have. AND the fact that "death is a part of life". I am happy Dean is here today. I am happy his MD at the VA started Hospice "way early" (mid Dec 2003). I am happy this same VA MD stepped outside the "regulations" and got Dean his "Legs", aka: Scooter on Feb 13. (I/we weren't too thrilled about the 5 days of rain soon there after). I'm happy Dean made "our" decision. Today, Dean and his love for me surrounds me. Dean's mind is brilliant and clear as ever. His laugh is loud. Dean's (my tough mountain man) gentleness and sensitivity with our 2 "kids" (Two, "only" 5 year old kittens) continues to melt my heart day by day. Almost 20 years together may seem like a long time; looking back; our rollercoaster ride has always been a fast one. Our common bond is music. "Spend My Time" - a new song by the Country Singer Clint Black sums up my answer as to once accepting "our" decision = what to do with our time left together = Life life in the here and now, with plenty of passion. I hope I answered your question and in doing so gave me an opportunity (as Dean and I share one dial up line, I do not post much) to thank everyone for the support you have given Dean AND me, too. Thank you!!!!![/url]
  7. Happy Valentine's day to everyone one the board. Dean's heart is happy as we just got back from a zooooooooom of a approx 2.5 mile "scoot & walk". We'll be sending a photo of Dean on his scooter to Dr. "GEM" who made it possible and underneath write: "Palative Treatment" as Dean is so happy; except when it rained for about 2 hours this a.m.; but got then the sun came out around 3pm and it was a beautiful day going out and about (practicing being in stores) for an hour - I'm getting in shape, too. It's so nice to have a "happy Dean" again. Love to you all; and a BIG thank you for all your support in the emotional rollercoaster ride of finally getting the scooter!
  8. Hi! Hope all went well today. I asked the Hospice Nurse and she said body temp's vary. As to pain - there's a hormone produced by Dean's cancer that sends signals (in this case mainly to his legs and now has upper body weakness etc) to various parts of the body producing pain; not just the pain in his lung. If you know of any pain lessening med (which would allow him not to "space out" and still have the ability to drive; please let me/us know. Thanks.
  9. I'm replying to my husband's post about that darn scooter = quality of life; (he hasn't been outside since Sat; very little energy) - we're gonna name it: "Freedom". His GEM of a MD went out on a limb, knowing when to push certain VA buttons (he got the Scooter people to overturn it's no-go on the scooter due to the fact Dean "could" walk 200 ft while on oxegen - which is amazing in it's self. The MD also said to treat the Physical Therapy Dept EGOS with "kid gloves"....wait patiently, etc.. until calling as to the status of the scooter. Thanks for all of you who expressed interest in SCREAMING at the VA - Dean, or any other Veteran should not be treated so poorly. I'm ready to do some screaming, too at them. But the scooter WILL come soon; for our peace of mind; hopefully really soon. Thanks for your prayers.
  10. I'll be sure to ask Dean's Hospice Nurse tomorrow (Tues) about what you are describing - Dean's always cold (here in San Diego area - has to have the heat on when it's 70o) - not just extremeties; but cold all over and maybe blame it on my 46 year old womanhood; I'm always hot or at least comfortable. It's the "battle of the thermostat" sometimes. About pain. Just this past few days, Dean is in more severe pain, chest is worse, upper body worse and legs are very painful (he may no longer able to drive soon - that weak - com'on scooter; any day now???). He just takes Tylenol or Ibuphrophren for now. He doesn't want pain meds that mess up his concentration etc. I'll keep you posted. Gay
  11. Saturday - a day to relax. A day to rest. Still re-fueling (both of us from a day at the VA). Gameplan - pay rent ($50 off contest if paid before the 1st; I'm a contest addict - I don't give up easily), get some burgers at our newfound Greasy Spoon place and bring them home. We like home. Problem: I'm not feeling well and Dean has Cancer. Problem: I add - on mailing letters and stopping at the Market to get brown sugar to make banana bread for neighbors who witnessed Dean's Will - will have plenty enough left for us, too. Problem: These add - on's were discussed last night and Dean's feeling lousy today; yet wants burgers. Other stuff can wait. Out we go; agree to pay rent today (as long as we have the car - I don't drive due to meds - it's a heck of a walk to the Office; 2 major hills; but will have to walk it soon as we're discussing starting the process of selling the car (my inheritance to keep me & our cats in rent and food for about 10 months until I find a job). Problem/insight - As leaving burger place; a guy about Dean's age inquires about Dean's oxegen tank (oh, no - the last time we were there; this old fart who had just placed his order; in exagerated arm and chest motions said: "Fill me up with air!!!": Dean had the oxegen tank on wheels then and about rolled over his feet if he hadn't had moved out of the way of the counter so we could place our order.) - the guy had lost his father, I don't know if he said Cancer; as it was talk on the move to get to the car and home and burgers in us as quickly as possible; but what I DID hear was that the guy said his father was in A LOT OF PAIN for a long time. This guy even commented that Dean looked great!!! I think Dean looks great, too. Dean said he doesn't fear the Cancer or even death - it's the fear of pain that is here now. He hurts physically. He has Cancer, DAMN IT, and I've watched him go physically downhill, bit by bit, thinking I've listened to his "pain", too, not just(?) a bit down, a bit depressed etc. I try not to add-on; a balancing act of what he can do each day vs what he really would like to do. Right now he wishes "it were all over" - sorry hon, if I shared a secret, and is asleep on the sofa. I tend to "mother" him a bit and I want to make him "not hurt"; physically and mentally. I just love him so much and have grown dependent on him the last few years as my illness got up and bit me - I had had no problems for 20 years; Dean had never seen what my illness (the psychosess) could do under the constant stress we've been under for about 5 years until my mind took a "hike". I know I'm a strong woman - can figure things out; but have got to stop living in the future; dwelling on life without Dean. He's still alive!!! We still have laughter in our life and our two "kids"; the cats keep us more than occupied. (Dean's cat; Bo (the lovingly dumb one - possible premie or product of too much inbreeding - may be a true Ragamuffin; new breed suppose to weight in at 20lbs; he weighs about 6lbs), sits in his lap while Dean's on the computer -just started doing that on his own; and my cat, Tory; the super smart part siamese, a lot rounded (11lbs) oh so loving tabby, after Dean's gentle coaxing over the past few months, sits on his lap when he's on the sofa). The point of all these "problems" is ACCEPTANCE, over and over again. Dean has his "up" days and "down" days. I hope the Prozac will help; but will not kick in overnight (about 4 - 6 weeks) and it's being mailed, sometime. And meds alone don't solve life's problems. So I finally did it! I posted some pain of my own, seeing and hearing from a stranger that his father was in immense pain. I would not wish any type of pain on anyone, much less my husband, my best friend of close to 20 years. It's "funny"; one of you newer people wrote that she just found out that her husband of 20 years was diagnosed with Cancer - my immediate thought was "that poor, poor girl; how can I help her, make it all better" - but my dumb fear of not saying the right thing, feeling too shy to post a response because I miss who said what, who's who, etc - I'm sorry. I feel so deeply for your pain. Just wanted to air mine and that it took a stranger's comment and Dean's response of "that's what he's been dealt" to really "get it"....I hope. Thanks for listening. Good old aol dropped me off this msg and I don't want to lose it agan. I'm having lots of tears (finally) and can't see the screen too much. Thank you for starting this board. Hope and love to you all. Thanks for loving Dean, too.
  12. Hi from Gay (Mrs. DeanCarl). Here's belated hugs to all of you for welcoming me to this wonderful place - as Dean said: "I" don't have to do "this" alone. I also wanted to thank you for all the Birthday wishes. (I am now an old child of 46; The big kid, Dean is only 53). I did not receive any calls from my family(?) members on my Birthday - usually I feel "on" when they call; but was glad to feel "off" and finally came to the realization that whining about the lack of support from them or all these friends(?) who "should" care that don't call Dean or me is wasted time...time we certainly don't have. (We hope to get DSL back so it's not a battle of the computers so we can share this board together. I/we need you guys and I hope to contribute more and more.) I went for a walk to "test drive" being 46 - beautiful day in Alpine; I felt wonderful; just went to a little Indian Sovenir Store and bought myself a Christmas Clearance sale doll; a porcelain Angel doll with an open bird cage next to her and a dove in her hand. Time to let her "dove" fly free. By coincedence part of the sales of these collector series dolls go to "finding the cure for cancer" - didn't realize that until I read the box after coming home. I have a nightly routine of playing the Thomas Kindkade Lighthouse music box that Dean gave me (it has a small cell battery on - off switch light on top and once wound, it's a cylander of 3 paintings that go around in a carousel type encasement -hard to describe; but I had to watch; maybe even do a search on our Hospice Nurse on Tues- she really loved it and was about ready to take it home (it's somewhere on the www - Dean went to the Collectable doll section as a first choice; but Thomas Kindkade's stuff caught his eye there. I had a wonderful Birthday; one of the best ever.... Dean & me and 18oz of Prime Rib (each) - simple; the way we like things. So, I'm being bold tonight and getting over my internet (people) shyness. I have no problems with www.shopping - finally got those d*** lamps (4 set of lamps at lampsplus.com for $79.99) - incredible deal as I'd been living in the dark for too long (we both suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder) and finally wanted to replace the cheap Walmart lamps that hit my eyes at the wrong angle into migraines and were so old that one caught on fire as I turned on the switch a few months ago; Dean and I worked as a team - no panic; he was half asleep - I yelled "something" as I grabbed the fire exhingisher and handed it to Dean = put out the fire, no Professionals needed; but oh, all that powder went everywhere!!! - I finally figured out what those attachments on my vacume cleaner were for.( - on CLEARANCE sales; men don't understand about CLEARANCE sales - once sold out; oh well so it was a race from our budget until I finally scored and got them) So I'm learning a lot of new skills, fire fighting, etc that women (at least this woman) were never taught. (Although I love to hammer stuff, esp. when I'm angry......we have lots of pictures on the walls.) I know a lot of you have horror stories about the medical care you are "graced" with due to Cancer - it's scary enough to have Cancer for all involved; but to be treated like you don't matter anyway is more than frustrating leading into depression etc. to make any quality of life just wishful thinking (especially since Dean put his life on the line for his Country for 9 &1/2 years in the Navy and the VA simply doesn't care; I guess Dean is not "cost effective") - the final(?) roller coaster ride today about the scooter business was making me so nauseaus (stomach cramps as I have IBS, too) and Dean said I looked very pale. I think the VA's emotional abuse (lack of caring) on top of cancer is just plain inhumane treatment. (I got internally mad at the Hospice Nurse on Tues when she said: "Most Hospice patients don't even get scooters". (she can be a bit "snippy at times - I hear that type of attitude about my insurance: The "working poor" or Disabled people are the lowlife type people who don't matter in this world. I am lucky to have MediCal - the lower than dirt insurance; but better than none at all. THIS Hospice Cancer patient, Dean, IS getting a scooter and a bit more (opens the world to him/us - I'll be getting in great shape - walking/jogging along at 5.75miles per hour -no sidecar (I get to test drive it, too. - in my youth I rode a small motorcycle) and Dean & I used to go for motorcycle rides from San Diego to the East County(and I had a scooter for around town) for years for fun adventures. Now we live in the East County. And, WE'LL continue to experience "life" - what a concept!!! Thanks for listening. Thanks for being here!!!
  13. Hello kind, caring folks!!! I turned 46 yesterday (I highly recommend 18oz of Prime Rib and a neat Thomas Kinkade music box - really kool) and would like to thank you all for the Birthday wishes - I've been "lurking" into eyestrain and many tears for a while. My family(?) has completely turned away from me (my Mom "is too busy to talk on the phone to Dean", my older brother said: "oh" & hung up on me. - they all are mainly in Chicago area; and a younger sister in MT; she at least calls; but turns the conversation to all about her). NO ONE calls just to say: "Hi!, How are you doing?"- I hurt for Dean, I hurt for me. I thought I had to handle Dean's Cancer alone. This board is a lifeline for Dean and I'm hooked into "reality" by the Survivors encouragement - being there for each other by just being yourselves. On Oct 3, 2003 (at the VA ER) - the word "Cancer" got stamped in my brain. My best friend of almost 20 years is "leaving". I went through a horrible phase; what about me? what happens to me, me, me? How will I make it in this world without Dean at my side. Dean & I met in 1984 at San Diego City College as Psychology Majors - what do you get when a Recovering Alcoholic and a Recovering "Nut" (Bipolar Affective Disorder; 4 Psychotic Episodes) get together as a "couple?" = Many, fun, rock & rolling years, highs, lows and lots of life's "happenings" we seemed to get through, together on a problem - I do the "tap, tap, tap" while Dean uses the "sledge hammer approach". Dean had a "summer job' working with Mentally Ill Homeless People that catapulted him into all sorts of Human Service Jobs, mostly Developmentally Delayed children and Adults for 15 years. Then another Human Service Job as a Bus Driver for the past 5 years. I went on to get a Bachelor's degree at SDSU (1989); even got an "A" in a Death & Bereavement class - that class did not prepare me for the real world. I am disabled, yet will "get it together" to go back to work (not to brag; but I have a talent working with Alzheimer's patients and also D.D. kids). I do have a bit of brain damage from 2 Lithium Toxicities, almost died in April 2002 and then again in July 2003 - the second one could have been avoided. So, Dean's helped me by talking out his feelings during the April toxicity where he did not know for days if I would "make it". Durig the July toxicity the communication was horrible in the hospital - 2 months after the Toxicity; I had a follow up with young Nephrologist who said: "He" was scared and that I had a 50/50 chance of "making it" through that night - news to me, news to Dean. Also someone in the ER ripped off my Visa Check card. I'm glad Dean/we chose in home Hospice. Annie, the Hospice Nurse is neat and explains things to me if I don't quite "get" the concept or chain reaction in the physical stuff in Cancer. Next week Dean will finally meet his "gem" of a VA Primary Care MD and hopefully have the scooter by Fri. Dr. "GEM" went out on a limb for Dean; getting the VA Committee to reverse it's decison, denying Dean the use of a scooter last week to getting it approved this week - oh what a "rollercoaster ride". Dr. Gem called Dean in Oct - just to introduce himself and ask Dean "how he was doing" 'cause the "system" had Dean down for a Jan 29 appt; back then Jan 29th seemed so far away. Dean's DSL modem had gone down, the day before his Cancer diagnosis and aol (after making sure it wasn't the phone co's fault, etc) and couldn't have a Tech(?) out until the next Fri between 1 - 3pm. Dean talked to Dr. GEM for about 15 mins in that time period and we guess the Tech(?) got a busy signal and decided to call it quits for the day. (Obviously someone was home if the phone was in use). So it would have been another week to get a new DSL modem, but scheduling aol was such a hassle. So, since Oct Dean & I have been sharing one dial-up modem. I'm brandy knew to computers and it takes my brain a long time to type, plus I'm giving Dean many computer "challenges" to "fix" - plus I have the anxiety thinking I must have to learn e v e r y t h i n g at once = overwhelmed at times. I am weak at times, I feel very strong at other times - people treat me "different" and are surprised that my overall attitude towards Dean's Cancer is matter of fact and I can still go out in the world with a smile. I just love my partner in this life, Dean, so very much!!! I read something somewhere; that I need to love Dean enough to "let him go". I do. I will. Thanks for listening. Gay I love Dean so very much. Thanks for being there for us.
  14. Hi. My/our world was turned upside down approx. 2 weeks ago, Dean, my husband of 19+ years got an xray at a little independent clinic that showed "gunk" - some type of fatty mass in his right lung (he had pnemonia for a month), Dean did not know all these years that he was eligiable for complete Veteran's medical benefits, so after 5 hours of tests at the VA; the woman MD said to Dean, me and everyone in the Emergency room that she was sure (90%) it was lung cancer and wanted to "do" (a real "battery" of tests for another 5 - 6 hours). Dean insisted we, as a couple need to go home and "digest" this information. I was mad! How dare another disease enter our life! I screamed and yelled, totally freaked out in the car during the one and 1/2 hour journey of emotions home. (what a ride home) - I gave him a death sentence; he was going to "leave" me after all these years. 19 years ago, Dean had 5 years of sobriety (clean and sober 24 years on Nov 22, 2003) and I was just putting my life back together after two hospitalizations for Psychotic Episodes due to stress of a bad young marriage and I was dealing BiPolar Affective Disorder (manic-depessive; inheritated from my Father) as Dean and I met at San Diego CityCollege. So what do you get with a recovering Alcoholic and a recovering "nut" both studying Psychology: Lots of good times and "life's experiences". Dean had a Bronscophopy last Tues and it's the "hurry up and wait" until next Tues to to discuss treatment options with the Oncologist and some sort of additional tests. I don't know what else to say; Dean hooked me up to this board as I feel very alone in this world. My family lives in the Chicago area plus my (off and on again) sister is in MT (Dean and I recently moved to the very small town of Alpine, CA where two of my close neighbors moved out in the past 6 months) and I actually have one friend or two (?) who don't know what to say to me. Emotionally, I'm exhausted by continunally saying "I/we don't know". And if you think my family is in denial of my inhertied Mental Illness - Cancer? Total denial; let's talk about the weather: Absolutely NO support there - I was going to put Dean on the phone to my Mom, but she hesitated and then she e-mailed me "She's too busy to talk on the phone these days!" Hey I earned 2 degrees in Psychology - but that did not prepare me for living life with a Cancer patient - I've also been able to work on and off and was just getting my "feet wet" in the working world again by volunteering at a Thrift Shop to hopefully go back to work in January to help out with our simple lifestyle. Dean is/was a Bus Driver with no paid sickleave (He worked in the Mental Health field for 15 years before "burn-out time) and to add to a horrible situation; I almost died twice in the last year and 1/2 from two Lithium toxicities and now have a touch of brain damage (mainly spelling, and memory problems). So here I am - scared, "tough", fragile and mainly "not in control" of the situation but am getting support from an Art Board Dean's on, yet some of them talk around the "cancer". Any coping skills for a loving wife, please? Thanks for listening, Gay
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