cathyr

Karen, Dave, and the rest of our beautiful family. We will mourn you forever and we will remember the kindness, empathy, inspiration, and encouragement you have given to us through all your pain. May the good and loving memories always pop to the top first! we love you. CathyR

Oh Fay, If only I could help make your pain over the loss of you mom easier after 14 years. Know my heart is with you. I will be posting again soon. Lot of company lately. Too much. I miss you guys. Still doing hospice. Pain level is fine. My muscles are really getting weak. Hard to get off the seats. May have to do the wheelchair soon! Hugs to you all! CathyR

Nushka, Only the best scans for you. We love you and believe in you so much. You inspire many of us. Love and hugs, CathyR

Well, another week gone. Two of the kids came in and it was wonderful to see them. Im finding it more and more difficult to get rest and some oxygen, but I'm just going to have to do it. I'm just afraid of disappointing my kids, friends and family when they want to visit. Last Sunday I think I had a seizure. Incoherent thoughts, coordination very bad, and my eyes were fluttering. It scared the family. Dr. doesn't want me to drive anymore. But, boy I sure have so much love in my life, in my friends, and in you all. My pain in very much in control. I just keep buying more and more wigs. I still look like an oragatan, but that's the least of it. Just wanted to say good-night my friends. I love you all very much!!!! \Hugs, CathyR

Thank you again family and friends. Today I went and bought another wig. Saw the beautician to get in trimmed a bit, bought two new outfits from Chico's. and make-up at Macy's. I sure do feel prettier. I never realized how high maintenance I am. It was worth it though. Your prayers, and encouragement sustain me. I am so blessed to have all of you in my life. Who knows? Maybe it's just about that. Hugs to you all! CathyR

This week was tougher. I really did have to keep repeating to myself the mantra" I am not a victim." Two weeks have passed since the decision for no more chemo or radiation. On Thursday and Friday I lost 3/4 of my hair due to the 2 brain radiations. I was completely taken by surprise and horror in a way. I feel like a look like an oragatang monkey that was in a holocaust. How's that for a picture. My coordination was off this week as well. I missed the train twice to visit my mom in San Diego. Just one of those weeks. The best news is that 2 of my kids are coming to visit me this week (tomorrow) and stay through Monday. I miss them so much and they are so scared for me. I just want to make things as easy as I can for them. I find it more and more difficult to get enough rest. So many things to do. But people for the most part have been so generous an d kind. It's the part of this illness I wish we all could experience in a way. There would be far fewer wars now, wouldn't there?? Well, it's after midnight so I've got to lay down. Thank you again family and friends. You are my lifeline to maintaining some sanity. Loving you all, CathyR

Thank you everyone. It just took me by surprise. Of course because of my decision to cut out chemo and radiation, I have a house load of people scheduled to visit me both May and June. Now I going to have to wear the wigs again. What a crybaby I'm being. The chemo took 3 months to lose the hair and radiation took 1 1/2 weeks and looks far worse. Well, I'll just have to turn on the personality instead. Thank you for taking your busy time out to talk to me. YOu are what this is all about. hugs and love, CathyR

Melanie, All I can say is my decision to start hospice has become such a relief for me. In fact, I just switched them from 2 times a week to 1 time to start. I feel so much better not getting chemo or radiation. I hope you find the same joy. Thinking of you and praying for your recovering health. Big hugs to you! CathyR

Two days ago I had the best looking hair I've had in 2 years. I actually started feeling pretty again. All of a sudden in 1 1/2 days half my hair has fallen out. I only had 2 days of brain radiation last Wed. and Thurs. Is this possible from 2 days of radiation. My scalp actually hurts a bit. Any suggestions what to put on it if anything. It seems like such a petty question as I was without hair for 5 months from chemo. It was such an upper to not only get it back, but feel pretty again. I AM NOT A VICTIM! I AM NOT A VICTIM! I AM JUST P.O'D RIGHT NOW. I love you guys and gals. Hoping everyone has a peaceful, painless and loving week-end. Always your friend, CathyR

Wow. I'm so glad to see your post. I was very concerned about you Ray. Welcome home and know that this too will work out for you. Your friend always, CathyR[/b]

Please have her get it checked out asap. I had a port for several months and ended up with a bad infection. Had emergency surgery for removal. No sense having pain that often or ever even!!!! Hugs to you, Cathy r

Can you believe this family of mine? Lisa, it is you, Kacy, Kyle, your dad, Eric, and Robert who give me strength and inspiration. Just when I thought my week would be so awful with deciding to give up the chemo and radiation, I feel stronger every day. Your messages, Debby's, mom, Caryl, David, and of course my other family on the survivor board overwhelm me with grace and love. Please know it is returned a thousand fold! I love you, Hugs forever, Cat

Thank God. Prayers can be strong! I'm so happy for you, Don and Lucy. YOu deserved the best news and now you got it. Thank you for making my day too! Hugs, CathyR

Tess, Oh my gosh. My sincere condolences to you and your family. May your "good" memories far outweight the bad ones. May it give you some pleasure to know she is without pain and in very loving arms. Bless you and your family!!!! Hugs to you, CathyR

Hip hip hooray! Way to go J.C. What an amazing woman you are. Congratulations. We all love you!!!!! CathyR

How about a scrapbook with lots of HOPE sections in it! CathyR

Find myself compelled to write again tonight. I think one of the most important characteristics of my life is to never think of myself as a victim. I believe we all have choices if nothing more than to consider ourselves in that light or not. Victims were Jewish Holocoast people. People who chose to live with abusive spouses or family can take themselves out of that situation. I am not trying to simplify that, just give it some perspective. Yes. I smoked for too many years and obviously helped to create my condition now in life. I am not going to beat myself up about it however. Mostly, I choose NOT TO BE A VICTIM. It makes me feel good to help others less fortunate than me. As you can all see from responses to my posts from family and friends, I have been more blessed than a lot of people. I am humbled and proud to be a part of this important group of survivors. YOU ARE THE STRENGTH. AND NONE OF YOU ARE VICTIMS EITHER. We are only humans trying to be human. I am learning just how important it is to be very kind to each other. Loving you all and ready for sleep. CathyR

I actually sound funny to myself writing those words when only days ago I informed you all of my intentions to turn to hospice as the brain and spinal mets have progressed quite rapidly now. It's a strange feeling. I've always been blessed by knowing I am loved and born into an incredible family, but it is still overwhelming to me to experience this kind of support and encouragement from family and friends in similar and even worse scenarios than myself. I feel so much love for all of you here on this board and I am sure that now my family has discovered our little secret, that they too will find as much comfort and knowledge as I have from you all. I have so much more to say, but will have to continue later. Just wanted to get this out. My prayers and blessing and miracle believing still remain strong. God bless us all. We will get through it together. Hugs to you and your family, CathyR

Gosh, How special can you make a person feel? Love you Dean Carl, CathyR

Sharon, We must all handle our things the best way we can. You HAVE been a pillar of strength, character, compassion, and hope for all of us. Please remember that! Anytime we can welcome you back here, it would be our pleasure. The goodness of these people, the spirit and heart and determination to survive far surpasses anything I have ever experienced. I will be writing to the group again in a day or so with more thoughts. I must say, even with everything going on this has been one of my best weeks ever!!!!! Hugs and love to you all! CathyR

Hi mom, This is how you post a reply.

Randi, Prayers and condolences your way. May the wonderful, blessful memories far outshine the painful ones!!!!! From my heart to yours, Hugs, CathyR

Oh Charlie D., We are sooo happy for you and needed to hear some upbeat news here for a few days. Our hearts are one!!!!! Hugs to you and your family. CathyR

I am honored, humbled, and totally in love with my family. They are my life lines and have definely kept me moored to this plane the last four years. Yes, July 2005 would be my fourth year of lung cancer diagnosis. I suppose it's time to start looking up now. That's okay too!One thing we ALL know is we are terminal from the day we are born. Truth 2 is we come into the world wearing diapers and we leave the world wearing diapers. Anyway, family and friends, I can't thank you enough for all the support. My heart, soul, and dreams remain keen, and still able to reach out and give support to you too. Please allow me that! Hugs to you all, Cathy Anyone wanting the oyster stuffing recipe just let me know

Please include my hugs, prayers, and sweet kisses. CathyR