Andrea

Have a great great great trip!!!! And as tempting as it is, don't log in if you use a computer on the ship. The week will do you good!!! :)

Jamie, I thought I did! See, I AM losing my mind! The job was A LOT of night work and not the best areas. But most importantly if we move to LA, I would HATE to have to quit a job with a charity, that would not be nice. Did I tell you taht Brian quit his job and his last day is tomorrow?

Curtis, I am so in awe of how strong you are! I am so proud to "know" you through this website! You are going to find a new partner and while she won't be Becky, she will have different unique qualities. One way to curb the jealousy issue is to just not vocalize everything you are thinking, you know, like how most men operate You may think in your head "becky would do this better", but just don't say it and realize that each person has limitations. If you ever want to talk to someone who is a pro at on line dating, please PM me! I met my husband on line; my ex boyfriend who I dated for 2 years on line; and one of my best friends in the world who is a doctor in Beverly Hills on line I am probably around your age, I am 32. Best of luck and keep putting one foot forward!

Oy vey, how frustrating!!! I so hope for good news!

Shellie, I am speechless and so angry at life and am dumbfounded about how all of this could happen. Do you know for sure if it is malignant? I pray and hope it is a begnin old lump and brings no problems! Please please let us know. And also knkow that we all love you and care about you so much.

Oops, Ry is right, I am a bit late in turning the pass in. Send me a bill for my fine Well I have returned from my break. I have been lurking to check in and my heart is breaking for Shellie, Mo's family. And of course worried about Denise, etc, etc, etc. I love you all and am thinking of you all! My mom was always high maintence and a Nordstrom's girl, but now she is turning Saks Fifth Avenue and Gucci She is swallowing $60 a day That's right, Iressa started My goodness, she nearly fell over when she heard the cost (insurance pays for most, but still ridiculous). When do most people start with the side effects if they have any? My time off was actually good for me, but never tell Brian he was right. I made some pretty big life decisions with a clear head. Well my head is never clear My last day at work is June 30, I turned down a job with the Cancer Society because it was not right at this time, we decided we are going to try to move to Los Angeles instead of settling down in Orange County so that we will be closer to family, I decided I want to transition into the nonprofit sector, and I started the Atkins diet and lost 6lbs so far It all came together when we went to Disneyland over the weekend Missed everyone. MMMMWWWAAAAAHHH!

I need to request a hall pass for a week. Too long and complicated, but don't worry, everything is ok I will be lurking occasionally b/c I am anxiously awaiting to hear when Nancy B. comes home, when Mo comes home, I want to hear a miracle from Shellie, Jamie's dad has his big dr appt June 9, etc, etc. I also will monitor Activism forum I will leave you for the week with a NEW reason to buy a shirt from LCSC. Yuo can make your money back in free food! I had the shirt on Sat night when I stopped in a sandwhich shop to bring home soup and sandwhiches. Guy behind the counter started arguing about my shirt, telilng me lung cancer is not just a breath away, telling me it is a smoker's disease, and let's just say that we had quite a debate and as a result the manager gave me the food for free.

Dave, I am going to check out WALC. Thanks for the info! And I just want to say, THANK YOU for bringing up an issue that was sitting in my head for awhile---URGENCY. Yes, I want to advocate for early detection and all of that good stuff to prevent anyone else giong through it. BUT I admit this, I think I more so want to advocate for stuff to be done immediately so that my mom and all my friends on here can get the best treatment. The way I see it now, and I am not sure if this is crazy or extremely self centered, but I feel like the longer we can keep people alive, the better the chances there are for new developments and I want those new developments available NOW.

You can read more on her website. She had colon cancer 8 years ago and now has cancer in her lung, I read somehwere it was found as part of a routine follow up each year, her CEA level jumped really high. http://www.tammyfaye.com/default.asp

I am anxiously awaiting word from MO. Back up on top post.

I don't have information to comment on what ACS does for lung cancer, but I do know this. Anyone can do anything they want at Relay which is nice. So anyone can show up at Relay for FREE, raise no money, just show up and display a sign or wear a sign or do anything to express yourself about how wrong the stigma is

Back to top.

If you became AWOL again, a little birdie told me that your fine is quadrupled So try not to let it happen again ] Glad to se eyou back!

I came up with a new law and I stated it loud enough to have people around me laughing and agreeing. (Yes,I know it is not realistic ) We stopped by the Irvine Relay for Life, my best friend Marla sang at our Newport Beach one and was asked to sing at this one. As we sat there watching Marla sing, there was a beautiful baby boy in front of me with a women. I said to my mom and my friend, I want one of those (in regards to the baby). The woman said "this is my grandson, we are here for his mom, his mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor while pregnant with him and forewent any treatment to give birth and then she passed away". Pinned to the grandmother and baby was a picture of the mother. The moment that woman got up to leave-- my mom, a friend sitting with us, and myself just burst out in teears. My dad came rushing over to find out what happened. Here is my wacky proposal. I want to start a "Mean People Police Force" and I want all mean people to be required to go to a Relay for Life or a similar event to learn compassion and to learn how fragile life can be.

We all also need to remember time differences, us folks out west are still in bed when east coast people are eating breakfast This is a great place! Best of luck

AAAAWWW, a baby! Have fun! Can you stick your foot out when the ex walks by? Oh relax everyone, just kidding Just do what my mom says, say "jerk" in your head, bite your tounge and say poo poo poo, three times. I have no idea if that is a jewish folktale or what, but i always do it

Jamie, Just my two sense worth, I know they normally wait a month after last chemo and surgery b.c the body needs time to heel. At least that is what I was told when my mom ended chemo and had surgery. The waiting sucks. To ease your mnd, call the onc office and monday and explain. Apparently from what I have been told, once a tumor reacts to treatment and you have as much shrinkage as your dad had and my mom had, it does not automatically go the other way, it would take a bit longer.

The website lists what hair salons will do it for free. Otherwise mailing it in works too!

Do it for free! And help kids! http://www.locksoflove.org/faq.php I just saw a fundraiser on the news for this organization and found the website. It is neat, hair salons will give a free haircut if you cut off 10+ inches and they donate the pony tails to kids who have hair loss.

Hi everyone, I just want to say that I absolutely LOVE the "My Story" forum. I truly feel like I know each person better after reading their posts, reading their stories, and I thank everyone who posted and shared. I look forward to reading more posts in the My Story forum. Please post your story there. To me it is more amazing than the Grand Canyon (I was there last Friday) to see just how many stories there are, how many people have their lives touched by cancer, how to uched I personally get by reading the stories and just how amazing everyone here is. Thank you for considering posting your story. I look forward to reading :) Peace and palmtrees, Andrea

I am an only child, 32 years old, grew up on Long Island an d moved to California after law school in 1998. My parents follwed me to CA 3 years later as we always planned. I have always been close to my parents. In November 2002 I took a cruise with my now-husband and his family. It was the first time in my entire life that I went a full day without talking to my mom I had such withdrawl after day 3, I called my parents collect from Mexico for a 30 second conversation to hear their voice. Not sure why but I always had an abnormal fear of illness. I wish I could put my finger on it. Anytime someone had a fever and nightswears, I wondered if it was hodgkins. I became engaged in August 2003 to the man of my dreams. I said in September 2003 "Brian, something bad has to happen in your lives, I am just too happy." A month later my mom developed the most minor cough in the world, a dry cough. My antenna went up and after 3 days I wanted her to get a chest xray. My parents scolded me for my neurosis as did my friends and co workers. After a week, I annnoyed my mom enough to see her dr. The doctor laughed at her, said it is allergies, go home. The cough lingered on and off for a couple of more weeks. I said that is it, get a chest xray. My parents called the dr, said I insisted my mom get a chest xray and the dr laughed and approved it. Next day I was sitting in my office at work. I called m y parents twice to see if anyone called and just generally say hello. Something in my head told me to worry. Suddenly around 1pm my dad called "they found a spot, she needs a ct scan, I cannot get her an appt until next week, so if you can do better". I literally yelped at my desk, broke down hysterically, my paralegal, office manage tand secretary came running and brought me water so I could breathe. I called radiology at Hoag hysterial begging for an appointment. I got her in the next day. My world fell apart, normal will never again be as I knew it. Thankfully I was able to get my mom into top doctors as a rush basis. Did I misrepresent myself on the phone and get her into a oncologist who had a 3 month wait list the next day? Well maybe I did, but it was so unintentional, I can look back at that now and laugh at how ingenious it would have been if I was thinking. I got married a week later, Nov 15 2003 in a small private ceremony. My mom received chemotherpahy. I had my big wedding on Feb 22, 2004 exactly as planned. The day after the wedding we saw the surgeon and were given the green light for surgery. My mom had surgery and thten 5 weeks of radiation. Now we are suffering from the constant waiting and worrying. Will the beast surface. Will the monster return. Sometimes I cry for no reason. Other times I feel blessed. My moods are all over the place. My world is now filled with thoughts of cancer no matter how hard I try. ' I have never been happy in my career. I never cared for most attorneys. I have been told the profession does not suit my personality (whatever that means, no one will explain ). So I decided to change careers and hopefully combine my work with my passion--I want to help, I want a CURE for cancer!!! And for all diseases!!! I gave notice at work and agreed to stay for 30 days or as long as they need me. After that, I am going to use my lawyer and MBA skills hopefully to transition into the nonprofit sector. The only possible good thing is that perhaps I found my calling and found out what I was supposed to do with my life. But it is too soon to tell where my career and life will take me. I love my mom. My heart breaks knowing how she is more worried about me than she is about herself. My mom is my best friend and means the world to me. I always thought my mom would get hit by heart disease (she is fluffy, has high blood pressure and cholesteral and diabetes), or breast cancer or colon cancer. I never thought lung. She quit smoking over 25 years ago. This was beyond my comprehension. My best friend is a doctor in Beverly Hills, he is a botox man He knows my inner secrets, he knows for years that I had an abnormal fear of cancer hitting my world. He said to me "well now your worst fear has come true, your mom has cancer. you can stop worrying." My mom and I danced to Wind Beneath My Wings at my wedding, there was not a dry eye in the room.

Don we think alike. I wo ndered that the other night and looked up her profile. She was on in June and said that she has not been on the compute rm uch. But i did not see how they are doing. Carleen--please write!

Elaine, You sound exactly like my mom. I swear someone from above sent her strength at my wedding even. She was dancing and doing the horah and talking. At one point, going around in the circle I was getting out of breath and seh was fine! My mom soooo worried about me. I can tell in certain moments especially. My parents panicked literally a month or so ago, I did not call them when I got to Court in downtown LA, I usually call when I arrive but I got a call from work and then cell reception went out, etc. My dad called my husband a few times, my office, etc. It worries me and makes me sad to know my mom is so worried about me when she should be worried about herself. Then I know my mom is worried and sad that I am worried and neurotic when she wants me to be worried about myself. So instead we all just worry and make jokes about it. My mom's new nickname is my chia pet b/c her hair is growing back like a chia pet

Elaine, What you wrote back in response to my post is exactly what I am positive my mom is doing. My mom WANTS to try to act as normal and be as normal as possible because she is SO afraid for me and my dad. I think that just as we are fearfully mourning her before she is even gone, and who teh heck knows, she could be CURED, she is worried about us mourning her. My mom wants to be normal, so she got her hair cut ("shaped" as she says) and colored even when it was half gone And they treated her like a princess. She is doing it for me, I know it. My mom does NOT read these boards, not b/c she does not care, but b/c as a patient seh cannot deal with it and is soooo afraid and worreid for me and my dad and how we will react, that she chooses to be positive. I am hoping she is not keeping it inside of her and making her sick. I think it needs to come otu and I am so glad you opened this topic. I actually think the best thing for us to do as a family (meaning me and my mom) is for each of us to act normal b/c then we make the other one happy Like it made mymom happy that I had a good vacation. It makes me happy when she sounds good. So we almost do it for each other as much for ourselves if that makes sense. PLEASE NO ONE KEEP THERE FEELINGS INSIDE! PLEASE!

I LOVE the good, the bad the ugly. I myself was thinking of posting something like this b/c lately there are too many apologies up front by a poster (incluidng myself) that they don't want to offend or are afraid the material is sensitive. My suggestion is that everyone spill it all! Spill how you are feeling. Everyone's cancer IS different. NO ONE has the "same", hence different chemos and approaches. We all have the emotional ups asnd downs and it helps to post when we are happy and sad, good news and bad. We all know we love each other and don't want to discourage each other. The most important thing about this board is to be here for each other for the good and bad. Peggy, I hope you let it all out. Please. Actually, besides helping yourself by getting it all out and sharing, you may not realize, but it helps others to know they are not alone in how they are feeling.