Andrea

Hi. I am not sure if anyone experienced what my mom did, but I wanted to pass it along b/c what a difference between today and yesterday.......... As planned and just as many here described, her esophagus started to feel terrible and she was in a lot of pain.........it hurt to swallow.........Sat her voice was fine when we went to get our haircut (she had lost 1/2 of her hair, never needed a wig, but now there is little black fuzz growing back and it makes her hair dirty).........Sun we did David's bridal and her voice was fine..........Sun night--NO VOICE She was making little sounds in the phone so I would know she was really at home Yest and this morning, still no voice. I was like hmmmm, will it come back? She saw radiation oncologist today, he gave her liquid vicadin and a few minutes later she called my cell phone with a full normal voice. It was like magic.

Peggy, You sound like my mom. She wants us to plan a honeymoon as her mother's day gift I keep putting it off due to neurosis. First it was wait until my mom has surgery; then until she starts radiation; then until my dad's ct scan; then until my dad's colonoscopy; then until his cystascope today. Now all I have left is my breast appt sometime and my mom's next scan. Oh wait, I am female and my mom has lung cancer. I guess I will be having breast appointments and she will be having scans at least once a year for the rest of our lives So it really is illogical not to plan a trip. See, I can see the illogicalness of my thinking That means I am normal

And as a reminder to myself of how out of it I am, I posted this a second ago and really thought it was in General and I saw my post in Good News when I read reading the board. Thank goodness I was able to delete the post and move it to the appropriate place. Phew ======================= Hi everyone, Thanks for the APB, it is good for the ego Next time I promise to ask for a pass!!! Between trial and joining on as Food Chairperson for Relay a month before the event, I am going koo koo koo kooo. How the heck did I EVER thing I could organze such an event myself? Geez!!!!! What happened I think was last week, maybe it was Thurs, I forget, all the days have blurred, I was sitting there fading out in Court listening to boring testimony. Then I felt an aura and I came on and saw that Denise did not get the best news for her mom. And then I started to think further the next day and my heart was breaking for everyone, and then my brain went to how happy I am to have found everyone here and how if my wedding were now instead of when it was, I would do anything I could to have my sisters Nat, Andrea B. and Denise with me and I started to get teary eyed b/c my heart goes out to Nat and Andrea and I worry for Denise. Next thing I know, my boss turns to me and says "What exhibit did they say?" and I was like UH OH, day dreaming!!!!! I didn't hear it either So I decided to try to stay focused, lurk and get the news, but not post until after trial Oh and then I got sad also for my college roommate, she is single and she really wants to find someone and she can't and I just feel so incredibly lucky to have Brian and I feel her pain. She thinks it is her weight, but I am chubby and I didn't have a problem. She is 31, an accountant, nice girl, I don't get it. So I start to think of lung cancer, cry, think of brian and realize I am lucky, and then I think of my friend who is miserable and cry b/c I have Brian, and then I wonder when cancer is giong to strike next and remember that I need to see the breast surgeon when I get my PPO. My mind is WARPED. However, as my boss wisely said, I KNOW my mind is warped, so itis not as much of a problem since I know Ignoring reality would be a bigger problem Fay--I want to hit that eye doctor, I really do. Shellie--praying for you. Trial is very rare for me, I have not gone in the 1 1/2 years since I started this job. I don't speak, I am merely the associate attorney who sits there and does behind the scene stuff (I never want to speak in Court, not my goal to be a trial attorney), but I still have the privilege of working 12-14 hour days (about 3-4 hours of that is driving)So I am run down, tired, and don't get on the computer as much The good news is that I am not thte only one fading, I passed a note to my boss the other day, 3 jurors literally fell asleep. The judge noted it. Thankfully it was when the opposing side was presenting In other news, my mom HATES radiation, she finds it worse than chemo, the pain is bad. She lost her voice yest though and today they gave her liquid vicadin and she is back to her chirping self My dad had his cystascope today and no cancer, but he needs possible surgery for an enlarged prostate and they need to find out why he has a zillion kidney stones. And if anyone even bothered to make it this far down in this rambling post, please help me figure this out. How is it that David's Bridal makes bridesmaid dresses up to size 26, yet NONE have sleeves???? I had an experience in that store which I will save for another time

Have there been any updates on Carleen and Keith? I haven't seen a posting in awhile. Carleen come back, we miss your beautiful smile!

Oh my gosh, I just checked my first posts and BeckyG was one of the first to reply. DeanCarl, Maryann, Karen, Snowflake, wow. My heart aches for the losses and yet feels warm from the love by everyone if that makes sense.

Connie, I needed that kick in the butt today, thank you I realize I HAVE to get my weight under control or I am pot calling the kettle black worrying about cancer and telling people about early detection. I've always had a chubby tendency. There were two times in my life only when I was so depressed I could not eat---3 years ago after a break up and at my mom's diagnosis. Both times though afater a couple of days on prozac, food obession returned I need the energy to exercise, that is my problem. I blame my job and say I work too many hours, but in reality it is just an excuse. Oy vey is all I can say:) I gotta do it. If I don't, I will have diabetes next year, I am sure of it. It runs in my family, so I am more at risk. And then I just got my labs back from earlier this week (my yearly labs) and all was good except sugar was slightly elevated 112 and it needs to be rechecked in 6 months. It is clear what path I am heading towards and if I don't do something now, I will regret it.

I am feeling punchy so I may ramble But I just feel a real need to post this and after reading Katie's post in the Grieving section, right now sounded about the right time. Here is what Katie said:

Denise, Tons of prayers going your way. And I didn't know you started a new job, is that why you left me on Yahoo? Good luck with the job and most importantly a zillion good lucks for your mom

Peoples, I am reading really quicky at work to catch up on the day and I see that Mo posted that she had a call into the doctor, that she was feeling quacky (a polite word for sucky that I made up), but I did not see a follow up. Has anyone heard? Did I miss a post? It is tough to sneak on here when people come in and out of my office It is like don't they understand that I realize I have work to do, but if I am away from the internet for most of the day like I was today, I must read quickly before I can continue working???? Some people need a cigarette fix, I happen to need an internet fix I had an odd thought today. Well maybe not so odd. We picked a jury today for a trial, there were about 40 people in the room and my first thought was I wonder if anyone has lung cancer growing in their chest or another unknown tumor. I called my mom during the break and she laughed at me, told me I am crazy, but also admitted wondering the same thing herself sometimes in large crowds.

1. From what I heard it is typical to "overstage", they always go highest and if you can get surgery, then it is excellent news They did that with my mom, it was who knows if you are III or IV. Then when it was III, it was who knows if IIIA or B. Once they said IIIA, surgery still is not a guarantee for everyone and it just depends on how chemo goes. It is EXCELLENT news that your dad is responding well to chemo! Cancer went bye bye from one of my mom's lymphs from chemo also that was originally on PET Scan at diagnosis. Like your dad, she had a PET scan prior to final surgery decision. They need to make sure there are no other hot spots. Your news sounds positive 2. Air--funny story. Where did that myth start?. At the hair salon 3 months ago........my mom was with me and I was reluctant to let her go to Macy's herself while I was finishing up (it is in the mall). Finally I let her go and the assistant taking my highlights out said "why? does she spend too much money?". I said "no, she has cancer". He said "I tell all my people not to get operated on, I heard the air spreads it.". I told him it was a myth and my colorist about wanted to die of embarassment. I was like no big deal b/c I go there all the time and know that he meant no harm, but my colorist had to talk to him and have him apologize to me Then he said he hoped he did not discourage me. I politely asked how he could discourage me, what medical training does he have. Then I simply said keep all medical opinions to yourself b/c if that was my first time in there, i would not be a return customer

I bet she is taking that vacation she never ended up taking. Sure enough she was supposed to be gone for a week, but then there she was, on line, answering questions with her humor and wit and helping out

Yeah it has changed. How can Marlena be a serial killer and kill Alice Horton??????????? I hope it was all a dream

I have an idea! It seems that A LOT of people are doing Relay for Life. I know that at my Relay for Life we are encouraged to hand out information as sort of a "mission". Katie and Rick designed a really neat flyer that gives info and this website address. If we all hand them out at relay, I bet we could help a lot of people with lung cancer find a new home and enjoy this website as much as we do!! The flyers look pretty if printed on color paper. You can even ask your work (or sneak yourself to the copy machine) if you can run off 100 copies at work since it is for charity :):) I also came up with a new idea today, but I am not sure if it would work. Back in the good old days of high school and college I was a Days of Our Lives addict. Yes, I DO admit it. I used to spend lots of money going to Days of Our Lives luncheons and fan events I know some of you are rolling your eyes , but it was really fun for me and I made some good friends. So, I was thinking, how do people book such events where unassuming people like me spend hundres on raffle tickets for a studio tour (I won one once!)................I want to look into it. That would be a fun fundraiser :):)

i can barely type between the tears. Andrea, that was beautiful. Simply beautiful.

Darn it, it is too hard for me to stay quiet even though I said I was taking a small break. If only my work interested me as much as this website, I'd be so much more efficient and not as much at a loss of words when I sit at my computer and try to write a motion I just think everyone is different. My dad apparently had skin cancer when I was 10 years old and went through 6 rounds of radiation. This was over 20 years ago. He told no one, not even my mom!!! We just fo und out when my mom was diagnosed He finally confessed . My grandmother never told anyone she had breast cancer, she was private. My mom on the other hand does not mind who knows and who does not know. I like telling people for awareness, I like telling people to give them hope b/c my mom looks great. I have found that I mention lung cancer and everyone has a story on how it effected them and a few have told me they wonder if they should get tested b/c their dad had it, they stopped smoking awhile back , etc. I tell them that in NY they did yearly chest xrays on my parents as part of physical. In CA they don't. Had they, would my mom's cancer been seen sonner? She moved to CA 3 years ago. Probably not, early stage is usually not seen on xray so ct scans are good. I feel good sharing what I learned. I also understand the need for normalcy and privacy. I don't think there is a right or wrong, I just think we are all different. Sort of like Republicans and Democrats We are all different, but if we were the same, we'd be boring And there is no right or w rong, it is what is best f or you. As for the basketball tickets, here is my view. It makes others feel good to do something nice for someone sick. My mom's office put together a basket of fun stuff to try to cheer her up, etc. A cancer patient who is a sports fan might not even think or feel like b uying tickets, but if the cancer society offers it, it just makes them feel good to get out. I would take the tickets and then give a donation back to the cancer society I would not look at it as free, I would look at it as a perk or reward for being involved and an opportunity to donate if I could afford it. Speaking of which, my mother in law said something STUPID on vacation and meant well. She wanted our little shampoos and lotions, she said she likes to give them to cancer patients, they like it. I said my mom would not like that little sample She said well I mean those who are struggling and cannot afford it b/c treatment can be expensive. I said ok, you want to give the shampoo and lotion to women who are having a hard time in their lives and cannot afford things. That makes sense. It just bothers me when the term cancer is thrown around I think : ) Although you know, I am sure I did the same thing until it hit me personally.

My girlfriend today threw back in my face advice I had given her. My mantra always was "everything happens for a reason" and "there has to be something good in something bad". I told her I was WRONG and there is NO good in cancer. She said no, there is good, you have changed and you know it. So I was forced to make a list of "the good side of cancer" and what is has done for me. I found it therapeutic and hopefully I won't offend anyone but I thought I would share some GOOD that has come from an AWFUL situation. I also recomend others make a similar list. It made me feel a bit better. Brian said I could share as long as it is good I am not allowed to post the "bad" list 1. I force myself to enjoy the daily little things I used to take forgranted such as being able to walk up a flight of stairs even though I claim to be allergic to steps. Instead of being angry that I cannot find a parking spot, I get excited that I can walk from far away. 2. I have an awareness and have learned not to judge others on outter appearances as my mom usually looks healthier than all of us. 3. I always wanted to get involved with charity work but said I just did not have the time b/c I work full time. Yes, I always donated to different causes, particularly cancer, MS and ALS (one of the most horific diseases there is), and I genuinely wanted to help. It was not until lung cancer directly effected me however that I took it upon myself to actually do something, to actually get actively involved with different organizations and take on a roll. I finally have something to say and want to motivate others to get involved. Before it was like "oh, that is so wonderful Jane Doe is doing that for the cancer society. I wish my life was less stressful so I could do it also" Now that I am stressed to the max in a different way, I MAKE the time to be an advocate b/c I am able to and many patients themselves are not. My priorities changed 4. I used to get chest pains over the stress of my job. Now, no matter how stressful things are at work, I make sure I breathe, smile and don't let it get to me. Work is JUST work. After all, I'd rather be at work than waiting for my mom to get out of surgery and hold her hand in ICU like i did in March. 5. Lawyers can heat up rooms, things can get so intense between lawyers over an issue such whether the ink in a pen is ocean blue, dark blue, or navy blue. When I witness these heated moments and see the fires flying, I have been able to say "everyone relax a second, take a breath, realize what is important, we are not battling cancer here, let's be rational". Usually I hear "you are right", I get chuckles, tempers calm and the little issues can be ironed out. 6. I am more aware of finances in that if possible, I always want money available. I want to make sure that we never live beyond our means and always have money put away in case anyone we love needs a cancer treatment that insurance will not cover. I find new meaning in the phrase "Money can't buy health". In some ways it can. Interesting how oftentimes the top doctors won't take a HMO, only PPO and how new life saving treatments are not covered and can bankrupt you. 7. I can speak firmly to my apt complex about my displeasure of mice and preface it by saying I am sorry if I sound harsh, but I am tired, my mom has cancer, my dad is getting tests, and I am stressed. It garners a bit of sympathy at time (no, I don't abuse it) 8. I have learned to really take in every day, remember it, enjoy it, and be thankful for it. 9. I enjoy my migraines b/c they are only pain and I know it won't kill me. I ask g-d daily that if I have to have anything, thank g-d it is migraines and kidney stones. Those are "easy" to cure. 10. I no longer fret the small stuff. On vacation last weekend I spilled sauce all over my outfit, we are not sure if it is going to come out and I was not concerned. It was a new outfit. My mother in law was like how can it not bother you, do this, do that. She was insinuating that I was a princess in being so nonchalant over possible lost money. I said who cares, it goes to the dry cleaner, if it comes out great; if not I go to Nordstroms and get another one. Should I worry about my mom or my outfit? I can get upset if you would like me to. And it also made her realize how insignificant the shirt was and just something to blow off. 11. My family knows who cares. I find it twisted that it takes lung cancer for me to really know, but I do know. We have been blown away by the kindness of so many and it is an overwhelming feeling of love and it makes us feel so good to realize we touched people we did not think we touched that much. On the flip side, there is the occasional surprise and disappointment in others. 12. I know how m uch my husband loves me. The more I cry, the tighter he holds me. When I have bouts of depression like we all do, he tickles me to see a smile. And he never ever gets upset at me when I get upset and mad at the disease.

Nat, I am soooooo glad you did not post this as a Guest. I personally WANT to know how you are feeling and I WANT you to vent. (I once said the same thing about Osama, I still am trying to figure this all out, why it effects some and not the rotten seeds). First matters first, we already discussed this, you simply cannot be a witch no matter how hard you try. It just is not in your nature, your mom raised you too well, and you would have no friends b/c people are envious of you based upon your outter beauty (forget about inner). 5-9, blonde, thin, beautiful, handsome husband, you have to be nice or you will have to run for safety It seems like your dad is lost and doesn't know what to do. I strongly believes he sees your mom in you, otherwise why would he be over so often? He probably has an overwhelming sense of helplessness and does not know what to do. Sometimes when someone is suffering from extreme grief, body chemicals get out of whack and then they say and act even worse than they are supposed to. And you my dear sister, you are carrying this burden all alone. You want to fix the world and as an only child you feel a "burden" of wanting your dad to be ok and you are scared and angry and emotions are bound to get out of control. I honestly think this sounds so very normal and I could really envision the exact same scenario in my family. I feel helpless for you too. I have no words of advice to give other than to say it sounds normal and hopefully it will get better with time (i know so cliche) Has you dad continued to go to the support groups or has he stopped? It seems to me that at first you were in a state of shock and now you feel the effects. I heard that this is medically true--in college my hair was shedding and the dr asked if something stressful happened within the past 3-5 mo nths. I said yes, my grandmother passed away and I was devestated and apparently it is common for our bodies to delay physical reactions. I am so sorry Natalie You are such an amazing person, I wish I knew why you were being put through all of this. How is Phil? Is he doing ok?

Kelly, My heart is aching for you

I am getting together with locals involved with the Cancer Society. We are organizing a fun event to take place in 5 or 6 months. We will be auctioning off dates with eligible bachelors and all proceeds will go to Cancer Society. If anyone knows an eligible bachelor in So Cal who might be interested, please PM me. This event is going to be a high class event. My friend has a bunch of firemen willing to do it. I personally have recruited a Beverly Hills 32 year old good looking doctor and a 27 year old lawyer/model willing to allow me to auction them off. The men I auction for instance will be for lung cancer; my friend is doing breast cancer. It is an event for awareness of the different kinds of cancers and also a great way to raise mon ey b/c So Cal is ripe with lots of singles.

Hi. I have a quick radiaton quesiton from others who have gone through it. My mom just finished week two. I know that the skin irritation is normal. I also know many have had trouble swallowing, that has not hit her yet. However, she has been coughing like a mad person (the tech said it was from the radiation and so did the nurse). But now she said today she was nauseous the past two days. And of course fatigued like a ton of bricks hit her. I was wondering if anyone else had coughing and nausea as a side effect? From the video they made us watch, nausea seemed not to be a side effect for radiation to the lung. Just curious if others experienced it. Thanks.

What an interesting day. Brian told my mother in law that I was having a really bad day, I was crying, depressed, I took Xanax, I am worried about my dad's test and my mom's increasingly worsening cough is driving me nuts (I know it is a radiation side effect, but I still don't like it), and I was upset about some other stuff that was said about me today and all in all, just a crappy icky day. As you all know there has been a "flury" FINALLY in the media that lung cancer is the leading killer amongst women. Yay! So,my mother in law decided that lung cancer is a woman's cancer. She was at the supermarket today and saw Revlon's Walk for Life and how it supports woman's cancers. She decided she would take it upon herself to donate lots of money in honor of my mom and sign herself and me up as volunteers for the event. She was all proud of herself and I just burst out laughing---I told her that Revlon does not consider lung cancer a woman's disease and the funds are not allocated to LC and I made an oath to LCSC to boycott revlon. She went uh oh I said don't worry, not a big deal, I appreciated it and it would be my honor and pleasure to help work the event I just said I have to keep in line with the LCSC boycott and refuse to buy the products and instead will carry a LC totebag I swear I feel like I am in the twilight zone sometime. OK, gotta run, I hear Brian pittering about and he can't catch me on line.

I know what you mean. My mom smoked 20 + years ago. However I don't think the warnings were as severe then and as a result smoking got out of control. Maybe what bothers me about smoke is that sometimes it is unavoidable. They should just call Las Vegas breeding grounds for lung cancer (I should wear a mask when I go in July ) I know it is all a choice, and I am not one to talk, it just suddenly bothered me when I heard he sells cigars. What bothers me the most is that I cannot formulate an opinion one way or another in my head about what I think Part of my brain says GOOD FOR HIM, it is a business and if he can make a fortune that way, go for it. People choose to buy it. The other part of me is like cigars, bad. Very bad.

I am pleased to report that Mickey Scheff, an unwanted child, was killed yesterday, April 15, 2004 during the day. It is unknown at this time what relatives survived Mickey. We will find out in the next week I am sure as a trap is still out :) Heehee. I didn't really need them to kill it. I thought the whole point of the glue trap instead of the other kind was to capture it, make it stick and then let it loose?????? But then someone at work told me the bait is actually poison? I am confused. Oh well, it is gone. For whatever reason, Brian found it dead after work yest and maintence simply threw him in the dumpster. Poor little guy. I hope to visit his uncle Mickey Mouse at Disneyland within the month to pay my respects

Did it bother anyone that Bill won and he owns a cigar shop? I honestly cannot decide if it bothers me. On the one hand, people can choose to smoke. I am chubby, so who am I to talk. On the other hand, ones choice to smoke can effect others with second hand some. So I am torn. How I am supposed to concentrate on my work when I need to figure out if I want to write NBC? Hmmmmm.

I am too lazy to re invent the wheel Does anyone have a sample letter they would not mind sharing with me that they had sent out to media or personalities or whomever about lung cancer? As you know, I can't do the walk in Nov specifically for LCSC. BUT I just found out that from the American Cancer Society for Relay for Life, they will give me insurance and I can host events anytime with the proceeds going to them. My thought process is that I want to try to set some stuff up through that organizaiton until LCSC has funds for insurance, etc. However, while doing any event, I will be using a banner with www.lchelp.com, handing out flyers from LCSC and the tote bags I will sell will say www.lchelp.com so I can try to get peo ple here and make them aware of the website! :) Also, if anyoone has a cure for heart fluttering, send it over. I had it before thwe edding and surgery; i had it a few months ago and it returend today. Quacky.