hamlet

I am petrified, angry at myself for getting in this mess, and feeling hopeless. Thank you for replying. I fear so many things, my health seems the least of it--though it is behind it all, lurking. Fear that the man I love will desert me and worse that I will hurt him yet again. Money. I can't even imagine what it will cost or where I will get it. I emailed cancer adovactes (they were on the wonderful list that Rich includes with his post) and they did not even respond. even though they have a specific place where you can ask for help. Is it the stigma of this disease? Makes me mad--but I can't help feeling shame right now either. People are cruel--I learned that the hard way. I don't know if I have the strength right now to make a step. New city--can barely find the grocery. No one I know here. No one to talk to. I have not felt this helpless since I was a child and lost my mother. I was nine and had to go it alone through life and now all I can think is that all along I really wasn't able to go it alone--all just pretending. I want to believe it is worth the fight. You all help --reading your words, but then again so much pain and disappointment. I herald you all and your families.

I have not been diagnosed, but believe I have lc. My fingers are clubbed and I havebilateral burning knee pain for past 3 weeks. A PA told me my fingers were clubbed 6 months ago but acted like it was not a big deal--just suggested tests but didnt' oder them that day. Gave me no indication that it was a life threatening condition. I also have a wheeze on one side. I am frightened--just moved in with my husband to whom I have been married for over 25 years but separated from for 5 years. He tried to add me to his insurance but there is a six month waiting period. He does not know of my fears, and I can't bear to tell him. We are already near bankruptcy--as I have been unemployed for over a year and he lost a high paying job four years ago and now makes less than half of what he made. We are facing judgements from Citi Bank and Discover. For four years we tried to pay the bills and get our kids through college, but when I lost my job it was too much. I do not live near a Hill Burton facility. My husband makes too much money for me to get assistance. Maybe I should never have moved back with him--only to cause him more grief and financial problems. Will I be able to get treatment until my inurance kicks in or will they send me home to wait. I know they will do credit check and find that we can't pay. I am desparate-belieiving I have lc and not knowing what stage or if there is any hope. I am only 48--didn't even know until I begain to look for the cause of my knee pain that cancer strikes this young. But now know that others much younger and who never smoke get it. I am a smoker. I have read many posts here and admire the courage and fortitude of many members here. I feel alone and wish to have the strength I have seen here. My pain is severe, which does not help either. Where can I turn?