Z_Pacific

Hi Dean, Congratulations and I hope you had a great evening – you deserve it and so does Gay. As I am always late in responding but here’s something you might consider for your next date: Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." It sounds to me like you guys have both parts that make a truly great relationship. God Bless, Howard

Dear Phyliss, Denial, Anger and finally Acceptance are parts of a grieving process we go through. If you are feeling angry it’s good because if you are feeling you are fighting. We move from one to another and back again as we fight our common adversary. All I can say is God Bless. Howard

Hi Elaine, My walk on the path less traveled is governed by a number of factors. The one foremost is the lack of any really sophisticated medical resources here in Guam. If I had opted for Chemo in Nov. I would be stuck high and dry as the only onc closed up shop and went to Hawaii. Now to get Chemo or Radiation we would have to go to Manila or Hawaii. Based upon the advanced nature of the cancer when it was first found in March of last year and how good I was feeling I decided not to compromise my current state and get the most out of the time that I have. The result of this is that I have been able to enjoy almost a year of really good quality life with admitted a few down turns. Leaving Guam for treatment is not an option for me personally as I am unwilling to be apart from my family or bankrupt them with off island treatment. The decisions we make are complex and far reaching. I question my decision each day and come away with the resolve that it is best path for me to take. I do not profess that it is the right path for anyone else as to walk. Each of us must make that decision for themselves. The irony is that we make such a personal decision that affects so many around us. As I said the decision is complex and far reaching. Thanks for the update on how things are going with you and God Bless. Howard

Hi Dean As each one of us deals with our common adversary in our very own personal way – your words serve as guide posts helping navigate the troubled waters that we sail. God Bless, Howard

Hi David, Same thing happens to me. It kind of builds up. After having a few bad days things seem to clear up and will have a couple of really good days = good energy, little pain and great attitude about feeling so good. Then BAM!!!! I know in the morning that the good days are over, not being able to shake the morning aches and pains that elevate as the day goes on. End up sleeping most of the day. You are right to savor and be thankful for the good days. Each morning I look up into the sky and thank God for giving me this day. Good or Bad I will take it and be thankful for it. Good Bless and Keep the Faith, Howard

Hang in there Dean, For one who does not see the doctor very often I am the last person who should offer any advice except go for the pain meds when you need them. My doc says that the last thing I need to worry about now is getting addicted to anything. Not knowing what evil webs the beast is weaving I the last thing I need to deal with is pain. I am currently taking Percoset, Morphine and a 3-day patch (good for taking away morning pain). Once the pain is under control I can try and deal with the other challenges each day brings. As you have said, taking the road less traveled requires an attitude that the beast will not conquer me. While each set back we encounter hits us physically we must fight on mentally. Our only weapon is our attitude, faith and commitment to living each day as best we can, with what we have. God Bless, Howard

Cheryl. I passed the one-year mark stage IV in March and thank God for each day he gives me. Your post was a true inspiration for all of us who fight this beast in our own way. God Bless, Howard

Hi Elaine, I have been having a little vision problem lately that has taken some adjustment on my part. The muscle that moves my left eye horizontally is not working correctly causing extreme double vision. I have seen an eye doc and we are experimenting with eye patch and magnification for right eye. Tried to see if we could get the left eye in tune by shading part of my glasses but had to give up as the left eye just keeps getting worse. Up to yesterday had a lot of trouble reading or writing, so I have not been using the computer. On the bright side of things still have one working and with a little more fine-tuning should be able to adjust. Thanks for your concern and enough about me – let me know how you are doing? God Bless, Howard

Greetings from Guam, I would like to thank all of you for the kind words. The beast seems to come and go with each visit a little more intense. Have been feeling good for the past week and am preparing for its next attack. Keeping weight on has been a challenge but I found that drinking dietary supplements like Ensure has helped stabilized my weight. Stabilizing the emotional side is another matter. I think we all go through depression to one degree or another and sometimes it is very difficult to pull one’s self out of it. To keep this beast a bay each morning I sit outside and while I enjoy a little java I thank God for giving me another day. It does not matter how I feel physically, at least I am around to feel something. This web site is another pillar supporting the emotional fight. There is no way to express how important it has been for me being able to share what is happening all of you who are engaged in the same battle. God Bless all of you and thank you again for your caring. Howard

Hi Elaine, Thanks for your concern. I have not been real active on the site for the past two weeks. Apparently the cancer is on the move with my docs speculating that it has spread into the liver and or kidney. Consequently have had to adjust to a new level of pain management along with some weigh loss and fatigue. As I said in another post today to Tbone after having an x-ray and sonogram my doc said that the only person left for me to see was my priest to get my spiritual life in order. In spite of everything I still feel truly blessed to have been able to spend the quality time I have had with my family. Pain management is the only treatment I am taking and while it zonks me by nightfall, it also permits me to do so many things with my family. It is the little things that one might tend to miss that seem to count most. I hope that all of you are doing well and please know you are in my prayers. God Bless, Howard

Hi Mo, Hope you are feeling better and will be able to get out and get that new addition to your family. We adopted a puppy (Max) from our local humane society and gave it to our 7-year-old son for his birthday in September. Our here in Guam we have a totally unique canine species named “boonie dogs.” They are a mix of just about every breed you can imagine and come in all shapes and sizes. We were told by the folks at the society that Max was a “low rider” meaning an elongated body on short stumpy legs. He has a huge head and tail that is half as long as his body. This strange creature has endeared himself to our family and is a wonderful companion for our son. God Bless, Howard

Hi Rochelle, My prayers will be with David during this holy week. God Bless, Howard

I was experiencing heavy sweating for no apparent reason for about 2 months. It has dropped off considerable in the past few weeks. Am not taking any medication except for pain. Just like Cindy occurred mostly from the head. My doc thought that is was from hormone imbalances caused by the tumors. God Bless, Howard

Will Say a special prayer for you at Mass tomorrow. God Bless, Howard

Dean, Oh So True! God Bless, Howard