Jump to content

GardenLady

Members
  • Posts

    14
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  1. This is the first post I'm writing since my Dad died, on Jan. 28th. I was feeling much like you...wondering when exactly would be the end. All I can do is tell you what Dad went through, to give you some idea. As some pp stated, it's heartbreaking to watch their loved one's health and weight decline. For Dad, he went from walking around (uncoordinated, though) about 1 week before he passed. He lost more and more independence each day. He became bedridden one day, after a fall. He was forced to "use" the depends, rather than the commode, the next day, then he stopped eating foods he had to chew, then he stopped drinking water through a straw b/c it was too thin (he still drank ice cream shakes through the straw and ate pudding), then he stopped even that the day before he died. He slept more and moved less...he couldn't turn himself over anymore about three days before he passed. Then, the day before, he slept and slept and started with longer pauses between breaths. Dad was lucky to be pain-free, as far as we knew. He had the hospice aide with him to change him, etc., right before he passed. Hospice was lovely...they were such a great group of people and really did try to explain things, but with a positive outlook. Dad's oncologist had told my mom about how long Dad had left, if he stopped treatment like he did, and the oncologist was about right. I was glad that I was able to get there to see him when I did. He was still responsive and somewhat vocal when I saw him at first...even waving to my toddler daughter. As pp said, enjoy the time you have...it's so surreal and it's still sad, even though you are preparing for it. Also, just keep talking to him...no one really knows what they can and can't hear, but I like to think that hearing is one of the last senses to go. Also, we liked to put music on, so that Dad could hear something nice when we weren't sitting with him.
  2. Thanks for all of your advice and support. My husband stepped in and talked to my son about his Pop. My son is the kind of kid that likes to be informed (he was really ticked when he realized that Santa wasn't real-b/c we "lied to him"). So, keeping that in mind, hubby told him that I am flying home next weekend and what the situation is. Connor now understands that Pop is dying and that he will not be recovering. He has known all along that my Dad has cancer, largely b/c we knew it was palliative treatment and not treatment for a cure. So, it's not a total shock or anything. Just a big jolt, as for me, knowing that the end of Dad's life is now and not later. I agree about continuing to talk about a loved one. I can't understand how people avoid talking about them. I guess for some it's too painful, but for others it's too painful NOT to talk about them. I'm a talker, so my son will have a chance to talk, too.
  3. GardenLady

    End of Life?

    I didn't notice a section on end-of-life on the boards, so I guessed here would be the best place. I'm struggling a bit with this weird place I'm in with my Dad, where we know he's going to leave us soon, but he's still with us. Any advice on how to help my Mom and other family members? Mom said that Dad's already past the point of having any lengthy, dare I say heart-to-heart, type conversations. So, when I fly home next week, I am prepared that I'm going to help my Mom with my Dad, not going to help occupy and entertain my Dad. Any advice on what to tell an 11 year old grandson? My son is very close with my Dad and saw him often until we moved about 18 mos. ago. Is it a blessing that my son is at the age where hanging out with family isn't really fun anymore? Is it a blessing that we're far enough away that my son won't see my Dad while his body shuts down? And, how do I help my son right now, while I'm long-distance parenting? I know my hubby will take care of things, here, but he doesn't know quite what to do, either. I am fortunate to have never lost a loved one (not many people I've known make it to 31 without experiencing a significant death). I have one grandma that's still alive and the rest were gone before I was born. The only real death for me was my first cat...20 years ago. I'm totally going through a completely unknown process and I'm not big on surprises, so any advice would help. Thanks!
  4. Thank you for posting this! This is exactly what I'm struggling with after hearing the news that we're in "saying goodbye mode" with my Dad. Neither he or my Mom have ever been very verbal about their emotions, so it's tough to know what to say or do. I write much better than I speak, so I think I may do a letter to my Dad, too. I imagine a letter is also great for people who have already lost a loved one and never were able to actually say what they were thinking, too.
  5. I think this is a great idea, too! It'll keep my mind on something else, too. I have 50 lbs. to lose to get back to a healthy weight (Wii fit tells me I'm obese...so does the BMI calc. on my scale, even though I'm one of those "apples" that doesn't look THAT chubby). I think I'll put $2 per pound lost and $4 per pound gained...a penalty for my tight budget, but motivation to keep it up and still beneficial to the cause. Thanks, Andrea...I was feeling exactly the way you were, so this is perfect!
  6. It's something that each person has to decide for themselves. My Dad watched his mom pass away from LC, after years of her smoking, and he still never quit. He has SCLC now, at 58, and is still smoking. My Mom says that he'll keep smoking until he can't lift his hands anymore. Some people are just THAT addicted. Enjoy your daughter and realize she'll quit when she's ready...don't cause a rift b/t you b/c of it. I'm not saying to enable her and buy her cigarettes, though! Enabling is different than agreeing to disagree.
  7. My Mom was able to talk to the doctors after she got the results of the CT scan (she's a nurse and is able to get in touch with the docs easily at work) and found that Dad's prognosis is poor and the end will be quick. The doc cautiously told my Mom that Dad probably has about a month, without treatment. The doc is upset, b/c he knows that if my Dad pursues treatment, it might kill him just as fast (Dad's still trying to recover from radiation that ended two weeks ago), so radiation or not, the timeframe will be similar (if he had no brain mets, he would be on course for more chemo, since things are growing elsewhere, too). Also, Mom's friend, who reads the CT scans, etc., was helping her understand why Dad's symptoms are the way they are, showing her which spots the masses are in and how they affect the brain in the way that it causes the issues he's having. (She explained that time and coordination are affected, which explains why he seems strong in some ways, but weak in others). I'm glad that my mom is able to talk to people she knows at work and trusts their opinions and advice. It takes away some of the extra stress. Luckily, the Decadron has helped enough that my Mom was able to have a very simple conversation with my Dad about treatment and he told her that he's not strong enough for any more radiation or chemo. right now. Sadly, I don't think he realizes exactly what that means, yet. I doubt she told him that the docs only give him another month or so. Also, Dad's the kind of guy that would just rather not know...he doesn't ask the questions or research to get answers...kind of a need-to-know person. Those closest to my Dad have all decided that we'd rather not have him suffer, and that's what treatment will do to him right now. Even though we know he just wants to live, we know he doesn't want to live in a way that he has a very low quality of life. He saw his Mom lose her fight to LC, when he was about my age, so he knows what to expect. And, I don't think it was lost on him when his Aunt passed last month, due to NSCLC, maybe 2 months after diagnosis (she was 86, and chose no treatment). My sister is staying at my parents' this weekend (planned before we found out the test results) and I'll have her let me know how things are going and how fast I should fly out to stay with them. I'm numb, at the moment...I just didn't expect to hear that it could be that fast until the end for Dad. And, Mom's very clinical when she talks to me about Dad, usually, so when she was emotional talking to me about it yesterday, it really became real. Thanks for listening...I know this is a long post...
  8. Well...it's what most of us would think. Dad's cancer spread to his brain. They're doing a CT scan today to check everything else out and then will decide a course of treatment (if any) from there. Dad's not really even phased by my mom telling him that he needed to start Decadron ASAP yesterday (my Uncle picked up the Rx and brought it to him, while Mom was at work). The meds are supposed to help with any swelling in the brain, so that could help his time issues, for a bit, at least. I think it's more to help him, so that he can make some decisions about whether or not to pursue treatment. He always says to do whatever to keep him alive, but no one wants him to suffer, either, so some tough decisions lie ahead... I'm still surprised at how fast the cancer is spreading...he had brain scans, but not right away, after diagnosis, according to mom (he had the superior vena cava issues that were more pressing). He was only diagnosed in April 2008, so maybe, at most, it's been 6 mos. since his last brain scan. I was hoping that Dad would be one of the small percent to kick this in the butt and live past the 5 year mark...now, I'm just hoping he has a decent quality of life before he leaves us. I know my hope was somewhat flawed...I've known all along that the treatments were just to alleviate symptoms and not supposed to be a cure. I think I just thought the cancer wouldn't be so aggressive.
  9. Dad is going for an MRI tomorrow and a CT scan on Monday. He's still forgetful with time...Mom likens it to everything in slow motion (i.e. he'll get stuff ready for a shower and it takes 6 hours for him to actually take the shower...better than the 24 hours Mom said was last week). He just cannot sense time. Didn't know it was Christmas until Mom said Merry Christmas. He's remembering everything else, though...just the time is an issue. So, I'll let you know when I know what's going on...very curious situation. On the plus side, Mom says she sees a glimmer of "Dad," not just the fatigued man she's taking care of. So, it seems to be improving, even just a little.
  10. They had done an MRI and decided no radiation b/c the scan came back clear. He IS on the steroids...which one, I'm not sure, but I know he's on them. I'll check into both, though. He's supposed to go back to the onc in early January, since he hasn't seen my Dad since before the radiation. I'm sure more scans and such will be involved... Thanks for the quick replies!
  11. Does anyone know what to do about forgetfulness, as far as it relates to a lapse of judgment regarding time? My Mom just called me and was livid about my Dad's recent lapse of judgment (about something they had discussed recently, though he seems to have forgotten). Due to other issues with this circumstance, she was angry with him, although she told him and does realize it's not actually his fault (had to do with another family member basically taking advantage of him). She said it's been an issue over the last couple of weeks in general. Dad doesn't seem to have any time-sense; very similar to that of a toddler. Mom tells me that she's had to "nag" him to get ready for appointments, up until the last minute they can leave, and Dad is frustrated with her, b/c she keeps bothering him (but she has to or they'll miss the appointments if they don't leave)! It's the same with eating...he thinks she just asked him if he wants her to make him something and it was before his nap, 5 hours earlier! Any idea of what to do to help? I thought of setting a timer, but I'm afraid he won't remember what it's for and it will just frustrate him more. If it makes a difference, he just finished with radiation treatments for SCLC and will be beginning a second round of chemo. sometime after the new year.
  12. Thanks for such a warm welcome! To answer a few questions...Dad has extensive SCLC. They were originally looking at the pancreas and liver b/c of the masses, but fairly quickly found it was LC. Also, Dad has gone through one round of chemo, so far. He was doing great following that, but then wound up in the hospital a few weeks later, for what they thought was pneumonia. It wasn't. He had another mass, but around his trachea (apparently that looks similar to pneumonia). He just finished up radiation to target that mass on Friday. So, now it's resting time until they estimate more chemotherapy for after the New Year. He said he feels that radiation has been much worse than chemo. And, mom says that seems to be, since he's hardly eating (and therefore, hardly taking his pills)...he seems WAY more tired. Hopefully the break and good, but small, holiday festivities will lift his spirits.
  13. Hi! Although I've known about Lungevity for months, I finally realized there's a message board on here. And, I think I need to finally admit that I need some support. My Dad is 58 and has SCLC. I'm 30 and haven't had to deal with anyone with a serious illness before this. My grandparents had all passed away long before I was born, except for my mom's mother, who's still with us and pretty on-top-of-it, at 87. My biggest problem is that I'm 800+ miles away from my Mom and Dad, and as the fates would have it, we had just moved away from them only about 9 months before his diagnosis in April 2008. So, needless to say, I feel somewhat helpless, and because I'm not there everyday (like Mom) or every week (like my sister), I am in a certain state of denial. I am always the optimist, when it comes to the bigger picture, and I might even say that, in the past, I have ignored things (like a best friend's parents' divorce) b/c I didn't want them to be true. So, I'm looking to acquire the wisdom of all of you that are dealing/have dealt with a loved one with LC. In my mind, Dad will be one of the 16% that are 5+ year survivors and I hope that I am right. But, I know that I have to face the reality of the situation, as well. Thanks, in advance, for all of your help!
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.