shordy

Many of you may be familiar with me losing my Dad to lung cancer over a year ago. And I remember going to his shop & him saying "you'd better stay outta that sun." Well...needless to say I didn't listen to him. Now I have actinic keratosis, I'm in my 6th week of a 4 month long treatment and then another 3 months for skin rejuvenation. Having to put a chemo type cream on my face, I look like an ogre with a horrible case of the measles! What I would love to know if anyone out there knows of a support group for people with skin cancer. I've looked everywhere. If anyone can help I'd surely appreciate it. Thanks, and I've missed you all...and my Daddy too! Love Shordy

Today's my birthday and it's my first one without my Dad & I miss him SO. No one seems to understand except my Husband & my Stepmom. But I still feel alone in this. I'll have my big cry tomorrow, I had to make a "show" for my birthday today so I made sure I didn't cry, no wonder I'm on "anti-depressants." But I'm not depressed!! I just miss my Dad, I still wear my shoe charm that's heart shaped & says "My Heart Belongs To Daddy" and the gold pendant that says Daddy's Girl. I guess I'll just have to do that til I get over it. Thanks for listening. Love you all, Shordy

Kris, I'm in the same boat that you are. I lost my Dad 6 months ago. I know that everyone says that time is the only healer. I just wonder also when will that time get here. I miss my Dad so much too. I made a shrine kind of thing to him. It's a glass 4 shelf case and I put things from him in it, like his welding helmet, cards from him and so on. Then I put collages of pictures all around it. I look at it every day. I guess for me, I figured seeing it every day would help. I have to admit that it does make me sad at times looking at it but there's times that I smile seeing the Daddy that I'm so proud of and so proud that he was my Dad. I'll be thinking of you and hope that you'll find something that helps you through this. It sure is a rough road for all of us and you just wonder how people do it. My thoughts are with you. Take care, Shordy

I guess I'm going to have to quit writing, it's so sad and my heart goes out to you all. Don't guess I'll ever get use to not having a Daddy. I don't have any kids and that makes my Daddy that much more important. Thanks for putting up with me. Love to you all!!! Love you all bunches! Shordy...how do you quit crying??

Oh Katie, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure you are glad that you were with him at the end. Yesterday was the funeral and my Stepmom had them play "Go Rest High on That Mountain." It barely got started and I thought it was over for me, that song is sad even when everything in your life is wonderful. I think we gave him a good service. Everyone seemed to like his very personalized Memorial Folders I made for him and they seemed to enjoy looking at the Memory Board I made. I hope I made Daddy proud. The preacher even read the words that I had put on the front of his Folder (along with his picture), I had saw it on another Folder at one time & I thought it was so neat, he said he'd never seen this saying before and it said this: "There'll be two dates on your tombstone. All your friends will read 'em, but all that's gonna matter is that little dash in between 'em." I have to realize that he had a lot of good years before he passed. I'll be glad when memories aren't cruel to me, memories just make me want him back.....Again, sorry Katie...lots of love to you & everyone here...Shordy

I finished his memorial folders today and got the pictures ready. We're going to have a closed casket & I feel privledged to do the pictures. I'm making a memory board for him too. I had spent 4 days with him day & night watching him & pacing back & forth, we were all worn to a frazzle. I was with him when he passed, how sad that was but I'm glad I got to be there. I'll miss him & miss being "Daddy's baby." I promised him at the end that I'd look after my Stepmom so she's my number one priority now. I won't let him down. He sure fought hard. I Love him so much & will miss him forever. I'm dreading tomorrow & Thursday and I thank every one of you so much for your support...you're all so special!! Thanks again, Love you all...Shordy

Shordy's Dad passed today. Don't guess I'll quit crying for a while. But thanks to you all....Shordy

Thanks to you all for the support. I've made up the Memorial Folders and I have his picture on the front of him dressed nice and on the inside, a real small one of him in his overalls, what everyone always saw him in. I also put a picture of all of us together on the back with a little saying. I've also spent a few days working on a Memory Board. I got the dimensions for it and have put sheets of pictures together, I think it'll be nice. I also made a few pictures to frame and put out on tables, one is with him in the center and little clip art images of things that he was all about, like one with a man fishing, a tractor, a farm with pigs (he use to raise pigs) the St. Louis Arch, he worked on that, an ironworker, and a welder and underneath the picture of him I put the words "what made the man". It was SO difficult to start the projects but I was glad that he'll be able to have such a personalized ordeal and that people will look at the Memory Board and see that he lived, laughed, loved and had family & friends...that he was here. Well, I think I'm gonna start crying so I'd better shut up. Thanks to all of you wonderful people for your kind words. Love Shordy

Well, here I am again... I think Daddy has an estimated month or so, being that his liver is entirely tumor. They haven't called in Hospice yet, he also went for a CT to see if that VP 16 has done any good and will find out the results tomorrow. I'm so afraid for him, I'm afraid he's not going to get the results he's looking for. The doctor that I found him couldn't do him any good and my Stepmom said he took it really hard, I felt like I'd failed him. He looks so different than he did a few weeks ago, no hair and very tired. Today the doctor put me on Zoloft...we'll see. He's making his funeral arrangements...now that is just WAY beyond my comprehension, making your own funeral arrangements, it bothers my Stepmom but knows it's something she has to do with him. I'm trying to figure out how to get through making his "eulogy" papers, those things you pick up at a funeral. I want to do them, I'll feel priveledged to do them, but I'm not sure how I'll get through the process, I want them to be special, with his picture on it and all that special personal stuff. Well, I knew writing this would make me cry...thanks to you all so very much! Lots of love to everyone...Shordy

Just wanted to tell everyone that we had such a nice visit with Daddy & my Stepmom yesterday! It was wonderful. I took my best friend, Daddy loves her like a daughter, also my Husband whom he loves and another friend who he thinks is "a hoot!" We laughed so much and there were so many stories that he told that I never knew about. We made him laugh so much it was absolutely the best visit ever. He seems to feel good too. We ended up taking about 80 pictures with my digital camera. We're still looking into to other things to help him. He said quite a few things to me that just made me feel like I was on top of the world! What a day...the best day I've had in my life. Well, just wanted to share a new picture and to tell you how my visit went. Love you all and thanks for remembering me & my Dad. Shordy

Thanks Shelly, you made me laugh and these days that's hard to come by...laughter! Thanks!!! Love always, Shordy

Well, I'm not doing much lately other than trying to find something to help Daddy & then I sleep, I've never slept so much in my whole life. This big creep of a doctor knew that there were other options out there to help Daddy instead of letting his liver get so cancerous when it wouldn't be able to be helped at all. I'm SO mad still and still not able to figure out how to take Daddy's last hope away. My Husband is SO sweet, he was trying to cheer me up & bought me a new 'Vette, I already have one but he thought this newer one might help, how sweet of him, he's such a wonderful man and I don't know what I'd do without his support. I know he wishes he could take this from me and I wish I would've found all these other options for my Dad before I did. Well, at the one point Daddy wouldn't allow me to ask questions so that did put a bit of a halt on that. Well, gonna go back to sleep again, I've looked & slept all day, still trying to find the "magic bullet." Love to you all and thanks so much to everyone and take care, Love, Shordy

Karma, I'm so so sorry to hear that your Dad passed. You're in my thoughts & prayers as is everyone here. Big hugs to you! Shordy

Okay, now in between crying I'm going to try & write this. I've been in contact with a doctor that does Body Radiosurgery and he was willing to look at Daddy's reports. He just let me know that all of Daddy's liver is cancerous. And to do the Radiosurgery you have to have at least some good tissue. I don't know what to do, I'm now left with the job of telling my Dad & Stepmom that their last glimmer of hope is gone, I just can't do that but I have to. I also feel like my Dad's nasty big creep of an Oncologist signed his death sentence when he didn't get him in for this treatment whenever he had only the one spot on his liver. Big Creep! If/when something happens to Daddy there's no one that will be able to stop me from writing him the biggest ear burning letter he'll ever read in his lifetime, hopefully being right under the guidelines of something that might send me to prison! Well, any suggestions would be a great help. Thanks to you all, Shordy

Well, you guys, it doesn't look good for Daddy. I took him to his Oncologist appointment yesterday and it was horrible. I asked the doctor about Body Radiosurgery and he just let me have it...he told me that now Daddy has almost no good liver tissue left, that it's almost all cancerous. Then Daddy asked how much time he had left and the doctor said "Bill, your time's not measured in years, but months." Well, I was wishing to be immediately blinked to some far away desert, country, maybe in front of an oncoming tank, just anywhere but there. I was hoping that my Dad was alright and I was hoping that I would be able to hang in there til I got home, we had a 45 minute drive back to his house then I had an hour & 45 minute drive back home. It was terrible. I didn't know what to say and I wasn't even expecting him to ask something like that. I don't know what to do, I feel so helpless, his last hope would've been possibly the Radiosurgery, but now it seems that the stinking doctor has drug his feet and let it progress to the point where he can't get any help now. I'm so mad at that doctor. I'm just mad period. Well, I just wanted to update you all and I wish you all health & happiness and I thank you all for being here for me. Lots of Love, Shordy

Carleen, thanks for the reply. That sounds like a great thing they're doing in England. I'm going to go with Daddy on Tuesday to his oncologist and ask him a few things, I have permission The procedure I was referring to is Body Radiosurgery, but I'm also going to ask about the RFA too. We're not giving up and now that Daddy's letting me help him again it feels so good, there for a while he really shut me out and now I think he's changed his mind, I think he'd take any kind of help from anyone right now. Thanks again so much for your support, it's so appreciated. You guys don't know how much you all keep me going sometimes. You are all such a big help in so many ways. Love to you all, Shordy...I'll keep you updated on his appt. Tuesday

Katie, Shelly, rayroy, Rickey, Donna, Karma, Don, Joanie, David, hopeful, Deb, Peg, Bob & Tiny, thanks SO very much for your replies, thoughts & prayers. I'm always so surprised to see all the posts, you're all so thoughtful and I thank you. I had a good conversation with Daddy yesterday, I really hadn't talked to him much since the loss of my baby Bear. He actually said that he thought the doctor was "dragging his feet." So, maybe that'll encourage him to get another second opinion. I've been looking at this "Body Radiosurgery." Does anyone have any experiernce with that? It sounds wonderful. I see that there are suppose to be 4 doctors in the U.S. that are trained to do that, one in Staten Island, one in Houston and possibly Indiana University. It would be wonderful if they did it in Indianapolis, that's a drive from here & not a plane flight, but I'd be more than glad to take him to anywhere in the world to get help. I sorta hit him up with the idea of travelling to get help but he didn't say anything. Like I had said they've got him on Vepesid and it cost him $1,035 for 10 days worth of pills that isn't covered by medicare. He isn't even sure how long he'll have to take them, but I did find them cheaper elsewhere. If anyone has any info on this Body Radiosurgery I'd love to know about it. All I know about it is what I've read from the net. I've always said I'd NEVER fly, but my Husband knew yesterday when I mentioned it that I'd fly to the moon if it would help him. Thanks to you all for the support, it's more appreciated than you'll ever know. Lots of love, Shordy

Well everyone, I guess they've given up on my Dad. He went for his CT results today and they told him that they've exhausted all of their chemo treatments and he's not responded to any of them. His tumor has grown some and also, there are "a bunch" more spots on his liver too. So, they mentioned pain management and then hospice. Plus they'll give him a pill to try and help his liver, but they said that he has a 1 in 10 chance of it doing any good. He takes 1 pill one day then 2 the next, rotates them like that, they're $1,000 for 15 of them. He's going to try them. So Daddy left the office today with the only outlook of hospice...how sad for us all. I can't imagine what going through his mind right now, and my Stepmom's too. I just hate this for them. I just don't know what to do. A couple weeks ago I had to go through the horrific experience of having to euthanize my 18 year old "baby" canine that is, I've had him since the day he was born. I've cried every day, this is so hard, I miss him so bad, when it rains it just pours! Thanks for listening, Love, Shordy

Thanks you guys! I'm going down tomorrow & I'm cooking a big meal for him & my Stepmom. Hope to be able to feed him everything before the chemo starts again. Hopefully after he eats my cooking I'll still have good news to report! (I'm not a very good cook) I'm only cooking on one condition, he has to lie about it if he doesn't like it!!! This picture was taken right before his retirement in his welding shop. Yep, he's grundgy looking, but a hard worker. Actually, I look sorta grundgy looking also! Like Father, like Daughter. Love you all and thanks for the support.

You guys are the greatest!! I called him yesterday & asked him what he was going to be doing ( I was going to go see him) and he said that they were going to the lake. I asked him if he was going to fish, and he said "no, just nose around." That was so neat to hear, it was such a nice day yesterday. I asked him how the mowing went and he said "well, I just sat up there & mowed." I said "so, it wasn't no thang" and he laughed and said "no, it wasn't no thang!" That was so funny. I'll keep you updated and hope I'll always have something good to tell you. But I'm still trying to get over my "sweatshirt" incident!! Love you all, Shordy...p.s. Don, Daddy's into anything he's big enough to do Things he dreaded doing before, now he's just glad he CAN do them and I even feel the same way now.

His first day home from rehab, he mowed grass,(riding lawnmower) then the next day he went to the lake, just nosing around as he said. I'm just so excited for his progress!! He'll have a week off from chemo, so he's going to eat everything in sight til that metalic taste comes back.

Today is Daddy's last day in rehab! Yeah!! They gave him & my Stepmom a steak dinner last night. She said that he ate every last bite of it all. He can walk pretty good with a walker and can stand up by himself. He's looking forward to going home & mowing the grass. What a great place this rehab place is. They're giving him a week before they start him back on chemo. I'll keep you all updated and hopefully will be telling you soon that he's walking without any help. Thanks so much to you all. Don, I hope you didn't hurt yourself falling off your chair at my "doctor visit" story!! I'm still trying to get off the floor from humiliation!! Love you all, Shordy

Yesterday was our Family Day at Rehab to learn all the "druthers" on how to take care of Daddy. He's going home Friday. It went great, it was amazing at what that place has done for him. I got to see him walk with a walker and climb up steps and so on, it's just amazing. They think of everything there. I only made one big boo boo. Daddy was walking down the hall and had my Dad's (step) daughter-in-law on one side, the therapist on the other and me following behind with the wheelchair, now mind you I haven't the first clue about how to take care of anyone or am not use to wheelchairs & such, well there we go, my job looked easy enough, we then see a younger guy standing there with his walker along with a therapist next to him and as I strolled slowly by, I almost knocked his walker out from under him! I was so embarrassed, I apologized as I turned 3 shades of red. I didn't realize that there was that plastic foot thing sticking ten miles out to the side! The therapist laughed and I told him not to tell Daddy and he said "why, would you get in trouble?" And I said "YES!" It was a fun & neat day to see just how much he could do. I'll let keep you updated. This place has been the best thing for me to be able to get through all of this and now to be able to share all the great things too! Thanks everyone! Love, Shordy

I just talked to Daddy and he said that he was the only one that caught any fish. He also said that the Paducah KY newspaper took his picture along with his fish (the size of a minnow he says!) and it'll be in tomorrow's paper. I can't wait to see it!! He said he really enjoyed it. I asked him if he "showed out" and he laughed and said yes. He says he's going home this next Friday and when I asked him if he was going to walk out of there, he said he thought so, if not, he said he can at least hobble out of there! He's in good spirits, thanks so much for everyone's support! Love you all, Shordy

You guys are the neatest! When I call him today, by now that fish that he caught will be huge by now!! I can't wait to talk to him. He sure has taught us all that's been around him, that everything is "small stuff." I don't get aggravated at things that use to make me mad, we're alll just glad when we get another day with the ability to walk and aren't in a hospital. He's also changed our lives. Thanks to you all for your thoughts & prayers! Love, Shordy