MaggieforBIL

Hello to all that was so kind as to respond to me about my brother-n-law. I sat down on the computer today to type a quick response to all of your posts but all in one post from me. About halfway through, I suddenly had to run to BIL's side. And then I had to call the hospice nurses once his oxygen levels went down to 60, and that was with him on the oxygen machine. I called my sister and got her here, as she was out trying to give some quality tine to her boys. And about an hour later, with the hospice nurse, the counselor they provided and nyself and ny sister at his side, he finally was able to let go and rest. He took his last breath in a very peaceful and calm way. He finally had let go of all of his fear in the past 24 hours. And I have to tell you Jamie on this site was of the greatest support to my family that we could have ever dreamed of. My sister is absolutely heart broken, but I was relieved, as well as my sis that Hospice was here when it happened. What a wonderful organization. And Jamie was an angel that came into our lives and helped us with easing my BIL, setting up a major support system for our famiky as well as so much she did over the holidays for ny family. So thank you to Jamie and to the wonderful suggestions and responses. I hope this does not scare anyone that has recently been diagnosed. My BIL was so far along by the time he had gotten diagnosed and lost so much weight, that he was not strong enough to fight this fight. And although this just happened earlier this evening (I think about 5 or 6 maybe, no clue), I know the poor man is much more comfortable as he was really suffering. I learned that there are steps once you reach the dying process and BIL was text book. But I am impressed to see all the wonderful survivors posting on this site. Thanks to all of you wonderful and extremely compassionate and empathetic angels. God Bless you and have a wonderful New Year. Maggie

Awww Ned, You are so sweet. Thank you for the kind and thoughtful reply. He stopped radiation just prior to my arriving 3 weeks away. Well, he stopped probably a month and a half ago and then ended up in ICU on a ventilator due to the Neumeritis (pneumonia due to the radiation). My mom was up here helping at that point. She has "no empathy" and so was actually painting the house, throwing out toys and not checking on poor BIL (brother N law) not even once during the day. My sis asked for my help and I drove up and let Mother leave. Since then I have taken him to the hospital twice via ambulance and tried to stay with him so my sister could get sleep at home and give hugs to the boys. We are trying to keep this from being a major event in the boys lives. Poor kids, poor sister, poor BIL. Soooo to shorten my long post (so sorry I can get wordy), he now is upright 99% of the time in the hospital bed. And the oncologist seemed to think anxiety isn't too much of an issue other than when BIL takes predinsone. Well, he is dead wrong and I have heard from all the medical staff that it is as big for some as the pain. His pain levels are staying pretty under control without much help. And thank you for reminding me to check on what he has taken in the past for this mucus. I'm going to look through his box of meds and see if he and my sis hve forgotten some of what he might have taken prior to this set back. She is overwhelmed and I am trying to help her catch up with herself. This has happened so fast to them. He is VERY angry. And today he seems to be much much calmer than since I first arrived (3 weeks ago). He is just begging for me to help him with the anxiety and mucus overload. The poor dear. I am afraid to leave his side almost, because he keeps begging me to stay by him. Thanks so much. I'm going to get something medication wise to treat this. Funny how you can get so overwhelmed that the simplest of suggestions are never even thought of. Feeling kind of dumb at the moment. LOL! Maggie

Hello, I am new to this forum and just drove up 3 weeks ago (from Florida to Tenn) to help my sister with her husband. He was diagnosed 3 months ago with stage 3 LC and is now 81 lbs and has had to stop all treatment until we can get him better. I am trying to take care of him (he's 44 yrs old) and his 2 step kids (8 & 11 yrs old) so his wife (my sister) can work and keep the insurance benefits. This is terribly scary for him as I am sure it is for most diagnosed. But he won't speak to anyone as he is feeling very anxiety ridden. So he asked me finally to call a dear woman that volunteers here locally for some advice and she was sweet enough to give me this site to ask some questions. I will post my questions and hope I can get responses. But I will next go through and try to read some of the posts. I am so darn limited on time with the children and taking care of BIL (brothe-n-law). So I apologize if I am asking something that could be easily found. I am new at this, as well as BIL, so thank you for your kindness, patience and any suggestions or advise. Feel free to ask any questions. 1) He has a TREMENDOUS amount of mucus he is coughing up. He is so afraid of asperating (sp?) when he is alone or asleep. Does anyone have any suggestions other than sitting up (he has a hospital bed to sit him up to relieve some of this coughing up of phleym (sp?). 2) Other than doubling up on his Attivan (same family as Xanax), which we now have done, and doubled his dosage of Remeron (for sleep and anti-depressent and anxiety) do any of you have a suggestion for helping poor BIL through his anxiety attacks. He gets to where he wants to go to the hosptial when it happens. I try talking to him, massaging his feet, hands, head, etc. but am not sure of what to do to help when they come on too strong. Just last night my sis finally agreed to hospice. I am sure they will help. But BIL asked that I ask these specific questions for him. This is a very difficult time for them and my heart breaks, so I am trying to help out as much as possible, but feel quite helpless with what really helps. I am taking care of the meds and trying to help soothe him, but these are two areas I really need to put him at ease with. Thank you for any suggestions, Maggie