Terriod

Hi Everyone, I know I haven't contributed much in the last 7 months since I found out that my husband had Lung Cancer that had already metastized. But there were some very kind people on here whenever I did come on here to pour out my heart. I really want to thank you for that. My husband passed away on July 11th. He was doing extremely well, then all of a sudden with no warning his lungs broke down and he passed away in a 24 hour period. He was able to be in his own home, with my arms around him at the time. Luckily our daughter made it down in time also, and I had her with me. I really don't know what I would of done without her. Thank you to everyone that has tried to make this easier for me. I don't think there is any way for this to be easy, but it nice to know that there is a place where you can just come a pour your heart out. love, Terri O.

HI Cindy, You are not alone here. I don't come very often, because I also feel weak and get to crying when I do come here. So I try to push everything away and just make it through each day. I know that, that isn't very smart on my part. I just hate to give in to my feelings because I feel like I will not be able to pull it together if I do. So why don't we make a pack and make sure we don't do that anymore. There really is strength in numbers and it really does help to know that you are not alone. That is why I come back here every now and then. Everyone here has been so nice and kind. It amazes me how someone who is living with cancer can be so supportive. but that is what you will find here. Plus others like us who are the caregivers to someone you love. In my case it is my husband. He has Small Cell lung cancer that is inoperable and has metastized to his brain. Right now he is doing ok. A little confused but not in much pain. Thank God!!! anyway I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. If you want to email me, please do at terriod@yahoo.com Take care, write anytime, Terri

Hi Cindy, Don't feel bad about how you are feeling. You are not pathetic at all. Gosh I was feeling so sorry for myself today, that I thought I needed an outlit, so I came back here. After reading what you are going through I realize things could definitely be worse. I posted a while ago about my husband being diagnosed with terminal cancer. We went from thinking that his medications needed to be changed for his high blood pressure, to, "you have 3 to 6 months to live" in a matter of a couple of weeks. I was and am very crushed. It turns out that he has lung cancer that has traveled to the brain. He went through some radiation and got extremely ill. They put him in the hospital for seven days and sent him home to be on hospice. He was diagnosed on Dec. 12th. So right before Christmas. On top of that my daughter was getting married. on December 26th. She wanted her dad to walk her down the isle so we went along with it. So in the mist of this happening with my husband I throw a wedding for my daughter. My husband was so ill, he doesn't even remember walking her down the isle. Her thanks for this is, two weeks after her marriage she decides she doesn't want to be married any longer and takes off. She was supposed to be the one that would stay here with her dad, while I went to work. I have had lots of problems with her in the past. But I really thought she was straightening out. I guess not. I think she is on drugs and that is just more important that anything or anyone else. I have too much on my plate with my husband to deal with her right now. I go through a lot of guilt about that, but I just can't help it. I am so angry with her. I don't understand how she can just up and go and not care about what is going on. I have decided to not stop her from talking to her dad if he wants her too. That can't be my decision. But I just can't trust her anymore and am done for now. I told her if she decides to get help, get off the drugs and wants to do family couseling I will be there. Other than that, I want nothing to do with her. Am I wrong? I really don't know, but it is all I can do. I have no idea why I am telling you all this, I guess I just need to vent. Today I found out that my tax perparer sent out my taxes without my signature. And I talked to another tax person and she said that it was done wrong. He says I owe $1800.00 to the federal. The other lady said I only owed approx. $900.00 to federal. I called IRS and then said I have to get a lawyer if I want to fight it. I just don't have anymore fight left in me. So I guess I will just pay the taxes. Because the last thing in the world I want to do right now is to fight with the IRS. I just feel like nothing is going right in my life. My husband is doing ok considering. He is much stronger now that the radiation treatments have stopped. He does get confused and I will never let him give me directions again. He had me going in circles the other day. I have always counted on him to make sure that I didn't get lost. Well he just can't do that anymore. He asked me all the time when he can drive again and when he can go back to work. He gets very confused about the time of day. He has a heck of a time with the tv and getting it to a channell he wants. Other than that, for now it is just confusion, and very little pain. I am gratefull for that. I have to work so I can't be here with him. I know that is what he wants the most. But it is my insurance that is paying for the hospice, so I don't have too much choice in the matter. I have a neighbor who checks on him on and off all day and I call him all day and drive him crazy. LOL Good grief this is a little long winded, isn't it. You guys were all so nice that last time I came here, I thought it would make me feel better if I found you again and just vented. When I read what other people are going through I realize that life is really tough for a lot of people and I am not alone. Makes me feel less sorry for myself. So Cindy SEE you are not pathetic at all. You have so much on your plate and you deserve to vent and think about yourself once in awhile. I think we all need big buckets for the tears. Thanks again for letting me vent, Terri O.

I just want to thank you guys for making me feel so welcome. I was brought to tears with the warmth from you guys. This is by far the hardest thing I have every had to face. Jim (my husband), is in good spirits most of the time. He only gets teary eyed when he thinks of me. He is always telling people to take care of me. He has always put me first above anything or anyone. This is no exception. He tries to empty the portapotti while walking with his walker just to help me. NOW, if I could only make him understand that THAT is NOT helping me. He is such a sweet loveable, cranky man. That is what our whole family calls him. For the most part he is very alert and understands everything, just gets confused with times. He forgets stuff and repeats himself alot. He doesn't like to sleep nights. We have been averaging 2 hours a night. He has admitted to being scared to sleep. He is afraid he will not wake up. I can only imagine what he must be feeling. In so many ways I think he has been stronger than me. I am so sorry to hear your stories, this is so unfair. Why do people have to suffer like this. I was told because it teaches you compassion. Well this group sure seems compasionate enough. I think we all deserve a break. Thank you again, I look forward to getting to know you. Terri

Hi Everyone, I don't know if I am on the right message board or not. So if after you read this and you think that a different message board if better for me, please let me know. Well this is my story. After about a month an a half of feeling dizzy and weak, my husband finally got a doctor to tell him what was going on. On Dec. 12th of this year we were told that he had Lung Cancer that had spread to his brain. He went downhill fast. Our daughter was getting married on Dec. 26th and he didnt' want any treatments until after the wedding. But the doctor told him that he would not make it to the wedding if he didnt' start radiation. So he did. He was barely able to make the wedding. He walked her down and that was it. He just could not handle anymore, so we went home. He had 11 radiation treatments and they have not done any good. Two doctors told us that they did not feel he was strong enough to undergo anymore treatments. We are now with Hospice. I can't believe this is happening so fast. I am still trying to come to grips with it. I guess I am just looking for support. I find it hard to go and talk to a support group, I usually will just start crying. Plus when I am on the computer my husband doesn't always know what I am doing. It has to be hard for him to see me talking about him. So I try not to do that in front of him. They have said that he has anywhere from 3 weeks to 6 months. It all depends on how fast it spreads. During the radiation it has still spread in his head. He gets confused alot, and is just now starting to experience pain. The other day he was throwing up all day and felt terrible. But then yesterday he was fine. They gave him the patch behind his ear to help with the dizziness. So far that seems to be working. We have been married for 20 years, he is my best friend and I really don't know how to live without him. I know I have to. But it is going to be so hard. Well thanks for listening. I am looking basically for what to expect with this, how will he act, will he wake up one day and not know who I am? What can you tell me about what you have experienced. If you can talk about it. My heart goes out to each one of you, because God knows I know your pain. Thanks for any information you can give me, Terri