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alyssa0323

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Everything posted by alyssa0323

  1. Sharon, I just love your bracelets. I will be purchasing one of them very soon in memory of my mom !!! Hugs.
  2. I hate this disease so very much! And I am so tired of hearing about all the people that it is taking away from us. :0( My thoughts are with you and her family, always.
  3. Hi Everyone! I know I dont post alot here on the site, but I do log on almost every day and read the submissions and I try to come here to still find some sort of comfort. Today marks the day six months ago that I lost my mom... still not any easier and I really dont want to hear anymore how "it gets easier".. It doesn't get easier, it just becomes a new way of "living" I guess. I miss her so much. I will say however, last month, she let me know that she is still with me. I feel for those who havent experienced such a feeling because it was a feeling that I will NEVER forget !!! :0) It was at a time that I needed her and wanted to run to her. She was there, I cant believe she was there !!! :0) Somebody did something wonderful for my family... a gentleman that my sister works with had a brick placed at a very old historical hotel in Ohio with my moms name and date of birth and date of death. He told us that "Now your mom is a part of history". He also did the same very thing here at a location in St. Petersburg Fl.. where I live. I am going to go there this week to see it. Such a generous gift.. Hugs to all....
  4. When will it stop?? A very good friend of mine just lost her grandfather to cancer a few months ago. I just spoke with her a few minutes ago and now her Godfather has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and given 2-4 months to live. She is devastated to say the least. I am just so angry that this is happening and wonder when the hell is it going to stop? When will the chances of being cured be far better than the chances of not? When will we stop losing our mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, husbands, wifes, etc... Just sooooo very angry. :0(
  5. Be proud of yourself, thats what "moms" do... We put on a brave happy face for our children and keep it together for them. We have to, it's what we do... You will be a great mom and no matter what, your mom will be with you to guide you the entire way. I believe that.
  6. I am so very sorry to hear what you are going through. I want you to know though, that I recently have walked in your shoes, and when I say recently, I mean just four months, almost five months ago. First I want you to believe and know that your son was sent to you as a blessing and he will help you through this. My daughter was only 8 months old when my Mom passed away this past February, and without Rylan, I would have not gone on. I would have never gotten out of bed, I would have never stepped another foot out the door. My mom, like yours, was my entire world...my best friend. My family sounds almost like yours. My dad and I never really got along, my sisters and I - well, just not that much in common either. I am also raising my little girl on my own with a deadbeat father on my hands. Please do whatever you can to spend every moment you can with your mom. I know that it's hard and its hard to keep yourself together when you are with her, but it's important that you never have any regrets. I dont want you to regret not spending as much time as you can with her, and having her spend as much time with her grandson as possible. My mom was diagnosed at Christimas time and was only given two months to try to fight this disease. It was awful and Im still mad as hell at everything and God himself for taking her from me. SHe was my rock and the only one there for me. Please email me any time... even just to vent or for advice (if I can help, I will !!!) I just want you to know that what you are feeling is okay... Its normal to be angry, sad, overwhelmed, etc etc etc... Remember, your son is going to be your Godsend. I know it's hard right now, but trust me when I say, he will get you through another day. I am praying that a miracle happens and things turn for the better for you and your mom. Please know that I am thinking of you both. Many many hugs.....
  7. Hi there Randy! I just wanted to say "kudos" to you for always trying to see a brighter and "funnier" side (if you will to things) You make me smile. Hope you are okay!!! Hugs.
  8. On a happier note, I do believe that my daughter was sent from up above to help me through this very difficult time. She is my Godsend and that I DO BELIEVE !!! :0)
  9. Hello everyone ! Today is my daughters first birthday !!! BUT this day also marks the exact day four months ago that I lost my mom. It's such a bittersweet day and all I really wish for is that my mom was here to see how big her granddaughter is and how beautiful she is. All I want is for my mom to celebrate this day with us. I miss her something fierce. I know that everyone says "she is with you, she is looking down upon you, etc" But in all honesty, I havent been finding much comfort in those words. I just want her back in our lives so very much.
  10. 1. My Daughter Rylan's first birthday tomorrow 6/17 ! 2. My cruise to the bahamas July 19th 3. Child Support (lol)
  11. Hi Caren! I just wanted to tell you that I completely relate to what you are saying. It will be four months tomorrow that I lost my mom and I too, feel like I am just going through the motions. The fog is still as thick as ever with for me, no sure sign of thinning anytime soon. We go on because we have to for our families and ourselves but nothing will ever be quite the same, will it? I myself, feel guilty for not crying every day that she has passed, but I think we have to be strong for our families and just do what we can to get by and handle losing such important loved ones. :0( Stay strong! I'm glad to hear that you have such a wonderful support system behind you !
  12. alyssa0323

    My sister

    Hello everyone. I haven't posted much on here lately but I log on every day to read how everyone is doing. I just spoke with my sister a few minutes ago. Now keep in mind, she was with my mom 24/7 from the time she was diagnosed with lung cancer to the day she passed away - two months later. She is of course having a very hard time coping with my mom's passing, as is the rest of the family... but since she was my mom's caretaker and with her sooo much, she blames herself for alot of went wrong with my mom. :0( She just told me that she is thinking about setting up a phone session with a Suzane Northrop (a medium, I guess similiar to John Edwards) for $500 for 45 minutes to try to see if my mom is okay and to see if this person can contact her. I am really skeptical about these sort of things. Has anyone heard of this person and if so, any thoughts? I believe that my sister is having such a hard time that she is desperate for any kind of sign that my mom is okay. I miss my mom so much and I think I believe in some sort of life after death but Im afraid these type of people just take advantage of those of us in this awful grieving process. You would think that these people would offer these readings for FREE and not charge half your life savings to those of us who just lost a loved one. Conflicted.
  13. Hello, as many of you have already read, we found out my mom had lung cancer a few days before Christmas (2008) and we then lost her on 2/17/09. She went through sooo much during those last few months and I am still so very angry and hurt because I feel like she wasn't given an opportunity to even try to fight this cancer. She had not one "good" day in those last two months and I felt like it all happened so quick. So many things left unsaid, so many more times I wanted to tell her I love her, hold her hand, have her spend time with her new granddaughter. Angry as hell and numb to this day. I understand and my heart goes out to you. Out to everyone who is so unfortunate to have been affected by this awful disease.
  14. Wow Marci, I feel like I could have written your post down to every single word. I lost my mom on 2/17/09 and I've been "functioning" because I HAVE to, but I am deeply depressed and mad. My heart goes out to you ...
  15. Thank you all sooo much! I have goose bumps reading all of your posts! I look forward to the day that I can see my mom again and hear her voice, whether it be in my dreams or otherwise.. I need and want to believe that will happen. I just miss her so very much and I know its only been a few months, but it's not getting any easier, anytime soon. xoxo Hugs to everyone!
  16. http://health.msn.com/health-topics/vac ... &Gt1=31049 New Lung Cancer Vaccines Triple Survival Time for Some New vaccine may help stage III or IV small-cell lung cancer patients. By Melanie Haiken, Caring.com More on this in Health & Fitness Hope.It's an all-too-rare word for those who're dealing with lung cancer, but recently came some hopeful news. If your parent or loved one has stage III or stage IV non-small-cell lung cancer (the most common kind), there's a new clinical trial starting this month that you'll want to ask his doctor about. The treatment is a vaccine called Lucanix, which showed great promise in phase II testing. Half of all the patients who entered the trial with the disease in stable condition lived more than 44 months—more than four times as long as the 10-to-12-month survival rate for patients under the current standard of care. Those with advanced disease doubled their chances of surviving two years. That means if a patient has Stage III or IV lung cancer and qualifies for this trial, he could potentially increase his survival rate from one to almost four years. Who wouldn't want that chance? The oncologist who ran the trial at Mary Crowley Medical Research Center in Dallas, Texas, was so excited, he commented, "In medical research, you see something like this once in a lifetime." It's not often we hear encouraging news about lung cancer, which is so debilitating to live with and offers such limited treatment options. A friend put it better than I can: "It feels like my dad's getting sicker and sicker, and there's not much the doctors can do. He's had one lung partially removed, so he has trouble breathing, and the platinum chemotherapy is making him as sick as the cancer itself." That's not the case with this new treatment, which is a vaccine given by injection. In the previous trial, Lucanix didn't cause any significant side effects—the biggest one reported was soreness at the injection site. It's about time there's some good news about lung cancer, which claims more lives than breast, colon, prostate, and lymph node cancer combined. Unlike many other cancers, survival rates for lung cancer haven't improved in recent years, and 60 percent of those diagnosed die within a year. The FDA was impressed enough with results from the phase II clinical trial that it granted the vaccine's maker, a small company called NovaRx in San Diego, fast-track approval for the Phase III trial. The trial, which enrolled its first patient this week, will be conducted at 90 different clinical sites across America and will involve up to 700 patients. There are significant exclusion criteria, so it's not for every patient, but please—ask your doctor about it if you think your parent or loved one might be a candidate.
  17. Thank you all so much for sharing your honest thoughts and stories!
  18. Thank you. I feel like I am looking for signs. Like any little thing I see I say to myself, "oh thats my mom" But what I really want is to hear her voice and see her again. I want her to tell me that she is okay. Yes, I am dreading this Sunday. I am a mother myself but it will just never be the same without her.
  19. Please answer this with your most honest answer and not with what you think will make me feel better or what I want to hear Does anyone believe that when your loved ones pass away, that they come back to let you know that they are okay? Im not talking like "signs".. Im talking about in their real life form and self? Whether it be in your dreams or if you actually see them... I KNOW that if my mom could, she would come back to let me know that she is okay in Heaven. I just know she would. I have not seen her, I have not dreamed of her, I havent seen her beautiful face since that day she passed away in February. I miss her so much. I have always been scared of dying but when I think of being able to be reunited with my family and mom, I feel better, but I am honestly a little questionable now if they are actually even there waiting on us.
  20. Im so sorry Barb! My mom has only been gone for three months and its not getting any easier for me. She wasn't lucky enough to be able to fight this awful disease and wasn't given the time to. It was the most horrendous thing I've ever seen anyone go through. Still so angry and upset.
  21. My mom just passed away in February from sclc and I too, am angry as hell. Depressed, empty all of the time... This site has been very helpful to me although sometimes I leave here a little more sad reading how so many people struggle and just try to cope every day with this awful disease, whether it affects them personally or someone they know. I admire everyone on this site so much, how strong they are. You said your mom passed in 06 and to this day your still feeling those emotions. People tell me, that it will get easier. I just cant imagine! I'm really glad you found this site. It really is a wonderful place to vent and share your feelings, whatever they may be. I cant tell you how many times I've posted just "IM ANGRY" messages... :0) Take care and post away !!!
  22. Hello. I just wanted to let you know that I lost my mom to small cell lung cancer on Feb. 17th of this year. I know how you feel and I understand completely. I cant get over being mad yet in order for me to aloow myself to grieve. I have posted on this site a few times and everyone has been so helpful. I talk all the time about how angry I am that I lost my mom to this and how she only was given two months to fight this awful disease. My mom was my best friend and out of all my brothers and sisters, I was the closest to her. I have yet to have a really hard cry or breakdown. I think I surpress it everytime I feel it coming. I guess it is still very surreal for me and I think you may be experiencing this feeling as well? Like it just doesn't feel real yet? I just wanted to let you know that there are so many people on this site that understand exactly what you are going through, especially myself, being that we lost our loved ones just recently. For me, I think the grieving process is going to be long and difficult. Everyone is different of course and there is no "right" or "wrong" way. There is no need to ever apologize for any feeling that you have, I have been taught that here on this site. I vented so many times on here and apologized for it, only to be told, stop apologizing! It's normal ! Please feel free to message me anytime. I am here and would like to help just as much as all the other wonderful people on this site !! :0)
  23. alyssa0323

    The 17th

    You all truly make me feel so much better just knowing you have been there, done that, felt that way....etc etc.... I have so much admiration for all of you! I am fortunate that my mom was there at my daughter's birth and the first 8 months of her life. I am fortunate that she was able to hold Rylan and kiss her face over and over again and that she was able to see the baby's big bright smile many times... As fortunate as I feel, I am just so very sad that Rylan will grow up without having her grammy there. I know my mom will be up above looking down and protecting her, but her touch was always so special ! I have an older daughter, Felicia 17. She was very very close with my mom and after she passed, Felicia got a beautiful tattoo on her ankle that says "grammy" with angel wings around it and a halo above it! I couldnt get mad at her for getting that tattoo no matter how hard I wanted to !!! :0) Just missing my mom more and more... Hugs everyone.
  24. Dina, How amazing!!!! My birthday just passed and unfortunately i lost my mom a month ago. All I wanted was to have her back. :0( I am so happy that this happened to you!! I believe that they will always be with us... I hope your dad made your day today!!! Hugs!
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