AdaW

Dear Christina, I agree with what has been said on the board. You deserve to be treated well by your husband eventhough he is sick. I don't want to dwell on the marriage, but I do want to help you problem solve some of the situations you are finding yourself in. You are the breadwinner and you need your sleep. He wakes you up at all hours to get him what he needs. Can you sleep in another room or possibly on the couch so that you can get a full night's sleep? Can you provide a way for him to empty his bladder in bed (bedpan) so that he won't need your assistance? Can you anticipate his needs and set up an area on a night stand near his side of the bed that would include medications, water, cough drops, chap stick, reading material etc. That way, he can help himself to what he needs. Plug in the heating pad before you go to sleep so all he needs to do is turn it on.ETC. Can you preplan meals or give him a choice (like in the hospital) so that he will stop complaining about the food? Ask him what his favorite foods are and make his meals from that list. You need to think of ways to maintain your sanity which means being able to take a break from all of this now and then. Do you have friends or family that will be able to help you once in awhile? Christina, my heart goes out to you. I know you are trying to do the right thing here but you don't need to suffer. I'm sure others on the board might have some suggestions to help you get through the days and nights. Thinking of you, Ada

Dear Shelly, I thought of you all day today. I worry about you when you write about feeling so down that you think of dying. That's not natural and I wish you would reach out and share these feelings with a professional. I don't want to lose you. Your friendship means something to me. You asked how people with cancer can stand to live with the knowledge that they have cancer. Sometimes Shelly, it is unbearable. I've had to develop coping strategies, over time, in order to get through a lot of this. But , you know, I still feel useful and that my life has a purpose. Instead of feeling like I've been forsaken by God, I feel like I have a new role to play. I have spent my entire professional career as an educator of adults and educating adults continues to be a main focus for me--this includes educating my oncologists about the human side of this disease. I choose to think that I may be able to help people understand that there is grace, dignity, love, laughter and happiness even under some very dire circumstances in life. Your challenge is figuring out how to get through all of this without losing yourself. I care about you very much and don't want you to be experiencing this pain. Please email me so we can exchange phone numbers to speak on the phone if you need to. I know you are a very spiritual person, Shelly. Here is one of my favorite prayers. I hope this helps you to try to think about all of this in a different way. Prayer of St. Francis Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope. Where there is darkness, light ; and where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; To be understood, as to understand; To be loved, as to love; For it is in giving that we receive-- It is in pardoning that we are pardoned; And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Thinking of you and your dear Mother, Ada

Dear Jenny, I am so happy to hear your good news. You are a trooper! I hope you have a wonderful time with family and friends in the next few weeks. Thinking of you. Ada

Dear Annie, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. This is hard enough without the pressures that you are now under. Not everyone is able to get through this without a cigarette. I guess you are being asked to love unconditionally now, which is a very tall order. You are being asked to forgive human weakness--another tall order. Take care dear. You are in my thoughts and prayers as is Tim. Ada

Dear Starlight, I had a nice message written to you and then something happened to my computer and I lost the post. To make a long story short--my son got married last October right in the middle of my chemotherapy treatments. I asked the doctor if I could skip a week of treatments. He agreed and I had the most wonderful time at my son's wedding. There really shouldn't be a reason to postpone your wedding because of the cancer. I know you're walking on egg shells because this is your fiance's family, but you and your fiance are in charge of your lives and you have every right to express your feelings of disappointment here. Take care. I am thinking of you. Ada

Dear Christina, I have never heard of anyone getting chemo at home because I thought an oncologist had to be present during infusions. The infusion areas that I have been in all have beds for people who are weak and unable to sit up during the infusion. The other alternative would be to be admitted to the hospital for treatments. I am very interested to see if anyone has had infusions at home and will be surprised if there are any out there, but I havent' heard everything yet. Some chemos--Iressa and some experimental drugs are given in pill form. I hope this all resolves itself soon. Thinking of you both, Ada

Dear Shelly, I am sending prayers for your Mother from my hotel room in Pittsburgh. Try to have a happy and fun weekend. I hope your Mom's scans are fine and that after her chemo on Wednesday, she'll get some much deserved R&R. Thinking of you both, Ada

Dear Cathy, What wonderful news!!! I am so happy for you. Ada

Dear Carleen, It took me awhile to figure out this "living with cancer" thing and this "power of positive thinking" thing. I see you've already figured all of this out. You've arrived! I was so happy to see that Keith had a great day with his friends. And Carleen, you are really a role model of a wife. Your love for Keith shines through in every word. Thinking of you, Ada

Dear Becky, I thought of you last week when I visited the doctor. I was thinking about age and how I am always struck by how young I am (I'm 54) compared with many of the other patients. Thursday, I swapped surgery stories with a woman who is 75--2 weeks out from her surgery, she was doing a lot better than I was at her stage! Actually, she was quite an inspiration to me. I know this is very hard on you. You are finding out, at a very young age that life doesn't always make sense. At your age, you are at the young children, just beginning, new career stage of life. It probably makes you feel awkward to have cancer, but it sounds like you are thriving under very tough circumstances. I am praying that the Taxotere will do wonders for you. Ada

Dear Connie, Thank you for sharing your beautiful story with us. Ada

Dear Louise, My heart really goes out to you. It's been almost 2 years since I was diagnosed and I remember how awful the first few months were. We felt like we had stepped into hell. Once I got on a treatment plan and realized I wasn't going to die tomorrow and after getting on a very good anti-depressant (Celexa) I started to think more in terms of "living with cancer" as opposed to dying from cancer. You said in your post: "everybody wants their family member to survive this and they can't all can they? The answer to your question is "No, not everyone can survive this." That's why it's very important to figure out how you are going to live with the knowledge that someone you love has lung cancer. Get him on a good treatment program ASAP and try not to waste time with anger or fear or crying because you two have a lot of living and loving to do yet. Believe it or not, even in this hell called Cancer, there are good days ahead. I am thinking of you, Ada

Dear Friends, I was so proud of your kind words, that I asked my husband to read all of your posts. I thought he would like to see what others were saying to me. When I looked over at him, as he was reading, I found him crying. As many of you know, Jim was diagnosed with Melanoma of the Eye last month. We have a lot on our plates right now and just feel kind of vulnerable today. We love and support eachother every day and have the love and support of our family. That's all that counts in times like these. His condition is being watched and he is feeling very well. As soon as I get on the clinical trial and have a plan of action, I'll feel emotionally better. Thank you friends for your kindness and your thoughtfulness. They mean so much to me. Ada

Dear Christina, Call the doctor the first thing in the morning. Explain your problem and ask what you can do to get Chris to the appt. and what you can do in the future to help with his mobility. I am thinking that the insurance would cover the wheelchair if the doctor prescribes it? Another idea--would a cab company be able to take you to the appt? Would they have help for someone who cannot walk on their own? Thinking of you, Ada

Dear Cindy, I am praying for you and will be thinking of you tomorrow. You are amazing! Ada

Dear Shelly, When my husband's boss died suddenly many years ago, a number of the men used the funeral to "jocky for position" within the company. One of these guys was made a VP--it was shocking that people would use, what I would consider a sacred time, to their advantage. But I think this happens over and over again. I think this must be very painful for you to experience. I think what you are feeling is normal. Is there someone you can talk to, perhaps a counselor, about your feelings? The reason I ask is because there will be things ahead that will be challenging for you. With your Mother's passing, comes many changes in your family dynamics. Some of those things will be easier t accept than others I am sure. One thing I would advise is to keep the lines of communication open with your Father. In a kind way, tell him how you feel about all of this. Right now, he's found someone who shares something in common with him-the loss of a spouse. He's very sad and lonely and needs to fill the spaces in his life with good things. Keep him busy with family activities. I am thinking of you. Don't be too hard on yourself. Ada

Dear David, A couple people on the board have commented on my picture which was taken on the balcony of our room at the Mauna Lani Resort on the Big Island, June 2001. After raising our son and daughter, and having our noses to the grindstone for many years of providing everything for our children, with lots of love and pride, including their college funds, my husband and I decided to take a beautiful trip to Hawaii to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. This was truly the trip of a lifetime. We pulled out all the stops and had so much fun! We were on Oahu, Kuaui, Maui and Hawaii. We still talk about our trip. It was fabulous and we hope to get back some day--hope! Ada

Dear Friends, I returned "home" (Residence Inn) yesterday after having 3 cancerous tumors removed--one from my abdomen and two from my back on Friday morning. My word for the day is "ouch." This hurts, but nothing that comes close to lung surgery. One of the residents told my husband that this is like having 3 moles removed--I don't think so. One of my tumors was 2.5X2.5 cm, so it was nothing like a mole. I have pain pills and if I can get into a comfortable position, I am fine. It wasn't that bad and I am on the mend. I really loved hearing from so many of you. To think that I might be an inspiration to even one person gives my life purpose. You all are also my inspirations. I care for each and every one of you very much. The thing that I hated to report was that the IRESSA didn't work for me. I know some of you were watching my case to see if it might be something that might work for you or your loved one some day. Just because the IRESSA didn't work for me, does not mean it will not work for you. My oncologist in GA has a patient that IRESSA is working extremely well for. In her case, it is her miracle for now. I just still have to find mine. I don't know when we'll be going back to Georgia. It depends what clinical trial I get on. It's good to be back. I am thinking of you all. Ada

Dear Sam, I'm here, behind the scenes, quietly cheering you on. Good Luck!!! Ada

Dear Carleen, I've been thinking of you and Keith this week. I was worried about you not posting because I knew you had mentioned that you were visiting the oncologist last Friday. I know you are disappointed about Keith's cancer still being present in his body, but the fact that the chemo kept the cancer stable is a positive. I've been on 2 chemos that caused some physical problems--and didn't work--the cancer spread. Looking back I would have gladly accepted stable disease. You asked about how long it takes for an anti-depressant to build up in your body. I always thought you needed to give the medication at least a month to work. Be patient, you'll feel better soon. I was sorry to hear about your heart murmur too. I hope things are going better for you and Keith as of today. I am thinking of you, Ada

Dear Friends You may remember that I had surgery in January and then found a lump in my abdomen in late May. After a biopsy, it was determined that the lump was a cancerous spread and I went on IRESSA. I had a CT scan on 6/16 and got the results this past Tuesday. I have 4 new lumps and my original lump has increased in size. The IRESSA did not work for me, so I am off of that drug now. I was very disappointed. Believe me taking a pill for chemo instead of sitting hours and being stuck for an infusion is so much easier. We flew to Pittsburgh Wednesday night so that the surgeon could evaluate me for surgery. I will be having surgery tomorrow morning to remove 3 of the lumps. I have subcutaneous mets--I can feel the three (1 on my abdomen and 2 on my back) and 2 are deep, so they won't be removing those. They will use those as tumor markers when I go on new chemo treatments. I am now on the list for three different clinical trials. I will go on the one that presents itself first. One of the treatments is with Taxotere and Gleevac. The oncologist feels that I will respond well to something. On the upside--the oncologist said he rarely sees anyone who has had all the chemo (5 different drugs) radiation and surgery that I have had functioning at my level of performance. If you saw me, you would never guess that I have Stage IV lung cancer. In fact, I feel better than when I started this odyssey 2 years ago. This is really a blessing. I should be home (Residence Inn ) on Saturday. I am thinking of all of you and keeping you in my prayers. Ada

Dear Lucie and Don, Best wishes for the happiest of anniversaries. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and send good thoughts your way. Ada

Dear Shannon, Thank you for sharing your beautiful love story with us. My deepest sympathy on the loss of your beloved. I am thinking of you Shannon and I will always remember your love and devotion. Mike's personality came through in your writings and I wish I could have known him. I am thinking of you, Love, Ada

Dear Deb, Would it be possible for your surgeon to arrange a visiting nurse for you? I had complications after surgery and was in the hospital for 11 days. When I got back home (actually a hotel near the hospital) I had a visiting nurse twice a week for 5 weeks. It gave me peace of mind. They are able to teach you about wound care and take your vitals. She also put me on a light "walking" program. One day, my blood pressure was extremely low and she was able to tell me to drink more water--who knew! They stay in touch with the surgeon and report any problems. I also learned a lot about what the body goes through after surgery. Basically, things stop and you may need some medication to help you go to the bathroom and become regular again. Over the counter medicine will help you in this department. Are you on oxygen. I needed that for about 4 months after the surgery. Did they give you prescriptions for antibiotics, diuretics, and other medications you may need? It seems like I had many prescriptions. And I also had a spirometer that I needed to use for breathing exercises. About weight gain--my weight went up 23 lbs in the ICU. My Mother and sisters cried when they saw me because they didn't recognize me. The 23 pounds came off before I came back home to Georgia. Don't worry about your weight. The surgeon also recommened that I buy a few sports bra--that would almost work like a girdle to help with healing. He also told me to take 3 hot showers a day--I never did the 3. Also, I don't know what I would have done without my heating pad. You've come a long way on the road to recovery. Be patient. This is really very major surgery. It sounds like you are strong and can handle this. I am thinking of you, Ada

For those of you who are unaware, free counseling is available through cancercare.org. Here is the link: http://www.cancercare.org/Counseling/Counselingmain.cfm This service is for patients and caregivers. Ada