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Leslie1961

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Everything posted by Leslie1961

  1. I sure understand what you are going through. My mom was diagnosed in September and lost her battle in March. I had trouble getting the Dr. to be totally honest/frank with me, and it was frustrating. Mom and I wanted to know a little more definetly how much time we were really looking at. He would always say 3-6 months. I was moms caregiver while she was at home. We managed to keep her home up until 3 days before she passed. Of everything I learned from my experience, please make sure you take care of yourself too. You will be of no use to him if you are too tired/weak to care for him. I kept hearing that from everybody, and I kind of shined them on, saying to myself yeah yeah yeah... 10 days after she died, I found myself in the hospital with a concussion and pulmonary hypotension. All because I didn't take care of myself. You will find that your dad will lose a lot of weight. Try to feed him foods you know he likes, but bear in mind that his stomach capacity is shrinking, so he won't eat like he used to. It broke my heart to give my mom a spoonful of this and a spoonful of that and about three bites of meat. She often didn't even finish that. At the end what she really enjoyed was of all things, orange sherbert! It is disheartening to see them dwindle away, but remember his spirit is still all there. Spend time remembering things together, it is good for you both. Try to get him out of the house as much as possible if you can, a change of scenery never hurts, even if its just a trip to the grocery store. Hospice can be helpful, and you can remain at home with hospice help. They should have volunteers available to come sit with him for a few hours for you to get away and release some of the stress. I felt guilty about leaving mom so I never took advantage of the service, but looking back, I think I wouldn't have ended up in the hospital myself if I had had a volunteer come in for me. When the nausea sets in, ask about getting Phenegren Gel.... it comes in a needleless syringe and you rub it into the tummy. It really helped mom with her nausea. Your oncologist or Hospice should be able to help you get some. You keep it in the fridge by the way. Feel free to private message me if you want to ask any questions or more explanations. Like I said in the beginning I do know what you are going through. I will pray for you and your dad, and hope that things go the way you want. Leslie
  2. I still can't believe this happened so fast. My mom started to show signs of confusion and enxiety a week ago, and home care was getting more difficult. On St. Patricks day, she had a rather hard time of things. She didn't know what she wanted, and could not find any place comfortable to be. Finally out of the blue she told me she wanted to go to the hospital. I called the Hospice nurse and she came up after listening to my description of mom and her behavior. When she got here she said mom was showing "Terminal Restlessness" and that combined with a low blood pressure and irratic breathing prompted her to call mom's Dr. They direct admitted her that night and I felt a little better knowing she was in competent hands. Thursday I managed to get her to eat two servings of orange sherbert, which I took as a good sign, because she hadn't eaten since Sunday. Friday she was more out of it, and wanted to go to the bathroom. She was unable to go on a bedpan and they did an ultra sound to see if her bladder was indeed full. They saw it was and decided to insert a Foley Catheter. That was a major ordeal for all involved, because mom had weird anatomy there. When it was all done and in place, the nurse came into the waiting room where I had dozed off, and paniced me by telling me that mom was dying. There was no family to call, but my best friend works in the hospital and I knew she was at work. They called her and she joined me. Well mom wasn't quite ready to go but she had really taken a turn for the worse yet again. I began my bedside vigil at 4 pm yesterday, and stayed up with her all night, holding her hand and stroking it, letting her know I was there and all. She started to show the other signs of iminent death, the purple coloring in her legs and feet, dropping blood pressure, rapid pulse, erratic breathing etc... My aunts had just called one after the other to check on her and to tell me to kiss her goodbye for them. I went to her good ear and told her they loved her adn gave her the kisses from them and told heragain how much I loved her and my daughter loved her and that we would be ok (although I doubt we will) and that it was really ok if she wanted to go and join my dad and my brother (who died in a car accident in 1972). I returned to my chair and wasn't there 2 minutes when she let out a funny breath and then her chest didn't move for about 30 seconds, and then she did it all over again, and one final time, by which time the nurse was there and confirmed she had passed. I really fell apart, because I didn't think it would be that fast after I had talked to her. So now per her wishes, she will be cremated and buried in the same grave as my brother and my dad. And my job will now begin, getting rid of things through donations and a garage sale, and attempting to sell the house before the bank forcloses on it. This board has been very supportive, I wish I would have found it sooner than I did, like when the initial diagnosis was given. I thank you all for reading my posts and for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. Bless you all. Leslie
  3. In the middle of Feb, mom fell on some ice as we were going to see our lawyer. It took a few days to convince her to go to the Dr about her back, and when we did, we found out she had "collapsed " 2 vertebrae. I didn't know that meant broke. She was hospitalized for a week and has been home since. About the only thing that came of this stay was the installation of a pic line. Now I have this to care for at home too. She has steadily gotten weaker and has difficulty making it to the bathroom now. We will have some equipment delivered tomorrow to help this situation. I had to leave her alone for what I thought would be a half hour on this past Monday and the phone kept ringing so she got up to get it, and fell again on her back again. She is having trouble getting comfortable. We had a Dr. appointment yesterday and he didn't have much to say. Tuesday the Hospice nurse was there and commented on moms coloring, and lung sounds. Mom had some purple mottling on her legs, and her face is taking on a grayish cast. She is breathing more shallowly now too. The nurse said she wasn't hearing air moving in the lower lungs, and when I told her Dr. this, he listened, made a face that looked rather negative to me and said nothing. In fact there wasn't really anything positive that he said at her appointment other than that he would see us next month (standard dismissal from his presence). I am concerened about her coloring too and the way she is breathing. Sometimes she jerks in her sleep but doesn't wake. I have been up all day and all night now with her for the last 3 days, catching a cat nap here and there. (Kind of like when you first bring a baby home, you hear every little sound). I am so afraid of going to bed and coming out in the morning and finding her gone, or worse yet having my daughter find her gone. What should I be looking for? Her appetite is starting to go, she is still showing some confusion, but she is drinking more fluids when she is awake.... Do you think its time to alert family to come yet, or do you think there is still a little time? Her Dr. said 3 months yesterday, but I don't know if he really believed it. Do I talk to long in these messages? I don't know how much to say at any given time..... Thanks for reading this.
  4. After this morning, I am beginning to wonder if my mom has had her stage4 non small cell lung cancer metastesize to her brain. She was really confused last night and again this morning. Today was especially bad. We were to go see our lawyer at 1:30 this afternoon and she got herself all dressed and ready before 10. Ok thats not too weird, but she got her portable oxygen tank out and started messing with it. (She is on 4- 4 1/2 liters at all times). When the oxygen cyllander is almost empty, we open it up and blow the oxygen out to completely empty it. She did that and then started messing with her hoses. She was on her home oxygen and then started trying to put on her portable, which she didn't need to do yet. I tried to correct her with humor, but she didn't get it. Then I used straight forward talk to try to get her to understand and she still didn't get it. She somehow got the portable hose on and then was upset because she thought the home oxygen wasn't working because she wasn't getting any air. I finally went over to her and had her take the hose off, took the portable and put it out of her reach and had her put the home oxygen hose on. She said she just put a fresh tank in the portable, (which she hadn't done), and couldn't understand why it wasn't working. I went to take the tank out, and she had left it unscrewed. I pointed it out and then she started to try to joke about it. When I point out to her that she is doing things like that, she gets all defensive, and argues that she is not confused. I realize that the days are blurring into each other, but should she be this confused? She is always asking odd questions like asking where my daughter is during school hours etc. What should I be looking for as far as mental status? Is it always a foregone conclusion that it will metz to the brain? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
  5. When I got up this morning, mom was vomiting again. I know she had only one meal today, and that was some soup for dinner. I called Hospice today to talk to her nurse, and she called the Dr. and they increased her dexamethazone which is a steroid that will make you have a moon face with extended use. She took the dosage recommended and has spent the better part of the day sleeping. She hasn't had too much to drink today, I tell her to drink some of her gatorade whenever she wakes up for a few minutes. The trouble is, we lost my dad to kidney cancer in 2001 and I was his caregiver at night while she was caregiver by day. I remember things about dad, and I don't know if I am projecting them onto her or not. His appetite went down the tubes about 6 weeks before he died, but he didn't have the vomiting etc. that she does. This has been really rough on me, I don't want to hover over her every second, but I don't want to miss something that I might be able to help her out with. We are still trying to get affairs in order, so we have temporarily removed the DNR from her file. I just want to know what all to expect. I will ask her nurse tomorrow about the Zophran and see if it might be an option. What should I be looking for?
  6. My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 non small cell lung cancer in Sept of '03. There were metastesies to her spine and hip. She wasn't a candidate for surgery or chemo because of her age (79) and general health at the time. She had radiation on her spine and her lung shortly after diagnosis. We have hospice coming once a week. Lately mom has had more and more bouts of vomiting and dizziness and general feeling "not well". She has fallen a couple times when I was not with her with no explanation. She has gotten herself up and gotten back into bed and then told me about it later. She isn't taking too much for pain, it makes her sleepy. She isn't eating well, because she usually ends up throwing it up. It's hard to keep her hydrated as well. She is a retired RN who taught nursing for 20 years and I know she is protecting me but I still need to know when I need to really start worrying. We don't want her to die at home from the cancer. The vomiting is a huge concern, as is the dizzyness. She does have the Phenegren gel to try to help prevent teh vomiting, but I don't know if it is really working. I have noticed a little bit of confusion as well, she gets her days mixed up and has other little incidents, but I don't know if I need to worry about them either. ANY help as to what to expect what to look for etc., would be greatly appreciated. Her initial prognosis was 3-6 months (in Sept.) but her oncologist extended it at Christmas to another 3-6 months from then. Thanks for reading this.
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