Outrider1

Sorry I have been gone for a while, but, boy has life happenedd in a big way to get in the way. My youngest daughter had her baby (which she gave up for adoption) Poor little fellow had a cleft lip and palate. his name to my daughter is Michael Grayson and to the adoptive parent it is Grayson Michael...Either way he is a cutie even more so now that his lip and palate have been fixed, She has an open adoption were she gets to go see him and get pictures etc. He was born in Apr. and that is about the only good news that has happened around here. My last boarder moved out in June and since then it has been down hill financially..can not pay the full house rent for July so land lord gave me a break for a little while. End of july couldn.t pay the water bill so they turned it off went two weeks getting containers full of wqater from my oldest son and going to his place to shower, had to use part of the rent to get the water back on then had to beg the phone company to leave the phones so I could hear from the Dr.s about appts. etc. figured out that I would not have enough money to make Aug rent, and told the landlord that we where leaving ( lease is up in august anyway) I am having to try to sell things that won;t fit in an apt. having to leave or donate things that won't sell. Having trouble finding an apt, Had to let one Fur Baby go as she was one to many for apt.s, then having to fight with the food stamp people again as they have screwed up my food stamps again. And now the fact that I have to start Chemo again. May is my anniversary month because everything that has been bad in my life has happened in May. I am now going to add july and August to the list.Can I just get a break? I have a tile on my desk the reads "FAITH, nothing will be impossible for you" I chant that like a mantra. But it doesn't seem to be working and I think Hope is on break or out to lunch. I'm glad I got all that of my chest. Thank you for reading. Love you all! Dawn

Morning All, It's a balmy 63 degrees here in NTX at 6:40 in the morning. Supposed to get up to 92 this afternoon. Looks like summer is here (I truely detest summer, thinking of moving to alaska, lol) I'm thinking about spend the day with my oldest son and his girlfriend today. Also thinking of going and getting my Drivers license renewed. Gonna do some house cleaning here in a bit. Sorry I have been out of touch here lately but I will try to be in a little more often. I hope you all have a blessed day and a glorious week end! Dawn

The results are in as of the first of May results. Sorry for the belated reports The results are all the same, and the next set of scans are in July and if they are still good in July they are going to kick them out to every 6 months now that I have passed the 3 years since dx mark. Now if the same could be said of my head and these durned ole migraines would go away I would be a happy camper and not ask for anything more. Sorry I haven't been here in a while, but I catch most of you on face book and I am always available on FB and yahoo messenger and via e-mail. Katie, sorry I did not get to meet up with you on the 12th of May, (I was recovering from a rather severe migraine and still am). Maybe we can schedule a get together at some later date, when you get a little down time. After my scans in July, depending on how they go, I will probably add to the My Story another chapter, just to keep it fresh and updated. Anyway, if any of you need an ear, cyber shoulder, or just want to chat, you know where to find me. Love you all Dawn

Hello all, I haven't been on in a while as life has intruded making it difficult. Today would have been my 21st wedding anniversary, if my hubby had lived this long. Although he didn't die of any cancer related issues, it was a sudden and unexpected death. Today I find myself remembering the funny things, the good thins and getting a little teary eyed . I am not teary because I am sad, I'm teary because I miss those silly things he used to do and the things that I used to do with him, like grabbing on of his belt loops to slow his pace down if we were walking together somewhere, At 6'3" to my 5'1 his longer legs kept me running to keep up, so I would grab his belt loop and he would slow down so we could walk together. Or him waking me up at 2 in the morning giggling because he was thinking about the song " Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It's Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight" I am reminded of one of his favorite songs, that he used to sing as he was looking at himself in the mirror, shaving, every other day or so.I find myself a little teary eyed but smiling all at the same time. Maybe you will see why, he was such a great guy when you listen to this link on you tube. or this one and this one The last two songs always end up with me dancing in my seat, and lighten my mood tremendously. So, On this anniversary I am playing them and others that he liked as a tribute to him and because, it's these little things that make me happy to have had him in my life. Now that I have gotten that off my chest, all of you cherish the ones you love while you have them, and remember them with happiness if they have passed, as they have never really left us. Dawn P.S, Raise a glass of green beer and have a Happy St. Paddy's[ day!!

Denise, I learned "hurry up and wait" will I was in the military. It annoys me as much or more now as it did then...lol. Just remember we will be awaiting with you, sending prayers and healing thoughts the whole time. Dawn

Karen, I have too have ext-SCLC and am 29 months past last chemo(3 years come this october) and come May 3 years out from dx. I have I have had what the DR. here call a complete response. I have had PCI twice, since the dr. found little lesions in my head...Those lesions turned out to be MS and not cancer. It's amazing to me that I had to have cancer to find out I also had ms. Any way I got 6 months of carboplatin and etoposide once a month. and doing the 3 month scans ever since. If you need to chat, I can usually be found on FB or most often on yahoo messenger. My handle on yahoo messenger is Outrider323. Just add @ yahoo.com to get my e-mail. I am available anytime. Dawn

Thanks Everyone! I appreciate all of your comments and support. Unfortunately, going back to work does not hinge on my cancer but on what ever is going on in my head (all the Dr.s say MS except the one that counts and he just throws his hands in the air and says"we don't know what it is (useless, gutless wonder that he is). But I may just start making some sun catchers her at home and selling then on line to get some of the extra cash I need to get bills paid. Don't know how we're gonna do it this month....but hopefully we will think of something As I said thank you all for your care and support. Gives me warm fuzzies! Dawn

Well Ned, I think I figured it out although I want color, it wouldn't do that, so I left it as it was...lol Dawn

Ned, I don't mind being and example, but I don't know how to to add a link to my story (which I should probably update)to my signature line. if you can tell me how, I will certainly give it a try. Dawn

I would, but I don't know how... if you think it needs doing and you know how, please feel free. Dawn

hi ya'll, Just had my latest scans and everything is the same...no new activity, just the same activity that has been there all along..that makes me 26 months past chemo and almost 3 years since dx. I am happy about that. I made a comment to the Dr. about being surprised that it has lasted that long and he said "we are surprised too, but we will take it" I said, "Well I'm not giving it back no matter what!" He laughed with me. The Dr. is also trying to get me some physical therapy started (at my request)to help strengthen my back, legs, and arms...some of the places that had mets....he wanted to know why and I told him I wanted to go back to work...he just chuckled and I got the impression that he did not think that was gonna happen... He bumped my next scan back to every 3 months...I think the last bump to every 4 was to lighten the load around christmas at the clinics. Dawn

I had PCI twice. PCI is Preventative Cranial Irradiation but it is essentially the same as WBR but is given prior to finding any tumors in the brain and to prevent them as well. My side effects really did not occur until months later. The side effects I have had are that my ears constantly feel stopped up like I have a cold and it fried my hair in a strip right down the middle of my head. Although it is growing back it has a course, kinky texture and is a totally different color (but I think the color issue is from the chemo, like the chemo leached all the color out of it.) I need to trim the back of it to give it some shape and then keeping praying the my "landing strip" will get longer, lol; I want to dye it my original auburn color after it gets long enough. My PCI did uncover my MS thought, so it really was not that bad. couple of bits of advice 1. It will burn the skin on you face, forehead and ears. kind of like a sunburn. The skin will get dry and peel or be scaley...No lotion days the you get wbr. The techs told me it might make the burn worse. So I waited till I got all done. For a while there I had great skin!!lol. 2. They will make a face mask that locks onto the table the you lay on. if you are claustrophobic as I am, (And it ain't a light case that I have either) take an anti-anxiety pill about 30 to 45 minutes before they do the mask. Other than that, it pretty much was a cakewalk as the machine is open and revolves around you as you lay on the table. You also might experience an odor when they turn the machine on...to me it just smelled like strong bleach. I held my breath when I heard the machine click to a ten count and when I let my breath out the odor was gone. That chemical odor is particles in the air (minute particles) ionizing. It is common and won't hurt you. Hope that helps. Dawn

Hello everyone.. sorry I have been away from the forums for soo long, but I needed a break and of course life intruded as always. My youngest daughter moved out back in June and her SS death benefits from her father became hers to handle when she turned 18 in june and that went with her so we have been struggling to get all the bills paid and everyone employed. Also about that time my ex-husband, mike (not to be confused with my deceased husband Mike) needed a new place to live so we (my oldest son and I ) drove up to arknsas and brought him back to live with us. He has a temp job with a temporary agency and has been waiting on a job to come through. My oldest daughter and her fiancee (who live with me ) finally have a date for orientation with a security firm next week, so hopefully by the beginning of the new year the finance situation will be some what better. Lord knows, we need the help. If it weren't for his intervention and a very understanding landlord, I would be typing this from under a bridge somewhere (and that would be feat in and of itself as I only have a desktop system, lol) I had to apply for food stamps which is such a chore. and then jump through their hoops to keep them...Now I have to go back in and reapply and recertify as my six months are up. Remember I live in the state that has to answer a lawsuit against it for not maintaining the time frames required by the federal gov. for giving out food stamps. The health and human resources people managing this particular program are not very easy to deal with without lousing your cool. They make it extremely difficult to get the assistance that you need. I have been fighting with my Car finance company as well and have been trying to get them to refinance my car and get lower payments since I got put on disability back in 2008 and they have finally done so. Just waiting on the paperwork to come in now. That will be a big help. Then I have to dig up the funds to get the darned car looked at as it is acting funny ....lol, never fails...you get good news and then something shows it's nasty little head to take all the wind out of your sails. But thats okay me and God will figure something out. I also received a booklet (spiral bound) that I requested from CancerCare. It is a resource guide, I requested the one for financial assistance. It was free and it is chock full of resources listed by state. Just imaging my surprise to find that there is not one , nope not one listed for the dallas area. nor does the biggest state in the 48 contiguous states have any programs to help and the ones that do in this state are area or cancer type specific. Talk about being ashamed of where I live. Sure makes you wonder...but I have not lost my faith in myself and God and some how we make it work...just takes a little time. But it has sure given me some ideas. AS far as the cancer front, they have moved my scans out to every 4 months now, and at the last one in SEpt. Everything was the same with no change. Which I am very thankful for. This Oct. was 24 months post chemo (did the happy dance) and am not quite so nervous for the next ones the first of the new year. My pc put me on low dose amitriptyline to help with my migraines and it seems to be working, have only had two very mild ones since I started taking it, another thing I am thankful for. I am sorry this is so long and I promise to be here more. I have been keeping up with those of you who are on FaceBook that way. I am also using Yahoo messenger again, for anyone who wants to chat. Since I can pull it up anytime I am on-line it makes it easier to chat if I am not on this site at a given time. I still check here for chat requests several times a day. BUt on Yahoo if I am listed in your friends on yahoo, it just pops up on my computer screen when you come on messenger. So I am there if you need to talk or would just like to shoot the breeze. I have missed you all!! Love ya', everyone one of you Dawn

OHHH! how I wish I was there, Eric. I am sooo ready for the miracle of Christmas....not that I can afford to do anything.. I just love the sounds and smells, lights and sights and the wonder of people actually being nice to each other during this time of year! I am ready to start singing Christmas tunes! This has always been my favorite time of the year. Here, at 2 pm in NTX it is a balmy 61 degrees with a very cool breeze blowing. Bright and sunny. Well, I am off to get more coffee, so everyone have a good day. Dawn

Eric, I haven't re-started the chats yet as it is the middle of summer and many people are still going away on vacations and doing summer things which make the summer months really slow. I will chat with anyone at any time with a little advance notice. just pm me here or on FB. The chat feature here is better than on FB, but you can always reach me there as well. I check here at least once or twice a day as long as I have access to the computer. I believe you are at least 6 hours ahead of me (if I remember my zulu clocks and GMT correctly) which means that right now it is 4:39 pm where you are (it is 10:39 am here in Texas). I am up a lot late at night here and early mornings (after about 2 or 3 am), so w could chat if you wanted to. Just let me know. Dawn

Becky, No, I halted the chats due to lack of participation. I knew that everyone would be making other plans for the summer months and to be perfectly honest, life in my world has intruded to a large degree. I try to check in here to make sure no one has made a request for chats to resume or for a private chat. If you feel the need, I will be glad to join you just let me know when and if you want to chat here or on FB. Chatting here works better for a prolonged chat than gimpy FB in my opinion, but I am open to whatever someone else wants to do. Dawn PS: Can't afford donuts and have to wait for Snap to kick in to get ingredients to make cookies, buit will try to pull together a coffee or bundt cake of some kind, lol.

Hi all found this article on yahoo and thought some of you might find it interesting. http://www.mesquitenews.com/articles/20 ... s/2549.txt Dawn

I raised 2 boys and 2 girls and they were all about the same to raise with the exception of "the Talk", if you know what I mean. 14 y/o boys are really no different than 40, or 50 y/o boys, with the exception of the size and price of their toys. Sending up good thoughts for your mom, Annette and for your hair which is in danger of being pulled out with frustration when dealing with a 14 y/o along with your sanity, lol. You can always ship him here if you would like when you need a break. I remember what teenagers are like......oh! wait!....I still have one! Dawn

Chris, I have SCLC with extensive mets to the bones of my hip, femur, upper arm, tailbone, spine and many lymph nodes. I was dx'ed in May of 2008. Last chemo of carboplatin and etoposide was Oct 7 2008. My last scans show very little activity in area of mets with SUV'v of less than 2.0 and still decreasing from chemo. I was lucky as none of my Dr.s gave me a "time Limit"; absolutely refused to, (it was like they were worried I would sue them if the event did not occur when they said it would,lol!) But I have fooled them all by living well passed any time limit they would have given me (24 months post dx and 19 months post last chemo cocktail infusion). I have had what the Onc.s call a "Complete Response". I know it will come back and that we can fight it some more. All I can tell you is what helps me. And those things are: 1. I have never lost my faith in the fact that no matter what happens everything will be ok. One way or the other. 2. I also have faith in a God who said "I did not promise that you would not be tempested or travailed, but that you would not be overcome"! 3. I do my own research and never, ever take what anyone tells me as gospel or the final word. Knowledge is power and I need all the power I can get! 4.I thank God for every day he gives me, every morning when I wake up. I also commune with nature as much as possible and enjoy the wonders of our world (especially when the weather is bad. I love thunderstorms!) 5. I talk to my fur babies (dogs). They never pass judgment. 6. I try to eat right, and lord knows I sleep more the is really necessary!(but I only get it in 3-4 hour spurts) 7. And I come here, to vent, share news (good or bad) because here there is no judgment, just support and caring, regardless of who or what you are or any of those things that many people think are important such as titles, professions, financial status, background, etc. We all take care of each other because (as the song says) you ain't heavy, you are my brother(/sister). Dawn

Sounds good to me Katie! And as I said before, I am available anytime just give me a little advance notice. And I love a good Party! Dawn

Are you guys up for chat on Wed? If you are let me know what time will be good for you. The 11:30 am time frame does not seem to be working, so I will be available at anytime,(or day for that matter since the chat room is available 24/7). Give me a holler, and we'll talk. I love to run my mouth er... fingers! lol. For those of you in other countries, I am also available late nights early mornings and would love to hear from you as well. Looking forward to talking with you all! Dawn

68 and sunny here in ntx this morning with barely a breeze stirring. The wind chimes in front of the house are silent this morning. After the winds of the last week, they need a break, lol. I have had to start running the A/C to get rid of the humidity. Although the unit is only about 2 years old, I still cringe when I have to use it as I can just see what it is going to do to the electric bill. All though we have ceiling fans in every room, they can't do too much in the way of getting rid of humidity, so I have to turn on the A/C a couple of times during the day to get rid of it. Although it doesn't run all day and night, I still cringe cause I know it is going to run the bill up. Ah well, going to try and get ceiling fans clean today, if I can get someone up on the step ladder to get it done. With all this stuff going on in my head I have not been able to look upwards without losing my balance and falling over, so that is one chore that I don't have to do. That and anything the requires turning around rapidly, which makes me lose my balance and fall over. My oldest daughter has told people that I have turned into a Weeble that wobbles, lol. I tell her I can't be a Weeble cause I fall down. Hope you all have a blessed and stress free day! Dawn

Great news, Dana!! I hit 24 months on the 12th of May. I find it rather glorious, myself! Dawn

Here it is 10:49 and no air yet, I hope everyone is doing well this bright morning. It is 57 degrees at almost 11 of the clock and sounds to be breezy outside. It's supposed to warm into the upper 70's by afternoon. I have no particular plans for the day except to maybe go to the library after my daughter gets home from her drill meet, if it is early enough. I think I am gonna go warm up some home made chicken noodle soup that my daughter made yesterday. It turned out rather well, but I knew it would since she followed my instructions and used my recipe, lol. She did good for a first try (she is thinking of going to culinary school, so I have been letting her get her hands into the cooking of dinner). I hope you all have a lovely spring day today. Dawn

Good Morning! Well today is Wednesday and it's Chat day. Don't forget! starts at 11:30 am CDT. I will look for you there! Dawn