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tess

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Posts posted by tess


  1. I never thought I would be back here writing this.

    I just lost my husband Robert Wagner last July 31st of lung cancer and now my mom. I was concerned because of her weakness, so I was in the process of moving her to my home to take care of her.

    She fell and broke her hip a year ago, and still hadn't recovered completely from hip replacement. So I took her to the Dr today because she was complaining that her chest was hurting. So the Dr took an X-ray and sure enough, there is a huge tumor in her right lung near her bronchial area. My sister and I haven't told her yet. She was a smoker until a year ago when she broke her hip, she smoked since she was 13, and now she is almost 76, so its not really a surprise. She is only 100 lbs and is barely able to walk with a walker since her surgery. She has been sleeping a lot and now I know why. I know I have to tell her soon about the cancer (99% sure) and she also hasn't got any insurance other then medicare right now. I will get her set up with medicaid thru the state and probably get hospice soon. I have already had hospice here for my sister 3 years ago who died in the same room mom is in now (breast cancer) and I also lost my dear husband of lung cancer 8 months ago, so here I go again. I guess God has given me the calling of caretaker of the sick and dying. It doesn't bother me because I feel honored to be the one they all wanted to take care of them and comfort them in their last days here on earth. I know that someday it may be me who will be in need of a caregiver. I guess what comes around goes around. My dad passed away in 96 so mom only has me and my little sister left. So I am back here again. I don't feel that my mother can withstand any kind of chemo or radiation, I think she is already weak and it would just kill her quicker. So I am just going to let God take her when its time and keep her as comfortable as possible until then. I am going to take this time I have with her and thank God I have this time, however long it may be. She is hard to communicate with because her hearing is so bad. She had a cataract removed about 8 days ago, and the other one is being removed on Thursday, at least she will be able to see good before she dies! I was hoping to get her hearing aids, but now I don't know if we should bother, she may not have much time left. I just found out this news today and I am just putting down my thoughts as they come. Thanks for being here, I wish I didn' t have to come again but am so glad you all are here!

    Tess


  2. I don't think its Joe either. Why would he haunt you? If you are in another house its probably someone who's lived there before, or lived there when they died. Sylvia Brown says to tell them to go on to heaven, that they don't belong here. I guess they don't know they are dead.

    The spirit can't hurt you anyway! The main thing to remember is, Its NOT Joe! :wink:

    Good Luck! (Where's Ghost busters when you need them?) :roll::lol:


  3. I didn't have a problem with our cell phone co. WE had 5 phones because of our business. I just called and they switched the bill over to my name. Of course if I cancel a phone before the contract is up, I will have to pay the $175.00 early cancelation fee! Oh well, what can we do? They were actually good about the change over. Its Verizon if anyone wants to know. :roll:

    Its too bad big corporations don't teach their cust. svc reps to treat people with a little dignity when a spouse dies!


  4. Hi Ladies,

    I am so sad too, I am two weeks behind Joni, it will be three months for me on 10/31 and it seems like last week. I have a hard time also, for some reason, in the car! A song will come on that he loved or reminds me of Rob and the tears start flowing. I bawl my eyes out, and I hope no one sees me going down the road crying. Oh well, I don't really care what they think. I just cry whenever I get the urge, which sometimes is all the time. Its not so bad when I have someone here with me. I watch my grandkids after school till mom picks them up, but after that I am all alone to have my own little pity party. I have let it out a lot!! I wonder how long its going to take for the grief to subside enough so I might feel normal again? :roll: ! My cat sleeps with me at night, right next to my pillow on the edge of the bed. It seems like she knows I am lonely and she is there to keep me company. I also have a remodeling business, which I am getting more involved in. It really helps to stay busy, I think its the only thing that keeps me from going crazy right now. Well, I feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one going thru this nightmare either! God Bless you all! :( Tess


  5. Tee Taa,

    I know the feeling, my husband died just 8 hours after Tbone and they had so much in common. They went thru pretty much the same horrible pain with the bone mets. Even when Rob died, he had the blue Moon shining thru the window too. I was so amazed to read your story after Tbone died, because it was so much like my story with Rob. Execpt that it was my husband and not my brother, although Rob and I had several good crys together. I knew Rob was dying and watching him go thru the pain was so hard, I always told him I was so sorry for being such a big baby and crying so much in the last few weeks. He didn't mind it, he cried too. It was so heart breaking. It is still so fresh in my mind, the night he died. I was a beautiful night, and it was also the day before he would have turned 49. You know that old saying, "once in a blue moon"? Well, I guess when Rob and Tbone passed that night, it was "twice in a blue moon". A couple other things that were so similar between them was, Rob had a brother named Terry. He also sort of resembled Tbone, with the hair, moustache and glasses. I told his brother how similar their lives were in the end. It was just so amazing. I wondered how many other people went thru what we did on that night of the "blue Moon" that we have no way of knowing! I just wonder...

    This website has helped me too. I can't believe I have been here for this long, Its so hard to stay away, I always want to know how people are doing. I pray for us all. God Bless you!


  6. Deancarl,

    I think everyone here (including me) admires you so much because you are so brave. You are one of a kind. To just decide to let nature take its course and not do the chemo and radiation is a very scary thing, but you did it your way. And you are still here with us one year later.

    My husband was diagnosed the day before you were on Sept 25th 2003. He only lived for 10 months. His was an aggressive NSCLC. He did the radiation and chemo, the radiation did help a lot with the bone mets and relieved a lot of his pain for quite a while, the chemo did nothing for him, nothing postive anyway. His quality of life was not very good in his last 10 months. The chemo probably helped to end his life sooner, sometimes I wish he would've never had the chemo.

    I am so glad you are still with us, you are an inspiration to everyone here. That must be such a good feeling to know how many lives you have touched here. I know you have made us all "feel good"!

    God has kept you around for his reasons. May God Bless you and hold you in the palm of his hand. :D

    Tess


  7. Its weird how people don't know that they need to call or come over. They don't realize how much it means to the person with cancer that other people come and see them and visit or just call and say Hi. They don't want to see it. My husband wanted friends to visit him, but a lot of them didn't come once. He had cancer for a year and still some didn't come, call or write, until after he died. What are they thinking? Some people are to self centered and don't want to deal with it I guess. Its a shame, and so sad for the person who has cancer and NEEDS other people. :cry: I wish people would get a clue........ :?


  8. The most important thing is that hospice will help make your mom comfortable. She will need that. Also you should ask hospice about ativan for her in case she starts having a lot of distress. It will keep her from getting panicky. I would not try to get her to take the Artim., the most important thing will be to take her pain medications at this point. Don't put her thru anymore than she has to. I went thru this with my husband. Your mom has bone mets too right? I remember that she was suffering like my husband did. I was thankful for hospice, they made him comfortable in the end. At this point, this is the only thing that can be done for her. God bless you and your dad and mom and know he will take care of her in heaven. I am sorry you have to go thru this too. :cry: Cherish the days or even the hours you have left with her. You will always remember them.

    Tess


  9. You don't need to feel guilty, your mom is always with you in spirit. She is no longer in her physical body, but in a spiritual body now. She would want you I'm sure, to go on with your life and have fun. That is what I would want for my daughters! I lost my husband, his ashes sit on his dresser in an urn until we get the headstone back. Then we will bury his ashes at the cemetary. Even though his ashes are in my bedroom I don't consider it "him" . Go have fun and your mom will be smiling on her birthday knowing you are having a wonderful time! :D

    Tess


  10. Holly,

    I think what he did was a great gift for all the family. My husband left me 3 different letters telling me how much he loved me and how I need to go on with my life. After he died, his brother told me where he hid them because he came to visit Rob one day, and Rob told him where he put the letters. Of course they made me cry but I was so thankful for them. It was a wonderful gift too. He said he just didn't think he could make a video because he would get choked up too much. When I got the letters out, I sat on the couch to read them and the phone rang one time. I answered it and no one was there. I think Rob was trying to tell me he was still here with me in spirit. There was no number on the caller ID. I've heard of things like this happening to people but never thought it would happen to me! At least I like to think it was Rob.

    I know how you feel, I miss my husband so much too, it is so hard to think of not having your husband here to talk to , to hug, and smell like you said. I have his ashes on his dresser in an urn until his headstone is finished then we are going to have a little ceremony at the cemetary. I also have is baseball cap sitting on top of the urn. When I start missing him I grab the hat and his smell is on it. It makes me feel he is here with me but in a way it makes me miss him that much more. I will always keep that hat! It means a lot to me. I bought it for him 2 years ago on his birthday. He died the day before he turned 49. I just turned 51, and I feel so lost without him too. WE are both in the same boat and its no fun. I am sure that someday when we finish mourning, we will be able to go on with our lives. Right now, it just seems like were stuck in limbo. I don't know if it makes you feel any better knowing that there are a lot of us going thru this grief but I just wanted to share my feelings with you. Sorry I just keep rambling on. Take care, and God Bless.

    Tess


  11. So sorry about your sis, I know how sad you are not being able to communicate with her. The same thing happened to me and my sister. She was dying of breast cancer, and had to have an emergency tracheotomy because of cancer in her throat. She couldn't talk anymore, the last 3 wks of her life. It was very hard to deal with. I did know she wanted to come home to die, and so hospice came and she died in my home in the living room. I felt so honored that she wanted to die at my home. She had 3 daughters and was divorced. I was the one she wanted to spend her last days with and that was comforting to me. She was also younger than me. Its so sad to lose a little sister. May God help us all thru this horrible disease. Just let her know how much you love her and she will understand that for sure! Take care,

    Tess

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