GayleMarie

Carleen, I can only imagine what it is like to have lost a true love soooo young. We dont know. Most of the people here do not know. My Mom happened to be in the midst of her lung cancer when I joined and I remember thinking Good Grief, this guy is sooooo young. I think I will remember that part of this forum for all of my remaining days. I wanted him to get better. I wanted my Dear Sweet Mom to get better and I wanted this young guy who never smoked, and had such a sweet loving wife, to get BETTER. It is sad, it was the worst part of my life watching her suffer, and yet I would give ANYTHING to spend some more of my life helping her with her treatment, so would you. I dont know Carleen, I will never understand the young ones, I just never will. Hang in there hon, that is all we can do =) Gayle Lost her Mom in 2004

I hear ya. My mom only lived with cancer 9 months. I too wished I had picked her brain. She was full of knowledge. She had lived a life. And how I miss her, would give anything to have her back to appreciate her just a little more...

Happy Birthday Lucie!!

Pier, My sympathy to you and your family. I remember how sweet you were to send me the article on Iressa. Our circumstances so similar. I lost my mother in July. It seemed so unreal. I do know what you are saying when you are glad for the end to your mothers suffering. My thoughts are with you on the loss of your dear mother. Gayle

12/11/04 And Christmas will come… 2004 I miss you mom. It’s hard. I see dad and he is so lost without you. I know he misses you with every bit of his being. It is so evident. He is so strong though. We should all know that now. To do what he has done and go on with what he has. I love him. He is the greatest confidant I have. I can talk to him about anything, just about. Just about. You two are about as close to the perfect parents there could have been. I could not ask for better, I would never have. You lived your life just fine, not to sturdy not to lax. I wish, I hope my kids get that, if they get nothing else from you and papa, I hope they get that. We will be ok. I will take care of him. He is lost without you, I guess I said that. You knew he would be. I wish I hadn’t let you go without telling you things but you know mom, we said a lot without saying anything at all. You and me, we did. I miss you. I cant begin to tell you how much. 9 months. It wasn’t fair. I want to go back and do it all again. I want to have a second chance to do better with living while you are dying. I guess I would have done better with what I know. Why didn’t they tell me you would suffer? Why didn’t they tell us to not lift you and move you. I am so angry about that I cant get over that. It should never have happened that way. I would Never let it happen that way. Mom, I am so sorry. “Beloved Wife” Natilie Merchant - The song, if you listen to the song, it is about you and dad. I used to say way before you got cancer “that is about mom and dad because she will die before he does, I just know it” then you were gone…. I miss you mom and Christmas will come Gayle 

I know what you mean. I quit in 93 after 10 years of smoking. My mom was diagnosed in Oct. of 03 and passed away in July of this year. It makes you think doesnt it. Who is susceptible? My dad smoked as long as my mom which was about 35 years. He is 80 and in pretty fine shape. They both quit when they were about 55. Mom got the bad cancer genes I guess? Do I get them now or my Dad's. Time will tell.... Never thought my mom would die in just 9 months I miss her so. Gayle

What a trooper. I said that very few days after reading posts here. I have followed Lucie and she is "no doubt about it" an inspiration. Bless you both. Gayle

Ginny I am so very sorry. Gayle

Carleen, Wishing you and Keith the best and hoping for the best on this trial! You just gotta keep on hanging in.. we know its hard!!! Gayle

Sharyn, I am so sorry you are feeling this. I know cuz I went through the same thing with Mom. She was so frustrated that she didnt have strength to do anything. Also, the loss of appetite. Dad tried to get her to eat and she just couldnt do it. All I can suggest is to have some heart to hearts with your dad if you can. I wish I had done that more instead of focusing on Mom's illness. Now she is gone and I cant. You love your dad so much I can tell. This really tests you physically and mentally, I know. Hang in there. Lotsa prayers your way, Gayle

I just want to write what is going through my head. With the loss of my mother on July 17 came the abrupt end to everything that my father, my sister and I had known for the past 9 months. Gone is the constant worrying about new symptoms, pain meds, doctors appts., scans, more chemo, hospice, medicare, the overwhelming grief of seeing your loved one in so much pain she cries. It is all over with. It doesnt fade, it is just gone. Everything you focused on for 9 months is over. I want her back, I am not done helping. I dont even believe for one minute she gave up. I think with her very last breath she still wanted to live. It is just a shame. She provided so much love, so much joy, and she is gone. One of the last fun times was at Easter when we drove to my sisters house. She cracked me up telling us she could touch her nose with her tongue. And prior to eating she raised my dads bottle of beer and took a big swig, said "give that to me Harry". Mom never drank much and certainly hadnt since starting treatments so was quite funny. So neat, such a doll. I miss her so much, I hope she knows. I took her pink roses yesterday. Pink Roses for a wonderful lady. I love ya mom, Gayle

Paige, I lost my mother, 77, last month to squamous cell cancer. I know how you feel. It hurts too deep to describe. Your mother was so very lucky to have a daughter like you. I am so very sorry for your loss. Gayle

I was there. Call it depression, call it sad. My mom is gone now and all I can say is the process of losing her was the worst thing that I have ever gone through. I knew it was going to be hard the minute she was diagnosed, cuz I loved her so much. Nothing prepares you for the emotions you feel, nothing. She sounds just like my mom, who worried about me up until the day she left us. What a mom. We are blessed. Gayle

Bo, I am so very glad you found Zometa. I wish my mother had taken it. She broke her Femar by barely standing. The doctor never suggested and from what I could ascertain, never knew she had bone mets. I dont know the answer to the lymph node question. My mom had lymph node involvement early on. I wish you the best. Gayle

Don, My mom passed away July 17th. I have a whole list full of shoulda's. I knew she had this disease, I knew time was of the essence. I look back and think what was wrong with me? We all do. My dad, my sister. Sometimes I am so mad at myself because I feel like I didnt fight with everything I had. I should have spent more time with her asking her about her needs and how she was feeling. Then it was too late because her leg broke and they had to give her so much morphine that it took her personality. I dont know. I just wish I could go back and do it all again. I would never have let her leg break. I would have demanded to know where all this cancer was. I could go on and on. I wont. I am just saying we all feel it. The sad part is there is no perfect way to deal with this monster. You were wonderful to give so much of yourself. Remember that. Gayle

My mom coughed up black stuff and the doctor said it was common with her type of lung cancer. She had Squamous Cell NSCLC. Most of the time her cough just produced phlegm with a bloody pink tinge, but occasionally the black stuff. She did not have radiation at all, so I know it wasnt that. Dont ever hesitate to call the doctor though! That is their job and they expect you to. My best, Gayle

To the whole T-Bone Family, I am so sorry about your loss. T-Bone was loved so very much, and it was so evident. I send you prayers. Gayle

Lots of prayers for T-Bone. Such a difficult time for all of you. Gayle

Pam, I have to encourage you to contact hospice if you havent already. They helped us soooooooo much. I dont know how we would have gotten through some days without them. They can provide the support you need right now. A nurse comes to your home to help with the pain, the questions, the anxiety and hopelessness you feel. When mom passed away we decided to have memorial contributions given to Hospice. It was the right choice. They are wonderful. Hope this helps. Gayle

Carleen, I am sorry what you are going through. I know how frustrating it is. It seems like you fix one thing and a new problem crops up. I look back now and think about my Mothers care. We were constantly starting new medicines to fix this or that. It was never ending The constipation, the trouble breathing, the pain in her legs.. I cried a million tears. I feel for you and know how hard this is on you. The family members suffer so much too. Keep talking to the doctors and asking questions. Make them talk to you... Gayle

Oh yea I forgot. I am in Kansas too! Gayle

Joni, I lost my mom last Saturday. We buried her Tuesday. Every time I laugh I feel guilty. But you know what? I loved my mom with everything I have. I dont know what makes a person continue as usual. I wonder each day if my Dad who was married to her for 52 years will come out of it. He is lost. He cries. But he laughs at times and he goes on. It is human nature to live. A part of me is gone forever, but a part of me lives on. Thats just the way it is. It is not wrong. It is the way my beautiful Mom would want it to be. Gayle

Don, My Mom had such various reactions to each chemo treatment. We never knew how she would fair... You really have to watch out for your loved one, sometimes nobody else will. Dad still looks back on mom's treatment and says "that doctor was so busy", meaning too busy to spend much time with us Lucie is a very lucky lady to have you. And yes, I think it was the company Pulling for you every inch of the way... Gayle

Carleen, I am so sorry for what Keith is going through. It breaks my heart that he is so young. I read your posts and you both sound like a wonderful couple. It takes all you have to get through some of these days, I know. Hang in there girl, you have to be strong. It takes so much sometimes, and Keith is very lucky to have you. I will be hoping for some good news for you.. Gayle

Carleen, I am so sorry for what Keith is going through. It breaks my heart that he is so young. I read your posts and you both sound like a wonderful couple. It takes all you have to get through some of these days, I know. Hang in there girl, you have to be strong. It takes so much sometimes, and Keith is very lucky to have you. I will be hoping for some good news for you.. Gayle