Mr Ry
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Posts posted by Mr Ry
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Alabama:
At Least We're not Mississippi
Alaska:
11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
Arizona:
But It's a Dry Heat
Arkansas:
Litterasy Ain't Everthing
California:
As Seen on TV
Colorado:
If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut:
Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
Delaware:
We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water
Florida:
Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia:
Without Atlanta we're Alabama
Hawaii:
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho:
More Than Just Potatoes...
Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois:
Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana:
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa:
We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas:
First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky:
Five Million People; Seven Last Names
Louisiana:
We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos,
But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine:
We're Really Cold,
But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland:
A Thinking Man's Delaware
Massachusetts:
Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's
Michigan:
First Line of Defense From the Canadians
Minnesota:
10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi:
Come Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri:
Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work
Montana:
Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, and Very Little Else
Nebraska:
Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada:
Whores and poker!
New Hampshire:
Go Away and Leave Us Alone
New Jersey:
You Want a ##$%##! Motto?
I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico:
Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York:
You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney...
North Carolina:
Tobacco is a Vegetable
North Dakota:
We Really are One of the 50 States!
Ohio:
We Wish We Were In Michigan
Oklahoma:
Like the Play, only No Singing]
Oregon:
Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania:
Cook With Coal
Rhode Island:
We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina:
We Have Never Actually Surrendered to the North
South Dakota:
Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee:
The Educashun State
Texas:
A Whole 'Nother Country!
Utah:
Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont:
Yep
Virginia:
Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington:
Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!
Washington, D.C.:
Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia:
One Big Happy Family -- Really!
Wisconsin:
Come Cut Our Cheese
Wyoming:
Wynot?
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This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks.
So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell. The other farmer says, “Yeah, I’ve got this great rooster named Chuck. He’ll service every chicken you got, no problem.”
Well, Chuck the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he’d be worth it. So, he buys Chuck. The farmer takes Chuck home and sets him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk, “Chuck, I want you to pace yourself now. You’ve got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I’ll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun,” the farmer said, with a chuckle.
Chuck seemed to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house, and Chuck took off like a shot. - WHAM! - Chuck nails every hen in the hen house - - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Chuck is in there. Later, the farmer sees Chuck after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again, - WHAM! - He gets all the geese.
By sunset he sees Chuck out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught—worried that his expensive rooster won’t even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Chuck dead as a doorknob—stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead.
The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, “Oh Chuck, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you’ve done to yourself.”
Chuck opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, “Shhhh, they’re getting closer.....”
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When a woman has the last word in an argument it is over.
When a man has the last word, it is a new argument.
Doesn't KFC use baby chicks for popcorn chicken?
Watch out Debbie I think I have your address.
Na Na Boo Boo
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Cheryl,
I have the same problem with the neuropathy in my feet. I got it 5 years ago from diabetes. I got worse with chemo and then better after the chemo was stopped. I still have it. One thing I wanted to say is watch your feet for injuries. check them daily. With the neuropathy you may not feel injuries.
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One time, back in the day, a boy named Johnny was walking to school with his girlfriend. He was trying to impress her, so he said, "I bet you I can push my father's outhouse into the river."
She didn't agree with him, so he proved her wrong. Impressed, she walked the rest of the way to school hand in hand with Johnny. That day at school, they studied the story about George Washington and the cherry tree. The moral that they learned was "never tell a lie."
After school, Johnny went home. When he walked in the door, his dad met him. He said, "Son, did you push my outhouse into the river?"
Johnny said, "Dad, I want to be like George Washington and never lie, yes, I did."
And his dad beat him from one end of the house to the other. You could have read the newspaper off of Johnny's rear end.
After Johnny was finished sobbing, he asked, "Dad, why did you whoop me? I didn't lie. George Washington cut down the cherry tree and didn't lie about it, and he didn't get a whooping."
Johnny's dad looked at him and said, "Son, I bet George Washington's dad wasn't sitting in that cherry tree when he cut it down, was he?"
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Why'd the chicken cross the road?
To show the blonde how!
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Cluck, Cluck... bring on the little cluckers. I know how to fry chickens.
I watched my Grandfather behead them, hang them on the cloths line, and my Grandmother boil and pluck them.
Oh I like fried chicken.
John
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Q. What's another name for pickled bread?
A. Dill-dough!
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I am not afraid of the dreaded Poultrygeist. Because they are such little peckers.
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Why don't chickens wear underwear?
Because their peckers are on their faces!
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A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?”
She calls on little Johnny. He replies, ”None, they all fly away with the first gun shot”
The teacher replies “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”
Then Little Johnny says “I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?”
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, “Well I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone”
To which Little Johnny replied, “The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.”
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What do you get when you mix Rogaine and Viagra?
Hair that stands straight up on your head!
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What do you call nine blondes in the ocean?
An air pocket.
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Did you hear Lorena Bobbit was almost killed in a traffic accident?
Some dick cut her off.
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Good one, Nushka. Great seasonal joke.
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Elaine,
You will be fine with her. I am sure you will let her know if you have problem with her attitude or her receptionist.
Look at it as a new adventure.
Best of luck tomorrow. I hope she is really good.
You have my best wishes.
John
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Good one Grumpy. Keep up the good work.
Those young children sure are inspiring.
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Way to go Mary keep up the good thoughts. You are right we all know how the waiting can be.
Good thoughts coming from this house.
John
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Q. What do you get when you mix chocolate and Viagra?
A. OH HENRY!
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Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, because they never get the house!
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A young woman goes to church to confess her sins to the priest.
''Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.''
''Tell all of your sins, my daughter.''
''Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend made hot, passionate love to me seven times,'' she says.
The priest thinks about this long and hard and says, ''Take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass and drink it.''
''Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?''
''No,'' the priest says, ''but it'll wipe that smile off your face!''
Points for the men on this one.
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Where do you get Virgin Wool?
From an ugly sheep!
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okdebi's house.
"House without toilet, uncanny." -
Computers are definitely female.
" Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval;"
I've tried to do this and found it impossible.
Southern University Psychology
in JUST FOR FUN
Posted
At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes.
"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma .
"Elation," she said.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "what about the opposite of woe?"
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up' ".