Mr Ry
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Posts posted by Mr Ry
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Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, her husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks. "They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies. The wife stops. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?" Without missing a beat the husband says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
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What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket?
A rebel without a clue.
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Well if the shell was not so hard and cold.. maybe more sensitive, the rooster would not have to keep it up.
Just a note I have editing power! humm:idea:
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James.
I can testify that I was given 4 months and I have survived 2 years. There is always hope.
Stay in touch John
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Don't give me the crap of half a point Who had the most fun the egg or the rooster?
Geesh.. the egg can't keep up?
Frank I am ten hours away from Bruce. How far are you?
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Points for the men here. That chicken smoking is a rooster.
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A boy from France comes to America. He wants to learn some new words so he goes to the airport and learns "take off." Then he learnes "zebra" from the zoo and "baby" from the hospital. Then he goes home and says, ''Mommy, I learned new words today.'' She says, "Great, honey what did you learn?" He says, ''Takeoffzebrababy!''
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Tell Bruce to hurry up and get better. Frank and I can't handle all thease women in "Just For Laughs" ourselves. Give him my best.
John
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Q: Why is it so hard to replace Vanna White?
A: They can't find another blonde who knows the whole alphabet.
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Good one FRANK. The points are pilling up.
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Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
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Dam, her computer might be down, but her memory still works.
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How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, it should be opened by the time she brings it to you!
The men are just piling them up.
Na Na Becky's computer is still down.
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Becky,
Not only are they too tough, but they will bite back.
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Frank,
Becky used to live with the polar bears, Alaska.
Did you notice Becky says "...and polar bears are the only bear species to eat ONLY meat (no berries, nuts, leaves, etc.) and stalk man as "food", not just attacks for the "threat" man poses when walking into their range. " I do not see where polar bears stalk or eat women.
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What do you call an eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.
What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
Oh,look, Daddy....doughnut seeds!
Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!
Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.
How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Hear about the blonde who got an AM radio?
Took her a month to figure out she could play it at night.
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey team?
They drowned during spring training.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Duh! Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!"
Why are blonde's boobs always square?
Because they forget to take the kleenex out of the box.
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Best of luck with your CT results. I am with you, hoping for the best.
John
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A little boy and his dad were walking down the street whan they saw two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father “Daddy, what are they doing?” The father says, “Making a puppy.” So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy, what are you doing?” The father replies, “Making a baby.” The little boy says, “Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy instead!”
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What do you call a nun who sleep walks?
A roamin' Catholic
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Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a vending machine?
A: Nothing.....you get what you paid for.
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A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out... a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her.
Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.
The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half an hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.
The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did midair flips, and leaped high in the air.
She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!"
The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him -
HEY WILLIE! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"
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Karen & Dave,
We took 10,000 dollars out of my retirement without penalty because of the cancer diagnosis (major illness). I am on permanent disability. The only draw back on taking the money is you have to pay taxes on it at the end of the year. There will be a penalty to withdraw from your retirement plus the taxes so I would think about that carefully.
I know this sounds negative but we purchase credit life on any large loan so that if something happens to one of us it is paid off.
Do what your hearts says.
John
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Q: How do you know when a man's planning for the future?
A: He buys TWO cases of beer.
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Mark,
I have neuropathy in both feet and chemo made it a bit worse. It orginally was casused by type 2 diabetis. You may want to have your sugar checked. I have been on Iressa for a year and a half and the neuropathy has not changed. Most likely it is not from the Iressa.
John
Just A Juggalo
in JUST FOR FUN
Posted
A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys' car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.
"Sir," the cop says. "Why do you have all those knives?"
"They're for my juggling act," the man says.
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Prove it." So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.
"Man," says the first guy. "I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard."