Hello all
This is my first post here (obviously) but I have been getting great advice and information on the cancergrace board. My 81 year old father was diagnosed with stage IV nsclc on 4/5/10, but it had really been suspected since he was in the hospital with a pleural effusion and suspected pneumonia in 12/09-1/10. It has not spread from the pleural cavity, and is just on the one side. He is going to start a first line treatment with Alimta, and then will go on tarceva (sp?). He also has slight kidney issues, and has A-fib and a very slow heart beat.
As I am sure most of you have too, I have learned more than I ever wanted to know about cancer, so think my questions here might deal more with the ins and outs of managing the fight, and I might feel more free to ramble a little more, which I need to do at times.
Anyway, he just moved down here - literally, we drove 14 hours over the past two days - and is adamant about not moving in with me and my family, although we would love to have him and there is more than enough room. He has already leased an apartment not too far from me, and his furniture should arrive shortly.
I want to be able to respect his independence and autonomy, keep a hopeful and positive outlook, but also be realistic about the challenges we face. S0, my first question, if y'all don't mind, is what you think about living alone during treatment ? I want to respect his independence, and am all for him having his own place, BUT, I want to be able to help him and take care of him, especially when he might be feeling lousy. Plus, I think he really enjoyed staying with us during March and April when he was here to get checked out and the ultimate diagnosis. I believe that he is so strongly against moving in with us because to him, it might be a sign of a rapidly approaching end, and don't want to encourage that view.
My game plan is to help him get his apt set up but make sure the guest room is still "his" and I guess try to have a heart to heart with him and tell him that I respect his independence and realize he is still a fully functioning intelligent adult who can make his own decisions, but that I really enjoy having him stay here, and that - since I work full time and have two young kids - I can be of more help if he stays here when and if he is feeling a little tired and is unable to cook or whatever, and that his presence really enriches the lives of the kids, my husband and me, and, I think, his too.
That being said, my more direct and pragmatic husband would say all that touchy feely stuff is great, but he doesn't think its realistic to think my dad will be able to live on his own in the apartment at all. And, since January of this year, it does seem that he hasn't been able to go longer than maybe 3-4 weeks without having something - most usually fluid on lungs - send him into the hospital for a stay of at least a week.
Do y'all think I am kidding myself that he can still live in his own place, as long as he'll come here when he is not feeling that great, or perhaps on some rotating basis ? Currently, dad feels the best he has in months. He got out of the hospital up north, where he moved from, on Monday night. He is a bit weak and somewhat sore, cause he had a nasty infection in the pleural cavity (epypema ??) and had three incisions and part of a rib removed to clear it all up, but doesn't have nearly the shortness of breath he had been having, and has an appetite again. (but is on 3 more weeks of antibiotics for infection, which is why treatment didn't and hasn't yet started)
Thanks, and after my extremely long winded "introduction" let me just wish everyone here the best. I am so inspired by so many peoples stories and attitudes.
