Deborah VF

Hey Everyone, and thank you soo much for the prayers.. I cant say how much that means to see them.. and Thank you Bruce for posting the message. You guys are awesome. Has been a rough couple weeks but we are coming out on the other side i think.. I had the surgery wednesday and all seems good.. still having a little paralizes on one side, we are hoping will return normal with time.. but we saved my ability to walk.. Thank God.. as we had demised in one post the pain i was in was not normal.. and turned out my spine was alrady fractured.. and wouldnt have took much to have paralyzed me.. Soooo.. Praise be to God... we move forward with LOTS to be grateful for... Now it is time to just let this heal awhile.. and then it sounds like we are looking at Radiology and/or possibly tarceva.. (will be looking for more info on that in the coming days), my Onc is screening me to see if i am a canditate.. crosses fingers.. because I have read some really good things.. have appt on the 26th.. should know a little more about a plan then.. but is a lot of options being looked at, and lot in the works.. and that is a relief. Me and my family are all feeling so much more hopful and ready to tackle this deal, now that we are over that crisis, and we are so grateful for the thoughts and prayers of everyone.. and I am now looking forward to drawing more on your guys experience and strength as things begin to unfold.. Thanks for Being Here.. Hugss all and God Bless.... Deborah

Hi Judy, Thanks so much for responding, and confirming that this is not normal. I am having a pretty good morning. Pain level is low. And I can think more clearly and positive when the pain is down. I think your right and I am going to have to get agressive this week about getting someone to see me, and possibly just go to the ER, even though the ones here local to me (I live in a Rural area), are likely to just treat me with more pain meds and send me to follow up with my PCP.. back to square one. I may have to go into Houston to get someone to actually do something. I was able to find a place that will do a self-pay for my biopsy (I have no insurance and am not medicaid eligible, but I can self-pay for this testing). Seems no one wants to take cash anymore.. go figure. Now I just need a doc who can make the referral and my PCP is not able to do that for some reason. I found one who would, but he cant get me in till mid-august.. GRRR.. . Please cross fingers and say prayer, I can find a doc who will take a self pay, so I can get some real answers. My biggest fear is that this "thing", whatever it is, is growing, and... seeing how much longer I may have to deal with the pain before we get through this process. The waiting.. The not knowing is driving me mad. Thanks again, for the response... hugsss

Hi Everyone, I am having a really rough day. I am still in the process of getting referred for the Biopsy, and have not even spoken to Oncologist. I am very scared and confused. I know very little about what is going on in my body. It was the pain that finally sent me to the ER almost 2 weeks ago. Intense pain in my back and chest. Pain that had progressed over a couple months to the point I couldnt bare it anymore. (I thought it was my Scoliosis). I am trying to stay positive and on some level, even be grateful for the pain for getting me to doc fairly early. I was shown the area on my body where the mass is suppose to be. There has been very minimal pain directly from that area. Over the last 2 weeks the pain has continued to increase. There are times where it brings me to tears, and I am on pretty strong pain meds (which hardly touch it). I have always considered myself to have a fairly high pain tolerance. This last week the pain is now in my abdomen as well. With sever stomach pains and the outter walls of my rib cage burning. The last couple days, my left side (where the mass is) from shoulder to rib cage has been numb. This morning, I am having sharp shooting pains from the vacinity of the mass, and the front of my chest gets so tight it feels like a foriegn plate or something inside me.. The pain is never completely gone, although I have had some really good days. The pain is very irratic. Sometimes I may have all areas hurting as same time, or just one area hurting intensely. Ranging from moderate and tolerable one minute, to hiking to extreme levels, where I am in tears the next. I am so scared because I dont know if this intensity or type of pain is normal for the stage they are thinking I am, or if maybe I am at a higher stage. I dont know if the changes in the pain locations are indicating it is growing or spreading. I am trying to stay calm and positive, because I know that getting upset aggravates the pain. Ive tried to stop reading so much about it to help with the stress, till I am able to see Oncologist. From what little information I have been given this far, it is presumed that I'm a late stage1 or early stage2. That was from my PCP. This was my dx. 06/08/10***Final Report*** CT Chest with contrast. FINGINGS: 3.1 x 4.0 cm mass in the left medial lung or hilar region is present. There is minimal spiculated surrounding airspace disease. Malignancy is the diagnosis of the exclusion and is suspected. There are a few scattered nonenlarged mediastinal lymph nodes. There is a dextro-convex thoracic scoliosis. There is minimal patchy density in the lingula probably representing postobstructive atelectasis. Correlate for fever. There is no pleural effusion or pneumothorax. I know this is different for everyone, and I read that some early stages have no associated pain at all, I know that the experience is as unique as the individual. But I am wanting to know if anyone else in their early stages had the intense pain prior to any treatments? Is this normal or comman ? Thanks for any info.... Hugs

Hey Everyone, Just touching base to say Hi,, and report that I have made some progress in finding a few places to take self-pay to get my biopsy done. Although I dont have a set appt yet, I think it is in the works. I have been running in frantic mode since moment i was told. And everything has a level of urgency. I think these tests should be done "yesterday", and, I'm not understanding why all these places I call are not thinking the same. I am running on URGENT and the rest of the world is acting normal and still moving at the same pace it was the day before I got the report. LOL, I just dont get how they can remain so calm . But seriously I am worried about the time factor for several reasons. *The pain. It gets worse everyday.. and I know that it will probably continue to get worse till I get whatever this is out my body. And I dont see that anywhere in sight today. So I am scared it will get to the point that I cant bare it. *Fear that the increased pain, is an indication that it is growing, and I'm afraid that "more time" might mean "less options" for treatment. In the meantime, I have learned a few things this last week and a half.. *I need to keep calm. Because, I definately see the corelation of my stress level to my pain level. *I have learned more about paying attention to my body this last week than I ever have in my life, and *I need to address the pain hikes very quickly and aggressively. The pain has become constant, there is never a moment when it is completely gone. Although, I am having a wonderful day today, is the best day i have had in weeks. I am trying to just enjoy and appreciate it rather than fear how long it is going to last. As for the smoking I have continued to progress in that and am all set for Monday my full-stop day.. Doc started me on wellbutrin and I have the patches and hard candy and all the things I am going to need. Although still scared, I am mentally and emotionally ready. My goal this week is to do some moderate walking & stretching everyday regardless of the pain level. To sleep when I can.. To eat something even when I dont want to.. and definately practice some stress management as I continue searching for services and begin living this deal smoke free... PHEWWW... Prayers Please... and Thanks for letting me rant..

WOW.. I am just feeling so overwhelmed by all the wonderful, welcomes and responses.. I cant tell you how awesome that feels..and how good it feels to have found this group.. Thank you all so very much. I definatelty will update often, and I'll be researching all the resouces and options mentioned. And drawing more and more on all your stories for hope. I am just ready to get on top of this deal, and learn all I can.. About the only thing I am truly certain of at this moment.. is.. I have come to the right place to do it.. Thanks and Hugs By The Way.. Howdy to all you fellow Texans, SouthEast Texas Gal here... close to the Louisana coast..

Hey everyone.. My Name is Deborah, I am 51 from Texas and scared. I just wanted to introduce myself and try to get this journey off to a proactive start.. As it is not my nature to be out-spoken. I want to start by apologizingin advance for being so long winded just seems no short way to put it all together. I have been looking for about a week now for a message board or forum and so far, this one has by far been the most informative and supportive I have seen. And is exactly what I am desparatey needing right now. Last tues June the 8th, I went to the Dr after a few weeks of progessive back pain. I have a long hx of scoliosis and was suspecting that to be the cause. Was sent for an xray, which is where the nigtmare began.. The nurse returned to the room, having been formally very friendly and bubbly, now seeming unable to even look me in the eyes. She stated I needed a CT scan. So she ran some tests for the die sensitivity and eventually told me there was a white cloudy area in the xray they wanted to check out further. Being a smoker, the fear was immediate. The CT scan was done and returned with the following information: FINGINGS: 3.1 x 4.0 cm mass in the left medial lung or hilar region is present. There is minimal spiculated surrounding airspace disease. Malignancy is the diagnosis of the exclusion and is suspected. There are a few scattered nonenlarged mediastinal lymph nodes. There is a dextro-convex thoracic scoliosis. There is minimal patchy density in the lingula probably representing postobstructive atelectasis. Correlate for fever. There is no pleural effusion or pneumothorax. The doc on duty appeared to have brought the nurse along for his moral support in telling me. Although they did leave some marginal hope for it being non-malignant.. the conversation was continually directed toward preparing me for the worst. I was sent to see my doc for referral, who looked at the images and as I watched he seemed to involunarily cringe and look away as he scrolled though them. NOT a good sign coming from your doc! And he began the process of getting staff working on a referral. He loaded me up with enough pain meds for a month, that looked like a years worth, indicating I was going to be needing them. His assessment of it was i was bordering stageI possibly stageII Lung Cancer. To make matter worse, I am currently uninsured. My husband just retired on railroad disability and I was dropped from his coverage when Medicare picked him up. I have been reasonably healthy and although working on it, I havent made getting a new policy a urgent matter. Has been a week on a massive emotional rollercoaster. I feel like last tuesday I stepped out of life as I knew it, into a whole new world. A world that I dont understand. I dont understand the majority of the terminology. Even sorting out the CT Report is mind boggling. When I seen my Doc I didnt even know the questions to ask when I had the chance. So am writing them down for next time. I am wanting to be hopeful that this may be nothing, but I feel everything thus far has been about preparing me to accept this new world. I have gone from one extreme to the next emotion wise. With the primary being the guilt and self anger for causing this. I have begun taking Wellbutrin and have cut down to well over half on my smoking and I have a full-stop date of next Monday the 21st. I have smoked most of my life and stopping smoking right now is almost as scary as what Im up against.. and i know how crazy that sounds to some, but is true. But, I am very determined and ready to just git-it-done. Right now I am in a franticly trying to seek medical care. Mainly the biopsy to start. Im not eligible for medicaid, I have looked into some clinical trials as a hopeful option, have a lot of calls out as well as hoping to seek out the High Risk Ins, (hopefully) soon to be availavble through the new Fed Healthcare Reform. So any suggestions or advice would be appreciated. I was told most places wont even except self-pay for initial procedures unless your able to fund the full course of treatment.. I will stop there for now.. with much more to come Im sure. I want to thank you all for being here and providing a place of support. You have no idea how much hope I feel just reading through yalls posts. It is my hopes that Ill one day be a source of strength and support for others as well.