Mary,
I am so sorry for your pain..Yesterday was the second fathers day I had to go through without my dear dad..I truly know your grief..I too am so glad its over..
I did the total opposite when my dad passed, I stay away from alchohol only because I am afraid of where my emotions may go if I tried to dull the pain..I am afraid I will feel even worse than I do now..I think the alchohol adds to the depression...
I know how hard this is for you, you have to really want your life back in order to get through it...You have to give it time, its so new and raw for you, I am not going to say its easy because I still struggle with the loss everyday..
We are all here if it helps to vent, Somethings we just cant do all alone..Please take care, wishing you peace and healing...