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stand4hope

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Everything posted by stand4hope

  1. Hi Kasey, I just logged on for the first time in FOREVER and your post was right on top. It's so, so good to see you are well. Congratulations on 6 years! Love, Peggy
  2. I am moved to tears. Thank you all for remembering me on this sad day. Four years. Seems like yesterday. My son and I put flowers, beautiful gladiolas, on Don's grave last night. Yesterday, he would have been 61, and on this date he died. I hate/love August 4 and August 5. A good time to remember the good times, but a sad time as well. I miss him so much. I seem to have digressed this past year back into grieving. I met with a pastor and he said it's probably because of the stroke. Not only am I feeling so alone, but weak and scared about the future. I'm a fighter, as you know, so I am seeking out people that can help me and finding activities to really start a new life. Someone in a meeting I attended said that sometimes to recover and start a new life takes more than fixing, changing, remodeling, etc. She said sometimes it takes complete demolition. I think she might be right. I love you all so much and know that most of you are dealing with the same emotions and ups and downs as I am, and some are having a really hard time. I have learned to trust God to be at the steering wheel and take each day as it comes knowing that my favorite verse, Romans 8:28, is truth. I love you all! Peggy
  3. Pat, Sorry I'm so late to reply. I haven't been here much the past couple of years. I'm coming up on four years, Pat, and it still hurts. I am so sorry that you are so sad. Grief recovery is different for everyone as we've all been told over the years. I wish I could give you some tip, some formula or magic potion to make the pain go away, but I can't. Don't be hard on yourself, Pat. If you are still in the pits - that's where you are. It's ok. I do pray that God will send you someone or something to lift you up and out of the pit and set you free. Loving and living with someone for so many years isn't an easy thing to just move on from. Hang in there, girlfriend. Love, Peggy
  4. stand4hope

    Hello

    Most of you don't remember me, but I'm dropping in to say hello anyway. I got some PMs from some of you this morning, and it was so good to hear from you. Things are going ok for me, one day at a time. I am doing so much better dealing with grief, but I still have my moments. There are some things I just can't say or do without tears. I can freely and easily talk about Don, funny things he said or did, etc., but I still can't talk about him being gone without choking up. Since I had the stroke on Dec. 21, 2007, my life has changed in many ways, but for the most part, I'm doing great! I'm about 80% back with everything. It affected my right side. I'm still partially handicapped, but am working, walking and doing almost everything I did before. I can't walk long distances without my walker, but 99% of the time I walk without assistance. I hire someone to do the things I can't do, but I give it the old college try before I call for help. I drive and got my typing back just fine. I have a little trouble writing, but do a pretty good job if I go slow. I can't lift a full coffee pot without it shaking violently, though. I'm going to ask the neurologist about that on my next appointment. My son is not well. He is still an active alcoholic and has many, many health issues - physical and mental. It's so sad for someone so young. He will be 32 next month. I joined Al-Anon in January and oh my, it has helped ME so much. They teach you that you didn't cause it, can't cure it and can't control it. You learn to put the focus on yourself and what you CAN change. I've learned so much and am beginning to feel happy again. For those of you just beginning the grieving process, I am so sorry. There is just no way to get through it other than to let yourself feel it. There are no magic words or miraculous moments, it just has to take its very painful time. Sending you all my love, Peggy
  5. That's easy. After Don died, I bought my son a Harley to ease his pain. All it has done is increase mine. WHAT AN IDIOT! Hi Ann..... It's so cool that you are still doing the Getting to Know You. It's been a long time. Drop me a PM and let me know how you're doing. Love, Peggy
  6. Hi Beck, Yeah! It's really me. I'm still kickin' and SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU ARE, TOO! Way to go, girlfriend. I think you've got this monkey beat. Love and hugs, Peggy
  7. I still have credit cards that I haven't changed - just lazy! The only one I still use that has Don's name on it is JC Penney. We had a Sears credit card in joint names. I called repair for service on our lawn tractor and said my husband couldn't do it because he had died. About 2 months later I got a letter in the mail that the credit card was canceled because the primary cardholder was deceased. Had that card for 35 years! I was the one that always paid it. Boy was I ticked!!!!! Don had some stock options from his company, but they are WAY below the price they were given, so they're worthless, and, like Ginny, I've just procrastinated getting them changed because they want a ton of paperwork. Love, Peggy
  8. Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Atta girl! All my love, Peggy
  9. A good cry seems miserable at the time, but it always seems to cleanse me, especially when I let out all my woes to a listening family member or friend. Then, the next day, as Don would say, I feel "more better". Just gotta get it out! Love, Peggy
  10. stand4hope

    My Aunt

    Dear Tina, I'm so sorry for yet another loss in you're life! You've had a rough time the past few years! I sure hope you have some things to celebrate in the future -- like grandbabies!! All my love, Peggy
  11. THANK YOU! It's so good to hear from all of you. Becky called me. She's doing great, just real busy. I know, Rochelle, I get it! It stinks! All of us will agree to that! Beth, I'll call you soon. I will be off at least two more weeks until I finish outpatient rehab. I would love to get together if you're passing through. I'm hoping to be able to drive by the end of next week. I just don't feel strong enough to try it yet. Maryanne, I'm the one in short brown hair with burgandy sweatshirt with big white V, the 5th and 6th picture down from the top holding a big plate of low fat food (yeah right!). You all take care of yourselves! Love, Peggy
  12. stand4hope

    Update on me

    Hello everyone! Long time no see, huh? Since today is my last birthday in my 50's , I thought I'd drop in and say hello! I have had a challenging 2007, but those that know me know I come out of hard times with boxing gloves on. After seeing my son some suffer terrible attacks of pancreatitis, my mild heart attack in July and two stents, BLAM on Dec. 21 I had a stroke. What a crummy Christmas! I sent an email to Snowflake last week, but oddly, didn't get a response yet. Is she ok? I'm worried about her! The grieving is still there, but less meltdowns. I had a particularly hard time missing Don when I had the stroke. I so much needed his strong arms around me! Rochelle, how's it going, sweetie? I've read some of your posts, but didn't see much on how you're coping. Beth, Tina, JC, Lynne, Paddy, Ginny, Teri, Sue, etc., etc., etc. How are you doing? It's going on 2 1/2 years for me, and it really is getting easier. I had a 40-year high school reunion party at my house before Thanksgiving and it was absolutely the best, best party ever. You can follow this link to see a few pictures http://pike1967.blogspot.com . I've got tons more pictures to add to it, but didn't get them up yet because of the stroke. It's still kind of hard to type. I use mostly my left hand, so I'm just going to copy what I sent to Becky about the stroke so don't have to type it all again! I was in hospital a week and a rehab hospital another week. Right side affected, speech is ok – no mouth droop, but right arm, hand and leg are taking a lot of work. Going to outpatient rehab twice a week via a taxi service the rehab hospital uses and doing lots of exercises at home. I’m right handed and just today am using my right hand a little to type, but I went from over 100 words per minute to about 20! I’m feeling great and in good spirits. Can’t drive yet, but hope to in a couple of weeks. Using a rolling walker to get around and am now starting to walk slowly without it a little bit. Mike has been great and very helpful, as well as sister and friends have been cooking for me. YUM!!! They are doing shopping, too. Hope to hear from you soon! Love to all, Peggy
  13. I guess I did it two days early. I took homemade chicken vegetable soup and homemade double chocolate chip cookies to an 82-year-old widow friend who is not well and currently a shut-in. She was thrilled! Peggy
  14. Gotcha! When Don was in the Army in OJT in Ft. Sill, Oklahoma in 1969, I couldn't find work. Companies did not want to hire transients for sure. I finally applied for a job at the NCO Club as a cocktail waitress. It lasted for three weeks until Don got in a fight at the Club with somebody that pinched my you know what. Hee hee! I ironed officer's fatigues for the rest of our stay in Oklahoma until Don went to Viet Nam. Got 50 cents a shirt and 50 cents for pants - including starch! Love, Peggy P.S. My lie was that I drink green tea. I hate it!
  15. Ok, I gotta do this, too. Nanci, I'm guessing you did not run into Susan Sarandon. 1. I drink a lot of green tea. 2. I have been a cocktail waitress. 3. I was a high school cheerleader. Peggy
  16. stand4hope

    A Sudden Shift

    Teri, There is one more thing I wanted to add about your comment that your emotions are always on the surface. I had and still have to this day that very same "problem". I put problem in quotes because I I'm not sure that's the right word. It seems that since Don died my emotions are always "on the surface", like the tears are just laying there at my eyes and they spill out over any bad news and even good news. Even though I have always been an emotional person, it is now much more profound. I think it's a little better today than a year ago, but it still takes very little for tears to appear, and I'm not talking about my grieving for Don - it's anything sad or happy. If I hear that someone lost a loved one, if someone is glowing because they have a new grandbaby, if I make a mistake on my job, I really have to fight back the tears. I am curious to know if any of the others are like that, too. Love, Peggy
  17. stand4hope

    A Sudden Shift

    Dear Teri, In the past, we have talked on here about the fact that grieving is selfish. I'd be willing to bet that you are the type that always puts yourself second, third, fourth or last. This is different. This is YOUR loss and there's no way to not be selfish about it. It hurts and it hurts YOU. YOU want him back, YOU miss him, YOU are the one that's alone. I recall that I went into my real meltdown and depression time about 6 months after Don died. It smashed down on me like a building fell on me. If it hadn't been for the holidays, I probably would have sunk into that hole earlier, but there was just so much to do, and I didn't have time to think about it, or perhaps just wouldn't let myself think about it. No matter how hard we try, eventually we really have to think about it, and I truly believe that we just have to go through that meltdown phase. I have always believed every word that God has spoken, but the words that the two become one flesh became a reality. I truly had no idea how strong that bond was until the other half of me was suddenly gone. It's not even like you were ripped in two - it's like you were ripped completely apart. Hang in there, hon, it really does get better with time, at least more tolerable. There's just no way to avoid going through these phases. Our children have to go through the painful teenage years, embarrasing times, and everything in there lives seems like the end of the world, but go through it, they must! It's the same with us. Just like Pat said, nothing we've gone through or that we have learned will really help you get through these hard times. Nothing except our love and support. Love, Peggy
  18. stand4hope

    Warmth

    Yes! You said it so well, Pat. I loved that description: warmth. There is and always has been so much of that here. Lots of warm hugs and warm fuzzies, not to mention Lynne's warm towels. I know for an absolute fact that I didn't come back accidentally. I was drawn back. I had been doing pretty good, and suddenly found myself grieving again, wishing so much that Don was still here, renewed tears, renewed memories. I was planning Thanksgiving and thought about how he used to always vacuum Thanksgiving morning. What a silly memory, huh? Oh, but oh so sweet. Enjoy the holidays, Pat, and hug that little China baby for me! Love and hugs, Peggy
  19. What a guy! He will be missed so much! Thanks for posting this, Rich. Love and hugs to Rochelle and her family. Love, Peggy
  20. Hi Pat, Remember you? I will never forget you and Brian as long as I live. It's strange that we would reappear at this time, as well as Beth and Tina and so many others. I think our dear friend, Rochelle, needed us back here for a time, and perhaps God was in the reunion. I hope you are well, Pat. I know it's still a struggle for you and others, because I know it is for me. I will go for periods of time when I'm happy, adjusted and moving on, and then poof! I'm right back in the mucky scary darkness. Is it the same for you? I even got asked out on a date. Twice! I said no, but now I'm thinking I should have said yes. It was awkward to be asked - very awkward. I haven't been on a date in 40 years! Yikes! A date? OMG! I need to talk to Ginny or Ann to find out how to make that first step. How about you, Pat? Are you dating? Are you still very active with your church and your faith? Write to us soon! Love, Peggy
  21. stand4hope

    Is this guilt?

    Hi there stranger! Bet you didn't think you'd hear from me. I just logged on tonight after a long time away and felt like catching up a little. I don't think your dreams are from guilt, either! I think you just had Bill so much on your mind during the whole process of leaving your home that he has just consumed your thoughts, including your dreams. You might subconsciously feel like you left HIM and all that you shared together. I expect it's all just part of the letting go process. I had my home on the market and actually moved, but got scared because there was no activity in this crappy real estate market, so I took it off the market and moved back. I wasn't having bad dreams about Don, just bad dreams about going broke from paying for two houses! YIKES! I'm glad to hear the kids are doing ok and enjoy their new home. It's good for them to be close to friends! It's good to hear that you are active, working and holding up ok. It's hard to believe that it's been two years. Where does the time go? Take care, Beth, and enjoy the holidays! Love, Peggy
  22. Hey there, Jackie, You're having a rough time. I'm so sorry. It's been so long since we talked - too long. I cringe to know that you are in pain, but so grateful to hear that you have some "new" people looking after you. Is it cancer pain? Are you going to be ok? Talk to me..... You're the wisest of the wise, and there's no reason to tell you this, but maybe a little reminder won't hurt: Don't worry about the ones that have crawled under their rocks - that's just what they do! Hiding is just easier than helping or facing the tough things. I'm praying for you, sweet Jackie! You're such a wonderful lady. All my love, Peggy
  23. stand4hope

    John

    Dear Rochelle, I have not logged in here since Sept. 24, and I can hardly believe that this is the first thing I saw. I am stunned and at a loss for words. Even though I worried right along with you, John was one of the ones that I just thought would keep on keepin' on. This is just so sad. Like Beth said, there are truly no words that will make you feel better, so I won't even try. I just love you and I am so, so sorry! I know you have my number. Please feel free to call me if you ever want to talk! All my love, Peggy
  24. I never expected to see Cheryl's name here! I haven't kept up here for quite a while, so I don't know recent happenings with Cheryl's treatments, but I do know that she was a great fighter with incredibly wonderful tenacity. Jack, I am so sorry for your loss! Love, Peggy
  25. stand4hope

    Two Years!

    Thank you, everyone! I wish you all the best, and you are all in my prayers. Becky, I'll give you a call as soon as I get settled a little more. Love to all! Peggy
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