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stand4hope

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Everything posted by stand4hope

  1. Hi Don, I bet my Don knew that song. . . . Thanks for sharing that! Love, Peggy
  2. stand4hope

    Two Years!

    Hello, my friends! I know it's been a long time since I've been here. I have 23 pages of posts since my last visit, so there is no way I can catch up. Teri, I did see that you lost your precious Bill. I am so very sorry for your loss. As Bill died one day before his birthday, my Don died one day after his birthday. Please accept my deepest condolences. I haven't read any other posts, so if there have been other losses, or bad news, my prayers are with all of you! I'm simply writing to give you all an update and let you know that it will be two years this Sunday, August 5, since Don died. It still feels like a bad dream, but it is getting a lot easier to get through the days. A lot has changed for me. First, my home is for sale and is on the market. Like Tina and others, I tried to keep it, but it was just too much for me to take care of and try to work a full-time job. I have already moved to a beautiful garden home that is part of a retirement community where I can later move to an assisted living apartment, if that is ever necessary. The best part is that they let me put up a fence around the unit (it's an end unit) so I could keep both of my doggies. Yay! I just love it. It's very pretty, is 2-bedroom and is really quite roomy. I guess I'm what you would all a "motivated seller" now because I'm paying for two places until my house sells. Second, I guess the timing was perfect for all of this. Last Monday, after I had most of the things I needed in my new place already moved, I had a heart attack. It was minor, but I had a 90% and a 70% blockage and had two stents placed. I'm really feeling great, though, and was right back to work this Monday morning. My son is not well, so please keep him in your prayers. Well, that's my update. I know I ended it with the bad news things, but really, things are going great for me right now. I'm always optimistic that my son will get better, and I know I did the right thing making the move. I'm active with friends, family and work and enjoying life. You all take care and even though I'm not on the board now, except occasionally, please remember that I think of you all the time, and still love you all with all my heart! Love, Peggy
  3. stand4hope

    My Dad :(

    Oh, Tina, I am so sorry to hear this. You must be so upset. I think of you all the time, Tina, and pray that you are doing ok. I will pray for your dad! Love, Peggy
  4. Dear Randy, My husband was one of those guys brought up that "men don't cry" over anything! We had a little girl dog named Pug that we got as a tiny puppy when Don was stationed in Ft. Sill, Oklahoma in 1968. She came back with us to Indy and when she was only about seven years old she got hit by a car. .... Don cried! He told me he felt bad because he didn't even cry for his own grandpa. He really hardly knew his grandpa, but Pug was his BEST FRIEND! Let the tears and grief roll. It's so hard to lose these "best friends" that we love so much and that love us unconditionally. I'm so sorry. Love, Peggy
  5. Cool, Don! Glad everything is A-OK!! I started getting colonoscopy's at 55. I've had 12 polyps removed in the past three years. So, now, I can't eat peas mixed with my mashed potatoes anymore....... (If you haven't seen the commercial, you won't get that one). Hugs to you, Don! Love, Peggy
  6. I stay here to keep Snowflake out of trouble! It's true! Just ask her! You all know why I stay here (or at least keep coming back) - it's because of YOU. YOU being whoever is reading this. Love and hugs, Peggy
  7. Oh, Ann, this is REALLY a good one. I don't think Rick and Katie have enough disk space for me to say something nice about everyone I would like to say something nice about - there are so many. But, I will specifically say something nice about YOU, Ann! I thank God for you, Ann. Even after four years without your lover, soulmate, best friend and long-time husband, I am in awe of you that you remain here and not only give your loving support, but you must spend HOURS searching for topics, jokes and fun things for the Just For Fun forum. Several years ago, I ran a quote of the day (Christian quotes) email list and I spent hours finding just the right quotes to share. I know it takes you a lot of time, and laughter and getting to know each other is the best medicine there is! Second, I have to say that I don't know what I would have done without the love and friendship of Snowflake the past three years. Becky and I are about as different as night and day, yet we can talk about ANYTHING, agree on many things, and disagree on many things, and remain the best of friends. Some day, I am coming to Michigan for one purpose - just to hug Becky! Love to all, Peggy
  8. Dearest Tina, I've been away a while, and I'm a few days late, but you know my heart is with you 24/7. You're right - one day at a time. That's what it takes. I love you, sweetie! Take care of yourself and your beautiful girls. Love, Peggy
  9. I felt the same way. It's weird. It's like you're walking around in a new place, and you wonder why everything is just moving and buzzing along like nothing has changed. It's a feeling that is so hard to describe unless you've felt it. I had that feeling after Don died, but the first time I felt it was when my mom died. I felt like the world should have stopped and everybody should have felt the loss. Things just didn't "feel" right! Hang in there, Melinda. It takes time, ups and downs, firsts and lasts, and tears and more tears before the healing begins....but it will begin. Love and hugs, Peggy
  10. ((((((((((Tina))))))))))) Issues don't have to be lc issues to be tough. Hang in there, my friend. You are in my prayers! Love, Peggy
  11. Dear Grace, One of my first shocks of the reality for me was my first trip to the grocery store. I couldn't stay there very long the first time - all the foods I used to buy just for Don jumped out at me and slapped me in the face. The next thing was every restaurant where we used to eat - every time I drove past one, I'd break down. The things you mention aren't odd. They just show how much we miss the little things. As hard as the firsts are (birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc.), I think the little things are the hardest. They just jump out at you at every turn. I've told some friends that I always enjoyed going out for dinner with Don, but it was amazing how such insignificant things (at the time) are the most significant later. We just miss them - period! Love and hugs, Grace! Peggy
  12. Dear Sue, It just takes so much time, doesn't it? I read your post and Ann's this morning and started to leak that well-known water from my eyes and just logged out. It's just amazing how we can truly feel what someone else is feeling. I recognize that feeling of "wanting" to move forward. After a while, you just have to find a way to WANT TO want to, and it sounds like you have. All my love, Sue, Peggy
  13. My dear, sweet, Ann, I get it! Hugs and hugs and more hugs! Love, Peggy
  14. Bless your heart, Grace. I know you are broken right now. It hurts. It know it hurts so bad! Words don't help much, but hopefully they will at least help to sustain you through this by knowing you are not alone. We're all here loving you, caring about you, and grieving with you. May God's big, strong loving arms reach down and hold you tight! Love, Peggy
  15. stand4hope

    What now?

    Dear ??? I don't have enough time right now to read everyone's reply to you on this, so I might be repeating what everyone else already said. You have not given yourself enough time. You are expecting and wanting to get better, but I was JUST EXACTLY LIKE YOU! I got worse before I got better, and it was somewhere between the 5-6 month time that I started thinking, "Where's the better?" I guess I thought it should be faster, too, but it wasn't. My son is much older than your children, but he too has reacted in anger. His anger has diminished as far as losing his dad, but he has a lot of regrets in regard to his dad, so it's going to take a very long time for him to come to terms with those issues. I'm thinking that even though your boys are much younger, and it probably won't take quite as long, it still takes a long time for them to work through things. I know all kids are different, but I think the most traumatic time for any child who has lost a parent is adolescence through at least their early 20s, if not even older. I just don't think most kids at that age have given much thought at all to death and just know life as it is and assume it will continue as it is forever. They just don't think about it! I know of several young teenagers who have struggled incredibly with the loss of a parent, including running away, getting into trouble, anger, etc. Someone here has probably already suggested counseling, and my guess is they (at least the 14-year-old) might resist this with a vengeance. If he does, still make him go. I am 18 months away from losing my husband, and I can so identify with what you are going through right now. There was just NO WAY I could focus on the 38 good years. All I could focus on was HE'S GONE! I knew I was supposed to be grateful and feel blessed for all those years God gave him to me, and of course, I am and was grateful, but that still did not do one d*@# thing to ease my thoughts about the fact that HE WAS GONE! Only in the past few months have the days begun to really begin to move into that phase. So, my point is this: It's OK!!!!!! What you are feeling is OK. Your timeframe for healing is fine right where it is. Same with your kids. Just take it one day at a time, and keep that attitude that you obviously have that you WANT to get better. Even though I was where you are, I still WANTED to get better, and eventually it started to happen. I think when deep down in someone's heart they don't want to get better - that's a sign of trouble on the way. Hang in there, honey. Please! My prayers are for you and your boys! Love, Peggy
  16. stand4hope

    Choices

    I have posted here twice and deleted it both times. I agree - in part. I disagree - in part. On this part, I agree: We have choices and those that just continue on and and on and on for years and never getting better have made a choice to be miserable. Miserable they shall remain unless they choose at some point to get better. On this part, I don't agree: When someone is deep in a dark hole of despair, there doesn't appear to be a choice. I know, I know - there is a choice, but I said there doesn't "appear" to be a choice. If no choice "appears", then that's the same as there being no choice to the person in despair. Been there - done that! In my case, I did not get better quickly. The first months were just a shock state for me. The next months went steadily downhill in attitude, despair, depression and any thoughts of my life ever being good again. I still had the desire to get better and I did not EVER whine around my friends and kept my despair to myself. No one knew until I sought help, and my real healing did not begin until a close friend gave me a book that opened my eyes and brought sunshine back into my life. So, it's been 23 years since I lost my baby, and I'm ok; 10-20 years since I lost my in-laws and I'm ok, 7 years since I lost my mom and I'm ok, 4 years since I lost my grandma and I'm ok, and 2 1/2 years since I lost my dad and I'm sort of ok. Now, a few months ago, it was more than a year since my husband of 38 years, lover, soulmate, best friend, provider, and the man I was incredibly dependent upon died, and I STILL WAS NOT BETTER. I was getting worse and worse, and I did not "CHOOSE" to get worse! I just could not "see" any hope of getting better OR reason to get better. I needed help to see that there was a choice. Today, 18 months later, I am still not ok, but I am better, and will continue to get better because I "choose" to get better. Love to all, Peggy
  17. Sending up my prayers for everyone! Love to all, Peggy
  18. How is everyone in the Ohio Valley coping with the snow/blizzard/sleet/freezing rain? I'm just north and west of Indy. Here's a picture of my picnic table as of 2:00 p.m.? Cookout anyone?
  19. Thank you, Ginny! I will remember Frank for the rest of my life! To Connie, their three daughters, Frank's sister and grandchildren, I send my most heartfelt condolences. God bless you all! Love, Peggy
  20. Dear Grace, I am so sorry. I hear and feel your pain. You're right of course that it is good that he has no pain. In spite of that, I know YOU have pain, and my heart aches for you. You, Carlton and your family will be in my prayers! Love, Peggy
  21. Well, this isn't one of his jokes, but it does show his attitude toward enjoying every day of life. Part of a PM from Frank to me on November 20, 2006: This one's for Frank:
  22. Dear Patti, Right now, I feel exactly the same way I did on the day of the death of my mom, my dad, my grandma and my precious Don. How can this be? One minute my dear loved one is here and the next minute they're not here. It just feels like somebody cuts through your chest with a sharp knife and literally cuts a big hole in your heart. Oh, and it is so incredibly painful. I feel that pain again today - very deep and very painful. I loved what Geri said: "A light has gone out down here." Frank's light was a very bright light in my life. Although that light went out here, I can't even imagine the radiance and glow of the light he is shining in now. I hope God pulls out all the stops for our Frank and gives him the welcome he deserves! What a man! What a kind, generous and giving man he was! If ever a life needed to be celebrated, it would be our Frank's. To Connie and Pattie and all of Frank's family: Frank is truly one of those great men that left a legacy - a legacy of love for others, and a message of laughter being the best medicine. Dear God, that's what it's all about! May Frank's life live forever in all of our hearts as a shining example of how to make the very best out of a very bad situation, which included as much humor and laughter as he could generate. We will love and miss Frank forever! Love, Peggy
  23. Choking on tears...... My dear friend, Frank. I love you, too! I really do! Please tell Don I love him when you make this wonderful journey. Connie said it best: ((((((((((((((FRANK, CONNIE AND FAMILY)))))))))) Love, Peggy
  24. Dear Frank, I just can't add anything else to what the others have said. I think you know how we all feel about you. I know you've been there for me in PMs more than once. God has blessed all of us, through you, and I hope you will always know that. I have great concern, of course, for Connie. Since she is on the side that I can better identify with, and even though she has never come on the board and talked to us, I still feel like I know her, and I can most definitely feel her feelings. So, Dear Connie: I love you, too, and I am so sorry for what you are going through. As you know, many of us here know what it feels like to see our soul-mates of so many years decline and make ready for that trip of reunion with our Lord. Connie, we are here for you and our prayers are for you as much as they are for Frank. It hurts and it hurts really, really bad. We know. We care. All my love to Frank and Connie, Peggy
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