stand4hope

WOOHOO! A great big CONGRATULATIONS to you, too, Shirley. Great news! Love, Peggy

A great big CONGRATULATIONS, Ann. I'm just wondering how your are going to have ALL of us ladies at LCSC be bridesmaids. Hmmmm . . . . guess that would take a lot of shopping to find that many dresses, huh? Love and hugs, Peggy

Dear Janet, I am so sorry that I missed this post earlier. I am so saddened to hear of your loss. Please know that you are in my prayers. Love, Peggy

I have learned that life is precious and that nothing is forever, except God's love. Love to all, Peggy

Thank you for this post, Frank. I so much appreciate all the prayers that have been said to God for me in the past 5 months, and all the prayers that were said for Don before his passing. I am praying, and will continue to pray for all those suffering because of this disease and the loss of loved ones. Dear God, Bless them all with your love, each and every one. In Jesus name, Amen. Love to all, Peggy

(((((((((((((TINA))))))))))))) Love, Peggy

Oh, dear Beth. I am so sorry, and this is so soon after losing Bill. This all must be so exhausting and overwhelming for you. Hang in there, kiddo. God is close by. I love you. Peggy

God bless you, Pat. This is hard, so very hard. Come back and talk to us when you can. Love, Peggy

Dear Sundrop, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I certainly wouldn't ever say anything to intentionally hurt anyone. You don't have a profile, so I went back and read a couple of your posts. I guess I was wrong if there truly are people that don't know the risks of cancer treatments. I've just been exposed to this all my life. When I was a very little girl, my grandmother died from breast cancer, and we have had family and friends throughout my life with cancer of different kinds. It never occurred to me that there might really be somebody who didn't know the risks involved. In today's world, the risks have been greatly reduced and the successes are amazing, particularly with breast cancer because there has been so much research and funding, but the risks do still exist. I am so very, very sorry you lost your dad to this disgusting disease. I'm going to make a big guess that you are a fairly young person. My son is 28 years old and is having a terrible time with coping with his grief for the loss of his dad. I know first hand how devastating this can be for the children when they lose their parents, not just because of witnessing my son's sadness, but having lost both of my parents as well. You didn't need to hear someone tell you that you were from another planet. You're not from another planet - you just didn't know. Again, I apologize if I offended you, and pray for healing for you and your family. Love, Peggy

Dear Carleen, You're not broken, just cracked in a lot of places - big cracks. I can't quite identify with the way you describe your relationship with Keith, but I can identify with your fear. Don and I were married for 38 years (minus one month) and deeply in love with each other. We both had many friends, family and other things to love and care about outside our relationship, so I don't think I could say we were as self-absorbed with each other as you describe you and Keith. With the type of attachment that you describe, I can understand why you are having such a hard time absorbing this bad news. After Don was diagnosed, I did become totally absorbed in him somewhat as you describe, and I spent almost every waking minute wanting to find out anything and everything that I could to heal him. Everything else in my life suffered as a result - including my job and the rest of my family. The part of your post that I can thoroughly identify with is your fear. It became more profound as Don's symptoms became more obvious. I became so devastated that I sought counseling. My counselor described it as "anticipatory grief", and said that many times it is far worse than what we go through when we actually lose the person that we know we are going to lose. He was right. The grief I experienced before Don died was filled with fear and anticipation - constant worrying about how I could or would live without him. Also, fear about how he would cope, if he would suffer, would he be scared, etc., etc. The counseling sessions helped me a lot. I didn't take medication because I wasn't what you would call depressed. I was just very, very scared and extremely sad and worried. Now that Don is gone, the grief is different. There is no more fear. I can function without him. I miss him and, at times, the loneliness and aching for him is very painful, BUT, I can function, and I can live, and I can be happy. I can still smile and do so frequently. I am telling you all of this because I feel that your post is laced with FEAR. Fear of the unknown and fear of life without Keith. You must know, and you must believe, that you will be ok. Yes, you will hurt, and you will hurt a lot, and you might hurt for a long time, but you will be ok, you will heal, and you CAN do this. I know that these words I have typed will probably not convince you that you CAN do this. I do hope, however, that just knowing that me, and Lynne and Paddy and Ginny, Ann, Jane, Nancy and Beth, and all the others have walked the path you are walking anticipating losing their soulmates, and know and understand the fear you are feeling, will give you enough strength to throw your shoulders back, hold your head up high and tell yourself that you CAN do this. All my love and prayers for God's strength are coming right at you! Love, Peggy

Thank you for the update!!! Addie, I love you! Hang in there, girlfriend! Love, Peggy

Dear Shellie, I'll take some of that electricity. Got any lightning streak size? You're a sweetheart. God loves you, and welcome back! Love and hugs, Peggy

My wonderful husband had good results with WBR and, while he had some minor issues with cognitive problems, he did not start having anything troubling until almost the 2-year mark. Without it, he wouldn't have lived 6 months. In fact, he worked full time and rode his motorcycle for more than 18 months after WBR and stereotactic radiosurgery using the machine (technique) called Novalis. I, too, believe that patients should be told all the possible problems that can develop with WBR. Just like when you have surgery, most surgeons tell you the worst that can happen, which is usually rare, but quite horrible. Most of the time, most of us, still elect to have the surgery to fix the problem. The fact is that we live in a real world and things don't go the way we think they should, and not all doctors or radiologists are going to do what we think they should do. In any case, I hold my original opinion on this subject and will state it in stronger words. I think that someone would have to be from another planet to not know that ANY radiation to ANY part of the body could cause serious damage - whether you are told in advance or not. I think Bill made it very clear that he and his lovely wife weren't aware of this particular potential danger, but even if they had known it was a "rare" side effect, they probably still would have had the WBR. That doesn't make Bill any less devastasted with his wive's condition, of course. There is nothing about this disease that isn't devastating. Getting it, living with it and treating it are all devastating. It scares the crap out of us, the treatments make the patients sick, fatigued, sore and irritable. In our case, the treatment killed my husband. We weren't told that his particular chemotherapy treatment could kill him, and we weren't told that any of the previous chemotherapy treatments could kill him, but common sense tells us that it's all risky. These treatments are designed to kill cells. We either decide to take the risk, hoping that the potentially deadly treatments will work, or we decide to not take the treatments and let the disease take its deadly course. If Don could talk to you all right now, he would say that all the sickness, side effects, neuropathy, fatigue and treatments were with the risk to him. They gave him two years (minus two days) of living. Love, Peggy [/b]

Hang on my dear sweet friend. It isn't easy, but it's doable. I didn't think I could do it, and I know that I still can't - God is carrying me 100% and He will carry you, too. In my opinion, that's the only way any of us are getting through this. I truly give Him all the credit that I am still breathing myself. I thought that I would die and want to die, too, if I lost Don. I don't want to die. I want to live and breathe and laugh and enjoy life, and that's exactly what I have set my heart and mind to do. Every day I feel that tug trying to pull me into the abyss of despair, but I just refuse to let whatever or whoever is doing the tugging pull me down into that dark hole. My faith, belief, love and trust in the promises of Jesus Christ bring a smile to my face and joy into my heart. My prayer for you, dear Beth and Carleen and Pat and Sue and Donna and everyone else that is grieving because of grief or anticipatory grief, is that you, too, will hang on to God's promise that "ALL things work together for good for those who love God . . ." I have trusted and believed in those words for years through many times of trouble and sadness. Those words don't always keep the tears away, but they do cause them to stop. Love, Peggy

Me, too, Nancy, me too! I'm trying as hard as I can to have a Merry Christmas, but it isn't easy. I pray that both of us, and everyone else whose Christmas spirit is struggling because of broken hearts, will somehow find joy, peace and comfort. I'm looking real hard for those things right now, so if you find them, please send them my way, too. Christmas has always been my most favorite time of year. I am usually Miss Ho Ho Ho, but . . . . well, you know the rest. Nancy, you have had a double whammy this year, and I know you are torn from top to bottom with sorrow. Please know that, in my heart, I am truly hugging you and I know that you are hugging me right back. God bless you, honey! Love, Peggy

Dear Jen, It's really hard to lose a mom, and I am so sorry. May God bless you and your family in the days ahead with peace, comfort and strength. Love, Peggy

Oh, Beth, I am just so, so sorry. There's just nothing else I can think of to say. I wish it wasn't that way for Bill - I'm just so sorry. God love you! I'll be in touch. Love, Peggy

Dear Beth, I am broken hearted. I am so sorry for this terrible and devastating loss. Please know that I love you with all my heart and I know how hard this is. That aren't any words to make it any easier, but it helped me to know that so many people care, and I hope that it helps you, too. Please give the kids a big hug from me, and remember that I am your friend. All my love and prayers for God's strength for you, Peggy

Don was just the best ever. He loved me and completely accepted me and all my faults. He tolerated my emotional ups and downs and always tried to get me to be more assertive. He was always there for me and for my family EVERY TIME any of us needed anything. He was dependable and the most self-disciplined, hard working man I have ever known in my life. He probably missed less than 10 days of work in 38 years (until cancer came along), and would do what needed to be done as soon as it needed to be done. I used to give him a hard time because he would wash his truck even when it was 25-30 degrees outside. I would tell him it was too cold to do that, and he would just say, "It's dirty now! It has to be washed now!" He was incredibly strong physically. He was very outspoken and everyone always knew how he REALLY felt about anything - and he was almost always right! That's way more than three, but I could keep going and going and going . . . .he was just the best! I loved him so much and I miss him so much! Love to all, Peggy P.S. Ann, thanks for this topic.

I just can't take this. I just can't. My heart is already broken and I don't know how it can break anymore, but it feels like it is now being crushed. Beth and I have PM'd and talked on the phone. I've not been posting for a couple of weeks and haven't even written to her, and I feel so terrible about all of this . . . . Beth and Bill: May God bless you and give you strength for this journey. Nothing else really helps much, except the love of your friends and family, including your family here at LCSC. Love, Peggy

Dear Bill, I'm going to give you a little different spin on this, and it might not be a popular response. As you know from our PMs, I care very much about you and your wife, and I am so, so sorry she is having these horrible complications. And, I'm sorry too that you are having to experience watching this happen. My feeling on it is that we were told, and common sense dictates, that getting PCI or WBR is risky. We were also told that damage to the brain could appear 6 mos. to 2 years out. At the time we decided that the the alternative was there would be brain damage eventually from the tumors and probably, death, if they were untreated. I guess you could say it's one of those "damned if you do and damned if you don't" deals. Don, also, was beginning to show some serious side effects from the WBR - about 20 months post-WBR, but the way we looked at it was that he probably would have been dead and gone long before it happened, and WBR, along with other treatments, gave us two very good years. Bill, again, I'm really so sorry this has happened, and I know it is incredibly upsetting for you. I, too, had a very, very hard time watching Don lose some of his mental abilities. Sending you and your beloved wife many hugs and prayers. Love, Peggy

Shellie, Lifting you up in prayer, honey. By the way, a painful, early detected lump is most often a cyst. Most of the time, I don't think cancer lumps are painful unless they are very advanced. I had one probably 20 years ago that was large, red and painful. It was a cyst. They told me to cut out caffeine for 24 hours - I did and it went away. It scared me out of my wits, though. Hang in there! Love, Peggy

Tears here with that line, but you're right, John and Don, and someday Bill, are in a place where there is NO LUNG CANCER!!!! and NO OTHER DISEASE OF ANY KIND! They will never have to HURT again. AMEN and THANK YOU, GOD!! Much love, hugs and prayers going out to you and Bill, and all of your family over this great loss. Love you, Beth! Peggy

I've learned to keep secrets. If you don't learn to do that, I guarantee it will come back to bite you - hard! Plus, after a while people get to know that they really can trust you. Peggy

((((((((HUGS to Elaine))))))))). That's all - just hugs, but about a gazillion of them. I think of you so often, and am thrilled to hear you are feeling better. Thank you for your wonderful note on my thread, too. I appreicate it more than you know. I miss hearing from you, but understand. I'm not here as much, either. Come and talk to us when you can. Just take care of your kids and yourself, and know how much I care. Love you!! Peggy