stand4hope

When someone we love dies, it hurts, no matter what they died from. I'm so sorry, Shelly! Love, Peggy

Well, it looks like more SRS (stereotactic radiosurgery). It's one of those damned if you do and damned if you don't. The onc said since they will be treating the same 4 mets that have already been treated with WBR and SRS, that his chances of necrosis to good tissue goes up 20%. That's comforting, huh? He also has to have a stereotactic MRI (thinner slices) and told him more mets may show up. On the other side, he said if he doesn't have the SRS, the tumors will just continue to grow and damage tissue anyway. Don said "Burn'em". It's temporarily scheduled for July 11, and he gets to take wonderful Decadron in the meantime so he can stay awake all night. Sorry for the sarcasm. I guess I would have been just as upset if they had said "no treatment possible." Go figure. I guess I'm just one of those flakey girls, huh? And, no, I'm not a blonde. Love to all, Peggy

Ha! Haha! Ha! Ha! Hey, Beck. You've yapped your way far ahead of me now. Now who talks too much? ROFL!!! Way to go girlfriend!!!! You're Number One!

Hi Val, Boy, can I identify. My dad couldn't have been a sweeter patient when he was ill, but my mom - now that's a different story. You did it her way or it was the highway. She was going to do what she wanted to do, when she wanted to do it, how she wanted to do it, and where she wanted to do it, and nobody - not her kids, not my dad, and not the doctors were going to tell her what to do. No smoking in hospitals? Right? Well, my mom didn't like that rule! She smoked in the bathroom in her hospital room. They took away the cigarettes once, but she was too smart for that. She already had them hidden everywhere you can imagine, right along with a little bit of whiskey. She would smoke and drink when she knew they wouldn't be back for a while, and when she was well enough to walk down the hall, she would go into an empty room and smoke in that bathroom. Of course, they knew she was doing it, and depending on who the nurse/doctor was, they would look the other way. As onery as she was, they loved her for it. She never really talked mean to any of us because we knew better than to give her any sass. :) It wasn't until she wasn't well enough anymore to boss everybody that I realized how special she was to be so independent and outspoken. It didn't seem right to be doing things for her because she was always one to do it herself. I'm glad your mom is feeling well enough to pick at you, but sorry you have to be the pickee! Love, Peggy

Larry, I am so sorry for the loss of your sister-in-law. You're having tough times in your family right now, and being such a good caregiver for your wife, too. God Bless You! Peggy

Hi Bunny, What you said makes perfect sense. We don't grow in our faith, whatever that faith may be, until we realize that it isn't about us, it's about HIM!! May your faith in God continue to blossom. Love, Peggy

Dear Fiona, First, let me say that I am so very, very sorry that you are having to deal with this and that your dad is having such a hard time. I read through your other posts before replying here. After reading this post and your others, it is difficult for us to answer some of your questions because you just haven't given us much information. I realize that you said that your dad won't tell you much, so that is going to make it even more difficult for us. In one of your earlier posts you said your dad had been diagnosed with "metastatic pharyngeal carcinoma". Then later you said the tumor in his neck was a "secondary" tumor with the primary being in his lung. So, that is a bit confusing to us. Most people that are members of this board have lung cancer. When lung cancer spreads to other parts of the body, even to the brain or bones or neck, it is still called "lung cancer" or "metastatic lung cancer". So, my first question would be, do you know for sure which type of cancer he actually has? Can you find out if he has two primary cancers, one being phayngeal carcinoma, and the other being lung cancer? Also, can you tell us when he was diagnosed and each treatment that he has had. If you will look at my profile below this post, you will see one way of giving us this information so you don't have to type it each time. If you go to "profile" on the left side of the screen and scroll down the profile page, you will see "Signature" and a white box to the right where you type a summary of his diagnosis and treatments. After you type it, scroll to the bottom and click "Submit". I also see that many people have suggested that your dad get a second opinion. My husband was diagnosed with very advanced Stage IV lung cancer, including 8 brain mets almost 2 years ago. As you can see from the profile, he has had a LOT of treatments and, until recently, has done very, very well. He continued to work and ride his motorcycle until just a few weeks ago. My point is that there are lots of things that can be done to treat lung cancer these days. A lot of people on this board have encountered doctors who given them only 6 months, no hope, get your affairs in order, etc. HOWEVER, these people have sought a second opinion and found a doctor that had hope and they are WAY PAST a 6 month diagnosis. Fiona, it could be that there is no hope for your dad at this point. I don't know. It's very difficult for us to comment, though, with so little information. Maybe you could print some of the responses you have received from others, including this one, and let your dad read them so he will know that just because one doctor says there's no hope, that doesn't mean he's right. Also, how old is your dad? Sending you hugs and love, Peggy

Dear Sue, This must be devastating for you and so difficult to deal with. We haven't had anything nearly that bad, but Don does ask me many, many times what time his appointment is and things like that. It kind of makes you crazy, but is scary at the same time. I'm sure it's extra-difficult since Mike doesn't see or remember that he is doing these things. I wish I had some answers, and pray that you get some soon. Love and hugs, Peggy

Fall 54 said: WOW! WOW! WOW! Jane, it's so wise of you to ask me that question. I just froze when I read that. No. No. No. A thousands time no. I have never thought anyone was dumping on me. With one question you have opened my eyes to see how foolish I've been to keep this to myself and let it fester. I think I must have learned this from my parents. I've always been very emotional and they always told me to quit crying and stop acting like a big baby. So, I guess I've always felt like I was a big baby if I cried about my problems. It was ok to cry over other people, but not for myself. Thank you, Jane!!!!!!!!!! Thanks, J.C. I think it is the MOST NEEDED thing. It's good to see that this is what others have done, too. It is so tempting to say, "Here let me do that", but I don't. I don't let him know I see a thing. As a matter of fact, I still leave the garbage for him to take out without doing it myself. I still let him carry in the groceries and do everything he used to do even if it would be easier for him if I just did it. I think it's important to him to be able to do everything he can as long as he can. After church today, I went to the grocery store, and as usual, he got up to carry them in. I watched through a crack in the door as he carried the two 40 lb. bags of softener salt. Always before he would carry them both at the same time. This time, he did one at a time, and you could tell it was difficult for him, but I just smiled because HE DID IT!! He didn't see me. And Ginny, I want to thank you, too, because I remember our phone conversations during Earl's last weeks, and although everybody thinks you are as strong as an ox, I know how much you also struggled then, and even now, and it's very comforting to me to know that there are others like you and J.C. and so many others that know how hard this is to go through. I love you all so much!! Love, Peggy

Thank you all my wonderful friends. I'm doing a lot better than last week, and Don is doing pretty good, too. He's having a really good morning, and when I compare where he is physically to others on the board, he's really doing very, very well. It has just been a big shock to have the cancer take off so fast after so many months of stable, and like I said, the "visual" changes to my eyes have just been difficult. He's really in good humor. In fact, this morning he told me he was going to wear our son's "I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weiner" shorts to radiation on Monday so he could entertain the ladies. It's got a picture of a great big hot dog on it. Have a great weekend! Love, Peggy

Ah, yes, Debi, and I am grateful for you, too. You, young lady, have made leaps over obstacles that most people can't even imagine. You're a whole brand new person and a lovely one at that. I know I'm way late, but I still shout to you a great big CONGRATULATIONS!!! Love, Peggy

I hear you, Nancy, loud and clear. It's just hard, so hard to watch this happen. I wish you God's peace and love, and especially His strength to get through the days and weeks ahead. You are a sweetheart and I know Mike loves you as much as you do him, and appreciates all that you are doing for him. Hang in there, Nancy! Love, Peggy

Dear Bunny, I actually think that all of the waiting in regard to this disease is the worst part. The 21st will be here soon, and I pray for great success for your mom's surgery. Love, Peggy

Fay, I missed the whole thing. Now it's over and done with. I'm so glad it went well. Love, Peggy

Hi Nancy, I'm sorry I'm so late in responding. How has Mike done this week? Have they tried Lasix for the swelling? Both my mom and dad had to have large amounts of Lasix when they were so sick because of water retention and tremendous swelling. It worked really well. We've PM'd, but I wanted you to know that I am sending you extra hugs tonight. Love, Peggy

Oh, Elonda, I am so very sorry. I remember well all your posts about your mom and her decisions. How perfect that you and your brother, her caregivers, were holding her hand when she passed. May God bless you with His comfort. Love, Peggy

Wow! Sue, this has been a nightmare for you and Mike. I'm sorry I'm late in responding. Is Mike still in the hospital? I'm overwhelmed to hear the amount of steroids he's getting. I've heard of others getting high doses like that and if I remember correctly they always have a lot of problems with large doses of steroids. Why so much? I'm sure glad they are cutting them down. I hope you have some answers soon and will let us know. You may have already done so and I haven't seen the post. If so, I'll catch up to it eventually. Love, Peggy

Sandy, I'm glad I got to see this post before your surgery. Boy do I understand those words "emotional meltdown". Had one myself recently. I know that surgery is no fun - have had several of them myself, but the discomfort will be worth getting rid of the *$%@&^!$# cancer! Prayers coming your way. Love, Peggy

Yes, my dear sweet, Jane, and they will come back to you, too. You are a giving, loving wonderful woman and I'm sure you will some day hear those words we all want to hear: "Well done, my good and faithful servant." You deserve it! Love and hugs, Peggy

Don is struggling and so am I. I’ve started this post twice now and deleted it both times. Maybe this time I can finish it. In addition to the new liver mets and the extensive bone mets, we learned yesterday that Don's brain tumors have almost doubled in size in the past 3 months. The largest one is now 4 cm. and the others are about 1.5-1.7 cm. We meet with two oncologists on Monday to decide whether to do Novalis again (SRS-stereotactic radiosurgery). The radiation onc gave me the “quality of lifeâ€

Hi Karen, My heart is also breaking for you. I love the way you handled this with Faith, and I am very glad to know that you are surrounded by a lot of family and friends. I knew from our emails that things were getting really bad, but I sure didn't expect this quite this soon. From the way you and Becky have described David's pain, I am glad that the pain is over for him and that he is now resting in the peace and tranquility of God's amazing grace. Sending you all my love, Peggy

Oh, Jen, I am crushed to hear how much trouble you have had and are having. You poor thing. My fingers keep stalling on the keys because I just don't know what to say. I'm just so sorry you are having such a tough time. Hang in there, hon. I'll be praying that better days are ahead for you and your family. Love, Peggy

Hey Dean! It's good to hear from you, but I'm sorry to hear that you're having some tough times. Hey, head east and I'll let you set up camp in my family room. If you sit there long enough, you'll see rabbits, chipmunks, coyote, deer, racoon, and a huge hawk that I hate that tries to catch and eat our birds at the bird feeder (hubby says to leave him along - he's gotta eat, too ), and the biggest, most beautiful red-headed woodpecker I've ever seen. That woodpecker is mean, though. He pecks the sparrows and cardinals really hard, scares them away and takes all the corn for himself. The coyote are disguting creatures, too. They bark (screech) at night and sound like a room full of crying babies. ooooooh - I hate them! You take care, my friend, and you or Gay please keep us posted on how you're doing. Love, Peggy

Hi Beth, Sorry I'm late, but I've been gone from the board for a while. I saw your other post, too, where you have to delay the gallbladder surgery because of the cancer. I can't even imagine how tough it is to cope with all this, so I won't even try to say that I understand. I'll just tell you that I am praying for you and I hope that all turns out well. Love, Peggy

Wow, Terrie. You had a double whammy! I know how those feel - like getting run over by a Mac truck. Glad they both are well. Tell them to not do that to you again. LOL! Love, Peggy