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stand4hope

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  1. Not to minimize Andrea's statement, which is a great way to live, but even better might be, "Enjoy each person each day." Love, Peggy
  2. I hear you, my friend. I miss him for you, too! I'm all out of fresh and new words of comfort - just know how much I care! Love and prayers, Peggy
  3. No, Lori, I don't agree with that statement. Grief doesn't equal anything but grief. Grief does, however, like someone else said contain many components and emotions. Regret is a very hard feeling to get over, especially when there a lot of coulda and shouldas. It doesn't matter if it's real (justified regret) or not real (unjustified regret). Regret can usually be replaced with the word guilt, and both regret and guilt produce sadness. My son is experiencing regret and guilt to an insurmountable degree, and it's very sad for him to experience and for me to watch. From what you've shared with us, I hope you don't have any regrets. You did everything you could for your mom tenfold. I would never believe that anything you did or didn't do would have changed anything. You were a remarkable caregiver for your mom. Love, Peggy
  4. Dear Shelly, I can't express enough how important the words are that Becky wrote to you. Shelly, you know, you're not alone. My losses in the past six years have been life-changing for me, too. They have been unfair and have taken away every strong person in my family - my mom (cancer), my dad (emphysema), my grandma (old age), and my husband (cancer). I basically have no one left to lean on. I have a very ill son, both physically and mentally. My sisters depend on ME, and my brother lives on the other side of the country. I need to have two surgeries, I need to get a colonoscopy, and I have no one to take care of me through any of those things, so I'm just not getting them done right now. There are others here who have told me things in confidence that have even worse situations than you or me. There are many who have no one left. We all react differently to our losses and troubles. Most of us, however, are doing what we can to learn how to live in spite of not seeing (yet) the reasons for continuing to live. Your husband has stuck by you through all of this, and from what you describe, it sounds like he has tried to the best of his ability to support you and continue to love you. To me, your treatment of him says that you are on a path of self-destruction. It sounds like you already have your mind made up that NOTHING is worth taking care of - including yourself and your marriage. God does have a plan for you, Shelly, whether you believe it right now or not. He does care and the test of our true faith in HIM, is always when terrible tragedies of any kind smack us down. All Gods asks of us is that we love Him, TRUST Him, and praise Him. We ask God to give, give, give, do, do, do, and fix everything, and when He doesn't we turn on Him. IT IS NOT ABOUT US, Shelly - it's about Him! If you know your Bible, you know that God did NOT bring death and suffering to this world. And, Jesus said we would have trouble in this world. He also said to "feed my lambs". You have done that in the past, Shelly, without even knowing it. You have unselfishly, in spite of your own heartache, served Him by posting to all of us words of encouragement that have truly helped us through our own hard times. What you feel right now is simply what you feel. What you feel is ok and not to be judged because it is truly the way you feel right now. However, you are a smart woman. You know that your current thoughts and feelings are destructive to yourself and others that love you. They are out-of-whack with where they should be. Take Becky's advice. There is light outside of that dark hole you are in right now. Please take the steps necessary to get back in the light, and do everything you can to preserve your marriage - it's worth it! I love you, Peggy
  5. stand4hope

    Single

    Dear Don, I'm right in there with you. I think I choked it out the first time I said "widow". I went to a birthday at a neighbor's house in August. I'm the friendly type and just struck up a conversation with a couple of ladies that live on our street. They knew Don had died, but it was the first time I had ever met them. When I was telling them where I live, I said, there's Brent and Tina, then Mike and Barbara, and then us. One of them said "us"? You mean "you", don't you? I just looked at her frozen, and the tears started to arrive. She said she was sorry, but she just didn't know if I realized I had said that. She didn't mean any harm, and I just said, "Yeah.... you're right. That's what I said all right. I didn't even think about it." It stung and I went home after the party and cried myself to sleep. You and Lucy will also be "us" and "we" for a very long time, and it's OK!!! Don't even think of yourself as "single". Don't you think when most people use the word "single" they are usually referring to some young (or younger) guys or gals that are available and looking? I hate the word "widow", but, right now, I would much rather be a "widow" than a "single". Pat said it best: "It is awful." Love and hugs, Peggy
  6. Dear Friends, Personal grieving IS selfish - it's supposed to be that way. My personal grieving is selfish - it's all about ME! It's not about how our spouses or parents or whoever are in a better place, or that it was a blessing that he or she didn't suffer. It's not about the spouse being happy because they found someone else. It's about our own personal, yes selfish, grieving. It's normal and it's to be expected. It's always hard to accept change, whether it be from a close death, divorce, disease, or permanent disabling accident. We grieve because we want everything to be as it was. We want our spouses, moms and dads, children, etc. back. We want our parents to get back together, the disease to go away, and a miracle to remove the paralysis, blindness, etc. Kim, Val, Melissa, and anyone dealing with these feelings - IT'S OK!!! When I told you I knew Don would have found someone to replace me, and quickly, I also know that our son would have been very angry about it. It's easy to understand, but not easy to accept. I get it! Take the time you need to heal and accept the hundreds of changes that have come your way. Just keep on trying, get counseling if necessary, but most important, please know that your feelings right now are perfectly normal. May God bless you all with peace. Love, Peggy
  7. Kim, I get this one, too . . . . see my post a while back: http://lchelp.org/l_community/viewtopic ... cy+contact Love and hugs, Peggy
  8. Dear Kim, Because you are your mom's daughter, I can understand very much the way you feel about this. I must say, however, that even though I was married to my husband for 38 years, and I have absolutely no interest in dating - EVER, I would have fully expected my husband to be dating very soon after my death if I had died instead of him. I would have given him probably two months and he would have been searching or dating, or maybe even had someone living with him by that time. Why do I think that? He would have done it for companionship, someone to support him, love him, do the things I always did. I know some will disagree with me, but I think some men just have to have female companionship, and trust me, I'm not talking about sex. I don't think Don ever would have re-married - maybe, but probably not. I do think, though, that he would want someone just to be there, support him, love him, and someone to go out to dinner with him, to movies, etc. I just think it is probably much more common for the husband to start dating early than it is for the wife -- but I truly do understand your heartbreak over this. Love and hugs to you, Kim, Peggy
  9. Bobby, I really wanted to write to you because, I think your question comes more often from a caregiver than a patient. I, too, having been the caregiver asked that question, but not until my husband was about to receive his 7th chemo. He had also had WBR (whole brain radiation) and stereotactic surgery (radiation to the brain) several times, lung radiation, several bones radiated, etc. After almost two years, the cancer began to take off again and he wanted to try another chemo. I encouraged all the prior treatments, but he was showing very visible signs of deterioration, and I was against him getting anymore chemo. I was afraid that one more blast of that crap would do him in. It actually did take his life, but that isn't the reason I'm writing to you. My husband was very independent and determined to beat the cancer. He knew, though, at that point, that without yet another treatment, he would "for sure" die. He said he had to take the gamble that the last chemo just might work. I understood where he was coming from, even though I knew the odds weren't good of the chemo helping and the odds were good that it would make him worse. Somewhere in this process, I got it! The last thing in the world I wanted was for Don to get worse, feel worse, be more weak, get sick, etc., because from a loving wife's point of view, I couldn't bear the thought of seeing him worse, and I couldn't bear the thought of losing him any sooner than necessary. Yet, I suddenly "got it" that Don was RIGHT!! Even if the chance at that point was only 1 in 1,000,000,000 that it might help - that was all he had and he had to take it. I got it! God bless you for caring for and loving your sister as much as you do! Love, Peggy
  10. Such thoughtful friends you all are. Thanks for asking about Mike. But first, I apologize for taking so long to get back on the site and post to anybody. I have just been unusually busy. Compared to where he was, Mike is doing better. I wouldn't say he's great or even good, but he is better. He is having a really hard time recovering strenth and endurance. He is always very weak and just can't seem to get back any strength. His pain is still there, but much less. When he was in the hospital, they said his RBC level dropped a little every day and was just a little below normal when he was released. They said he could be bleeding internally, but they didn't know from where. They said it wasn't low enough to worry about at that time. He's still very pale, can only do anything for a couple of hours or less and then he is just exhausted and goes to bed. He also gets light-headed, gets short of breath, and is just very weak. All those symptoms match the symptoms for low RBC. His PCP ordered labs and he had blood drawn today, so we're anxious to get those results. I am concerned. I am encouraged, however, because at least the severe pain has stopped and he isn't having to take pain medication all day. He's just taking it when the pain starts to get bad. He needs it every day, but not usually until late afternoon or evening. Thanks again for asking about him. Tina, I'm so happy to hear about your dad! Kasey, if you see this, congrats on your good news, too. I know there are lots of others to post to, but I'll just have to try and catch up sometime. Love to all, Peggy
  11. Dear Don, This is my third time reading this thread, and then shutting down thinking I just can't take anymore of this. I am devastated to the core of my spirit. I am so sorry, just so terribly sorry. I don't just hate lung cancer. I hate any disease or accident that causes pain, suffering and loss of life. I can almost see Lucie's sweet and joyful face at the glorious place where she now is. In spite of that joy for Lucie, your pain is known well by most of us, Don. Like Randy said, it truly does feel like we feel it all over again. May God bless you and your children with his comfort and strength. Love, Peggy
  12. Lori, You were one amazing caregiver and your mom knew it. God bless you, honey! I'm so sorry. Love, Peggy
  13. Dear Melinda, I am so very sorry for this great loss. I'm sending you love, hugs and my deepest condolences for you and your family. May God's love and blessings come down upon you! Love, Peggy
  14. Oh, dear sweet, Don. I can so clearly and vividly see you in my mind right there in Lucie's ICU room. I can hear all the noises, including the steady dependable sounds of the respirator, smell the smells, see the wires and the attentive doctors and nurses constantly working to help Lucie and keep her comfortable. I can also instensely feel your pain and the pain of your children. I can see, feel, smell and hear it all. I so much understand what you're going through. If I were there you could use my shoulder and we could share our tears. I am still praying for a miracle, Don. Even though Lucie isn't responding, I'm sure she can still hear you and feel your touch. I wish you could really feel how much love I'm sending your way. Love, Peggy
  15. Well, I got him home this afternoon. I hope it was the right thing for them to release him. He is deathly-looking pale - no color in his skin at all. He has been up and walking around, though, and he's had some fruit and a piece of pie. The doctor told us he was malnourished, so I'm hoping some good home cooking, fruits and veggies will get the rosie glow back in his cheeks. You know how us moms are when our kids are sick. I shivered when I saw him in the bright light how pale and thin he was. I also turned pale when I bought his prescriptions - $760.00!!!!!! OUCH!!! He just walked by and told me I was going to fry my brain being on the computer so much. I guess that's a good sign - he's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!! Thank you again for your prayers. Hopefully this is the LAST time we have to go through this. Love, Peggy
  16. Oh, Don, I can tell from your post how devastated and tired you are. I remember so well the fatigue and the fear. Tonight I am taking literally my board name - I am standing for hope! Much love, big hugs and prayers for you and Lucie and your family! Peggy
  17. My son is a little better. His blood work is now normal. They have stopped the i.v. feedings (TPN) and gave him clear liquids tonight. His pain is still bad, but at least he’s not getting sick. The bad news is that his doctors told us he is probably going to have to be on strong pain medication the rest of his life because his pancreatitis is chronic. They said he is malnourished which explains his being so weak. They said they want him out of the hospital because they believe it is contributing to his depression which is also feeding his pain. There’s some concern about diabetes, which he will have to watch closely for a while. Diabetes is a common progression of pancreatitis. In summary, then, the plan is to gradually increase his diet the next 2-3 days from clear liquids, to soft foods, and then to a regular diet, and to wean him off the i.v. pain med. If he can eat without getting sick and they can get his pain to a manageable level, then he can get out of there! He’s telling people the goal is for him to go home Tuesday. I don’t know where he got that, but I hope he’s right! Thank you so much for your prayers! Love to all, Peggy P.S. Today (well, it's 1:30 a.m., so actually yesterday - the 8th) would have been our 39th wedding anniversary. If Don had been here, I would have received my usual dozen red roses and dinner at some really nice place in spite of our son's illness. Don would have said and done all the right things and made me feel "more better" about all this!
  18. A specialist just went in to see Mike. They think he has diabetes now. Ginny, I was going to write to you when I got time and tell you that diabetes is one of the complications of pancreatitis if it gets really bad. The pancreas can no longer produce insulin. I'd like to know more about your friend. Send me an email and let me know when you'll be home and I'll call you sometime this weekend. Love to all, Peggy
  19. Thank you all so much! Just a quick update. Mike is about the same, but a little better than yesterday. I was very sad and worried yesterday because he was just so sick and so weak. I was just so afraid .... well, you know. Today he is a little better, so I think maybe the intravenous feeding is helping some. He hadn't had any food or nutrition for a week, so I'm sure all the vitamins, potassium, etc. in the iv are helping him with strength. His pain is still floating between 7 and 9, and the fever keeps jumping from 98 to 100. He has some congestion in his lungs, too, so they have started him on an antibiotic. One other thing that's a little scary is that he was having bad chest and arm pain tonight so they took him down for a chest x-ray to be sure the feeding tube is in the right spot. I think this stuff goes either directly into his heart or around it or something like that. Maybe one of the nurses/experts on here could explain it better than I can. I'm off to bed. Thanks again for the prayers, and I am praying for all of you, too. Lori, I'm praying for you and your mom, Tina for your dad, Kasey for Fred (and Fred for YOU), for Lucie, for Grace's husband, for Katie's sad week, for Sue's health, and for you, too, Frank, etc., etc., etc. And Becky, you are in my prayers for some calm in your life! See, I'm still reading....... Love you all! Peggy
  20. Dear Friends, My son is seriously ill, again with pancreatitis, but it's even worse this time than it was in April 2005. He's been in the hospital now for eight days and he's being fed intravenously. Today he was very weak and having a fever up and down. His prognosis is anybody's guess. There can be so many complications with pancreatitis, and he really has it very bad this time. I refuse to believe the worst prognosis, but I can't sugar coat it, either! I'm so worried about him - I love him so much! I know he's a rascal, but it doesn't matter to me. I still love him with all my heart. When I met you all, I had four men in my life. I'm now down to two. Please pray that it stays that way! I know I haven't been here or posting very much, but I haven't stop checking up on all of you and I will never stop loving you. I know you already have so many to pray for, but could you please squeeze in a little prayer for my son. Well, a BIG prayer would be nice, too! And for those of you who will come back and ask how am I doing, I'll just answer ahead of time. All I can say is that I'm tired. After being caregiver to my mom, my grandma, my dad, Don, and now my son, I'm just tired. I'm tired of hospitals, doctors, nurses, ER, worrying, and seeing my loved ones suffer and be in pain and die. I'm just tired. It doesn't matter if it's lc or what the disease is, it just gets to you after a while. I'm sure I'll be ok. I try to think of my Nana that I loved with all my heart, who was very strong. She lived to be 98 and, of course, at that age, she pretty much lost everyone that she loved. In spite of that she always had a smile, and at age 98, she still always told a joke to anyone who would listen. Whenever I think of her, then I can smile. Thank you for any prayer for my son! All my love, Peggy
  21. Hi Cheryl, I'm so thrilled to see your post. I think about you a lot. I haven't been here much lately, either, but I do check in and this sure was a nice surprise to see your post. I'll say a special prayer for your new trial and scans. You've got a lot of fight in you, Cheryl - stay at it! All my love, Peggy
  22. AMEN, AMEN, and AMEN to that, Ann! And, chest size doesn't matter. Hats off! Drinks up! Three cheers for sweatshirts - year round! Short sleeved for spring and sleeveless for the summer! We should start a new business and publish an infomercial selling LCSC sweatshirts - all sizes, colors, and styles to replace bras! We could even make them stylish for work attire, sequined for special occasions, and lightweight for summer (well, except in the front ). Wear them to business meetings, church, THE PROM!!! LCSC would make so much money we could buy the American Cancer Society and put all the donated money into lung cancer research. Hey, Tina, HOW'S THAT for advocacy? Love, Peggy
  23. Oh, Pat, dear sweet Pat..... I so, so much understand. Your post brought back memories of saying good-bye to Don's motorcyle. Oh, my, I SO MUCH feel your pain - from deep inside my heart to my eyes where the pain is obvious. At times like this, I wish so badly there was something to say that would make it all feel better - ANYTHING! Sadly, there just aren't words to help. I've decided it just has to hurt - there's no making it go away. Well, on second thought, I guess there is one thing that does help, and the answer is in the hurting itself. I think, the hurting is actually part of the cure. Really! It must be faced head on, felt in depth and then released like you did with your post to those who care. We care, my friend I pray for you, Pat, with a heavy heart. I ask God to release you from this sadness and fill the hole in your heart with Himself. Amen! What joy and release you will feel when He answers that prayer! All my love, Peggy
  24. Dear Jen, Apologize for prayer? My goodness. It's the most important and best thing we can do for each other. There is one provision, however, regardless of anyone's faith, we should remember this: It's not about US, it's about HIM! If we always go to God with "Gimme, gimme, gimme", and don't trust Him with the results, and don't worship Him (regardless of what He does or doesn't do), or don't give to HIM . . . . I'll let everyone ponder their own ending to that sentence. My tickler for thought would be to remember (or learn) why the Israelites were left wandering in the desert for 40 years. Ah, in that historic event, God never stopped loving them, never left them, and never stopped providing for them, but He sure was ticked off at them! Love, Peggy
  25. You're ok, Randy. It's very understandable that people would feel this way. I, too, am staggered by the cost of prescription drugs - even OTC drugs. My husband worked for Eli Lilly and Company for 32 years, and I worked for them for 10 years. They are the manufacturers of two of our life-saving drugs here, Gemzar and Alimta. Yes, Alimta, the same drug he helped manufacture killed him. At the same time, he and I both knew the dollars and time that went into developing these drugs - it's staggering. If they didn't make billions, they wouldn't have billions to spend to keep trying to find the cure. Now, if you want to discuss the salaries the top executives make at that same company compared to the people doing the leg work, then we have to start a new thread . . . . Grrrrr! Besides, we've alredy hijacked Bill's thread. Sorry Bill! Your thoughts on this subject are appreciated and shared by many, Randy. But like most things, once we start to know the whole story things are at least better understood, even though still a BIG PROBLEM! Love, Peggy
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