stand4hope

Yes, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Curtis. Peggy

I agree, Lily. We do worry. I sent Carleen a PM a few days ago but didn't get a response. I hope Keith is doing ok. Her last post said they weren't going to be able to make the Michigan party because Keith's pain wasn't getting better. Ginny posted early, early this morning. She's an early bird and that is usually when she posts. I'm sure Ginny will be back soon. I don't know if Carleen still has computer access problems. I do hope we hear from her soon. Peggy

Daaaaaaaaaaaavid - That was so mean, but absolutely hilarious!!! Peggy

Wow! Don, I don't know what to say. The obvious first reaction is of course to say that this anger does not sound like healthy anger, and that you did nothing to contribute to, cause or expedite your mother's death. I wrote those words knowing full well that they won't help at all and might even make you more angry, but nevertheless, I have to write them because they speak the truth. Don, people do not live or die without God's presence. That doesn't mean that people don't make mistakes that contribute to the death of another person - I didn't say that. I know that happens. What it does mean is that God was there, and was always there, and he knows that you went above and beyond what He would have wanted you to do for your mom. God knows that you were a loving, caring son and did everything you knew to do for your mom. There is simply no way that you are in any way responsible for your mother's death. I won't even begin to talk about the health care providers your mother had or the treatment she received. I wasn't there and don't feel that I have all the facts, but I do feel that they can't ALL be bad. My gut feeling on this is that you are dealing with anger because you have lost your very precious mother that you loved so much. You sound a lot like my son. He is very protective of me, and I'm afraid that if (or when) something happens to me that he might react as you are. My prayer for my very own son is the same that I will pray for you. I pray that God will remove your anger, your feelings of guilt, speak to your heart, hold you and comfort you during this time of grief. I doubt very much that your mom would want you to be angry. She would expect that you would miss her very much, but as hard as it is, I think she would want you to be happy that she is no longer in pain and suffering. Please stay in touch, Don, Peggy

Well, Renee, I sure am glad that it's nothing to worry about, and I am also glad that you told us about this and posted this information for everyone else to know about. That would be terribly frightening to have that happen. If anyone thinks about it that has had this happen to them, I would be interested in knowing exactly what it is that is being coughed up. So, the next time you are in your doctor's office, if time permits, please ask him/her and let us know. Renee, again, I am so glad that Scott is ok. You and Scott are still in my prayers. Love, Peggy

Phyllis, I'm so glad you posted. There was an APB post looking for you and many were very worried. I feel so bad that you are having such a hard time, but I sense more than a glimmer of hope in your post about the C225. I am praying for you that this will be the bullet that will shoot the cancer straight back to hell where it belongs. I know this is a stupid question, but what is a stent? Phyllis, don't you even try to answer because I know it's hard for you to type - let somebody else tell me. One last thing. Do you have family or friends helping you? Have you given Ry your telephone number or someone's number that she can call. That way, if your AWOL again for too long, she can call and check on you and keep us posted. Ry keeps telephone numbers confidential and will only call you if you have been absent from the board for a long time. Phyllis, you are in my prayers. Love, Peggy

I subscribe to Franklin Covey's weekly quotes which I receive in my email. This was the first one on the list of five: “I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness or ablities that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer it or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.” ~William Penn How timely was that? Sharon, you're right. God gives us what we need when we need it. I have always believed that God speaks to us 99% of the time through other people. We are all His voice. Today, He spoke to me through all of you, and I just bet He also spoke to a lot of others that read this thread and didn't post. Sharon, it also made me feel better to know that someone else reacted exactly the same way that I did. Norme, doesn't that Penn quote kind of summarize everything you said in your post? You're right also about people worrying about you. Just last week I sent you a PM asking if things were getting better for you, and we had a nice chat back and forth. Remember? I'm glad those things help you, and it helps me, too. Everything every one of you said was so on target, so heartfelt and so much appreciated. I know everything you said to be true, and that's exactly why I will keep coming back. I can't guarantee that I'm not going to be ripped apart when tragedy hits us like it has this week, but I can tell you that even though I fall hard, I rally quickly. I do know that everyone that has left us is now so much better off. I can't predict how I will be if something happens to my hubby, but if it does, I pray that I would also then rally quickly and be here for all of you. Beth, what you wrote I think was the closest to how I feel. I began crying again when I read your words, as well as Dean's. I do so much enjoy giving, and must admit that I'm not very good at receiving. My son's psychologist is trying to get me to come talk to her, but it is very awkward for me to talk about me. I would much rather be here talking to you about you. I don't like to tell others about my troubles and seldom do unless I get very close to them. I need to work on that. When I post on this board, my whole heart is in every word I say. I could sit at this computer and write to all 1300 people all day and never get tired of doing it. I've tried to cut back on posting because I have neglected some things in my home, but I'm drawn here like a magnet. I believe that the pain I feel for all that are suffering is actually Christ in me like the Bible says. And, if that's true, then let me tell you, the love that He has for all of you is very deep and very real. I was hurting so much this morning, that I turned to the Lord in prayer and asked Him to put me where He wanted me. Later, I read Beth's post and the following words of Jesus immediately came to me. I will close with them: “If you give, you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use in giving--large or small--it will be used to measure what is given back to you.” ~Jesus, Luke 6:38 I love you all so much. God bless you, Peggy

I'm sitting at this computer this morning filled with grief and sadness. We have lost three lovely members of this family in the last two days and it's almost more than I can bear. Is this healthy? Should I/we really be here? Obviously, I know the "up" side of being a member of this family - you're all there for me, and I'm there for you. We support each other, encourage each other, vent, rant, joke, share, cry, become friends, and fall in love. But then wham - down comes that hammer on one of our loved ones, and like this week, the hammer doesn't come back up. I've told this before, but shortly after I joined, I almost quit when Peg's beloved Bill died. Then right after that, Curtis lost Becky whom I didn't even know, and everyone was torn apart. After Bill died, I wrote to Ry about how I was feeling and she told me she understood how I felt but that she couldn't NOT come here. I feel that as well, but at the same time I can't help but ask myself if this good. Right now, it doesn't feel good and it doesn't feel right. Is it just emotion overload? It's been bad enough losing my mom, my Nana, and my dad in the last five years. They were my last links to my heritage, and now I'm facing that potential with my husband as well. This story is the same for many, many of you. Are we doing the right thing being here for each other? How can I stay here and bear this heartache? I am really hurting this morning, my friends - I'm hurting real bad, and I know a lot of you are as well. My husband is out cutting the grass right now - the picture of health. I look out the window and tears roll off my cheeks because of what has happened here this week. I'm rambling. I don't know where this is going? I don't know what my point is. I don't know what I'm feeling. Just wondering if I should stick around. I've got to go the bank - it closes in 15 minutes. Life goes on. Love to all, Peggy

Oh, Tess. I am so sorry. This has been a very sad morning. I pray that God will give you His comfort, His peace and His love in the days ahead. Much love, Peggy

From my dad's memorial brochure, and so appropriate here: GOD'S GARDEN God looked around His garden; He found an empty place He then looked down upon this earth and saw your tired face. He put His arms around you and lifted you to rest God's garden must be beautiful, He always takes the best. He knew that you were suffering; He knew you were in pain He knew that you would never get well on earth again. He saw that road was getting rough and the hills are hard to climb So He closed your weary eyelids and whispered peace be thine. It broke our hearts to lose you but you didn't go alone For part of us went with you the day God called you home.

I am so sad and so sorry. This breaks my heart. That's all I can say. This just breaks my heart. May God hold you all very close. Love, Peggy

I found the most wonderful software program called FitDay. You can track your weight, body mass, nutrition, exercise, calories, fat, carbs, nutrients, measurements, even your mood, and even keep a daily diary in this program. It gives you reports with charts and graphs that shows your progress and the good news is it's only $20 and you can download it from the internet. It is also very user friendly and must have a million foods (exageration) listed. You can also add any food that isn't in their index, including all the nutrients, etc. I had our IT techs check it out to be sure it was safe before I bought it and dowloaded it, and it is FANTASTIC. They say it has been proven that people are more apt to stick to a diet or keep track of nutrients if they log their progress. Here is a link to the website where you can get more info and order: http://www.fitday.com/Pc/PcHome.html Peggy P.S. The only down side is that it doesn't have password protection, so if you share your computer with someone else, they could see your weight, weight goals, diary, etc. I even wrote to tech support to confirm that there wasn't password protection and suggested they add it to their next upgrade.

Fay, your post makes me feel so sad. Of course you know that beauty is only skin deep. Fay, your inner beauty supercedes that of the most physically beautiful woman in the world - and don't you ever forget it. Remember, God looks at the heart and that is ALL that he looks at. I know He has to be very pleased with your heart. God loves you!!!! And so do I!!!! Peggy

Nina, You have my prayers for continued NED. I sense that you are troubled about the anticipated survival time, even if you did get more encouraging news from your doctor. From what I've read on this website, you are not alone. It seems this is pretty common for most everyone that has cancer - any type of cancer. Dean started a thread in The Path Less Traveled about living in the moment. It's a very enlightening thread, especially Cat's post on learning how to control thinking patterns. If you haven't already read that thread, I think it's a good one to really study. Elaine and maybe some others also posted very good points along with their deepest thoughts and fears (I can't remember who else posted). I think that, in addition to any medication your doctor might prescribe, that you might consider looking into learning more about controlling your thinking, perhaps with the tape that Cat suggested. It could be helpful for you, both with depression and being more comfortable about getting out and making those new memories. I was very touched by your post. May the Lord bless you with his love, Peggy

Well, Nancy, you just keep on keepin' on. There really isn't much to do except enjoy each day and try to treat life exactly the way it was before all this started. I know it's easier said than done, but it's what you've got to do if you want to have any sanity or a normal life. Cat wrote something in the Path Less Traveled forum recently about training your mind. It's excellent! I'll go back and copy the pertinent part and edit this post and add it in so you can read it. What she describes is something that I have learned to do over the years, but I'm not sure how. I've had a lot of hardship, sadness and death in my life, and most recently I lost my dad, which was the hardest so far. I've been pretty successful (but certainly not 100%) in just making my mind go in the direction where I want it to go which is happy, focused on other things and just keepin' on keepin' on. It's the same with my husband's cancer. When I catch myself letting my mind go where it shouldn't be going, I just turn it off and go in another direction. That direction is usually focusing on the Lord and all His love and goodness. I'll be back with that quote in a minute. OK: Here's Cat's quote: I added the bold in the "See, you . . . . ." paragraph. God bless you, Nancy Peggy

Oh, Don, I am so sad for your loss. I am praying that God will comfort you, hug you and hold you very close. Love, Peggy

Hey, David. I know what you mean about feeling better after you know! I can't stand not knowing. It doesn't seem to bother my husband, though. He has the patience of Job. Just wanted you to know that Alimta is another Eli Lilly drug (where my hubby has worked for 31 years) and I'm praying it will be a powerful chemo for you. I looked it up and thought you ought to know about this if they haven't already told you about it: "Patients treated with ALIMTA must be instructed to take folic acid and vitamin B12 as a prophylactic measure to reduce treatment-related hematologic and GI toxicity" Don't want you to get a belly ache on top of everything else. Best of luck and I'm saying those prayers. Peggy

Elaine, I don't know, but I do know that our onc is very excited about one that is waiting to be approved very soon that he wants my husband to use. I'm sorry I can't remember the name of it, but I think it started with a "T". He said he was hoping it would be approved this summer. Peggy P.S. I sent you a PM and an email. Did you get them?

Don, We are all so glad to see you back. There were at least two APB posts looking for you and asking if anyone had heard from you. I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I lost my dad a month ago, and it sounds like your mom is feeling a lot like he did. He also slept a lot, and when he would wake up, he would be confused. He never got angry or short with anybody, though. He would wake up and ask where was he and why was he here? It was so sad. It's so sad to see them like that and I want you to know that I know how you feel and your love for your special mom sings right through all of your posts. What can we do to help you, Don? I'm with the others. I hope you have some other family or friend(s) that can be with you right now and help with her care. Not only that, but if it's her time to go, what will you do? I don't think you've ever told us much about yourself, your family, your work, etc. We all care very much about your mom, but we have all become very attached to you. Some serious praying going on in my house for you and your mom tonight. Keep us posted. Love, Peggy P.S. Glad you got your puter fixed!

Thanks, Rick!! Peggy

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry - didn't mean to post-take, but couldn't resist! Love, Peggy

Thank you for posting the article, Elaine. Bruce is right, it is kind of scary for those that already have metastases, but it's also extremely exciting to know that someday all of this could be stopped forever. Thank you, God, for all the men and women you have provided that are out there day and night feverishly researching to stop this disease before it even gets started. Amen! Love, Peggy

Elaine, Please tell Dave that "Yes, I have been looking for him." I'm saddened to hear that he is having a hard time right now, but I do understand not being able to deal with the board. Send him my love and tell him how much I care. Thank you, Elaine. Peggy

Hi there and WELCOME. Listen very carefully to what the others above me have said and print this thread for your husband. Mary Ann and others are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. Any statistics you are looking at called "2004" are based on studies they started on people 5 years ago - How else could they have a 5-year study? In the last 5 years, incredible and magnificent drugs have hit the market and there are many more in the pipeline. Iressa (a pill) which you will read about a lot on here is only about one year on the market and there are many here who are STABLE because of that drug. Another one that I am very familiar with is Gemzar, which is only about 2 years on the market. My husband works for the pharmaceutical company that researched and marketed that drug, and it has extended the lives of many stage iv lc patients - my husband being one of them. When my husband was diagnosed, he had a 7 cm. lung tumor and 8 - that's EIGHT brain mets, and 4 of them were big enough to cause a mighy big headache. His prognosis according to the statistics would have been about 4-6 mos. Next week, he will celebrate one year of surviving. Yes, he has had some progression of the disease, and yes, the overall diagnosis of stage iv is not something any of us want to hear, and even though it cannot be cured (NOT YET), it is definitely treatable. But he is feeling pretty darn good - he's working 4 days a week/10 hours a day, riding his motorcycle, doing yard work and getting along just fine. Endurance is the toughest for him. He gets tired a lot quicker than he used to, but at our last onc visit, he told the onc he felt better than he has since this all started. Please see if you can get your husband to join the board. I can't get mine to join, but maybe you can get yours to. You might warn him that it isn't all good news here, though. We have several very special friends, we call family, who are probably not going to be with us much longer and we are all broken-hearted, but at the same time, just wait until he sees all the "stables", NED (No Evidence of Disease), people taking trips, fishing, golfing, teaching, working. I can't believe I wrote this much - I got carried away. Anyway, you are in the right place and see if you can get hubby and his dad to sign up. Please keep us posted. God bless you, Peggy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAN! and MANY MORE! Peggy