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MyAuntsNiece

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  1. Thanks again for your words of support and encouragement. I just can't seem to get my mind off of her. Although I knew what the outcome was going to be; I had researched it and thought that I was prepared, in all honesty I wasn't prepared for how quickly she passed. In the week before her death, I had traveled out of state to be with her and offered her words of encouragement. She had just finished her last radiation treatment and went into a rehab facility. Everyone told us after she finished radiation, she would bounce back and get stronger. In hindsight all of the near death signs were there, but we didn't recognize them, we attributed it to the radiation treatments and her weak condition. If the health care professionals knew, they didn't tell us how close to death she was. I wonder if she knew that the end was near and whether she was prepared. One day she would say that she wished she had died during the surgery and the next day she would say that she wasn't giving up. In a way, I wish that we could have openly discussed her passing because there was so much more I would have liked to have said to her. When it was time for me to travel home and it was my last visit with her, I said goodbye to her, I didn't think it would be so much a goodbye, but rather I will see you soon. She told me she would miss me and I was crying too hard to respond, I wish I had told her that I was going to miss her too, but I didn't want her to know that I was crying (she had lost her vision) and I was trying to hold it together, although I'm sure she could hear it in my voice. I wish I had the benefit of knowing that she was ok with the thought of passing, but my impression is that she was still fighting to live. She was just over a week after having finished her radiation when she passed away. The surgery and radiation treatments were all for naught. I wonder how much time she would have had without surgery, with fewer radiation treatments. My greatest hope was that she would have some quality time for the last few weeks/months that she was with us but that was not to be. I have so many questions and so few answers, it's so frustrating.
  2. Thanks to everyone for your words of support and encouragement. TS, I can wholeheartedly relate with the experience propelling you to make changes. My loss has inspired me to want to live a better life; a life with more meaning. To do something I enjoy instead of coming to work and waiting for the day to end. Life is too short to spend what little time I have here, wishing the days away and pining for the weekend.
  3. New wave of anger - to find out that the company I've worked for, for 13 years, won't even give me a day of bereavement time because it was just an "Aunt". I guess I shoudn't be able to grieve, mourn or attend the funeral services for someone who isn't considered "immediate family" when in reality she was like a second mother to me. The first quarter of the year is over and I won't have any vacation time for the remainder of the year because I took time to see her before she passed and then had to make arrangements after she passed. I am so angry right now. Thank you, Corporate America, for minimizing and trivializing my loss, it makes me feel so much better.
  4. I apologize in advance if I tend to ramble. I have so many thoughts going through my head at times. First, some background. I lost my Aunt two weeks ago. She was diagnosed with Stage 1 non-small cell adenocarcinoma two years ago. She had surgery to remove a lobe of her lung, her lymphnodes were clear. No chemo or radiation was done post-op. Fast forward two years, she was not quite herself over the holidays - long story short, they discovered 2 mets on her brain. She had surgery to remove the larger tumor and 15 WBR radiation treatments post-surgery. Keep in mind, this was a 75 year old woman. She died just over a week after finishing her radiation treatments. There is a question as to whether or not the cancer was also in her lung/liver. We didn't have an autopsy performed, so we will never know for sure. From diagnosis to death - just under 2 months. There is a lot of frustration and second guessing about decisions that were made, but we can't turn back the hands of time. I am feeling all of the usual emotions, and I know that, in time, things will ease. In the interim, I wish well-meaning people would stop saying stupid things. Do they not understand that grief isn't a switch that can be turned on and off? Also, why do some people feel that your relationship with the person should determine the amount of grief you suffer? Grief is not a sliding scale, if it was someone you loved, it hurts all the same regardless of how they were related to you.
  5. Good Morning, I'm new here. I recently lost my Aunt to LC and am hoping to find some grief support in some of the forums. I feel like my world has been dramatically altered which is understandable. I know it will get better day by day. I wish all of the survivors and family members all the best. I pray someday we will have a cure for this dreaded disease.
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