Jump to content

JoniRobertWilson

Members
  • Posts

    145
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  1. Hi Karen - I've been wondering how you all are doing. I don't visit the website much anymore but think of you all often. I know this has to be really a hard time for her. Kids are amazingly strong - she'll be fine. Take care. Joni
  2. My mom called one day just freaked out cuz the plumber looked just like Robert. She was beside herself. She said she would take me to him so I could see. I politely passed! Then one night, Alex and I were Hometown Buffet (gross) and there was a guy similar to Robert - wearing an almost idential leather coat. I just stared and stared. Course, he wasn't as cute as my Robert but it was good to see.
  3. Man, I can relate to the memory loss. I'm only 40 and I am having a hard time remembering ANYTHING. Someone said it was grief. I'd believe it. Glad he has someone looking out for him. As for the vulture. I can't believe the ba..s on some people. I know my uncle married my aunts best friend shortly after my aunt died. I was amazed. It just doesn't seem right HOWEVER I think your dad probably can't see the forest for the trees right now and he'll probably give her a good kick in the fanny soon. Best of luck to you!
  4. i can't remember for sure what the guys name was...something like NOWKADA. His mom passed several months ago?
  5. The first thought in the morning is always Robert. I know of one and only time where I didn't think of him immediately and that was when Alex had been sick the night before and I wanted to go check on him. Since the rush of the holidays and birthdays are over I find myself thinking and talking to Robert more and more. I still can't dream about him and I wish I could.
  6. I too have these feelings but mine even incorporate many more questions of what if? I have never ever told anyone this and perhaps I haven't because it sounds so far fetched and quite frankly it sounds like a lie but here goes.....many months before Robert was diagnosed I walked past him in the hall in our basement and this wave came over me that he needed to have a chest x-ray. Don't ask me why, and don't ask why I didn't say that him at the time. I feel guilt about that a lot. I feel guilty about making him (??) quit smoking because what if his body was use to that and him stopping triggered the cancer? Should we have gotten a 2nd opinion earlier, should I have made them prop him up in bed once he got to Hospice Inpatient? I knew his body was filling up with fluids and that he was only comfortable sitting up. Instead I just watched him and I too administered morphine into his body when I knew it stopped his prostrate from working from previous experience. I just wanted the pain gone from him and to let his soul go. My soul is tortured and I question myself too. I guess it will be my burden to carry. I try to make up for all my shortcomings by being a good mother but I'm failing there too. I feel like I want to go on and get out of this horrible dream. I think Alex would be better off without me but then I realize I'm his saving grace as he is mine. I'm really pissed at God lately and feel like I'm losing ground fast. I wish I had great words of wisdom for you. I imagine we all feel guilt about 1,000 different things but like someone else said Cancer killed them, not us. Thanks for bearing your soul - I guess it makes me feel not so alone.
  7. Hi. Guess we're in the same boat. I felt like a hollow shell while trying to sort out the legal crap we've been left to deal with. Some people are great, some are emotional idiots. It's been 5 1/2 months and I'm getting through the paperwork part but still not done. Probably won't be for a while. It sucks. I went through a "psycho paint stage" where I painted the house! It wasn't to clear at the time but looking back I must have been crazy. I think I'm through that stage and then had to deat with the holidays. Now I wonder what stage will be next ....anyone need a room painted? LOL To me, it's almost like Robert was never here. I think my brain is blocking him out to be quite honest. I don't know how we'll all get through this I just know we will. We'll be strong and we'll get through. Good luck to you
  8. Hi sweetheart, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. It's hard enough being a kid, now you have very grownup worries to think about. I'm sure it is hard for you to function normally. it is hard for us grown ups too but I think it has to be even harder on the children of parents with cancer. I wish I could tell you not to worry, or I wish I could take it away for you. I really would if I could. My only advice to you - okay I have two pieces of advice. One is to just deal with one day at a time. Don't go any further than that one day. Sometimes, I'll start trying to plan my son's wedding, college career, WHATEVER! and he's only 9! HA HA. There isn't anything we can do about tomorrow. Enjoy today. Your dad's wish is to get better and for you to be okay. My second piece of advice is this, pray. I'm not really good about following that advice myself sometimes because right now I'm a little angry at God but when I try, and when I talk to Him, I do feel better. You are not alone. You try your hardest and hang in there and don't keep this all inside. Let it out. Talk to the school counselor or have your mom find you a therapist. You can pm me whenever you want just make sure you check with your mom first! Take care.
  9. I think that seeing a doctor to get an anti-depressant is a good first step. I also think that the fact that his sadness is leading to a safety issue (the driving) is something that should really be talked about. Could he take a week or so off from work? Could he car pool? That's just scary. I know what he's going through regarding not being able to stay focused and concentrate. I think that is a "normal" sign of grieving. Does he get on the board? Would it help if he communicated with one of us? I don't know how much good I'd be but I'd be willing to help him if I could. I lost my husband of 10 yrs on 7/14/04..... I love the quote too about getting stronger. That's my new mantra....or is that motto? I don't know. This grieivng sh.. is awful. It's awful. Bless his heart and yours too for loving him. Good luck.
  10. Thank God the holidays are over! Man, I'm tired. The only thing major on the calendar is Alex's birthday party which is scheduled for Jan 8. We're having a skating party and it looks like it will be fun. Robert's sister and her family and his mom are coming up. I think his dad is also planning on attending. I hope everyone gets to come up and I hope the weather stays nice for their drive. I don't know about you all but I'm ready to get back to a routine of school and work, school and work. Alex and I were at the park today and the sun was setting over the lake. The sky was beautiful - pink and blue and it was kinda cloudy. I wondered if Robert could see us and what he'd be thinking. I sometimes wonder if I had been the one that died what would he be doing? Do you guys ever think that? Somehow it gives me comfort to think he might be doing the exact same thing I'm doing. It does not give me comfort to think that he can see us though. It's too much pressure. NOt that I'm doing anything "wrong" its just hard to think of him watching. I know he's in Heaven and I know he's waiting on us. I really liked the quote posted by someone earlier - it's not that it gets easier, it's that we get stronger....I really like that. I hope you all are well.
  11. Hello everyone, I'm asking for prayers for me and Alex tomorrow (12/29) - he turns 9 and it will be his first birthday without his daddy. I've got the day planned (packed) full of fun but it's going to be hard without Robert. Please pray that we feel Robert around us tomorrow and pray for my heart to have peace. Pray that Alexander has a day that is fitting a great kid turning 9. Thank you very much.
  12. I'm glad you had an easier time - I'm sorry you had to deal with the gifts from your mom though - I bet that was gut wrenching. My husband had bought something quite a few months before he died for my sister - from a school fundraiser - when it came time for her birthday I couldn't bear to give it to her that day but waited until the next. This is just a crappy time. Glad Christmas is over.
  13. I know what you mean! I did "good" until my brother in-law opened the "traditional gift" from my dad - a box of shells and his hunting/fishing license for the year. That was one thing my dad always got Robert and Jack. It was a yearly tradition. It just hit hard. Also, this is stupid, but each and every year - we always sat in the same place opening our Christmas gifts - me on one end of the couch, Robert on the other. This year - for whatever reason, my nephew sat in my spot forcing me to sit in Robert's. Stupid huh? Some reason felt odd. Maybe thinking about it, it was a good thing - no empty spot on the couch, just in our hearts. Today has been insane trying to "take down" Christmas trees, lights, decorations. I'm exhausted. The only thing I couldn't get down are the lights the go up on the high part of the roof. I'll call out my friend to take those down - he's young and can do it easily. Other than that everything in thehouse is back to normal except the office is full of empty boxes. Guess I'll work on that tomorrow. Alex and I have played some pool and had a few laughs. He's a strong one. Well, it's over. Thank God. Now I've got to get through Alex's 9th birthday and New Years Eve. Good luck to us all.
  14. I can't believe it's really Christmas Eve. I know the calendar says it's December 24th but how can that be? How can we have Christmas without Robert? It' seems so unfair. I know my husband is in Heaven and I know he is okay but we're not. We miss him. I miss him making his spinach dip and dressing. I miss him having to run out at the last minute to buy one more gift. I miss his worrying if Alex had enough gifts for Christmas, hopinghe wouldn't be disappointed. This year is so empty without him. Robert, honey, Merry Christmas. We love you and miss you. I know we will see you again someday. Please keep an eye on Alex - he's growing so fast and turning out to be just like you. (Thank God). Our love to you from ground to God.
  15. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I am not wise enough to ease your pain with words, just know there are a lot of people thinking of you at this difficult time.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.