Dear Pat,
It's good you were able to vent on this board. I have much compassion for you since I too am a surviving spouse - for almost two years now.
With that said, I firmly believe it would be beneficial for you to now sit down and write out a list of all that you are blessed with. We all have something. I really believe that we attract to ourselves more of what we think, and by thinking of what we hate can keeps us very down.
Just sharing what I've found is working for me. It's worth a try, as I believe we were meant to live joyful and peaceful lives while on this earth. Something our spouses have already attained.
My best to you and all of us who use this forum.
Cyndy