don
i know where you and it is a tough place. i would agree with everyone else and look for some help. friday will be three months since my mom died and it is still hard. I also remember when she was sick and her final days and that is very hard to deal with. I am just starting to remember other times the good times i had with her. My family and i often sit, talk and laugh about her. I would reach out to somebody because it will ease your pain. I hope that you find strength, peace and comfort in these difficult days.