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Octobergrace

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Everything posted by Octobergrace

  1. Renee, My sympathy and prayers are with you in the days to come. May God give you comfort and strength. Molly
  2. Fay, You've been reading and watching the wrong news - all of these posts are the real news...and the latest news for you to read and watch. And reading between all these lines, it is clear that your participation on this forum is a BIG part of your lifework right now. Just know that whether I am posting here or quietly following the forum, you write something that makes a difference in my life every week. Then, I am stronger for my Dad, making a difference in his life, too. The world is, indeed, full of meanspiritedness and greed - has been since the beginning of time. But, we don't have to reside in that world if we choose to live in God's shadow and in one another's hearts...listen to all these heart-messages...you're right there, Fay. Molly
  3. Charolette, I am so sorry to read of your loss. You and your family are in my prayers tonight. Molly
  4. My prayers are with you and your family as you grieve the loss of your husband. Friends here, known and unknown, understand well the hard road your husband walked in his battle with lung cancer and the ongoing grief for spouses and family members who walk the road too. May both your husband and you rest in true peace. Molly
  5. So sorry for your loss. I looked at your Mom's picture with your post...she was really beautiful. And she was more than brave to have fought the hard battle against lung cancer. God bless you and your family. Molly
  6. Octobergrace

    Bad week

    The death of your friend must feel like history repeating itself much too soon. I will continue to remember you in my prayers... God is certainly hearing lots of reminders of how many lives you have touched and how brave you have been. My good news: I just measured and the longest ant at my house comes in well under 2". I do have an aunt almost 72" but she's at her house. Molly
  7. Don, I am sorry to read of your Mom's death and wanted to send condolences although late due to my Dad's illness. It has sometimes been difficult for me to read your posts because your descriptions of your Mom's struggle and your struggle to care for her reflected such love and grief...and often mirrored my own feelings about my Dad. The obit. was just right. What a family history! And what a sense of humor...a bit of it from your Mom, I trust... Many Blessings,
  8. Angela, I am sorry for your loss and send my prayers for strength to you and your family. May you rest in knowing that Richard's struggle is over and you are surrounded by a community of folks who know how brave he was to wage the battle against lung cancer each day and how brave you were to walk with him. God bless you.
  9. Ginny, I am so sorry to learn of your loss. Reading the obit, I could imagine you, your children and grandchildren around the table with Earl enjoying every minute of fellowship. Your many posts at lung cancer support have reflected the deep love of an untiring wife and companion during Earl's last days of struggle with lung cancer. May God be with you now and may we continue to hear how you are doing in the days to come. Molly Bryant Octobergrace
  10. It sounds like your next few days are about to get a little easier and your inlaw's arrival is just the cure you need for the shortterm. Hope you get rest and some fun, too, as well as some much-needed time to yourself. All the kids-in-the-grocery-store stories reminded me of the weekly grocery trips I made for several years ago with four children in my care, 15, 13, 5 and 3 yrs. old. Two are bipolar, one is ADD and one has a serious thought disorder; you can imagine I had to have a "system." for just about everything. The grocery store rules were that the older kids had to have a hand on the cart unless I sent them for something, the youngest sat in the seat buckled in and the five year old sat on the shelf under the buggy until we got to the dogfood aisle (at the end of the trip)where she had to give up her seat and carry something for me. Once the list was made, nobody could ask for extras but the best behaved got to choose the cereal after we got the dogfood. If all were "good", everyone had ice cream to celebrate afterwards and got to help put up the groceries and fold the bags. Back then, that was all part of my "normal" day and now I look back and think: Those were the days!
  11. My prayers are with you. I admire your determination and will everytime I read your posts. Many blessings, Octobergrace
  12. Tess, I am so sorry for your loss which I just read about this evening while catching up on more past posts. I loved the words at the end of your signature telling how he passed on holding your hands with his way to heaven lit by the moon. He, and you, have been very brave. Thanks for all your support; it has been a hard day. My Dad's CT scans show that the lung cancer has progressed - more spots and larger and there is a large shadow which could be pneumonia or more cancer. Bronc is scheduled for Friday at 6am. What I would like to know is what can my Dad expect during and after the procedure - is it uncomfortable, will his coughing and breathing problems interfere, etc.? A friend's medically fragile child spiked a high fever each time he had to have this procedure; is that common for adults/lung cancer patients? My Mom and Dad are worn out after fighting the city traffic to get to all the appts. and riding the roller coaster of good-bad-good-bad news. I left them looking kinda lost, to drive back home, 100 miles away. I am feeling overwhelmed and I know that is keeping the reality of this bad news at bay for the moment; not good. I am tired too and stay torn between wanting as much time with my folks at this time and the two special needs children I have fostered for 11 and 5 years respectively. And it will only get harder, I know. How can I do it? I know that many, many of you face the same challenges and ask the same questions and say the same prayers. Thanks again for being here each time I need to read a kind word. And please hold my Dad in your thoughts and prayers on Friday as he has this test and hears the results. Octobergrace
  13. First, I am deeply saddened to have just read of T-Bone's death and send my sympathy and prayers to all members of his family who were so close . . You have been the supreme example of love and caring during his fight with lung cancer and and also have been so supportive to members on this message board waging the same fight. May God be with you. It has been a busy time so I have not posted about my Dad in a while. In late July, we went to Duke Cancer Ctr. to look at clinical trial possibilities since his onc. said he Iressa results were "disappointing" and there were no other options . Once at Duke, well... Halleleujah! The oncologist pulled her chair right up to my Dad eye to eye(no talking thru him to me) and said, "Mr. Bryant, I have been reviewing your scans and history and I want to tell you that so far you have done remarkably well. You are very strong." My Dad smiled his best smile in months. Finally, he had a dr. recognize and validate his hard work and tremendous will to live at 79 instead of acting like 79 is too old to want treatment options or to have hope. He is being tested for an upcoming clinical trial and the dr. talked about other available treatment options but said that she would not recommend anything as long as the Iressa is working...she says oncs. need to learn that "stable disease is good"...often better than dramatic swings of remission followed by agressive recurrance. Daddy's dr. has made no secret of being very disappointed with no significant regression of his tumors with chemo...but the Duke onc. showed us that his tumor load is approximately the same now as 1 year ago - many spots with no significant growth, the most worrisome tumor being in the center of his chest. So, for all who are looking for significant remissions after chemo, stable tumor may be good news... That said, I am posting because my Dad went to his thoracic specialist Monday with breathing difficulty, coughing, fatigue, lowgrade temp. and no appetite, all since the weekend. The dr. suspects pneumonia, started antibiotics and ordered a CT scan for tomorrow (Wed.) followed by a dr. appt. for him to read the scan and decide what to do about the symptoms...says maybe a broncoscopy(sp?) to see the windpipe and vocal cords. Can somebody tell me about this test, what my Dad will experience and what we should expect? Also, interestingly, the Duke onc. and this specialist strongly advocate for a vocal cord procedure to restore his voice and especially to close the windpipe opening so that he will not aspirate. Both said that aspirated food and liquids can set up infection and that one gets very worn from coughing in reaction to the foreign particles. My Dad's onc. had told me that he "wouldn't bother" with the procedure and that nobody in Charlotte did it...the lung specialist says he always recommends it since it is a very simple procedure commonly done by ENTs here and has big benefits. Anyone with more info? I know it is late to ask, but please think of my Dad tomorrow; he is pretty worn down from the weekend and apprehensive...gets nervous with procedures. Nevertheless, he went this evening to restock the community food pantry he still manages , to prepare for his absence in the next few days....amazing. In the meantime, I am catching up with news from the forum - and feeling very sorry that I have been absent so long. Octobergrace
  14. The breathtaking beauty of October's falling leaves....wisdom to see the transformation through new eyes...grace to accept both the gift of the moment and that which I cannot change in days to come...Octobergrace. Icing on the cake: I was born in October, 1955. And, I love the thought of Grace in all contexts...spiritually, ethically, descriptively, associated with old fashioned civility like Southern Grace and Ladylike Grace (which are neither all good nor all bad concepts), Graceland, gracious, graceful and, most of all, Grace to accept the things I cannot change.... Great post!
  15. Too late to vote but I wanted to say Good For You with your fun post. I have loved checking out who voted and reading the replies...they certainly reflect the quirky creativity and flexibility skills one hones (sp.? Sorry, too tired to make the correct neuro connections) when dealing with lung cancer. And, good luck in grad school. I work with a special needs child who has been recently hospitalized at UNC-CH for neurological evaluation with focus on cognitive deficits/development. Interesting field and much needed area of specialization.
  16. Your husband, Rob, must truly be a great man, and is clearly much-loved. I am sure that there is great comfort in having his parents next door, but it must be very hard for them and you to see Rob go through the changes that you write about. It is very hard to read about what you all face in these days and your post reminded me of a quote very special to me: "There is mysterious blessing in great woundedness"...it sounds as if your family has been able to find blessings of great love and companionship in the face of Rob's great woundedness. I am glad that he is consoled and loved by the people who surround you...and you by the people who stand with you from this support community. May your love for each other carry you and continue to shine this hour and this hour and this hour. Special prayers to you in these days.
  17. Joni, So sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you, your son and all of your family as you celebrate his life and grieve his death. God bless you. Molly
  18. Please know that you are in my thoughts as you go through this. Your post was poignant, so sad but so brave as you sent words of encouragement and support to other caregivers in the moment of your great loss. Some of that bravery and kindness surely came from your Mom. God bless you and your family.
  19. I know just how it is, trying to physically and emotionally be there for dr. appts., to just help out and to make memories. You have my prayers. All of the good energy from these friends who understand all is just the help you need now. Blessings to you and especially to your Dad.
  20. 10:36pm (my time) Getting this in just under the wire: HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND MAY YOUR WISH COME TRUE! Hope it has been a great day that brings smiles to your face on many other days. Octobergrace
  21. Yes, good point, Curtis. Whether it is smart or not, I do care when bad things happen to bad people maybe because I have spent many workdays in juvenile court with high risk kids. My experience is that "bad people" were once confused, scared children then damaged, angry adolescents then undisciplined, mean teenagers. What I have observed is that it is never helpful to enable or allow excuses for irresponsibility and dishonesty. What breaks the cycle is consistent accountability and consequences with the clear expectation of change. The earlier this happens, the better. That is why I care...especially that the kids who attacked my aunt be held accountable for their crimes against my aunts and my Dad, too. I guess there is a difference when something "bad" (unfortunate/tragic) like cancer just happens and when something "bad" happens in a meanspirited, intentional act by the hands of a sociopath who thinks it is okay unless one gets caught and only feels regret over being caught. I come closer to being able to accept the former, horrible as it can be, than the later. Thanks for chiming in. .
  22. Good news is always Welcome News! Congratulations and keep up the positive energy....I see signs that it metastisizes across cyberspace, reading all the posts that preceded mine. Have a celebrating day!
  23. Thank you all for so much support and wisdom in your replies. Do you know those moments when some event or even a sudden thought makes you see how very vulnerable we are and how many things in life hang on a very thin thread? And you don't just see it, you see it in digitalized, plasmasized technicolor? Well, Monday was a whole day of those moments for me ... and now I know well why you all count on each other for caring support, information, wisdom and humor. I am HAPPY to have found such an interesting and smart group as you folks. I, too, hope that the kids who attacked my aunt will be held accountable with no excuses but, unfortunately, the juvenile justice system rarely requires accountability nor rehabilitation. Sometimes, it seems that most of our "systems" have descended to the lowest common denominator and work very hard to enable irresponsibility and dishonesty -especially if money is at stake. They should all have to live upclose and personal with lung cancer for a while...rethink and regain a little life perspective. Today has been good - I got back home to the mountains and to my two (foster) children, worked in my yard and learned that my Dad's appt. at Duke will be July 28th. In the words of Gomer Pyle, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" all for such good support......silly but heartfelt ending. May your day have some happy moments and maybe a little silliness, too.
  24. I knew the holiday would be difficult when my Dad's oncologist told him Friday that he probably had between 1 and 6 months to live. My dad was not ready to hear this; he has been fighting so hard, has continued to be up and about for a year and even regained a few pounds in the past two weeks. Onc. said his CT scan showed relative stabilization (good news) then proceeds to pronounce his deadlines, then said Keep Living Life...what in the world do these guys think they are doing? Now we are waiting for an appt. to Duke because the onc. says it is time to go talk to them (meaning he has extracted all the treatment money out of this situation that he can). That's the beginning. Today, we cooked out in a brave attempt to Keep Living Life. Then, my sister and I went to her house for an errand, arriving to find a police helicopter looking like it is about to land on her house (in the middle of Charlotte). Police cars are all around the houses of my Dad's sisters, 85 and 89 yrs. old. Three kids (11, 13 and 16) had broken into my 85 yr. old aunt's house in broad daylight, slammed her to the floor, beat her in the head and stole her pocketbook. She is sore but not seriously hurt and refused to go to the ER, instead going to the police station to identify the two kids (girls) they had arrested. This family is strong. My anger over the meaness in this world is off the scales but I don't have much time to own that because I can barely keep walking this path carrying the sadness that I feel for my Dad and his sisters. How strong does this make me sound? When I went back to tell Daddy what had happened, he insisted on DRIVING straight to her house and I was barely able to jump in the car. Understand, he has taken care of three older sisters for many years until this killing cancer turned the tables on him last July. And understand, I don't believe that old age makes it easier for one to give up one's responsibilities, joys and love of life. My Dad talked to the policeman (in a whisper), and to my aunts about safety precautions and checked their door locks. As he hugged them before leaving, I watched them all try to comfort one another in the hard path that each travels now. The room was full of both love and unspeakable sadness...And I know this only gets harder. How are so many of you out there so very, very brave? Bless us all.
  25. I am thinking of you and send a prayer your way; you have truly been living a nightmare made worse by the very people who should want to help make your way easier...you are so good at describing your experience through your words; there is a great deal that drs. and nurses could learn about the experience of living through and dealing with the drama and crises of cancer by reading your words. It is clear that you (as many in this fellowship) have a strong core that carries and sustains you when your body is struggling so hard. Maybe your words are your best therapy. Many blessings. PS: I understand your apprehension about finding a good therapist. Once, I worked with a prominent child psychiatrist who told me, "No therapy is better than bad therapy." It's true.
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