Suzie Q

Kasey, I up the ante! You will have to see my bid and raise to get Pat! Sorry, Pat. We have snow here in MI, too, but we have a plowing service and DH does the shoveling. Does dishes too. AND we are minutes away from Rockford, MI! How do you like that? As a side note, DH and I weere in Rockford for the WWII Days at the park with the historic village (I have forgotten the name) in September. Rockford is a very nice city. Sorry you are feeling blue. Sounds like you need a plumber and electrician. Better to get it done now and not have it be a detraction from selling the house. Thinking of you! Hugs, karen

It IS hard to reconcile all of the misery of treatment, especially when your loved one passes on so soon after diagnosis. And if we could only peek into the future long enough to see if it would all be worth it in the end, well, I guess that would really be something. But that isn't reality. The decision to fight the cancer was the best decision you both could make at the time. And seeing that Rod's cancer was apparently very aggressive, I personally believe that the chemo did give you both some extra time. So I would not say that it was a waste, but I do understand where you are coming from. I can't give you any advice on how to survive losing a spouse, but there are a lot of people on this board who are in the same boat as you, and they would be in a better position to offer some advice. I cannot imagine the depth of your pain, and I can only tell you to be gentle with yourself and do not expect to recover from this too soon. It takes time, sometimes a lot of time. Warm regards, Karen

So sorry for your loss. Karen

Andy, your dad is NOT a statistic! So do not dwell on the prognosis. Hope you get a game plan in place soon so you can all go to battle stations! ~Karen

So sorry for your loss. ~Karen

My deepest sympathies to you, Sloan. ~Karen

You're here. That's what's important. It's so incredibly hard to crawl out of the black hole, and step back from the edge. I praise you for that! Many hugs to you. ~Karen

Oh, Leslie, I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept my most heartfelt sympathies. I, too, am an adult orphan. Feel free to PM me any time. The loss can be overwhelming at times. Karen

Cyber hugs coming your way.

It takes some time to get it all figured out. That first year was so rough, and every holiday felt wrong. There was nothing to be done to make it right (short of raising the dead), and as we approach the second Christmas, new traditions are emerging. What I'm saying is that it is a work in progress, and there are no pat answers to the question. Just take it one day at a time, and do NOT overextend yourself. Somehow, I think you will know how much of the usual holiday routine you can deal with. It's ok to tune out the rest of it! ~Karen

I am Karen. I live in Michigan just outside of Grand Rapids. I have been married to DH for 19 years, and we have 2 amazing daughters (4 and 6). I am a SAHM, but am looking for some work as a sonographer on a per diem basis; just enough to keep the skills up, but not enough to take any time away from my kids. Can you say "dream job?" I lost my dad to melanoma in Jan 2006. I lost my mom to NSCLC in Apr 2006. Still doesn't feel right, but i am learning to live with it. I am lucky to have 3 dear brothers who "get it." Sorry, no avatar, but I rarely have pictures of myself, as I am always behind the camera!

So sorry for your loss. ~Karen

Some people know no restraint. Why would they ask or say such things? And why do they think it is any of their business? Sometimes I just want to look at them and say, "Did you actually say that OUT LOUD?" ~Karen

So sad to hear of your loss. Please accept my condolences. Karen

My deepest condolences to you. ~Karen

My mom was hospitalized with 9 days of unrelenting headache when on Taxol, Carboplatin, and Avastin. Her normally low BP shot up, too, requiring BP meds. They couldn't decide which came first: the pain or the high BP, as one can cause the other to occur. Either way, the onc blamed Avastin and took her off it. She did not have further problems with headaches of that intensity, but it did take a while for the blood pressure to come down enough to stop the meds. ~Karen

If he's eating less, he may not be taking in adequate fluids. Is it possible that he go in for IV fluids, and see if perhaps that is the reason for the fatigue, etc. rather than disease progression? If it is disease progression, would he not be allowed to leave the hospital, even if the doctors recommend he stay? I know this is so hard. And there are milestones we and our loved ones would like to see them live to see those milestones. But the reality is that at some point, you have to realize that there is ALWAYS another milestome we want to see! Just one more... So, what I'm saying is, though it is good to have goals, don't focus on what they will miss. Focus instead on what they have been here for, and make the effort to create special memories. Keeping you in my prayers, karen

Please accpet my deepest condolences. Karen

Absolutely amazing! Your dad truly found his guide. Sorry for your loss. ~Karen

So sad for your loss. We're here. Karen

I think it's normal to wish that it had all "been over" sooner, and then to feel guilty about that! Trust me, I have been there! My dad fought recurrent melanoma with a vengeance, and he suffered a great deal. Yet, even through it all, I know that had he not chosen the path he did, the end may have come sooner, though not necessarily less painful. So don't doubt that the treatments were all for nothing. You, your dad, and BA Grandma have all benefitted from the extra time. Not at a high cost, but it was NOT all for nothing! Keep doing what you are doing. Much warmth to you, Karen

Hoping tomorrow is a better day! ~Karen

Push the onc for a different anti-nausea med. Sometimes the "old stand-by" meds work better than the newer generation of expensive meds! Seek out alternative treatment like accpuncture. It may help. A soothing gentle full body massage is VERY relaxing, but if she doesn't feel up to going out, you can get some really nice massage lotions from Bath & Body Works and do it yourself! Touch can be very healing. The side effects do tend to be cumulative...so don't expect a lot of improvement (other than what they can do with medications like the magic mouthwash, etc.) until after her last round is done. The fatigue is the one that really seemed to build up with my mom. Ask the onc if a chemo break is possible. If not, perhaps a chemo that's not so rough would be tolerated better. Best wishes to you and you other half. Do update us; visit sooner if we can help with anything! Karen

Mom tolerated Gemzar/Carbo pretty well. Mild hair thinning (if any), mild nausea, occasional bouts with loose stools. One of those two chemo meds changed something with her mouth/tastbuds and citrus fruits and citrus juice was too acidic. Metallic taste from the Carbo. Fatigue also, but a nap in the afternoon was all she needed. Karen

My dear mother, Barb (lung ca) My sweet dad, Jim (melanoma) Rest in peace, dear ones.