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Trish

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    Gardening, Teaching, My 2 kids!
  1. Michele, Reading your post--I totally get it! I put some video tapes in from Christmas several years and my kids were entranced! Listening and hearing and seeing my mom was like she was still her. I sobbed like the day she passed. Then, the more tapes we put in, I realized the same things you said. I do feel bitter too about her missing each of their events and I don't want them to forget about her. Maybe I need to get the videos out more often or is that more for the grown ups. Anyway Michele, when I read your posts and see the pictures of your kids & your mom, I feel your loss. I'm not sure that it has gotten easier but I used to know exactly how many weeks she had been gone and would think of it every Thursday but after the year mark and all the other stuff started happening, I feel like I'm just missing her more and like you, missing what she would be doing with her grandkids or the advice she would give me. I saw the stores making way for Halloween and it's almost like I dread Christmas coming this year. My husband told me that I have 2 kids who love Christmas because of all the traditions my mom had and that I need to pull it together for them and my sister and her family. He's right. I know how you feel though and if you need an ear to listen, I'm here. Trish
  2. Thank you all for your responses! My sister called on Sunday and asked me to come over and get it over with--her was coming out in clumps and she just wanted it shaved off. She had me shave it in a mowhawk first and then take a picture. She figured this would be the only time she would do that. Then I shaved the rest off and she had me take a picture of her "bald" head and one with her new wig on. It was an emotional day but it also empowered her by making the choice to take the hair off before it came out. She is a teacher too and thought it would be good to go to school with the wig on the first day back with teachers. She thinks she feels better bald or with a hat and isn't sure what she will continue to wear. Her kids weren't quite sure either. Back to the situation with my Dad, I can see both sides. I realize my Dad doesn't need our permission but I kind of think the lady (being a woman and all) knows how hurt we all are and how their actions affect our family. We tried the sit down with my Dad and talk about it after he gave her the engagement ring after 2 months of dating her. He didn't want to talk about it or about the fact that this lady was doing nothing to try to not get us to like her, but communicate with us in anyway, even when we were there. If I was dating someone who had lost their spouse and had children and grandchildren, I would go out of my way to be friendly and try to fit in. There has been none of the above. She has two adult children who are married and an ex husband who is disabled with a mental problem and she says she supported them for 34 years. Now, she got married to my dad on August 3rd, they traded in my moms 2 year old car and this ladys car and my dad bought her a new envoy and now this week he tells me she is quitting her job and getting on his benefits. She is 59 and my dad is 64. Okay, obviously, I'm obsessing. Meanwhile my sister had to deal with going into school the first day with her new wig and put her l and 3 year old in a new preschool center and found out she will be teaching off of a cart! A phone call from a father would be nice, wouldn't the new wife suggest this? Sorry to vent again--My husband and I had open house at school tonight for my 8 and 10 year old so it's back to the hectic life! We have enlisted extra meals from friends and my aunt and sister in law and me so they have meals in the freezer. I really appreciate your thoughts and suggestions. Guess I need to get over it and move on and focus totally on my sister. Why do I feel like I've lost my Dad too even though he says things aren't going to change although they have changed in the way he treats us and I do want him to be happy. I don't know much these days, seems like my mom would have known what to do or say to him and he wouldn't have argued with her! Thanks again, Trish
  3. Well, I haven't posted much but I still read the boards almost everyday. When I first started here, I read about Ginny and Earl and today I read that it has been almost 3 years since he passed. I realized that maybe I should post some of my recent griefs and maybe the dark cloud over my family might lift. Where do I start? My dad started dating this lady in December and gave her an engagement ring 2 weeks before the one year anniversary of my moms death (march 16, 2006). This threw the whole family into "defense" mode. He was to wait for an annulment to come through before they married. Then, my 34 year old sister noticed a lump under her arm and in her breast. She was diagnosed with breast cancer at the beginning of June. She and I are both school teachers so this was just at the beginning of our summer. My sister has a one year old and a three year old. She went to Cleveland Clinic and had surgery and the tumors and lymph nodes removed. She is Stage 2A but has Grade 3 aggressive breast cancer that is triple negative (not affected by estrogren). She is doing dose dense chemo and started August 3rd. My Dad and this lady got married by a mayor on my sister's first chemo day. He swears he didn't know but the fact that this lady has never respected my sister or brother or my feelings about our mother passing. Everyone is fighting and my dad says he just wants to live and have this lady quit her job and get on his insurance. He is retired from GM. He said we would be invited when the annulment went through and they were married in the church yet none of us knew they were planning on getting married Aug. 3rd. My sister had her 2nd chemo Friday and is fighting for her life. I'm helping with her and her kids as are her husbands family who live out of town. My brother got into a fight with Dad and they won't speak and my sister is devastated and I didn't speak to him for 4 days and then told him I didn't want to fight and that we needed him. Does anyone want to chime in here or is it obvious? My sister is my best friend next to my husband. My mom was always my best friend but my sister and I have become very close and now all of this. I'm sorry to vent and maybe I should delete this post. Am I expecting too much that this woman would apoligize or my dad? It has been 2 weeks and they feel they have done nothing wrong. My sister's hair is coming out and I'm supposed to go over and shave it tomorrow. We start school in one week and I feel like the "normal" family that my mom held together is turning into the Jerry Springer show! I don't want to lose my Dad , as if that hasn't already happened, though he says nothing has changed, and my sister needs me and my husband and my 2 kids. Thanks for listening. I just needed to write it down because it just doesn't seem real or possible. Trish
  4. Trish

    Weak moment

    Kelly, I'm a teacher too and I totally know how you feel. Sometimes, I think I had more trouble thinking about going back to school until I actually forced myself to get back into the classroom and a routine. Once I did it, it was like, okay these kids and the routine of the day got me out of my funk! It is so frustrating to have to worry about the before & after care of your kids when your mom used to help you out. My husband teaches too and switched to the junior high schedule so he will be here after school to be with the kids. Do you have any other family to help you? Oh, the things our supermoms did and how we miss them! Hope you are getting into the swing of it! Trish
  5. Val, You know that I am with you on not being ready for the "Grandma" name yet. This time should be about you and the new baby you are about to bring into the world. Your feelings are important and you have been open to allowing your Dad's happiness. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all and I'm so sorry that you have to struggle with this right now. You already have the hormone thing going crazy and missing your mom but to add this, at this time...at some point you have to put your feelings out there and hopefully your Dad will see that you aren't trying to hurt her or him. Gosh, I obsess over this and I just feel for you right now...it will all work out--after all, this time should be about the new baby coming!!! I'll be thinking about you! Trish
  6. Kim, Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry that you weren't allowed to go in to be with your mom. I can feel the pain in your words. I'm with you about wishing you could get the last couple of weeks back with your mom. Thinking of you, Trish
  7. When I read your post, it really hit home with me!! We always had the easter egg hunt at my mom & dad's house. Last year, my mom had passed away a couple weeks before Easter but had us get everything ready for the grandkids and had made sure we had everything that she used had done. This year, everything is so foreign!!!! My Dad is engaged to someone he has only known for 3 months and she will be there with her son/daughter and their families. I have had 35 years of a solid tradition and I totally understand where you are coming from. I too, just feel so sad to not be able to share all of the joys of spring with my Mom. I really understand.... Trish
  8. Val, My mother in law passed away 3 years ago at the age of 61--I was 32. Two months later my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer at the age of 62. My mom passed away a year ago at the age of 64 and I turned 35. When my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer, she was just one month away from being 5 years free of breast cancer! My sister, who is 2 years younger than me, had her first baby one month after my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. She had her second baby the day before my mom passed away. My sister was able to check out of the hospital early and bring her new son(who was less than 24 hours old)to see my mom. Mom passed away an hour after she held her new grandson. I am totally at a loss for what is "normal." I miss my mom everyday and want to call her everyday. My kids, who are 10 and 8, have lost both of their grandmas. I didn't lose my grandparents until just a couple years ago and they were in their 80's. I don't know how to deal with all of this at this age. My relationship with my sister is at a different level because we don't have our mother and I sometimes want to do what my Mom would have done for the grandkids. Gosh Val, you are younger than me, and I think you are really strong! I am now too dealing with the situation of my Dad getting engaged before my mom was gone one year to someone he only dated for 2 months!!! That has almost been a loss in itself. I've just read what I wrote and I didn't intend to write all of this and be so depressing. The posts just opened a lot of anger, sadness, and I guess just pure loss. Sometimes, I just don't know how my mom did all she did! Trish
  9. My Mom was 62 when she was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer and 64 when she passed away. She almost made the 2 year mark. She had 2 chemo breaks of 4-5 months each where her quality of life was so good, no one could believe she was Stage IV! My Mom had a positive attitude and never had an ER visit or hospital stay during her sickness. In the end, she passed at home with all of her family around her. As my Dad always reminds us, my mom took cancer for a ride and got off when SHE was ready. She did it her way!
  10. Randy, Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to do this. Seeing all of the names reminded me of all the wonderful people on this site who live on through their posts or their family's posts. Hoping for a cure in 2007. Thanks again for your thoughtfulness, TRISH
  11. Trish

    Jimben

    I can't believe Jimben is gone! I loved reading his posts and his fishing stories always brought a smile. He will be missed...this has been a tough week....thoughts are with his family... Trish
  12. Trish

    Lucie Fly Wood

    Don, I was shocked to see that Lucie had passed. I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts....Trish
  13. Lori, I'm sorry that your mom passed away. I have been thinking of you and your mom a lot the last couple of weeks. You did right by your mom and she knows that. Mothers and daughters have a bond that no one or anything can ever take away. I don't know what to say.....you and your family are in my prayers. Trish
  14. Melinda, I am thinking of you and your family. Words can't express what I know you are going through. You are in my prayers....Trish
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