Elaine,
You really hit a nerve with me, and although I am not one to post but rather lurk and read what everyone else has to say, I decided to open up to you.
First of all, I should say that I am the caregiver. My partner decided to take the treatment, both chemo and radiation. Although he has only undergone two chemo treatments(taxol/carboplaten) and so far done fairly well with them, we are both anxious to see what happens when daily radiation is added to the brew. And I am wondering what he is buying by taking these treatments. Atleast half of the week he is so tired all he wants to do is sleep. This is scheduled to go on for another couple of months. And once he starts the radiation, God only knows how he will feel.
Of course, I can't say anything. It is not my cancer, nor my life. And my partner doesn't really want to talk about it, so I don't know what he is really thinking. I read the posts on this website, and it seems that one treatment just leads to another. I wonder what quality of life one has gained. I wonder if we shouldn't be living life fully while he still feels good, instead of sleeping and putting everything on hold for these treatments. I hope I am not sounding selfish, because I not thinking about myself. I just know that down the road there will be pain and suffering, and I hate to see him bring it on sooner than necessary.
This is all very difficult for me to watch. Perhaps I am just frustrated because there is nothing for me to do except to keep things running smoothly around him and I want to be more proactive. I want to go to one of these alternative health institutes and change our eating pattern or something that will not ravage his body more but make him feel better. I want him to spend time with his loved ones who have been neglected over the years. I want him to have some unadulterated joy without concern for mundane things like whether the grass in mowed. I want him to be at peace with God, so that this transition is natural.
I just pray in the meantime that he gets something for all of this treatment: that his voice will come back, that he has a long remission afterwards, that he is at peace when the end comes. GailA
