Marie's girl

Dear Shannon, I lost my Mom 10/15 after caring for her for 14 weeks and 21 days straight. I too was not prepared for this feeling. I have some terrible "missing Mom moments". My mother was loved by all with a great sense of humor too. I think that helps me the most. I think of all the funny things she did and I laugh. I laugh til I cry or I cry til I laugh. Either way I am thinking of Mom. I don't think it will ever go away. Elaine

What a great thread. I agree "I am sorry for your loss" is so coined. It doesn't sound sincere. I have a friend who wrote...."I hope you find the strength to face each day. I am wishing you sunshine throughout the day and sweet memories at night." I found this to be very comforting. Paddy, I too had a friend slip a $100 dollar bill in my purse. It is exactly what my mom used to do. What I usually do for close friends is send them a CD with some carefully selected spiritual songs or songs like "The Dance" and Josh Groban songs. I also have a favorite book....."Tear Soup" for very close friends. It is a MUST HAVE!!!! If the friend has children I include the book "The Next Place". My son when he was only 8 told me something many years ago which I use often when a friend loses a loved one. He said I am sad Mr....... died but I feel really bad for the people who never met him. We are the lucky ones...he was our friend. Love, Elaine

I am so grateful for the outpouring of your responses. It has been a month of many emotions. Sadness, humor, relief and emptiness. I miss my Mom more than I ever thought possible. But not a day goes by when I don't smile. I smile because she was that kind of person. Always smiling and always doing. Even when she was dying she was so kind to everyone who was helping her. Never a nasty word came out of her mouth. She kept forgetting who I was. I would ask her if I was "Elaine" and she would say "no". I would say "Mom, you know who I am. She would say I really don't. All I know is that you are a very pretty lady. I think you are an angel".....and I smiled....and so did she. With love, Elaine

To all the wonderful people who offered tremedous support to my mother and to me, thank you!!!! Mom passed away on Friday morning at 9:25 surrounded by all 6 of her children, her husband and 2 daughters in law. She fought until the very end. But they say people die the way they live and Mom was surely a fighter. I am so glad she is at peace and no longer suffering. Thanks for your prayers and support. Love, Elaine I thought you might enjoy reading the following. Marie's Guestbook Boston Globe

I just wanted to let you know that I am back with my mother. It doesn't look like it will be much longer. She asked me to let you know. Ginny, I am sorry to hear about Earl. I am glad his suffering is over. With love, Elaine

Dear Mandy, I am also a daughter who has a mother facing this terrible disease. BUT, I am 46 and have 5 siblings. I cannot imagine going through this at 26 alone. You and your parents will be in my prayers. I do know that you will find strength beyond what you ever thought possible. When it comes to our mothers we can do anything. We will walk to the end of the earth to make them comfortable. You will treasure the time you have with her. And do continue to manage her healthcare like you manage your career, that is very important. Elaine PS.....the "other" Elaine BTW....How are you, Elaine??? I think of you often.

I was able to spend the past five weeks helping take care of my mom, Marie Foley, whose lung cancer has metastasized to her brain. She now has hemmorhagic cystatic brain cancer. She underwent 14 radiation treatments which probably reduced the tumors a little but she is now under the care of Hospice at home. She is not in any pain, is very alert when she is awake and has a wonderful appetite. (Klondike bars were the food of choice last week along with chocolate cake!!!) My sister came down on Monday and I was sent home to get rest. I was hurt that I was told to leave. I wanted to stay. But I do have a 16 yr old starting school and a 19 yr old. So, I guess it was necessary for me to be home for a few weeks. Mom has started to get dizzy these past 2 days. We had reduced the decadron down to 4mg/day last Friday. She is on oxygen for 20 hrs a day. And has no movement on her left side. Her wish is that it be over and God takes her to Heaven. She asked me to update you and thank you for all of your wonderful prayers. She hopes each of you are doing well with your own battle and she prays for all of you daily. I would go in and check on her and ask her if she was ok. She smiled and said "I'm praying for everyone". Thank you for everything, Elaine

You are all so wonderful. Thank you. Don, yes, they did give my Mother decadron for the swelling but it caused an increase in her blood sugar so she is also on insulin. The tumors are on the thallumus and the optic nerves. She has very minimal ability to get around. Can stand to get into the chair or bed. The double vision is in both eyes so she is wearing an eye patch. This has been very aggressive. She goes back for radiation tomorrow. I will be making the trip to be with her tomorrow. I will keep you posted. Elaine.... PS... Elaine.....I like your salutation

Dear Robin, I am so sorry for all you and your mom are going through. Do you have any other family members to help you? It sounds like a lot for you. Also, have you considered a different doctor? I would like to say that if your mom is comfortable and alert in her own home with 24/7 home health care then I would do everything possible to continue that. I know it is expensive but if the funds are there.....there is no better way to spend them...In my humble opinion. Thinking of you both, Elaine

Thank you Don, The side effects my mother thought were due to the chemo, were really side effects due to the tumors. She had double vision, lost her balance, numbness in her face and hands. But her spirits are great. Elaine

I just wanted to let you know that my mother is in the hospital. They found 3 tumors at the base of her brain. So, all chemo and radiation for her lung cancer is off and she is going to have 15 radiation treatments for the brain cancer. Please continue to keep Marie in your prayers. And thank you for all the support you have given her. Elaine

Dear Mom, I am so glad you finally got your PIZZA!!!! And you were well enough to go out and eat it. I just love you, Elaine

Dear Becky, I am sorry for the confusion. You are right, my mother's doctor did not put her on the aspirin until AFTER her surgery. My mother's corotid artery is 70% blocked. They did an extensive cardiac work-up which she passed with flying colors. The aspirin, I assume, is for this blockage. Thanks for the question. Elaine

Mom, I am glad you were able to come back and give everyone an update. You know we are behind you all the way. Thank you all for your words of encouragement. Do you know if a daily aspirin causes nausea (even the coated kind)? My mom's (Marie's) surgeon put her on one a day before surgery but she is terribly nauseous. Any tips? Thanks again, Elaine

Dear AngelB, I am so sorry that you have to go through this with your Stepdad and your mom. I found this board while helping my Mom. Stage3a nsclc. She did choose to get a second opinion and that made all the difference. However, prior to that we accepted her decision not to pursue treatment. Which is such a fine line. We want to hold on to them forever yet we have to realize that this is their decision. As bold as that may sound it is meant with extreme sensitivity. Someone once said "we are our parent's parents and our children's children". At no other time in my life has that been more apparent than this past month. Being with my mom after her surgery was one of the best times of my life. It was also one of the hardest. I knew she was making some very difficult decisions. Just being there for your Mom and Stepdad is so important. Is there anyway you can be there physically (in Atlanta) for a little while? Or do you have siblings nearby? The physical and emotional support is priceless. May you find the answers you are looking for. And the picture you have posted is adorable. Elaine

Dear Rochelle Yvonne, What a beautiful name. My daughter's name is Ryann Elizabeth and we call her Ry. She babysits alot and the little ones call her RyRy. She is the one who loves "Finding Nemo". She would love your 5 year old son. Is your husband still doing well? Thanks for your posts. You are very kind. Fondly, Elaine

What a great group of people! Thank you for the outpouring of support. You have touched us in a way you will never know. Dear Nina, You are so lucky to have such beautiful grandchildren. Four year old boys can be so much fun. I am glad you are able to enjoy them. Dear David P, When you find a way to bottle your enthusiasm for life, let me know. Congratulations on your fight against cancer and good luck with your race. Keep us posted. Dear Chloesmom, I am so impressed with your knowledge and research. Yes my mother did have radiation with her breast cancer but did not have chemo. I did not realize that lung cancer could be a side effect of the radiation. Please let me know how your appointment goes tomorrow. I will be very interested in how you are doing. Dear Dave S, I agree.....Chloesmom said it all. Dear Ellen, Thanks for your welcome. It sounds like Len and my mom are similar roads. I wish you the best and look forward to hearing Len's progress as well. Thanks again for all the wonderful replies. Elaine

Dear Peggy, Thank you for such an uplifting post and response for my Mom. I just love your photo from your house and your screenname. If you think about it we probably need another 6 smilies for our spouses....Then one big one for Mom. Dear Chloesmom, I found your question very interesting about the sides of the cancers. My Mom's lung cancer is on a different side than her breast cancer. Both are primary sites. She had tamoxefen (sp?) to treat her breast cancer but I am not sure about radiation. I am pretty sure she will be by soon and will explain herself. Dear Dave, Wow!!! What an interesting spin. I never thought of chemo and radiation that way. But I guess you are right, you do what you have to do. My Mother is at a good point mentally and physically to make this decision and we are all behind whatever decision she chooses. She is absolutely amazing. Thanks again for the faith, support and valuable information. Elaine

I want to let you know that each of your replies has been so thoughtful and helpful. Thank you Ginny, Rochelle, BRM, Gail, Jim, Vennie, Pam, Paddy and Snowflake. Rochelle, do you go by the name Ry? That is what we call my daughter. I also love your quote from the Titanic. And Snowflake, who could not love your dragonslayer. Each of your stories and pictures is so heartwarming. Thank you for sharing them. Elaine

Thank you so much for the support you have given my mother. She is the sweetest person is the world. And it sounds like she found the perfect forum. It's funny, she always wanted to belong to a forum and as things turned out this one found her. Her cancer is stage 3a. She had aggressive lung surgery 5/7 to remove the top third of her left lung which contained a 5 by 8 cm mass. 6 out of 6 lymphnodes in that area were malignant. And I believe 14 out of 20 in a different area were malignant. Her first oncologist was not very optimistic but her second opinion oncologist was wonderful. She is going to pursue the treatment suggested. Marie is a "fighter" one of her favorite songs is "I ain't down yet" from the "Unsinkable Molly Brown". She has non small cell adenocarcinoma and is a survivor of breast cancer (adenocarcinoma). She is also a non-smoker. She is also having a little trouble navigating the forum. But she is very smart and I am sure you will see her back here shortly. Thanks again for giving her something we can't. Knowledge = Power. Best wishes, Elaine PS....I am one of her 6 children who adore her along with her husband of 55 years and 14 grandchildren.