JohnSis

Hello again, WOW What an experience. When I logged on to this site for the first time, I had been stewing in a world of confusion, fear, pain, frustration, sorrow, helplessness, but most of all ignorance for over 48 hours. I am single and do not have a significant other. I was alone, I was praying, for clarity. Then here I was. I know God lead me here. I am sorry for posting my anger and frustraion out here. And even sorrier to those who thought it was directed at them, or this group directly, hardly. I was not doing well. I would never write anything to hurt someone on purpose. I was more angry at cancer than anything, and most of you realized it. I call you my Angels now. Bruce when I read "I know how you feel", I knew that you really did, Shirleyb everything you wrote was helpful and loving, Rich-dadstimeon, what a guy, very cool, SharonR you are a very smart woman, your ego is in tact, you knew it wasn't about you, and didn't let me get away, Peggy-stand4hope, another beautiful soul who knew I needed to be here, CindyRN made sure to post again also, expressing your concern, Jamie I hear you, and KatieB you are beautiful inside and out, you are an inspiration, your compassion, intelligence, also swept me off my feet. I am so grateful for this group of Angels who were able to see clearly I needed to be here, but maybe I was afraid of what I was going to find out. Whatever caused you to write to me the second time and calm my fears came from above, I believe He sent you after me because I was running. If all of your respnses would've been like DavidC, Fay, DavidP, Frank, ChloesMom, J.C., Elaine, I would never of returned, but then again if that would've beeen the only kind of response I got, I doubt this forum would exist. Just for the record I never once even for a second thought about shaming my brother for smoking. No perception involved there J.C. and Elaine, maybe that's an issue of yours, but not mine. The only reason I stated it was because I had noticed under everyones names it said smoker or non-smoker, that was only one of the few facts I did have to tell you. DavidC took time out to take my inventory 3 times, no it's not a hotline, it's better. You see I belong to a forum quite similar to this. Since 2001 I have been a member of an ostomy forum. Very much the same, and also totally different. I could never presume to know what or who a person is by what they wrote in a time of crisis. You intentionally tried to hurt me 3 times? I will pray for you. Back to the beautiful, loving responses, wow thank you Betty, Becky-Snowflake , Rochelle-Ry,Bill, Cathy, Laurie, Addie,Ginny-Ginnnyd, Paddy, Don Wood, Ellen, and Lamb Last. You are all angels sent to help me and show me compassion and love. I am a strong believer in God and I know all of you were sent to give me the words that came out. Because first of all I am no longer a mess, and through all of the info and suggestions you gave me, everything is as good as it could possibly get. I can't believe it. I wanted fast action, I got it. I didn't respond sooner because after I put together the information, and really understood, so much more, I called my SIL and told her I would never come there unannounced. She said she didn't mean to be mean but that it was his wish that I not drive the distance. But if I was coming he would love to see me. I also shared many of My Angels' posts with her, she was really impressed. I made sure to tell her that I will be available at any time to help with anything, I have my own place to stay, and no longer feel like my brother was given a death notice. I expressed to her how we have to have hope, and be positive about his cancer. Then she confided that she wasn't hopeful at all, and that she told my nephew to come home because she feels he will be dead within the next 3 to 4 months. If I wouldn't of read so many of your profiles I would'nt of said anything. But I told her everyone is different people go into remission, maybe not for 10 years but 6 months even would be more than she is anticipating. I told her to try to keep positive for him, and for herself that she has to take care of herself also. She told me she would love to have me come stay and help her. I could've never known to say any of that if it weren't for My Angels. You all spread some real hope, I also told her how guilt is a big part of this dx. She couldn't believe it. So that is all fine for now. He was dx 4 weeks ago, I have learned some of this but not sure about the latter part. My SIL said his dx was small cell 4th stage something about an "OAT", it is in some lymph nodes none to brain. She said she would write it down from the paper. Maybe you all can get an idea from this. She said it's almost the worst that you can have. I told her we aren't sure of that yet. Was I right? I hope so. I have also got my letter that many of you suggested I write, my SIL thought that was a great idea. So I can never repay you all for the love and concern you have shown me, not to mention the knowledge to allow me to be a positive part of this situation. I will keep you informed. You are all in my prayers. God Bless "My Angels", and everyone on this forum.

Well this is my 3rd post since I logged in for the first time this morining around 3:30. I even made a poll, thinking some of the readers might take a minute to just give me a quick yes or no, but I guess my problem is not anything of interest to anyone on here. When you only get an answer from the forum leaders, it tells me more than any poll could tell me. So after being on here for 4 hours, and getting 1 vote my own, I think I'll try a different sites forum. I'm sure that no one even read it since it was so long. But as I said in the post I really needed to write it out, so if nothing else thanks for letting me use your space. I have God and I'm sure he will take a minute to give me some direction. Good Luck to all. JohnSis

Hello, My name is Janet, I live in Pensacola, FL. I was born and raised in Peoria, IL, where my big brother has resided all of his life. He is 17 years older than me, I am 49 (the baby), and he is 67, (the oldest of 5), and he has lung cancer. I didn't find out about it until 2 evenings ago. He had been ill with pnuemonia, and I had this feeling things were not right. I called and asked my sister-in-law Patsy, if John was sick. She asked if I had talked to my other brother, I told her no and said I just had a feeling. I was hoping it was a silly fear. But to my sorrow I was right. I attended nursing school for 2 years and worked in hospitals as did Patsy. Now during this conversation, which felt more like I was interreagating a very tight lipped suspect. GOD! I can't even tell you what type or what stage his cancer is. Well. now you know why I am here. There is no one who knows any more than I do to call. They're 40 year old child, my nephew is coming home from Hawaii, I gathered sometime in June. This leaves me OUT, and hurting, and feeling more helpless than I ever have in my life. I lost my 54 year old brother almost 4 years ago. He had a coronary on the golf course. Died before any could get to the hospital. I only confide in 3 close friends, and my 2 sons. I told her I was going to be up there in a week or so. She told me not to come. She said he won't see you, or anyone else. I said well he'll just have to turn me away, because I am coming to the house. She told me to make sure and call first. DEAR GOD SOMEONE PLEASE THROW SOMETHING OUT HERE FOR ME. I 'M GOING MAD. Why doesn't he want anyone to see him? She said that. He is starting first chemo treatment this week. I can't imagine the fear he must feel. I've been sitting around trying to write to him, but I end up drawing his face. I feel that brings me a bit closer to him. I have this burning desire to just give him a hug. I am lost. As far as his symptomns. (what I could find out anyway), it was when he had lost a good deal of weight, after his cardiologist suggested he do so. Everyone was bragging him up at all of the weight he had lost. Of course he smokes, like a chimney. Stopped for about 5 years after heart attack at 37. Our father died in sleep at 56, smoked also, his heart failed. So as for John, Patsy said he was never the same after that weight lose. Now a year later, he has had pnuemonia for almost 3 months, I talked to her a little over 3 weeks ago, and she didn't know yet. So I am guessing that he was diagnosed about 3 weeks ago. So here I sit. Now that you have the whole novel, my main questions and plea for advice from you are......how far along do you think his cancer is, if you would phathom to guess by this bunch of bologna, I have for information? ..........what would you do? I believe he wants to protect me from hurting for him, and coming ALL that way as Patsy put it. But their son hasn't been home for 8 years. Not for ANYTHING. But they have him coming this month. My oldest son found a rental car and we are ready to go. But I am so confused. I would say they are in great denial, but not when they are having son fly home. No Way. I am sorry for taking up so much space, and if anyone is even still reading this, I thank you. I think it helped a little just to write it. Please don't be afraid to speak straight to me, that's exactly what I need. Not games. I am sure no one on this site is here to b.s. anyone else. God Bless you all in your plights, I will pray for you all on here. Thanks again, JhonSis _________________ Right now I'm helpless, hurting, and confused, I need your help. John is isolating and doesn't want me to be a part of this life! I want to respect his wishes, but that is killing ME, I want him to be proud of his little sister when this is over. Whatever that means? Thank You, JohnSis

Hello, My name is Janet, I live in Pensacola, FL. I was born and raised in Peoria, IL, where my big brother has resided all of his life. He is 17 years older than me, I am 49 (the baby), and he is 67, (the oldest of 5), and he has lung cancer. I didn't find out about it until 2 evenings ago. He had been ill with pnuemonia, and I had this feeling things were not right. I called and asked my sister-in-law Patsy, if John was sick. She asked if I had talked to my other brother, I told her no and said I just had a feeling. I was hoping it was a silly fear. But to my sorrow I was right. I attended nursing school for 2 years and worked in hospitals as did Patsy. Now during this conversation, which felt more like I was interreagating a very tight lipped suspect. GOD! I can't even tell you what type or what stage his cancer is. Well. now you know why I am here. There is no one who knows any more than I do to call. They're 40 year old child, my nephew is coming home from Hawaii, I gathered sometime in June. This leaves me OUT, and hurting, and feeling more helpless than I ever have in my life. I lost my 54 year old brother almost 4 years ago. He had a coronary on the golf course. Died before any could get to the hospital. I only confide in 3 close friends, and my 2 sons. I told her I was going to be up there in a week or so. She told me not to come. She said he won't see you, or anyone else. I said well he'll just have to turn me away, because I am coming to the house. She told me to make sure and call first. DEAR GOD SOMEONE PLEASE THROW SOMETHING OUT HERE FOR ME. I 'M GOING MAD. Why doesn't he want anyone to see him? She said that. He is starting first chemo treatment this week. I can't imagine the fear he must feel. I've been sitting around trying to write to him, but I end up drawing his face. I feel that brings me a bit closer to him. I have this burning desire to just give him a hug. I am lost. As far as his symptomns. (what I could find out anyway), it was when he had lost a good deal of weight, after his cardiologist suggested he do so. Everyone was bragging him up at all of the weight he had lost. Of course he smokes, like a chimney. Stopped for about 5 years after heart attack at 37. Our father died in sleep at 56, smoked also, his heart failed. So as for John, Patsy said he was never the same after that weight lose. Now a year later, he has had pnuemonia for almost 3 months, I talked to her a little over 3 weeks ago, and she didn't know yet. So I am guessing that he was diagnosed about 3 weeks ago. So here I sit. Now that you have the whole novel, my main questions and plea for advice from you are......how far along do you think his cancer is, if you would phathom to guess by this bunch of bologna, I have for information? ..........what would you do? I believe he wants to protect me from hurting for him, and coming ALL that way as Patsy put it. But their son hasn't been home for 8 years. Not for ANYTHING. But they have him coming this month. My oldest son found a rental car and we are ready to go. But I am so confused. I would say they are in great denial, but not when they are having son fly home. No Way. I am sorry for taking up so much space, and if anyone is even still reading this, I thank you. I think it helped a little just to write it. Please don't be afraid to speak straight to me, that's exactly what I need. Not games. I am sure no one on this site is here to b.s. anyone else. God Bless you all in your plights, I will pray for you all on here. Thanks again, JhonSis